A/N: I'm entirely apprehensive about this story. (Help!) I intend to write only a few chapters, some will include KanamexMomomi. This first chapter implies that Shizuma broke it off with Nagisa about a month after the Election.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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The Promiscuous Queen of Astraea Hill
What you see is not often what you get.
Miyuki shut her eyes. She couldn't see what was happening beyond the door that was behind her back, but she could hear quite clearly. She could imagine what it would be like; pillows torn, curtains ripped, windows broken, furniture smashed.
The Queen had fallen. Again.
And it was not often that she would fall or fail. In fact, she always got what she wanted. Armed with poise and unparalleled beauty, she could captivate a room by simply passing by it. The coveted title of Etoile that she once held was itself compelling. It was very hard not to give her what she wanted.
Miyuki only hoped the occupant of the room didn't want to hurt herself.
It was useless to knock and yell for the door to be opened, and she knew that. Her best friend was distraught, she could see that much. She only broke down like this three other times, including the previous tragedy with Kaori. She needed to leave her alone for a few violent moments, no matter how much Miyuki just wanted to pick her up and hold her tight. At the same time, she wanted to shake her. She wanted to scream to her face, if that was what it took for Shizuma to really notice her, that she didn't have to get frustrated over some girl because Miyuki solemnly swore that she wouldn't be just some girl to Shizuma.
Miyuki shook those thoughts out of her head. She would have to deal with those feelings later as she had to deal with Shizuma first.
Nobody had ever seen the elusive Queen of Astraea Hill lose her elegance. Even before she became Etoile, Shizuma was the soubriquet of refinement in her movements, her speech, her high marks, and her undeniable beauty. As she became Etoile, that refinement intensified along with her fellow students' respect for her. Her mere presence made the whole room swoon with delight, Miyuki included. But that was all outside the confines of their shared bedroom, for Shizuma was a whole different person when she was with her best friend. She was playful and rather lazy despite her good grades. She wasn't afraid to let herself go and liked to do things on a whim. She was emotionally immature, and Miyuki was a victim to that.
Recalling past events, Miyuki noted how quickly Shizuma composed herself despite the pain she felt over Kaori's death. The morning after she was up on time, dressed impeccably and was surprisingly attentive in class. Of course she knew that Shizuma was simply covering up her pain, and as always she maintained her grace before everybody else except Miyuki. And that meant quiet sobbing at night for several weeks right after their beloved friend's death. Shizuma's sobbing was enough to bring Miyuki to tears as well.
She had also loved Kaori. She loved her, in a background sort of way that just watches from a distance and keeps itself at the back to give way for another person's love. But she was happy to love Kaori that in that manner, because it provided her the convenience to forget her feelings for Shizuma. It had worked at the time as she, as well as Shizuma, found Kaori very lovable.
Now that Kaori was gone, everything came flooding back with full force that Miyuki thought was inevitable. Her feelings stayed strong and never wavered despite the numerous girls Shizuma had been with, although Miyuki knew a few of them that her best friend had felt deeply for, and that was what she was afraid of. Forever a martyr, Miyuki had to step aside again with the arrival of Nagisa, to give way to another girl and again lose the chance to ever have Shizuma's affections. Miyuki scoffed; as if she'd really have the chance to be with Shizuma, since the Rokoujos arranged their daughter to be married to practically a stranger ever since she was a child. Everybody called her a crybaby, not knowing that she actually had plenty to cry about.
And now here she stood, her back pressed against the door of Shizuma's room, listening to her best friend taking her frustration out on the room's décor. The last time she had done this was when Miyuki brought the news that Nagisa and her best friend Tamao Suzumi were running together for the Etoile elections that happened a month ago. It is understood that running for Etoile required love, or a deep connection between the pairing. The implications that this brought shattered Shizuma, thinking that she had lost her chance to have Nagisa. But strong as always, the Queen dared to disrupt the Elections and flew off with Nagisa, disqualifying her as the Etoile. Everybody was enthralled, Miyuki was miserably impressed, but Tamao was just miserable. She could identify all too well with how the poor girl felt. It was quite like being left at the altar on your wedding.
Miyuki sighed as she held the bridge of her patrician nose, disallowing her exhaustion from the day's duties to overwhelm her. During her term as the Student Council President, never once had she allowed her tiredness to break her exterior, and she wasn't about to do so now. She still held that promise to Shizuma, to be strong and not quick to cry.
She straightened up and strained her ears to listen if there was still movement in the room. It was silent now. She took a breath and held her fist up with a little hesitation before she knocked gently on the door.
"Shizuma. Please tell me you're alright in there," Miyuki called out. Her voice carried a tone of worry that she was careful not to give away too much.
The knob clicked, and Miyuki exhaled the breath she held. She took several seconds to compose herself before she entered the room with a little uncertainty. The sight that greeted her was of a now un-shrouded window that permitted the last few rays of sunlight of the day to enter. The curtains that once hung there were now on the floor beneath it. Shards of glass were strewn on top of the ripped cloth. The chair was upturned. The bed sheets were hanging off the bed where Shizuma sat quietly, somewhat apologetically as her eyes met Miyuki's own. She was wearing nothing, and she apparently had ripped off her Miator uniform along with everything else in the room. Miyuki averted her eyes, as her best friend had not covered herself. But before she looked away she noticed that Shizuma was nursing her fist.
Her gaze was fixed at the broken window. "I don't know what happened to make you act that foolishly, Shizuma."
A sigh. The sheets ruffled.
"You can look now, Miyuki."
The Queen in all her glory only partially covered herself up with the bed sheet. Nonetheless Miyuki approached her, her eyes prying for the fist that Shizuma had apparently struck at the window. It was wrapped around a handkerchief which belonged to Miyuki. The owner shook her head at the sight.
"Tell me what happened," she requested as she met her eyes.
Shizuma's gaze drifted down as she searched for where to begin. Miyuki waited patiently for her to answer, as she had no idea why her best friend had suddenly acted this violently. She only assumed it had something to do with Nagisa.
"Miyuki, I…" she closed her eyes tight, as if wanting an unpleasant thought to go away. Miyuki had never seen Shizuma like that.
She continued, "I can't count how many times I've screwed people over," she said with almost a sob. It was very unbecoming of her.
That includes me, Miyuki thought. "It seems that you have gained some consciousness on the subject, Shizuma."
The crown of bleach-blonde, almost silver hair was bowed but the act was not quick enough to conceal the girl's tears from her best friend. Miyuki wanted to embrace her.
"I don't exactly know what happened but I'm guessing that Nagisa's skipping class today was part of it." Miyuki said carefully so as not to sound assuming. But she was not at all in the position to ever be assuming, as she knew this girl, this Queen better than anyone else. Even so, she held herself back, held back her words when she was in Shizuma's presence. She had learned to do that on the same day that she learned that she had feelings for her.
She was different from Shizuma. Different now. Once, they had been the same, in the way they were different from the person they showed the public and the person they showed each other. Miyuki used to be delightfully friendly to everyone and was always (and still is) lending a helping hand to anyone whom she saw needed the help. She was quite timid, and that made the small smile she always wore quite radiant to everybody. She used to have a very obvious enthusiasm for classes and her classmates teased her sometimes when she would get all nerdy when she was in her younger years. The first few times of this taunting made her cry, of course, as she was such a crybaby and still is, but to a lesser degree now. When she was with Shizuma in their shared room, she was hot-tempered and obsessively compulsive. She didn't like to be disturbed, most of all by Shizuma who often teased her flirtatiously, resulting to a very distracted Miyuki who could no longer concentrate on the task at hand, thus her short temper.
Now, she acted consistent wherever she went, but not at all in a good way. She was professional to the point that she came off stoic and unfeeling and acted very official, even to Shizuma. Their friendship had turned into an ordinary Etoile-Student Council President relationship with very few moments to nurture that already wilting friendship. After Kaori had died, everybody seemed to want to appear as if they were strong enough to be by themselves. But of course, only after weeks of crying on each others' shoulders.
These thoughts trailed in Miyuki's mind, and she felt a hand slowly touching hers. "Could you hold me, Miyuki?" Shizuma requested, her voice ending in a sad tone.
Miyuki held the damaged hand gently, controlling the urge to kiss it. She unwrapped the handkerchief and was relieved to find that the wounds were clean and that no shards of glass were on the knuckles. I'd do anything to make this go away, Shizuma. When have I not done anything to keep you safe from the hurt? Only a few times, when my fear of your rejection was strong.
"Hold me."
And Miyuki wrapped her arms around Shizuma's body, shifting towards the center of the bed.
With her lips near the shell of Miyuki's ear, Shizuma's stifled sob was clear. "Why must I ask you to come near me now, Miyuki? Why do I have to ask, now? We're suddenly uncomfortable... The normal things we used to do…now require a request."
"I never wanted it to be this way, Shizuma, believe me." Miyuki felt that she was holding the other girl quite stiffly, a testimony to what Shizuma just said. She relaxed her shoulders and allowed herself to slump slightly against the other girl. It seemed as if her body gave out a comfortable sigh.
"A lot of things happened to us. A lot of things made us drift…" Apart. Miyuki couldn't utter the terrible word.
"Those things were because of me," said Shizuma with renewed strength in her voice, hastily wiping her tears as both girls broke their embrace. She suddenly grabbed a large portion of the sheets to cover herself up. "I was the one who did silly things like chasing around girls, skipping classes and forgetting my duties. I never listened to you, dear Miyuki. And all you did was take care of me." She shook her head apologetically. "We were supposed to take care of each other, but that required listening to each other as well. And I never listened. I never cared how much it would hurt you and other people who counted on me. What a hypocrite I am!" Her lips trembled as she spoke. "I always tell you to work hard even when you falter just a little bit, but I'm not working hard myself. I see that now,"
"and I see how I've torn us apart…"
"I'm still here, Shizuma. I might not be as demonstrative as before, but I'm here. Have I ever failed you that?" Miyuki stated her words with a little force to strengthen her point, as if she was afraid of even coming close to failing her best friend.
Beneath her tears Shizuma gave a small, gentle laugh that seemed to Miyuki the wonderful sound of chimes in the placid wind. "Yes I know, Miyuki," she held the other girl's cheek, which immediately began to heat up under her palm. "I know." Shizuma brought her lips to Miyuki's other cheek and pressed them gently on the heated skin. Immediately, Miyuki bowed her head.
Shizuma gave a sad smile. "Am I really that repulsive to you now?"
Miyuki shook her head with an odd expression that seemed to say that repulsive would be the last word anyone would ever use to describe Shizuma. "I just don't want us to get distracted. I still want to know why you tore apart your room," she said explanatorily.
An irritated sigh passed from Shizuma's lips, "I hate it now, the way I get distracted easily by a beautiful girl. That's why I…" she motioned towards the room with a hand. "I was very frustrated with myself."
The other girl's eyes turned away, her mind bearing the insinuation of Shizuma's words and seeing a flicker of hope of something. "That's what all this is about, then? Were you simply just distracted the whole time?" She asked ambiguously.
Shizuma shook her head with a vague expression, recognizing what Miyuki meant. "Not all of them were distractions. You know for sure that Kaori was not just a distraction, far from one. And I'm guessing you can understand that on the same level as I do."
Miyuki nodded slowly after taking in what the words implied, not expecting this at all from her best friend. She apparently had taken insight from why Miyuki had slapped her when she kissed her forcefully as a joke. "I tried not to make it obvious to you, but yes, I did love her. I was taken with her the moment I saw her. I fell in love while caring for her," Miyuki closed her eyes and paused. Her confession had to end in a sad note. "But I had to give way for you, because you clearly had her heart already."
"No I did not. You simply never made your move, Miyuki. In seeing that, I made mine. Because of that, she fell in love with me," Shizuma countered. "One day we spent talking with each other she asked a lot of questions about you," she said matter-of-factly. "She told me what a gentle person you were when she first met you. I grew jealous, so I kissed her. Looking back now, I'm not sure who I was really jealous of."
Miyuki's heart was beating furiously behind her chest. Despite how the statement made her heart leap, she was stunned with the other girl for putting her relationship with Kaori in a somewhat negative light. "How could you say that, Shizuma!"
Shizuma frowned lightly. "I didn't mean it like that. Of course I loved her deeply. You saw that, and probably felt it as well. But that was a long courtship that allowed both of us to fall for each other, nurturing the attraction that was already there," she explained. "What I mean is that there was another attraction that I could have nurtured as well," she said, glancing briefly at Miyuki before she continued. "Even so, I treasured everything we had back then. I was very much in love with her. Wasn't that obvious in how it took me such a long time to move on? I even mistook Nagisa for another Kaori. I allowed myself to be delusional, if only I could have even a taste of Kaori again." She shook her head sadly, shutting her eyes as if another wave of tears was going to come. Miyuki held her shoulder, stroking it comfortingly and trying her best to soothe her best friend who was already deeply remorseful for her mistakes. The tears came, and the mere sight of them were beginning to make Miyuki cry as well, but she blinked her own tears away furiously. "I only ended up hurting the poor girl," she continued with a slight sniff, the tears already falling on the sheets. "I never meant to make such a mess…Just remembering all the stupid things I've done lately puts me to terrible shame, Miyuki."
This time Miyuki really held the silently crying woman and enveloped her in a tight embrace. Her cheeks became warm as she felt Shizuma's nakedness through her clothing, full breasts nudging her own. Pushing those thoughts away, she breathed in the scent of the goddess that she held, closing her eyes, remembering her words.
'You have to work harder, Miyuki.'
'Be strong, and don't be too quick to cry.'
'I need you.'
Miyuki wanted to say out loud that Shizuma was forgiven, that it was all okay, and that she had to be strong just like what she always told her. She could reproach the woman she now held, counting all that Miyuki had to endure from her insensitivity. She could lash out on all the pain she felt from simply loving her. She could leave her unforgiven. But none of these thoughts ever entered Miyuki's mind and most likely never will, as Shizuma buried her face in Miyuki's shoulder and whispered, "Gomen nasai, Miyuki."
She eased the hug only to look Shizuma in the face. All she saw were eyes full of tears and apology, an apology that Shizuma appeared to have found no words for how deeply regretful she felt. All the impulsive decisions, the thoughtless acts, and the inconsideration for other people's feelings…they were all there in her empty and miserable expression. Perhaps Shizuma finally realized that a love cannot be reproduced by another once it has gone forever. But there isn't just one kind of love in a person's life. My love is silent as it will always be, but active and does not rest, Miyuki thought. Shegently wiped away the other girl's tears with the pads of her thumbs, but what she really wanted to do was to kiss them away instead. Still, she reined her urges tight.
"Do you love me, Miyuki?"
That rein almost slipped.
"You guessed that I loved Kaori. Take another." Miyuki still held her gaze that connected with Shizuma's. She couldn't look away now that she finally and surprisingly found the courage in her heart to really look into her beloved's eyes. Her lips tickled, and the rein on her feelings started to slip slowly.
"Because if you do, then I must be utterly stupid not to have felt your love all these years," said Shizuma, only whispering as their faces were only inches apart.
"Yes, you're an idiot," Miyuki said absently as her eyes were diverted to the pair of lips on front of her. She once had a taste of them not long ago, but it was bitter to her; it wasn't real. It was aggressive and it was forced upon her when she was being challenged—what on earth did Miyuki Rokoujo know about love? The question seemed absurd to her, especially when the one who challenged her was the very person she loved.
Shizuma's eyes darkened with obvious desire for the woman in front of her. She had always acknowledged silently the beauty and grace of her former roommate. Although people see her now as a strong leader whose duty entailed the rigidity and officiality her behavior, Shizuma now saw it as a complete turn-on; she wanted to be the one, and the only one, to soften the Student Council President's hard exterior. She would take a chance, possibly to be slapped again right after, but Shizuma confidently closed the gap between their lips…only to have a finger pressed to them, apparently to halt her—
"Please be more gentle this time, Shizuma."
—but only for a bit, as Shizuma grinned apologetically at Miyuki and finally kissed her with a tenderness that surpised her. Miyuki practically melted into the kiss as she held Shizuma's nape. Their tongues met and Shizuma sighed with delight. The sheet that covered Shizuma's front fell on her lap and Miyuki didn't mind at all anymore.
As they caressed each other's lips and skin, it was clear that they both found the release they needed. Shizuma found forgiveness in Miyuki's kiss and her touch. Miyuki no longer ached to feel the woman she was so freely feeling now, and finally expressed all that she felt for Shizuma, pouring everything out as they tumbled down the bed. Both of them had never felt such overwhelming joy and desire. No other girl had ever consumed Shizuma with a lust that demanded to be relieved. And she felt like coming home at last.
Where was I when I missed this, Miyuki? Who was I then?
And Shizuma, showing clearly that she would not abide by Miyuki's request for gentleness, proceeded to love her torridly. Miyuki didn't mind at all anymore.
The promiscuous Queen is no more.
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I don't know if it was a bit OOC. I really can't judge my own work properly! That's what reviews are for, though :D