This is for Abi (blonde-bookworm - tumblr name) for the Tumblr Jily Secret Santa. Enjoy:)
Your footsteps crunch satisfyingly against the snow as you take long strides through the winter wonderland, trying to keep up with him.
You stay silent for a while, icy winds blowing your hair until it billows around you like colourful capes. Yours a red, long trail of fire. His a black mid-length tangle.
"Damnit!" he suddenly yells, stopping in his tracks. He wheels round to face you through his eyes that smoulder silver.
When you look at him, your green eyes are piercing, a contrast to your soft voice.
"I can't do it, Sirius," you sigh finally, the words escaping with a puff of steam.
His eyes flash angrily at you as snow begins to fall softly on your heads. "You have to! Merlin, Lily, I'm not asking you to propose to the guy!" his voice cracked here, strangled with grief, "At least visit him, at least let him know you give a damn."
You shake your head sadly and walk away as to not face him. "I can't change what happened, Sirius." You pause, blinking snow out of your lashes, "Nobody can."
"But if you just show him you–"
"No!" you yell suddenly, whipping round to face him as emotions rise in you, untamed and feral "why does his happiness depend on me, Sirius? Tell me!" You hear your voice crack too now, sensing heat as it rises to your face in frustration.
Sirius strides towards you, gripping you by the shoulders and staring directly into your eyes. "Because he loves you."
You feel your insides cease up with his words, a peculiarly frozen sensation tingling somewhere near your heart. "No, no, no! It can't be up to me, it just can't, the responsibility and-"
"Oh, get a grip and stop thinking about yourself for once!"He spat at you, withdrawing his grasp. "His parent's died for shits sake, Lily! He doesn't want me, he doesn't want Remus or Peter or anyone. He's in a bad place, Evans. He needs you before we all lose him."
"Who says he even needs me. You're his best friend and if he doesn't want you then what use will I be?" you exclaim this suddenly, gushing it out with all the force of pent up emotion because this is your point, your fear. That he doesn't need you.
"I know," he said in a gruff growl, "but you're my last chance."
You stare at him through sad eyes for a moment, surveying him. Sirius Black, known for his aloofness, indifference and pride. He stands in front of you: broken, exposed and hoarse. His eyes, usually alight with mischief, burned with pain for his best friend. He was a pity sight against the soft white snow which plummeted from the skies.
"Please," he choked out, begging now, "He's my brother."
And then your heart breaks; overwhelmed by his dejected tone and the love for his friend. You nod slowly and join his side once more, linking your arm through his as you walk towards the castle and into the warmth.
"That's the Lily we know and love, "he said, brighter now he rumples your hair.
You decide, for good reason, that you wouldn't speak of what passed between you ever again.
xXx
"Knock, Knock," you say 'knocking' on the curtain around his bed as Madame Pomfrey glares at you from her desk.
Taking his grunt as invitation, you walk in, taking in the scene with interest. James lay beneath blankets, his head resting on a mountain of soft white pillows. The only visible part of his body was his face; the covers were up to his neck. You smile inwardly.
"It's cheery in here, isn't it?" You ask in false bright tones, biting back nerves as you place yourself gingerly on the chair beside his bed.
Your heart breaks a little as he stares at you through blank hazel eyes, "This isn't a good time" he says before turning his back to you to face the curtain opposite.
You sigh, but you won't be defeated. "Please come out, James, it's been two and a half weeks and this can't-"
His hollow laugh interrupts you, "two weeks…is that all?" he questions with the air of an insane person as your insides squirm uncomfortably.
Breathing deeply, you approach his bed nervously and perch yourself on the edge before digging into the covers to find his hand. "Just come for a walk, that's all I ask. You can't hide forever."
He sits up and turns to peer at you through, you notice with a twinge, bloodshot eyes. But you smile encouragingly, squeezing his hand in yours.
Together you leave the Hospital Wing, hands still entwined.
xXx
James shudders against the cold winds as he pulls his cloak closer to him. Heads ducked down, you trek through the snow in comfortable silence.
"So," you begin bravely, "why were you in the Hospital Wing anyway?"
"Escape," he grunts, dragging his feet.
"And Madame Pomfrey actually let you?"You ask in a tone of exaggerated surprise, "that woman could puncture tyres with her glares."
This earns you a chuckle and a smile, much to your pleasure. "She's harmless when you get to know her, a bit like you." He pokes you in the arm cheekily, clueless to his effect on you.
You smile as you stop to sit on the frozen steps, "I wouldn't be too sure, I'm tough as stone."
"Oh really?" he asks, a grin spreading out on (what you positively think are) his achingly handsome features, "Humour me."
"They say I have a heart of rock "you start, whispering melodramatically.
"Impressive, but-"
" I've broken fifty three hearts!"You proclaim with pride.
"I'm sure you have-"
"They say," your voice menacingly low as you stare threateningly at him through sparkling green eyes, "that I'm a heartless bitch."
He pauses for a moment, perhaps lost in the swirling green, before laughter escapes you both. Good, joyous laughter. He laughs and laughs until his chest is heaving and he is clutching his sides.
"So tell me," he sputtered out breathlessly, "why are you here then if you're such a bitch?"
You feel your grin quickly fly off your face, replaced by a look of apprehension. "You're my friend," you explain, swallowing thickly and avoiding his eyes. And I really like you, Potter, you think in your head as your palms begin to get clammy.
He raises an eyebrow, his confidence slowly creeping back, as he turns your face towards his. "Sirius put you up to it, you're forgetting I know him like the back of my hand," he tells you appraisingly, letting go of your face, "why would you come of your own accord?" he added, slightly bitter.
You open and close your mouth, at loss of what to say. "Well, you're forgetting what I'm like; would I really do something just because Sirius asked me to?" You inform him slowly, speaking the words so startling clear.
You look up at him, your eyes searching his desperately, willing him to understand the thoughts you cannot express in words. He stares back, his eyes full of question. They soften slightly and are suddenly clouded by something incomprehensible. Your breath hitches in your throat as you realise his face was moving towards yours, your mouth felt dry, as though you'd swallowed sandpaper. Inches away, you close your eyes in a sudden leap of faith, your heart hammering in your chest.
BANG!
The doors behind you open and a group of giggling first years pile out into the snow, running onto the grounds, their scarves trailing behind them like little kites. You both jump in fright; you flinch away from his gaze as if stung by hot coal.
"I should probably get back," he chuckles nervously, avoiding your gaze too.
But you long for him, deep within yourself; you yearn for his company and ache for him to be happy once more.
"But I'm not done cheering you up, yet!" you say brightly, turning to him as if the previous scene had not happened.
"Oh really," he grins, the look on his face alone causing your palms to get sweaty.
"Oh yes," you reply smoothly, "phase two needs to be initiated."
"Phase two?" he asks softly, his voice almost a whisper as he tips his head dangerously close to yours once more. He must know what he's doing to you, because heaven knows you're going to pounce in a moment if he doesn't stop.
"Ego boosting!" you choke out, half jolly, half strangled. "I dare say your head needs inflating!"
"It does indeed!" he concurs, rubbing his head in mock-pain, "my pride is something which I value dearly."
"Your conceit is most admirable."
"And my talent?"
"Unparalleled."
"My wit?"
"Simply marvellous!"
"My looks?"
"Dashingly good!"
"You're not so bad yourself," he said with a wink and rumple of your hair.
"Come on you," you say suddenly, hoisting him up with your hand, "enough ego inflating for one day."
Your hand in his, you led him into the castle, a goofy grin etched on your face.
As you tuck him into his covers, and warn him that you shall do him no such favours again, he grins stupidly and promises to send you the biggest Christmas present ever this year. And so you perch on his bed and let him hold your hand as he falls into pleasant sleep, just this once. And just this once you allow your hand to wander in his thick locks as you massage his head. But not only once do you feel a pleasant shivering through your body as he smiles in his sleep. Not only once does your heart hammer at the sight of him. And not only once, do you replay in your head the moment, you were sure; James Potter was going to kiss you.
xXx
Had Lily Evans have known the future; she would know that he would first kiss her on the twenty fifth of December. She would know that they would go on their first date on the fourth of January. She would also know that two years from then, they would be married. It would be a quiet affair and Sirius would cry. She'd know that she would have a son with him, and he'd be called Harry and she'd love him with all her heart. She'd know that she would have heard the sound of her husband's body falling to the floor as she cradled her son close to her chest. She would know that she would have died for him. For both of them.
But she does not know the future, so for now, she sits by the object of her affections, her heart warming more and more as she gazes at him with eyes full of a fondness that she spares only for him.
The End