title yesterday's hopes
word count 2631
summary Sakura's thoughts on rain as the years pass by.
notes follows canon-somewhat, partially future-fic + inputted headcanons. Sakura-centric.
When Sakura was six, she loved the rain. She absolutely loved the way it dripped off roofs offering a clear surprise before disappearing. She adored the soft padding of the clear droplets hitting the window pane.
Sometimes, she would dance in the rain when she knew no one was looking. Maybe because she thought that no one would judge like that mean girl with the unevenly-cut purple hair. When she danced in the rain, it felt like she had become nothing yet everything.
Not Sakura, the girl with the overly large forehead or the girl who hung out with Ino; just the girl who danced in the rain, free from judgment and comments.
At the age of ten, Sakura had learned that her best friend had liked the same guy she did. During the spur of the moment she cut her friendship with the blonde and claimed that they were now rivals. The shock marring the Yamanaka's face made a pang of guilt stab her chest but she brushed it off. She was tired of living in Ino's shadow and she was going to win Sasuke over and beat her.
When she was far enough, a few tears spilled from her viridian eyes and she felt light drizzle fall on her shoulders.
The sunny sky had become more cloudy and showered above her. A bittersweet smile crept across her face. The skies seemed to have taken pity on the girl.
It's been a little over a year has passed since she'd spoken to her former best friend, Yamanaka Ino, she thinks as she walks down the halls. She halts for a second and turns her head to the windows. Bottle green eyes narrowed at the clear drops pelting the windows before sliding down.
Her glare intensifies as she remembers running in the rain and arriving to class soaking wet. She remembers the taunts, "Haha, she looks like the colored version of the Grudge!" She recalls the sympathetic look she'd gotten from the Hyuga heiress and the uninterested scoff she got from him, Uchiha Sasuke, her crush.
That day, Sakura decides she dislikes the rain.
Today seemed to go on forever for the pink-haired genin. It started off normally with buzzing streets; the majority of those populating the streets were excited about the final stage of the chunin exams. Fast forward to Sasuke's fight with Gaara and everything seemed alright until a giant snake smashed through the village walls and the several enemy ninja burst onto the scene. Gaara jumped off to the forest with an angry Sasuke following him; determined to finish their match.
Everything seemed to be a blur after that with her only remembering parts like her defending Sasuke who was hurt, waking up sometime later in the onyx-eyed boy's arms and being rushed to the hospital.
The nurses conducted several tests for possible concussions, injuries but all she had were exhausted chakra levels, a few bruises and a throbbing head. They released her a few hours later after interrogation to make sure that the rosette was mentally stable from the near-death experience.
Back to the present time, she was currently trudging her way to her home; pushing herself to the limit due to the dark clouds indicating rain. When she got to the street, she was expecting her parents to rush to her, shower her with love and affection while she attempted to push them away. She was met with nothing. She drops her bag of medication for her minor injuries as she glances around, making sure this is the right street. It was. She looks at the neighboring houses and sees that half of them are crushed too although it was recognizable.
In that moment, her heart stops as she spots a dried, red spot that looks too much like blood for her liking. She rushes over to the chunks of what once was her house. She chants "no no no no" under her breath because that can't be her parent's blood. It just can't. When she finds all too familiar blood smeared clothes, she feels numb, and just barely, she could hear her heart cracking. Crick crick. She maneuvers through the chunks of her home as she feels a light rain shower which she ignores. Moving a large piece of wall covering the bodies of what she did not want to believe were her parents, pieces of her heart start to fall. Pik pik. The rain steadily gets heavier.
And within that moment, her heart shatters, the crystal droplets acting like a comfort, a guardian telling her that it would not let anyone see her during her moment of weakness, her tears.
The day Naruto had returned from his mission to bring back Uchiha Sasuke, it had rained. That afternoon, the blond had come back so bloodied, bruised, cold, and broken. She cried. Not because he couldn't bring back the self-proclaimed avenger, no, she had cried tears of relief for her teammate, her former classmate, her friend, had come back alive.
Her once-in-a-lifetime-request had been so selfish and almost caused the death of her comrade as well as four others. That day, she vowed that she would get stronger. That next time, she would not wait in the sidelines and simply wait for the demon-container and the Uchiha. She would fight.
And that day, she had secretly thanked the rain because she felt that in a way, it had protected the orange-cladded boy.
Naruto had been gone for a year already and Sakura had already turned fourteen. The pinkette was sitting on her bed, thighs brought to her chest and she wrapped her arms around her shins; head resting on her knees, castleton eyes watching the rain droplets hit the window.
Her eyes seemed duller than before, their glimmer lost in the pools of shamrock. A tear slipped from her eye as she remembered that man pleading for her to save him. The way his eyes glistened with tears as he begged for her to save him because of his family waiting for him.
She had tried, she really did. She had healedhealedhealed until her hands felt numb. Till her vision blurred at the edges and blacked out before hearing a hoarse, "Thank you" and the beeping of the line indicating that he was dead. She had woken up with a start as she bombarded the senior apprentice, Shizune where that man was.
The solemn and sympathetic look in the ravenette's eye was enough to tell it all. That man, that poor, poor man who had his family relying on him for financial expenses was dead and it was all her fault, all because she wasn't in medical healing. Damnit, she just felt so useless.
She kept on staring that the window filled with the clear drops. Some of the larger ones slid down, "engulfing" the smaller ones before sliding down and repeating the process. "Just like the rest of the world...If you're not strong, you get 'eaten'..." she whispered. Her arms unwrapped around her legs as she slapped herself, bottle green orbs shimmering into a softer viridian.
"I'll just train harder!" She shouted before darting out of the room towards the Hokage Tower. Next time, she promised, she would save them. She would be good enough.
She stood there kunai gripped tightly in hand and her other hand clenched into a fist. Cuts and bruises littered her body, and blood was smeared and splattered in various places. Her eyes were blank, unusually void of emotion while her blush-colored hair was cut unevenly and choppy; clothes in damn near tatters, draping over her body much like a ratty blanket rather than apparel due to her bony frame.
Emerald orbs stared down at the lifeless bodies with a gaze categorized as apathetic, thoroughly ignoring the raindrops starting to fall from the sky. The faces were contorted into expressions of agony and their bodies were twisted in sickening ways that would make a person with a weak stomach retch.
She ignored the grotesque forms and quickly turned, leaving said men on the cement. Her legs carried her to the one place that hadn't been destroyed, her haven, the memorial stone. Sickeningly protruding knees hit the softened soil and she scoots over to the cenotaph. Her fingers trace the engravings; waves of nostalgia hit her with each name.
Umino Iruka, her academy teacher who always tried to motivate her to be her absolute very best. He had died protecting his beloved students, a fitting yet cruel death.
Mitarashi Anko, her exam proctor for the second part of the chuunin exams. She was strong willed, stubborn and almost never backed down. It was her downfall. The woman had taken a mission from the Godaime knowing very well that it was a suicide mission.
Aburame Shino, the quiet heir of the Aburame clan. Sakura didn't know him well; her fear of creepy crawlies stopped her from getting close. He was ambushed by the enemy and was tortured mercilessly. His crushed body, destroyed organs, cuts, brands, and burns testified to that.
More people had fallen, those close to her. The ones she failed to protect.
Kurenai, Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hinata, Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Choji, Ino Yamanaka, Hatake Kakashi, Sai, Tenzou, Shizune, Tsunade, Uzumaki Naruto
Then she remembers their endings.
Hinata's bloody-yet-sososo beautiful confession for Naruto as several weapons pierced her body; protecting her beloved idol. Shizune's discolored corpse from the very poison she took pride in using as her own. Tsunade's mangled body, wrinkles rippled her skin but a determined frown set on her lips. Ino's impaled carcass with her not-so-silky-now hair tangled in knots. And Naruto, oh Naruto. The boy – no, man – and the males of team seven had attempted to take down Madara and Obito Uchiha only to have a limb ripped from their bodies and blood spewing everywhere.
Madara and Obito had had all of the KIA-nin carved onto the stone not in honor but as a mockery of their once great village which was now crowded with starving (and most likely homeless) orphans and lecherous thieves. So much had been lost in the war and no one got out unscathed whether mentally, physically, or emotionally.
The Kyuubi vessel and the fifth Hokage's name had been carved especially deep to convey how important they were. Sakura's small, calloused hands wrapped around her upper arms as she attempted to push back her sobs and shook. Rain drops poured down her but she paid no heed.
It just wasn't fair. She was always left behind. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much effort, blood, sweat and determination she put into training, it would never be enough. She had failed. She couldn't save her most precious people.
The rain patted down on the marble as she glanced up before bouncing off and dripping down. And she remembers. She remembers the times she danced in the rain naively, the day she became rivals with Ino, the mission in the Land of Waves, the Chunin exams, Shikamaru's team coming back from trying to retrieve Sasuke, Naruto's departure, Naruto's return, her first meeting with Sai, every single little mission they had, every step they took. Everything. She remembers it all.
And it hurts. It hurts because she was so useless save for a few times. It hurts because she made stupid decisions and hurt the people around her. It hurts because she was always so selfish in her requests. It hurts because she took everything she had for granted, naively, ignorantly. Just like a spoiled child would, never believing she would lose it just like that.
It breaks her. It breaks her because she looks back and she sees her parents, the one that Naruto could've have if he wasn't born with a demon inside of him. It breaks her because she realizes how much pain and suffering and how excruciatingly lonely it is to lose your parents when you thought they'd be there for you. It breaks her because she looks at the engraved name of her former rival and best friend and sees that they could've made up, that they could've put it all behind them but they didn't. It breaks her because she can feel anger, sadness, and frustration so easily when she doesn't want to and yet Sai can't because of his damned ROOT training engrained into his mind. It breaks her because she saw that Chouji could've used a friend when he was bullied due to his size and she didn't help him, too caught up with impressing Sasuke when they could've taken on the bullies together. And it shatters her.
Because with every little bit, she realizes how selfish and cruel she is from hitting Naruto for doing something she considered idiotic to every dumb mistake she made. Sakura breaks down and cries. Because she can't do anything else, because she couldn't save them even though she trained till her knuckles bled and her bones rattled.
She was just so damned useless. It's not fair, she supposes. Crystalline droplets plop into her choppy hair before soaking into her scalp as she sobs into the marble slab.
Rain. Yes. That's right, the rain was here. It was here to comfort her.
She shakily stood up, viridian eyes shining with a spark of innocence once again. She twirled nervously at first before fully getting into the groove; the pitter-patter of rain and thunder as her music.
The gnawing, guilt slowly ebbed away as she dances her troubles away, her body feeling lighter with every regret that chained her down setting her free. The locks called uselessness unlocked with a click and she continued to spin, her arms spread in graceful gestures as she danced, body in ruins and all. It was morbidly beautiful with her scrawny figure, messily sown clothing, blood-flecked hair, and steadily flowing droplets of rain running down her osseous body. Sakura closes her eyes and memories flooded her mind.
"Sakura-cha~an! Want to get some ramen?" Naruto.
"Hn. Sakura, you're annoying." Sasuke.
"Good job, Sakura, that's enough." Kakashi-sensei.
"What was that, forehead-girl?!" Ino.
"S-Sakura-san, would you like to s-spar?" Hinata.
"Sakura-san! Please go out with me, I'll protect you with my life!" Lee.
Tears sprung from her eyes and fell freely down her cheeks but she kept on dancing. Perhaps she wasn't nearly as graceful as the geishas on stage or the actors on the screen but it was beautiful in its own right. From the gentle glide of her sandal-cladded feet across the softened soil to the soft sway of her body in the pouring rain. However, it was more of the tranquility, the peace that surrounded her body and affected her surroundings as she danced. Serendipity.
It was the way the rain drops simply slid down her grotesque figure like watercolor and the serene expression perched on her face as she just danced in the cold winter evening. The crystalline drops seemed like they were a part of her. Well, they were, just spiritually. They reminded her of the hopes and dreams of years ago, of the selfish things she did, they were her damnation yet her salvation. The rain freed her, yet chained her down.
And perhaps, they were her humanity, her reminder of the hopes of yesterday and her belief in the promise of tomorrow.
notes any tips or comments would be loved.