The Kinky Interview
((So this is just meant to be funny and not taken really seriously or even totally IC since it's an original post on tumblr (Which I tried to make IC as possible but still, considering what it is..). It was a post that asked a bunch of questions and a smart ass roleplay partner of mine decided to have me answer all of them. But I'll do separate chapters so it's not totally boring you… (Haha~) I took out the questions that were more so asked to me and not my muses. And yes this was in a different form but I rewrote it to make it more interesting. :P My OC..Mana…uh, I kinda made her a perverted teenager here. (Oh, yeah…I wrote this while Renji was still pregnant so let's pretend he hasn't had Hiroki yet. X)) Heehee. Enjoy!))
Disclaimer: I don't own bleach…yaddayaddayadda. You get the gist of it.
"Byakuya-sama! Renji-san! May I interview you?" Mana asked running up to the couple in the garden.
The older male looked to his fiancé. "Would you like to rest from our walk?"
Renji shrugged. "Why not…"
"Very well," Byakuya nodded and the three made their way over to the patio. "What are you interviewing us for?" He asked his younger cousin.
"Oh! Matsumoto-san gave me a list of questions and a list of people for me to ask them!" She said excitedly and handed them the paper with the questions.
Renji bit his lip to keep from laughing, reading the paper. "Uh…Mana-chan, have you read these questions?"
The purple-haired teen nodded. "Hai," She raised a brow at seeing her cousin blushing a deep shade of red as he looked over his fiancé's shoulder. "Byakuya-sama?"
He looked to her and cleared his throat. "I do not believe these are appropriate for you to be asking others, Mana."
"But Byakuya-sama!" Mana whined. "I have read them and they seem fine to me."
"Uh, Mana?" Renji said, chuckling. "These are private questions."
"I do not understand." She replied, her brow furrowing cutely.
"I mean they are sex questions." The redhead rephrased.
"OH! I know they are!" She replied, grinning like Yoruichi does. "I asked Yoruichi-sama too! She said I should ask you first!"
Byakuya's reiatsu flared. "You have been going to the living world far too much, Mana."
"But Byakuya-sama, I—"
"No, we will not be answering these sorts of questions." He said firmly. "Nor will you be asking any others this information either." He took the papers and put them in his pocket. "Now go to Matsumoto-fukutaichou and Yoruichi-senpai and tell them to stop this nonsense now."
Mana frowned and looked down. "Yes Byakuya-sama…please excuse me." She stood and flash stepped away.
Renji frowned. "Hey, Bya..don't ya think you were kinda hard on her?"
"She needs to know that these," He said taking the paper from his pocket and setting it on the table. "are not what you should be asking others, much less a fourteen year old."
"Awe, she was just curious and you know Rangiku-san put her up to this just for the SWA." The redhead replied, gazing at the paper.
"I do not care how she came by it; she should know that these are inappropriate."
Renji sighed, still studying the paper. "I guess you're right but she is just a teen you know. Yoruichi-san only became her guardian along with you only a few years ago." He looked to the noble and noticed his flush never had fully gone away. "Hey! You're still blushing!" He teased.
"Shut up, Abarai!"
"Awe, come on! We can answer these privately if you want."
"Excuse me?"
Renji grinned and grabbed the noble's hand and led him to their bedroom. "Come on. I'm interested in some of these."
"B-but-!"
The redhead pulled his fiancé into the bedroom, closing the doors behind them, and guided him to the bed where they both sat.
"I'll ask and we'll each answer, 'kay?"
"If I must…" The noble replied quietly, settling in a kneeling position in front of his partner.
"Okay, number one…kitchen counter, couch, or on top of the dryer?" He thought about it for a moment. "Uh...couch."
Byakuya blinked slowly at the redhead. "Do we have to choose?"
Renji blushed cutely. "I didn't think you'd be one to try something new..."
"I do not see any reason why to not try something new, considering…" He trailed off, blushing.
Renji grinned and went on to the next question. "Two, your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why…" He smirked. "I'd say it went well, because I got to spend time with you..."
Byakuya's flush intensified. "I did enjoy it until Rukia walked in…" he admitted
"Oh yeah, that was annoying…doesn't she know how to knock?"
Byakuya stayed silent and looked away.
"Something that never fails to make you horny…" Renji continued on, ignoring that the noble's embarrassment. "Uh...well you make this smoldering expression once in a while when we are in public and it makes me hard instantly…" He mumbled, scratching his cheek.
The noble's eyes suddenly darted over to the redhead. "W-what expression?"
The other smirked again. "Oh you know the one, you do it every so often…" He trailed off and thought about it for a moment. "Actually...It's more of the look in your eyes that gets to me."
Byakuya snatched the paper away and stayed silent. "Where is one place you would never have sex?" He sighed at that and rolled his eyes. "The council hall, I would not like my cousins coming to walk in."
Renji's eyes grew wide. "Wha-? Don't they know how to knock either?"
"The younger councilors do not like to knock, Renji." The noble frowned. "They get curious..."
"Curious…? Like Mana-chan?"
Byakuya nodded wordlessly.
"Oh..."
"Five, the most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when blank." Byakuya read aloud.
"Uh...I think it was when Mai over heard us and started yelling through the door." Renji answered.
"I'd have to agree." The noble replied, nodding. "Weirdest thing that ever made you aroused…?"
"Watching you eat a banana." Renji replied with certainty.
Byakuya's eyes widened "I'll have to make sure I do not do that." He looked away, blushing deeply. Renji took it as an advantage and snatched the paper back and read off the next question.
"What is the best way to sexually bind someone…handcuffs, rope, or other…? If other please explain." Renji thought about it for a moment. "Well handcuffs would hurt a bit too much since they could cut into your wrists..."
"And we do not like to hurt one another..." The noble commented, still looking away.
The redhead nodded. "Ropes are softer which would be my choice."
Byakuya nodded in agreement. "I do not think we have ever really tried ropes."
His fiancé grinned suggestively "Would you like to?" He chuckled at the glare he received for asking such a thing. He moved on to the next question, smirking. "Top or bottom?" He looked to his fiancé and raised his brows, waiting for an answer whilst still smirking.
Byakuya blushed. "I enjoy both, but…"
"But…?" Renji's smirk widened, thinking he already knew the answer.
"I prefer being…penetrated." He answered then snatched the paper away again to read the next question.
"Hey—"
"Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?" Byakuya read.
Renji sighed and shrugged. "Well, I guess it depends on how horny we are."
"I believe it usually ends up that we have multiples though."
"That is true." Renji replied, nodding.
"Something that you have hidden in your room that you don't want anyone to find…" Byakuya read. He narrowed his eyes at his fiancé as he grinned and leaned back to feel under the bed.
"Hnnm…" He mumbled. "I know it's down here somewhere…Ah ha! Gotcha!" He declared and pulled whatever it was from underneath to the top of the bed. He grinned knowingly.
"Renji, that's—"
"We've had this thing under there forever…I seem to remember it was originally yours from when you were younger."
A very deep flush crept onto Byakuya's face as he eyed the dildo in his lover's hand. It was true he had indeed had the toy ever since he was a teen but he had hidden it and only brought it out when Renji and he were alone.
"Where'd you get this thing anyway?" The redhead asked.
Byakuya looked away from the redhead and the sex toy and looked at the paper in front of him as he answered. "My cousins thought it was humorous while finding out I was a bisexual male and got it for me for my birthday when I was eighteen."
Renji bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Oh, so it was a gag gift that you actually use!"
"Oh, be quiet Abarai!" Byakuya warned.
Renji smirked widely and raised his brows. "Why? I think it's funny and cool your cousins weren't always battleaxes like they are now."
Byakuya took the dildo from his lover's hand and set it on the bed next to them and glared at the redhead before looking down at the list of questions again. "Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you…"
Byakuya eyed his lover. "Taichou."
"Taichou isn't that weird!" The redhead objected.
"It is when you refer to me that way when we are in bed."
"But that's who you are to me." Renji stated matter-of-factly.
"Regardless, it makes me feel as if I am still more dominating than you when we are alone. I would like to think that we are equals when we are in bed and alone."
"Ah, I see your point." He lifted one of his hands to rub the back of his neck as he thought. "I guess that would be a turn off to call you taichou all the time…"
Byakuya nodded. "Indeed."
((End of part one. :P Sheesh...I'm sorry guys for not updating my other stories regularly…School was hectic this week and my father is sick with kidney failure, congestive heart disease, and all the stuff that goes with it... Exams too…but the good thing is exams are over and I can update stories and try to get my muse back fully. It's kinda off and on… :/ I also have a IchiIshi request to get to soon..I still haven't finished that since I was doing school work and taking care of my dad. But we'll see how the weekend goes and see if I can finish it all. Also I was going to have this at full length of all 70 something questions but I wanted to get it up too so I decided to split it up so it's not so boring. I hope you enjoyed the first part at least. ^_^ Thanks for understanding and putting up with me. X)))