Note: please be kind and criticize to help, not flame. I'm really rusty, I haven't written much lately, aside from another rusty HakuZabu LEMON! This one also has a lemon, don't like yaoi lemons, don't like a youth and a grown up, don't read, NO FLAMES! (Haku is 16 and Zabuza 27 in this...i forget their technical ages...,...)
"Not Gentle"
It was not gentle last night, and I'm glad.
I've been in love with Master Zabuza since the moment I met him. Those black eyes, mysterious nature, strong stature, controlled strength, everything about him drew me in, forced me to speak something that almost made no sense, but I realize more and more is true. "You have the same eyes as me."
We have been through countless battles together. He trained me to be the finest tool, and I have been happy to learn. We have patched each other up, battled the worst of climates, and suffered the highest heats together. He is my everything, the one person in the world that is precious to me, and I have done my best to do everything he asks and make him happy.
Sadly, he still will not take me into his bed. I am on my sixteenth year and still, he goes to the local brothels to release his desires. Everytime he left on these trips I grew to dislike women more. Once he offered to bring me along, a free night with some random girl. Needless to say I turned him down.
I thought about this and more as I lay on the floor staring at the ceiling awaiting Zabuza's return from his latest mission. I'd just showered and lay in just a towel as I let the air dry the moisture on my body. I had hours until Zabuza's return, so I let myself drift off.
I dreamed of kisses and touches. Zabuza's hands were like butterfly kisses across my skin. His name slipped through my lips in a vocal caress. Suddenly Zabuza's touch was stronger as he grabbed hold of my arm and tugged at me. I smiled and reached out to him only to feel a sharp slap to my face. My eyelids fluttered as I came out of my dream state to find Zabuza standing over me, blood splattered across various parts of his body and few small scratches and bruises covering him. "Wake up!" He face was angry and covered in his usual bandages, unlike the Zabuza that had been caressing him with a smile on his uncovered face, but that was just a dream.
"I'm sorry Zabuza-sama. Please forgive me, I wasn't expecting you so soon." I jumped up and flipped around quickly so I was on the ground kneeling before him hoping he hadn't noticed the tent forming under my towel.
"I got home a little early, okay. Now get to your tasks." I quickly jumped up and began removing the blood stained clothing and taking them to the wash area. I tried not to stare as I revealed more and more of my master's chiseled and perfectly toned body, but images of my dream would not cease from bombarding my mind's eye.
I grabbed the first aid kit and tended to the handful of minor wounds before hurrying to prepare his meal. I decided on roasting a small fillet of fish in a lemony-cream coating. I made rice and began heating up green tea. I hoped this supper would please him and make him forget my blunder and failure of before.
Zabuza wouldn't stop looking at me funny throughout all of this, and on into dinner, not a word passed between us, which wasn't unusual, but the look in his eyes was something I just couldn't figure out. I began to wonder if I had spoken aloud the words said in my dream, if he might know the secret I had kept locked away, unsaid, for so long.
We sat opposite each other at the table as he finished his tea, and I mine. He was reading through the latest Bingo Book he'd managed to pilfer and other documents on ninja, studying almost. While I poured over my notes on my progress with my bloodline justsu and ninjutsu in general. It was hard work to become the best living weapon, Zabuza's tool, and I was not going to become lazy or overconfident, lest I make a mistake and fail the man I love.
"Haku?" Zabuza's voice was so low and quiet I almost thought it my imagination, but I looked up and saw him staring at me expectantly.
"Yes, Zabuza-sama?" I hoped this was about a new mission, one I could join in on, but I also knew he might be telling me of my punishment.
"What were you dreaming earlier?" I felt my mouth fall open with shock, and fear and excitement shoot through me. I was terrified he might know, but excited that I might be able to finally let loose this burden, let it be known. I worked to think my words over carefully, not say anything too quickly.
"I was dreaming of..." I couldn't find the words. Should I be blunt, or vague, or outright lie? half-lie? I was speechless.
"What?" There was a hint of impatience in my master's voice so I decided to just be honest. Worst case he kicks me out or kills me, and honestly I can't stand this anymore, wanting him so desperatly. If I stay quiet much longer I'll die inside.
"...Y-you..." The word was barely choked from my throat before it dried up and clamped shut. I realized afterwards, of course, that I should have played that off, made it seem like I'd had a mission related dream, or dreamed of training with him, which was kind of close to the truth. These thoughts came too late, I wanted him to know, and there was no doubt he would.
The silence stretch for what felt like years, but was probably only seconds. I slowly brought my gaze up to meet Zabuza's blank stare, nothing could be read from his face.
"Z-zabuza-san?" I felt my voice waiver as fear took grip of me. My hands were shaking in my lap as I awaited his answer.
Zabuza looked at him, his face stone, his gaze ice. I felt myself breaking out in a cold sweat, terrified that he was angry and going to punish me. "Haku, go to my room."
I felt my heart turn to ice in fear. I had no doubt, now, that he was going to beat me, he usually beat me there, where he kept his ropes, whips, and such. I stood up stiffly and walked into his room like the obedient tool I am. As I stood there I felt every horror come to my mind. He had only beaten me a few times before I had truely learned my place. Never a truely cruel master, but he does not tolerate disobedience. I looked around the room, tidy as ever, and very simple and modest. My master dislikes clutter and excess, since we are almost constantly on the move and can't afford excess baggage of any kind. This wasn't even our home, the owners were away on a trip, so we are...'borrowing' it for now. It took a lot to talk Master Zabuza out of just killing some people and taking their home, but I knew that would just attract unwanted attention.
I was startled out of my thoughts as the door opened behind me and my eyes fell upon the tall rigid body of my master, my love. He still had no emotion on his face, but he had removed the remnants of his bandages and was clad in only a shirt and pants, his shoes by the door with mine. I always marveled at how much larger his are than mine, but he is much larger than me in stature, so it's no surprise, mostly it reminds me of the distance between us, and at times that depresses me, at others it enflames me to work harder and earn a bigger place in his mind, maybe even his heart.
"Haku." His controlled apathetic voice snapped me from my wandering thoughts.
"Yes, Zabuza-sama?" I kept my eyes wide, trying to look innocent, in the miniscule hope that he might spare the rod, or at least show a little mercy, not that it was even remotely likely.
"How old are you now?" There was still no hint of emotion in his voice.
"Sixteen and a half." I wondered what that had to do with my dream, but I didn't dare question him, lest I earn an even greater beating.
He stayed silent for so long I feared I'd said something wrong, was I wrong. Did I miss a year? Add one? I began to doubt myself beyond reason. My lip began trembling, and my hands shaking, I clamped my lips close together, almost painfully, and clenched my hands and held them to my side as firmly as I could in an attempt to hide it. I swallowed noisily, wishing I could turn into a mouse, then a bug, then a speck, then nothing at all, just cease to exist rather than endure my master's silence.
Finally he graced me with words. "Haku?"
"Y-y-y-ye-s Z-zabuza-ssssama?" I sputtered the words out like a fool and once again began wishing I was a speck or less. His eyes tightened just a little bit, the first hint of emotion, irritation. Where was a hole to crawl into for the rest of your life when you needed one?
"Do you...like me?" I felt my jaw drop for the second time that night, furthermore I was terrified to answer, because I had no idea what answer would please my master or not, and I couldn't bare to disappoint him. His face still refused to give me even a ghost of a hint of his thoughts.
I swallowed hard again, but I knew I had to find my voice and answer honestly, to lie would be unforgivable.
"Yes." It came out barely above a whisper as I stared at the floor with so much focus I thought I might actually be able to melt into it.
"Do you...want me?" I couldn't believe my ears, was that emotion in his voice. I looked up and met his eyes for the first time since he had entered his room to join me. I was amazed to see something I almost couldn't identify, for I had only seen it in his eyes a few times, hope.
I couldn't make my voice work so I just nodded my head, rapidly, hoping as he seemed to be. I had only imagined this in my wildest dreams, but I still didn't know what was coming next.
"Do you...wish to have sex with me?" His voice was quiet, but firm. I felt my heart freeze over, seized with emotions I hadn't let myself truly feel in a long time, hope, want, lust...love.
"Y-yes, I do, Zabuza-sama." I forced my voice to stay as steady as possible, despite the sudden warp speed heartrate racing through my veins.
haha, cliff hanger ^,^