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Hope
Remus Lupin shuddered as he saw the nearly-full moon.
Tall; far too skinny; with pale skin; wide, dark brown, understanding eyes; soft, thin light brown, bangless hair; top student in all his classes; and desperate bookworm, Remus didn't seem like the kind of person who would hang out with the major trouble-makers of his year and House – he really seemed more like the type of kid who would rather hide in corners or blend in with the wall and not be noticed at all.
It was even less likely that he would harbor a huge, frightening secret that would push everyone away from them if they knew.
But he did.
In fact, if it weren't for his three best – not to mention only – friends, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, he knew he would probably be crazy with grief right now at fifteen years of age, in his fifth year at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and currently living with his deadly secret for five-and-a-half agonizing years, since he was nine.
Because of the accident, he had a barely-visible, whitish oval of scared skin on the underside of his left lower arm that you had to know what to look for to see.
Because of the accident, once a month, for about two to three days – depending on how he feels – he misses all his classes because he gets 'sick.'
Because of the accident, he must travel down a tunnel to a 'haunted' house so he can be somewhere where he can't hurt anyone, and the tunnel must be covered by a particularly vicious Whomping Willow so no one can find it or enter through it – without knowing, of course, that it had a strategically placed knot near its base that, when prodded, will temporarily paralyze the tree so that the entrance to the tunnel in its roots can be reached.
Because of the accident, he lives in fear of people find out his secret and rejecting, scorning, and hating him.
Because of the accident, he lost his old life when the people he knew found out, and became too frightened to go near him.
Because of the accident, the thing that he used to love to look at the most in the night sky – the full moon – is now his worst fear.
Remus Lupin is a werewolf.
If pressed, he can remember that night with such clarity, that he can feel the grass under his feet, the rough bark of the trees, the sweet consoling of his mother, the roars of rage from his father, the howls of the accursed beast, the look of the moon in the black, velvet sky… He relives every moment.
His friends, once they had found out his secret – of their own hypothesizing, of course, he'd never tell them intentionally – they accepted him more fiercely than before. Then, it had only been James and Sirius; Remus had a feeling that if the younger, easily swayed Peter had found out that way, he would have completely rejected Remus, and spilled the secret to the whole school. As it was, the only thing that kept Peter in the same room as Remus those first few weeks had been James and Sirius.
When the two older boys had found out, they had been taken aback, and somewhat cautious around him, but they had remained by him steadfastly, not breathing even hints to the others of the school, like true friends.
After that, they had gone on to slowly ask him over time what it was like, being a werewolf:
Did the transformations hurt? Yes, terribly; and that's what allows the animal to take over – the pain is so fierce that the human side of the mind is knocked practically unconscious.
Do you know what goes on in your mind when you're transformed? All I can think of is that I crave fresh meat and blood. Animals aren't affected by werewolf bites, other than the fact that it's like a wolf bit them; it's the humans that grow cursed.
Where do you go to transform? I go to the old haunted mansion in Hogsmeade. The residents there only used to barley believe it to be haunted, but now that I go there, they hear my screams and howls, and really think that something haunts it.
But you can't get to anybody to bite them – what do you do? I bite the chairs, corners, tear up the sofa; mostly I bite myself. Even though it hurts enough that I cry out, the taste of fresh blood and meat is too over-powering.
Can you recognize people? I really don't know – I haven't ever been transformed around people; I guess I might, but I don't think it's likely.
Are there any affects before or after? Yes, I feel sluggish and tired the morning I would transform, and then an hour or two before it takes place, I'm full of energy. Afterwards, I'm exhausted for a few hours, and then I just become mildly tired for about a day, if I use the first hours just sitting doing nothing, or sleeping.
And then came the fated question, a week after they figured it out:
How did it happen?
At this, Remus had sighed resignedly, and closed his eyes, and right after asking, both James and Sirius had reassured him that he didn't have to tell them if he didn't want to. He merely shook his head, "You guys have been so good to me, in still accepting me. You're curious; that's to be expected. The only way I could ever repay you for your kindness is answering any questions you might have, and sticking by your sides through the rest of our lives. You deserve it." And he proceeded to tell them of that fateful day five-and-a-half years ago…
It had been a nice day, cloud cover creating wide-spread patches of relief to those of the Earth in the midst of summer. His parents had agreed to go on a picnic, so as not to waste the perfect weather, and they had ended up staying hours later then lunch, playing together in the meadow and edges of the forest.
They stayed longer even then that, to take advantage of the beautiful sunset, and then the awesome clarity of the stars that could not be grasped in the over-powering lights of the city. As they were packing up, Remus glanced upward, and gasped with delight: The sky was an unimaginable pitch-black, causing the stars to show up even better, and the blue-white full moon cast a silvery cloak over the meadow.
His eyes were torn from the beauty of the sky by a dark, hungry growl from the woods. His father heard it, too, and beckoned to him from the other side of the meadow with the cowboy hat portkey, calling out, "Come quickly, son! It seems the night animals here have a keen liking of humans!" Then his mother screamed pure terror, "Remus! Behind you! Run!" As he whirled around, the twigs and tougher grasses under his feet scraped him in his rash actions, sending twinges of pain through his bare feet – and the scent of blood.
He only had a moment to see what he thought was a wolf lunge at him, after smelling the air thick with blood, sweat, and fear. Instinct took hold, and he raised his arms to his face as though to ward off the blow, and then he felt the razor sharp teeth rip into his skin, the fierce grip pulling the chunk of skin away easily.
As it had pulled, so had he, and when it finally tore the piece from it's moorings, he fell back into the grass. At that moment, his eyes connected with the moon, and a tidal wave of thoughts, feelings, sights, smells, and desires swamped him, along with a gruff voice.
I hate you! A desire for meat, flesh, blood, life; I was cursed by a human to be the first werewolf, and as a werewolf, I hate humans! Flashes of the full moon up close; They shun me, hate me, fear me, they kill us! Howls of dejected, angry, sorrowful, pitiful souls of werewolves; You are no better, because you are a human, and all humans think alike! Snarls, growls, maddening barks; I curse you with my disease you deserve, you demon; my bite festers under your skin forevermore; your feelings will be my own every full moon until you die! The feel of living flesh as it becomes ripped from it's anchorings; So widens the curse to all stupid, worthless, weak, hating, hated, over-baring, prideful humans with your 'initiation'! The bitter joy of the transfer of the curse from himself to another; Die all alone, like I had to; live like I must, in the hearts and minds of every werewolf every full moon! The metallic, dizzying, addicting taste of human blood; Your existence is only to feel these things, and pass them to as many others as possible; wiping out the humans is the goal of every werewolf, at least during transformations! Bitter hatred of humans; You will remember this, whether you want it or not: it is the curse!
So ensnared in these visions and the iron, hate-filled, gruff voice was he that he didn't notice his father pull out his wand, and strike dead the werewolf with a spell and a sharp scream as soon as his son was out of the line of fire. Remus did not stir as his father rushed over, falling down next to his blood-soaked son, and cradled his head in his lap, his brown eyes locked blankly on the moon, his body limp, his pulse wild, his breath quick and ragged, his face dripping with sweat, and his body shivering convulsively.
"Remus! Remus! Remus!" His mother and father called out to his prone form wildly, shaking him hard, tears of fear streaking both their faces. He gave a sharper jerk, and then he went ridged as his eyes snapped shut tightly for a moment, and then in a rush of energy he sat up straight, with a breathless shout of, "No! No, no, no, no, no, NO, NO!" By the end, his screams were hysteric, and his father wrapped strong arms around him, "It's alright, Remus, it's alright… I'm here, I'm here…" he murmured comfortingly.
Remus froze at the touch, his mouth snapping shut and the screams coming to a sharp halt, and then, with the words, he curled up against his father, burying his face in his hands as he began to sob to his father, "It was a werewolf! A werewolf! Daddy, it bit me! I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier, daddy, mommy! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!"
"Shh, shh, it'll be alright, Remus, it'll be alright…"
And yet, even as they heard him say it, none of them believed it.
When finally he had told them all there was to tell, he was considerably whiter, trembling, and carefully blank-eyed. Though he didn't look at them, Remus could feel their eyes burning holes into him, and the next day, they stuck to him like glue, the whole group oddly silent enough to even catch the teachers off guard.
When Peter came to them the next year, when the two told him of Remus' ordeal, they did it in privet, telling Peter only the barest details, and avoiding the story all together, saying they had never asked, felling it was Remus' business to tell Peter if he wanted.
It was now their fifth year, and Peter's fourth, and James, Sirius, and Peter had finally gotten enough data from both the teachers, library, and Restricted Section to become Animagus to help Remus even more by being there even when he transformed. They showed him the night before his transformation so he would have almost no time to give them reasons, and demand them not to come.
"You see, Remus, we already thought it all out: James and I are big animals – myself a big dog, and James a stag – to help control you in your transformation, and Peter is small – a rat – to press the knot in the Willow without getting hit, and to be able to get close to you if we have to in an emergency. We will come with you and be there for you." Sirius left no room for argument, and so, half way though their fifth and fourth years, James, Sirius, and Peter began taking the monthly trips with Remus as moral, mental, and physical support.
He was always afraid something would happen: they would get hurt, they would be discovered as unregistered, etc… But as the months and years passed his fears grew to the back of his mind, and his friends remained his friends up until James was murdered by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and Sirius was put into Azkaban – never to be seen again – for murdering Peter, of whom only a finger was left.
Thirteen years after James and Peter's deaths, Lupin sat on the train to Hogwarts once more, trying to sleep – and apparently looking like he already was – when three tightly knit teens slid into the compartment with a muttered, "In here, the only person here is this guy, and he's fast asleep."
He looked though his eyelashes at them, and almost smiled: The boy was James's son; the girl had the smarts – though not the trouble-making aptitude – of both Sirius and James; and the other boy held tightly to his pet rat, which looked a lot like Peter in his Animagus form.
These three could very well figure him out like his old friends they reminded him so much of…
Perhaps, when they did, they too would accept him still? Just maybe…
Wait! Was that a Dementor he saw out the train window just now?
End.