This is a song fic that goes with my story, Friend of the Past and Future, chapter 6 before she spars with Murtagh. It's Selena's POV. The song is "I Hate Myself for Losing You" by Kelly Clarkson.
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I woke up today
Woke up wide awake
In and empty bed
Staring at an empty room
Selena leaned on the window sill and gazed at nothing in particular. She was alone. Without a friend except for Murtagh who was half mad.
I have myself to blame
For this state I'm in today
And now dying doesn't seem so cruel
And, oh
I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway, anymore
Selena mentally kicked herself for losing him again. Eragon.
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror?
And staring at you is why he's not here
She put her face into her hands and thought. She thought hard about how she had lost him for the second time. But this time, it was her fault completely. She hated herself.
You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'cause every time I think of both of you
It's killing me inside
And now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness of living without you
Selena thought of how she saw Eragon look at Arya. He was probably happier with Selena gone. Now, she was all alone, without him.
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here
How could she have been so stupid? Selena was now regretting herself and realizing that she had messed up.
I hate myself for losing you
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew, I wish you knew
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway, anymore
no, no
Selena was mad at herself and not thinking of what she could do to help herself.
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you say, when everything you said
Is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every day you said?
Don't ever bring him back again
"Why are you crying?" Selena jolted out of her trance and turned around to see Murtagh leaning against the doorpost.
"I'm so stupid! I'm the one who caused my own misery." Selena said in monotone. She wasn't about to tell Murtagh that she had possibly loved Eragon and he her.
I hate my self for loving you…
Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this! I love this song by Kelly Clarkson from her cd, Breakaway.
Atra du evarinya ono varda!
May the stars watch over you!
-CrystalDragonRider