Hidan's First and Last Date: A request and one-shot
Hidan hated most people.
Especially his co-workers, if you could even call them that.
They didn't seem to be doing much "working".
"I fucking hate this place." Hidan muttered. His partner Kakuzu glared at him. They never had that great of a relationship, but they worked well together.
"Yeah Hidan, we get it. You hate it here. Can you shut up now?" Kakuzu was looking at the organizations bank account, planning the monthly expenses.
"No, you fucking heathen! I won't shut up!" Hidan shot up from his seat and stormed over to his partner. The Jashin worshiper then proceeded to rip the papers out of Kakuzu's hands and tear them to shreds.
Kakuzu's fists clenched. "Do you realize how long I have been working on that, you crazy bastard?" Hidan's face twisted into a crazy grin.
"Do I look like I give a fuck?" He spat. The tension in the air could be cut with a butter knife. The partners looked about ready to kill each other, not that either could really succeed in doing so.
Unfortunately for Hidan and Kakuzu, the Leader, Pain, chose that moment to enter the room.
Pain could sense the tension in the room, you would have to be devoid of all six senses not to. Or Tobi.
"What is happening here?" Pain commanded to know.
Hidan and Kakuzu both started shouting their side of the story, each blaming one and other. Pain couldn't help but face palm. They were idiots.
He could clearly see that it was Hidan causing most of the trouble, however.
Pain crossed his arms. "Hidan, I refuse to put up with your nonsense any longer. You will be punished."
Hidan just cackled. "Ooh, I'm so scared."
"You will be going on a date." Hidan sweat dropped. It was silent for a moment until Kakuzu busted out laughing. Pain cleared his throat, signifying for the man to shut up. "You will be going on a date with a woman who we believe has some insight on the Nine-tails jinchūriki. Her name is Kaylah. Try not to kill her."
Hidan just glared. A date? He had never even BEEN on a date before. And he couldn't kill her? Nonsense!
Pain continued speaking before either man could interrupt. "You are to leave within the hour, the date is tonight. You will meet the foolish girl in a cafe outside of the Hidden Leaf. Understood?" Hidan continued to glare.
"Am I going alone?" He asked, gritting his teeth.
Pain nodded yes.
At least Hidan could get a little peace and quiet before the "date". Maybe get a few kills in. His glare changed to a smirk.
"Fine, I will go." Hidan stated.
Pain began to exit the room and whispered under his breath, "Not that you had any choice in the matter."
"This is the best day of my life, yeah!" Deidara said trying to catch his breath after laughing for five minutes.
Tobi tried to get Hidan to wear a suit. HIdan had no idea where it even came from. It was a pink paisley patterned shirt along with a white suit coat and white dress pants. And it wouldn't be complete without the lime green ascot."Get that shit away from me, you fucking idiot!" Hidan screamed as he threw the hideous outfit out the door, into the hallway.
Hidan ended up changing into a simple back t-shirt and dark wash jeans, because he could not wear his Akatsuki cloak on the date.
After a few hours of traveling, he made it to the quaint cafe outside of Konoha. He was told the girl, Kaylah, had dark brown hair. He saw a girl sitting on the bench and assumed it was her.
He walked over and introduced himself. "Hey, I'm Hidan. You are Kaylah, right?" He tried not to scowl.
She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that's me. It's nice to meet you Hidan." Her dark hair looked a little red in direct sun, her eyes, nearly black, and her skin was tanned. He would admit, she was pretty. Pretty enough to kill. He smirked.
"Shall we go in?" He asked, extending his arm, per Kisame's advice.
"Oh my, thanks." She blushed.
After entering the cafe, they were seated by an old, decrepit looking woman. The old lady handed them menus and said she would be back when they were ready to order.
For a few minutes, Hidan and Kaylah just made small talk, which was particularly agonizing for Hidan. Who gives a shit about the weather outside?
After that shitty conversation, Hidan decided to get down to business. "So do you have any good friends in the Hidden leaf?"
Kaylah flashed a genuine smile, as if she was remembering a fond memory. "Yeah, I have good friends there. Sakura and Naruto." She told him while perusing her menu. "I'm thinking shark fin soup, you?"
Hidan rolled his eyes. "I will get what you get. So tell me more about those damn friends of yours. Naruto? What kind of stupid fucking name is that?" Kaylah looked surprised at his vulgar language, but brushed it off.
"Aww, that is cute, you want the same thing me?" Hidan was losing his patience.
"So your friends, tell me about them." Hidan whispered through clenched teeth. He was about to lose it.
"Oh, forget them," Kaylah said leaning into the man, from across the table. "Tonight is about us getting to know each other." That is when he lost it.
Hidan stood up and flipped the table over. "LOOK BITCH, TELL ME ABOUT NARUTO BEFORE I FUCKING KILL YOU!" The psychopath screamed.
Everyone in the cafe got up and began running out the door. Kaylah looked terrified. "Who are you!?" She yelled.
Hidan grinned. "Your worst nightmare."
After Hidan's cheesy comeback, he knocked the girl out and brought her back to the hideout. Pain, however, was not pleased. He glanced at the girl, who was asleep on his desk and scowled.
"Hidan." The Leader started. "Why?" Is all he could ask.
"That bitch pushed me too far. I should have fucking killed her right then and there." He crossed his arms.
"Nooooooooo! Not Kaylah-chan!" Tobi yelled standing in front of the girl. Hidan pushed the man-child out of the way. Why the fuck was he always in Pain's office?
"Tobi.. GET OUT!" Pain bellowed. Tobi obliged and left the room. Pain turned back to Hidan and just stared. "So what do you suppose we do with her now?
Hidan smirked. "Kill her?"
"We might have to. We can't have her escaping and telling the nine-tails about what has happened. And I don't feel like holding her captive. We will wait till she awakes and then decide.
A few hours later, Kaylah began to stir. "Fucking finally." Hidan muttered. Pain forced Hidan to lay the girl on his own bed, so Hidan had to sit and wait on the floor.
Her eyes shot open. Kaylah was coated in a cold sweat and she was gasping. "Where am I?" She whispered.
"You don't need to know, girl." Hidan shot back. "Now, you don't have to many choices. You either, A: Die," Kaylah whimpered, "Or B: Tell us what you know about your friend, Naruto and become our maid."
Kaylah's eyes widened in realization. "Wait, you are with the Akatsuki. How could I be so dumb?" She asked herself. She looked up at Hidan and glared. "I won't give you ANY information on Naruto. He was one of the only people nice to me when I needed a friend. I would rather die than betray him."
Hidan grinned and readied his scythe. However, before he could kill the girl, the Leader interrupted. "Then I guess you won't be dying." Hidan swung around to see Pain standing in the doorway. "I refuse to give the girl what she wants. For now, she will become our maid. We will get information out of her sooner or later."
"Dammit, Leader! I hate her! Why can't she die?"
"Because I said so." And so it was decided. Kaylah became the maid. And she hated it.
Two months later..
"I hate this place." Kaylah deadpanned.
"Fucking tell me about it." Hidan whined.
"WE GET IT" The rest of them shouted.