Warning: This fic may contain large quantities of crack. You have been warned.

A Lesson in Irony

o.o0o.o

Moon Jae Shin, heir of the House of Moon, Commander of the Royal Defence Guard and High Official of Joseon, was not having a good night.

"Sir! It's the Blue Messenger again, sir!" Panting from exertion, Fourth Seat Officer Dong burst through the door into his Commander's office.

Jae Shin swore under his breath. Face thunderous, he dismissed his subordinate, tossed the accounts he was reviewing on top of the mountain of paperwork on his desk, and stalked out of the room.

Barely days after he'd reluctantly taken up this glorified guard-dog position upon the King's request, a new masked rogue had decided to make an appearance, styling himself as the so-called 'Blue Messenger'. At first, the people had been terrified, fearing the killing and looting that had come with his (faux) predecessor, but very soon it'd become apparent that this new nocturnal champion was really quite harmless. His notes – all written on blue paper, of course – were more droll than ominous, the style and penmanship an interesting blend of naivety and caustic wit. It seemed like something that Yeorim, in one of his particularly mischievous moods, would write, and the notes were surprisingly insightful despite the flippant tones. The people loved it, of course – but to Jae Shin, whose job was to root out such insurgents and disturbers of the peace, the elusive man was the bane of his existence and an utter pain-in-the-ass.

Back in his day, it had been bow and arrows. But apparently times had changed, and now would-be heroes with delusions of grandeur were using bloody Qing fireworks to spread their messages. Just last week, the whole Defence Force had to be woken up in order to prevent a national disaster when one stray cracker had set fire to a thatched roof in Banchon and almost burnt down half the village.

'Harmless' or not, this Blue Messenger had to be stopped.

Out of the compound, Jae Shin immediately hit the rooftops, the crisp autumn night air a welcome reprieve after hours of being cooped up indoors. From his elevated post, he could see his underlings racing madly down in the streets below, but Jae Shin knew that was no way to catch a Messenger – Red, Blue or rainbow-coloured. Soundlessly, he leapt from roof to roof, his sharp eyes scanning for unusual movement. For the past few weeks, the dratted rogue had somehow always managed to slip through his fingers, but not this time. This time, he was in luck.

A flash of black tore through an alleyway, just one street over.

Jae Shin smirked.

Before his prey even realised it was being hunted, Jae Shin had already rolled silently onto the dusty street, grabbing the man in an iron-armed grip. Immediately, the Blue Messenger jerked in alarm, but his cry of surprise was muffled by Jae Shin's large hand clamped around his mouth.

"Blue Messenger," Jae Shin said. "You are under arrest for attempted arson, sedition and disturbance of the national peace."

There was a period of struggle on the criminal's part, but truthfully, the fight was so unmatched that Jae Shin didn't even know why he bothered. The man was a midget, barely taller than a pubescent boy, and so slight-of-figure than Jae Shin's arms curled easily around them both when the man's back was pulled flush against his chest.

"Who are you?" he demanded, but the rogue stayed stubbornly silent, continuing to wriggle around desperately while attempting to kick Jae Shin in the shins. "Tell me!"

More silence, and this time he actually managed to land a lucky kick. Jae Shin gritted his teeth, fast losing what little patience he had. With a forceful hand, he yanked the man's mask down, and the troublemaker's flushed face was finally revealed in the blue-grey light of the moon. Jae Shin gaped.

…It wasn't a man.

It wasn't even a boy.

"Wha—" Jae Shin sputtered, staring down in astonishment at the scowling face of a pretty young woman, barely out of girlhood. Immediately, he released his impromptu embrace, keeping only a firm grip around the collar at the scruff of her neck. "…Isn't it past your bedtime, kid?"

Sharp brown eyes flashed defiantly beneath arched brows. "I'll have you know, I'm fifteen!"

Jae Shin's mouth quirked, despite himself. "…So you can talk."

The girl sniffed, turning up her button nose in obvious disdain. "I happen to be very selective about the people I choose to hold conversations with," she replied loftily, somehow managing to look down her nose at him even though the top of her head barely came up to his chest. It would have been truly impressive feat had the effect not been so comical.

'You—" he began, torn between laughter and irritation at this glib impertinence. "Didn't your father teach you to respect your elders?"

"My father taught me that respect needs to be earned," she quipped back in haughty tones.

"And does your father know that you're running about in the middle of the night setting fire to rooftops?"

"That- That was an accident! It happened only once – once, alright?" The girl pouted, before muttering under her breath, "Honestly, you make one mistake…"

Jae Shin sighed. "…Just who the hell are you, anyway?"

The girl shot him a nonplussed look. "…Well," she replied slowly, gesturing at herself. "It kind of defeats the purpose of this whole get-up if I told you, wouldn't it?"

Jae Shin glared. There was only so much cheek from this troublesome brat he could take. "Which is what? Playing dress up as the Red Messenger?"

"Are you colour-blind?" his captive cried, thrusting the scrap of paper in her hand at his nose and waving it around emphatically. "This is blue. Blue! I'm the Blue Messenger, obviously."

She tossed her head nonchalantly. "The Red Messenger meant well, I suppose, when he wasn't rampaging around killing people back in the day – but he was a hypocrite, so I'm fixing that."

"Wait, what do you mean, a hypocrite?" It had been a year since he'd last taken up the mantle of the masked vigilant, but old habits died hard and Jae Shin had never taken well to criticism - least of all from little girls who made his night job a living hell.

The girl blinked, completely unaware of the fact that she was speaking to the man himself. "You didn't notice? He ran around proclaiming equality and justice, but it was always 'man' this, 'man' that in his notes - what about women, huh? What about our rights?" she screeched, getting more and more impassioned by the minute. Jae Shin winced, tilting his head away to give what reprieve he could to his poor, abused ears. She was loud enough to wake the dead. "Since he's not going to champion that, someone has to do it."

"…That 'someone' being you."

The girl puffed her chest out, grinning proudly. "That's right."

Jae Shin was not impressed. "…You, girl," he growled dangerously, "are in a lot of trouble."

The tone of voice that usually left his subordinates quaking in their boots only rolled off the girl like water off a duck's back. "Not if you let me go, right?" she asked sweetly, batting her eyes. Clearing his throat, Jae Shin quickly looked away, even as the girl lowered her voice conspiratorially, "…This can be our little secret."

She tried to wriggle away again, but Jae Shin would have none of it. Gripping onto her collar more firmly, he shook her as a mother cat would a particularly naughty kitten. "…Not so fast."

The girl squeaked in protest as he snatched the slip of paper from her grasp, shaking it out with one hand to hold up to the moonlight.

"You say cerulean jade should be locked in silence deep; yet, on blue poem-slips, I shall write as I please'," he read aloud, before screwing the note up in mock-disgust. "What is this? Did you write this?"

The girl rolled her eyes, finally giving up on escape as she stilled, folding her arms petulantly. "Well, poetry doesn't exactly write itself, does it?"

His lips curled. "…You call this crap 'poetry'?"

"Like you could do any better!"

Jae Shin smirked, suddenly finding the situation inexplicably ironic. "As a matter of fact—"

"—It's irony, idiot! Dramatic irony!" the girl yelled, rudely cutting him off. It seemed as though his unsympathetic words had wounded her young and tender pride. She tossed her head again, giving him a contemptuous once-over before returning him smirk-for-smirk. "But I suppose you aren't… developed enough to understand it."

"Wha—" Jae Shin gaped. The gall of this- this annoying little runt! He momentarily slackened his grip, accidentally releasing her in his shock.

The girl wasted no time taking advantage of this unexpected opportunity. Quick-as-lightening, she raced out of reach, only turning around to stick her tongue at him when she was halfway down the street.

"Hey!" Jae Shin yelled, but knowing that it was already too late. The Blue Messenger was no fighter, but great ancestors, was she fast. "You get back here!"

The girl laughed – an impish, carefree sound that rang through the still night air like silver bells. "Not likely!"

At the end of the street, she suddenly stopped.

"I like you," she announced matter-of-factly, tossing the words over her shoulder. "You're interesting – even if you can't appreciate good poetry. Next time we meet, I'll write something just for you, alright?"

Smiling almost… flirtatiously, suddenly looking very much her fifteen years, she blew the astounded Jae Shin a playful kiss. "Something… simple."

With that said, the girl disappeared into the darkness, leaving a thoroughly exasperated, blushing Jae Shin – the heir of the House of Moon, Commander of the Royal Defence Guard and High Official of Joseon – with an utterly unexpected case of the hiccups.

o.o0o.o

Historical Note:

The line "You say that cerulean jade should be locked in silence deep; yet, on blue poem-slips, I shall write as I please" is not mine. It is an adaptation of a line from a famous poem 'Sending Old Poems to Yuan Zhen' by Xue Tao: "Women like Green Jade have long been kept hidden in secret depths. / And yet, I always write as I please, on my scarlet poem-slips." [N/B: "Green Jade" represents the dutiful Confucian woman:]