Disclaimer: no, I don't own any of the characters here, except some original ones. It´s a crossover with ER; featuring DR. Carter and co. along Pacey and Joey
I open my eyes slowly, cursing the damn alarm clock. I got home so tired last night that I ended up sleeping with my clothes. I look at the annoying red numbers. 6:00 AM. Groaning, I leave my bed, heading to the bathroom. After a good shower, I feel refreshed, but not ready yet to face another long day at the hospital. Walking groggily, I go to my small kitchen, and while my coffee is getting done, I notice the flashing light of my answering machine. I push the button, so I can listen to the messages.
"Hey, Joey, happy birthday! Call me later, I have lots of news, I finally got my first big budget movie!
I smile, typical Dawson, bragging about his life in a congratulations call.
"Joey, dear, you have to stop working like this. Call me, if you even remember you have a sister. And Happy Birthday"
Bessie. I have to go to Capeside soon; it's been so long since I saw her or the kids. Maybe for Christmas.
"Joey Potter, it's us. How dare you not pick up the phone? Even on your birthday?" Laughing could be heard. "Joey, forgive Jen, she's on a bad hair day. When are you going to come to our sunny San Francisco? Andie, wait, it's my turn." More laughter. "Joey, could you please stop making us talk to your answering machine?" Then three voices "Happy Birthday!"
Oh, I miss them. Since Jen, Jack and Andie had moved to San Francisco after college, I was trapped alone in windy Chicago. My eyes glance the old picture beside my phone. It had the six of us, whole high school gang. I take it in my hands, my finger slowly tracing the only one I'd lost touch. Pacey. His cocky grin, his brilliant blue eyes, his low voice. It had been so long, but whenever I closed my eyes, it seemed like yesterday. Memories fill my mind.
"It's a new year. Who knows? Maybe we can even become friends."
"Don't you ever get tired of talking?"
"You can't say something like that to me and not expect me to kiss you. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. In about ten seconds I'm going to start to kiss you. And if you don't want me to kiss you, I guess you just gonna have to stop me. Ten."
"It's over, isn't it?"
"I remember everything."
"If weren't for Dawson, would you ever love me like that? Like a soul mate?"
"Ah, the good bye scene. I played that in my head over a thousand times. I come to you; announce my plans, heart in hand. You look at me, but the Potter sarcasm kicks in and I leave without what I want. You never ask me to stay."
"You could have made that decision months ago. It would have saved us a lot of energy. And heartache."
I remember Dawson letting me free. I remember going after him where his boat was docked, hoping to reach him, but when I got there, he had already left. My summer was hell in earth, but I hoped I could talk to him when he got back. Three months later, when he came back for our senior year, he wasn't the same. He closed himself off his friends, concentrated on school for the first time in his life. Pacey Witter, class clown was gone, and Pacey, the book worm had arrived. He rarely hung out with us, and when he did, he avoided me like the plague. Until graduation.
Next weeks, most of us would be going to different colleges. Andie to Harvard, Jack and Jen to Boston Bay College, I was going to Boston University, Dawson to UCLA and Pacey, to NYU. We gathered at the Leerys' for our graduation party, when he talked to me.
"Hey, Potter, you're finally leaving Capeside." He said, looking into my eyes for the first time in almost a year
"You, too, Witter."I replied, getting lost in the depths of his blue eyes
"Yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going to sail True Love for the last time and then go straight to NY."
"You said the last time?" I asked intrigued.
"I won't take her to NY. True Love stays here in Capeside." His eyes seemed to tell me something else.
That night I tried to sleep, but after two hours tossing around my bed, I decided to go for a walk. The air was hot, heavy. I still don't know how I ended up on his dock again. He was sat on the deck, just looking at the stars. He noticed me there staring at him and just smiled, one of those smiles that would melt my heart in seconds. I jumped into the boat, we didn't say a word. I remember his hands touching my hair, and I can't tell who kissed who first. We went below the deck still kissing, his hands shaking while he took off my clothes, his eyes searching mine for permission, and I nodding in response. I remember his sweet kisses, his lips touching my body, teaching me everything I needed to know. The feeling of closeness when we were making love, his gentle touches, his sweet nothings assuring me everything was fine. But the thing I most cherish is that feeling of being safe, when he just stared at me, brushing my hair from my face.
I woke up hours later, knowing in my heart he would still leave in the morning, I dressed, blushing as reality of what I did kicked in. I sat on his bed, looking at him sleeping, tracing his features with a finger, trying to capture him in my mind forever. A week later, I got the last words from him in a letter.
Jo
What can I say to you? I don't have words to describe the last moments we spent together. It was magical, when I opened my eyes and you weren't there I almost convinced myself it had been another dream. And that's the way I want to keep it. You'll always be my dream girl, I don't wanna reality spoiling the most beautiful moment I had in my life. Because let's face it: we'll be in different cities, two different worlds, you will be leaving the town we both wanted to leave since we were kids, and I will always be a reminder of Capeside and all the drama we went through here. I want you to be happy, start your life with a clean slate, fresh start. You can rebuild Josephine Potter from the scratch, finally knowing yourself without Dawson's point of view of everything. You will always be in my heart and my dreams, Potter, and that's where will we meet. Whenever I think about something pure, beauty in its essence, you'll be there. Whenever I see the stars, your face will be there. You'll be kept in the most sacred place in my heart. Forever.
With all the love in my heart.
Pacey.
My eyes blur with tears as I remember each word, each line. I always hoped he would be back someday, but he never did. I lived my life, the way he asked, found pieces of me that I didn't know yet. I never asked anyone how he was doing, although I knew Andie had kept contact with him. The smell of the coffee woke me up of my daydreaming. This birthday thing is getting me too sentimental, I chuckle to myself.
I leave my apartment in a hurry, late as usual. I take the train that would take me to the County Hospital, where I'm working as second year surgery resident, my eyes on emergency surgery. I see the ambulance coming in; sirens out loud and I sigh to myself. This is going to be a long day.