Let Me Be Your Saviour | Loki Laufeyson x Tony Stark | Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Smut.
Warnings of self-mutilation, self-deprecation, PTSD, violence, flashbacks and mentions of rape. All other warning will be added to as the story progresses. If these things are touchy with you or triggering, I suggest you shy away from this story now.
Some of the most beautiful stories start with an ending and end with a new beginning. However, this story is far from beautiful. This is not a story for the weak willed or the faint of heart. It is not a story for those who fear the revelations of scars embedded so deep within oneself that one can never seem to escape it. Nor is it a story for those who believe that only way is up because really, for a while, the only way to go is down. This is not a story for those who believe that broken things can be fixed. This is a story that filled with more angst, more masks, more destruction and self deprecation that it is with love and contentment. Do not be confused by the words and the emotions you may think is being touched, focus on the actions. This is a story far more than even I can handle.
Sometimes, he liked to step out onto his roof. He enjoyed the feeling of the wind against his face and standing at the edge, knowing that any bit of fierce wind or just another step would be the end of his humanity. It stablized him, reminded him of what he wasn't and what he truly was. And he cracked him just a little further everytime. Tonight had been a special night, he thought to himself. The scent of his own bloody thick and heady in the air as it trickled down his arms and he took a moment to gaze down at his bloodied arms, desperately enjoying how the thin and perfectly lined cuts littered his arms. It was dizzying or maybe it was the blood loss. He found himself grinning in an absolute state of feral emotion and was subconsciously glad no one could watch his pathetic downfall.
He supposed it was okay though. If he really sat and thought about it, which he..far more than he would've have liked to, this was his redemption. His plead for forgivingness and he knew the others would agree. After all, it was them who pointed out his flaws despite how well he might have known them. "After a mistake like that Stark, I'm not sure you deserve your genius title." "Again, Stark! Your impulsiveness is weakness and this time...there's no going back or easy fix for what you've done."
He snapped back to himself and closed his eyes, that grin still in place.
"Sir?" he swore he could hear the tinge of sadness in his AI's voice.
"Jarvis, you know that you and Dummy and Butterfingers and You are the by far the best things in my life?"
"Yes, sire?"
"Good. As long as you remember that. Now, I'm quite sure that I'll never survive this jump, so I need you to relay this message to the others, 'I do not fear death for the fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.'"
He didn't have to wait for confirmation because he knew his AI just like his AI knew him and that smile turned bitter for just the briefest of moments. The unwittingness to leave behind the one things that helped keep the mask of sanity in tact. And as he stepped closer and closer to the edge, his steps shaky as the blood loss and anticipation combined, he purred. Finally reaching the end, he inhaled deeply once before taking one more step and feeling himself fall.
It was exhilarating. The feeling of falling was always perfect. The feeling of those insecurities and inadequecies drifting away, the same feeling that would arise as the guilt seemed to float away from his very being. And the wildness and bitterness disappeared from his smile, leaving him with a sated smile.
He was bracing himself for the impact, wanting to feel the pain of his body meeting the concrete floor and the brief intensity of pain before his body caved in. But it never came.
"Stark...Man of Iron!" that voice sounded so familiar and it took his slight pain addled brain a few moments to place the voice to the face.
"Oh hello to you too, Loki." he responded, the faintest trace of humor in his tone.
There was the briefest of silences and he found himself closing his eyes, his breathing shallowing out slowly.
"Isn't falling beautiful, Loki? It makes one feel lighter, makes them feel like they've done something worthy of respect," he chuckled softly and hummed softly "why'd you catch me, Loki? Why'd you save one who is worthy of the death they've chosen for themselves? why couldn't you let me fall?"
And just like that, the dam was broken and amidst harsh words, rugged whispers, pleads of sadness and eagerness to die, Loki say himself within the other. He flinched as the other continued to speak, not wanting to believe that someone he deemed an equal has sunk almost as deep as he had and as the other male in his arms fell asleep, Loki muttered a soft spell and teleported them to his private domain.
Let me be your saviour.
So here's another thing I decided to work on while I finish up the sequel to "Satisfaction". Again, it's based off a prompt I got from frostironprompt at LJ — /1uF6F. Of course, I again think this rubbish, but whatever. This will become a chaptered fic and this is only a mini-fill until I get everything plotted out properly. That being said, enjoy. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Also, I suck at summaries. Deal with it.
— sincerely, `crazy.{botch}.