Innocent Lentils
One quixotic evening a man walked into the dimly lit grocery store. This man was more like a monster. He had four arms and a very intimidating 'bulge.' He was so strapping that he even made fruits and vegetables swoon when he walked past them. His name was Goro. Goro had come to the grocery store for only one thing. Tonight he wasn't going to have a pear or an apple. He wasn't going to have a carrot or a cabbage. Tonight, Goro would be having lentils. Now these lentils were virgin lentils. They had not seen the world beyond the grocery store. They were excited to go with Goro to experience the world. Little did they know Goro was going to do more than just let them experience the world.
Once Goro brought the lentils to his apartment he put them in a bowl. He had asked the lentils if they were comfortable in which they replied that they were very comfortable, but they didn't hear Goro say "Not for long." Goro left the lentils for a moment. The lentils looked around his apartment and noticed how clean it was. Then the lentils saw something very awkward. It was Goro's bedroom. Inside the bedroom, the lentils could see candle light. Goro came out of his bedroom and grasped the bowl of lentils. The lentils yelped and said "Go easy with the grasping Goro!" Goro grunted and continued on his way to his bedroom. Now the lentils could see more. There were rose petals lying on the floor and on the bed. There were candles about the room and soft music playing in the background. Now frightened, the lentils asked nervously, "Goro? What's with all the romantic stuff?" Goro grunted and changed the music to death motel screamo. Suddenly, Goro dropped his underwear and thrust his 'package' into the bowl. The Lentils started screaming for Goro to stop and about how much it hurt, but ignored the lentils and Goro kept thrusting himself into the bowl. By now, the lentils had lost their voice and were now trying not to moan at the pleasure. Goro kept grunting as he kept pounding into the bowl. Then just as the lentils reached their climax so did Goro. His liquids followed into the bowl and got the lentils all wet. Goro sat on his bed exhausted and placed the lentils next to him. He looked over at them eagerly and saw that he had made Lentil Soup.
To this day, those lentils were never the same. They had experienced more than they had ever wanted to.