I Know

۞

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction.

Summary: Whilst Tonks attempts to drink her sorrows and thoughts of Remus away, Snape can't help but think to the past when another heartbroken witch sobbed over a Marauder.

Pairings: Remus/Tonks, One sided Snape/Lily, mentions of James/Lily

A/N: This is my first multi-chapter story so I'm feeling a little nervous. Hope you all enjoy Chapter One. Chapter Two should be up on Wednesday. This is dedicated to jade253 because of her love for Severus!

۞

Chapter One

"Sirius would be so proud!" Tonks thought darkly, chuckling a laugh empty of humour as she toasted her glass to her late cousin and downed her fourth shot of Firewhiskey, not even wincing as the potent liquid hit her throat harshly. She nodded blearily to Aberforth at the bar who reluctantly poured her another shot whilst eyeing her with an expression of something akin to concern, but she didn't notice, only grabbing the refill clumsily in hand toasting yet another silent toast to Sirius before consuming it hurriedly.

She didn't care how she looked to her fellow Hog's Head drinkers. Didn't care that the 'impossible-to-concern' Aberforth was showing concern at her inebriated state, and didn't care that the fire in her throat was now intensified tenfold as the fifth shot seared down it. She only cared that she didn't have to feel, didn't have to feel the searing pain in her heart which only worsened with every thought of him.

"Aberforth! Another!" Tonks slurred, slamming the glass down so hard that the bang of glass on wood reverberated through her thumping head causing her to groan. Aberforth shook his head firmly.

"I think you've had enough." He told her gruffly, taking the glass from the filthy bar and moving it away from her.

"Nooo!" Tonks moaned, pouting as she attempted to glare at him, blinking furiously as she focused on the swimming form of Aberforth. "Just one more, I promise!" she pleaded, batting her eyelids sweetly, and leaning forward eagerly for another.

Aberforth sighed easily defeated and poured another shot passing it to her whilst shaking his head.

"Cheers, Ab!" Tonks told him in a cheery tone devoid of any natural cheer, lifting the glass in a toast. "I owe you!"

"Yes you do!" Aberforth grunted "About 4 galleons now!" he said moodily, moving off to another customer before she could ask for another.

Tonks sighed as she contemplated the glass of clear liquid in front of her thoughtfully. All she wanted was to not have to think, not have to feel, yet he was still there, always niggling at her mind. She shook angrily picking up the shot as gracefully as possible and slamming it down with a vengeance.

"Well, well, what a delightful surprise." she heard a familiar voice sarcastically sneer from behind her. Tonks just closed her eyes resting her head on her hands.

"Snape." She replied emotionless, hoping he'd disappear by the time she next looked up. She was definitely not in the mood to put up with a confidence battering from the king of snakes. She looked up to find Snape seated in the seat next to her, having a silent conversation with Aberforth, which consisted of Snape nodding tightly and gesturing for a pint of mead and Aberforth grunting moodily. She sighed. No such luck.

"So what brings you here this fine evening Nymphadora?" Snape finally spoke, his ever present sneering smirk plastered on his pointed face as he drank deeply from his goblet.

"What do you want Snape?" Tonks asked angrily, the pain in her chest intensifying as her thoughts of Snape immediately led to Remus. Always to Remus. She shook her head angrily.

Without a second thought, Tonks cast a quick glance towards Aberforth who stood facing away from them at the other end of the bar, before grabbing the abandoned dusty Firewhiskey bottle from the bar and taking a swig.

Snape raised an eyebrow at her drunken display and choosing to ignore her question he spoke again.

"What are you doing?" he asked disgusted, to which Tonks just shrugged forcing down another swig, attempting to block it all out. All of it.

"Hey!" Tonks shouted disoriented as the bottle was forced out of her hand, the clear liquid spilling messily down her chin and onto her hands. Before she could do much more that wipe her chin blearily, a hand clamped down on her arm and she was forced to look into Snape's eyes, their black tunnels burning furiously.

"Why aren't you patrolling the castle?" Snape queried, lowering his voice slightly to avoid being overheard, but his tone still dangerous.

Tonks shrugged and attempted to pull her arm out of his grip, succeeding only in causing herself to slip drunkenly half-way off her seat, resulting in Snape tightening his grip as he pulled her back up.

"Why aren't you patrolling Nymphadora?" He asked her again dangerously to which Tonks only pushed at him weakly with her trapped arm, her spare pressed tightly to her chest as though it would burst open.

"Just leave me alone!" She moaned despairingly, her reason for ditching patrolling flying back into her face. Remus.

Snape broke his grip from her arm forcefully, staring at her down his hooked nose.

"So pathetic." He sneered, looking at her distraught face, her eyes scrunched up in pain. "A disgrace to the name of Aurors." He spat distastefully as he eyed her trembling form. "And all over that dirty werewolf no doubt."

Something inside Tonks snapped and she span on her stool surprisingly gracefully for someone as clumsy and drunk as herself and swung her hand around.

SMACK

The numbness Tonks had been desperately grasping for vanished entirely as her hand smacked mercilessly onto Snape's cheek and she felt the tears she'd been desperately hiding slide continuously down her face. Snape turned to her.

For once his face held no sneer, no smirk, only the hint of an expression so foreign on his face that Tonks wasn't sure she was seeing it. Was it? No. It couldn't be...pity?

The expression remained as he looked to her streaming eyes before sighing deeply and facing back to the bar reaching for the confiscated bottle of Firewhiskey and handing it back to her.

Tonks took it gratefully, the searing in her chest almost unbearable as her tears began to choke her.

"It hurts." She choked out, after a long draw from the bottle, the tears refusing to stop, only raining down unmercilessly refusing to let her forget, refusing to let her ignore.

"I know." Snape replied finally, reaching for the bottle in her hand and glancing at it apathetically before taking his own swig and passing it back to her.

They sat in silence as Tonks cried silently and Snape clenched his jaw tightly uncomfortable, his eyes staring unwaveringly at the goblet in his hands.

Tonks clenched her hand even more tightly to her chest as Remus' face flew unbidden to her mind. The gentle smile he'd always worn in her daydreams now replaced by the furious animosity in his voice as he'd screamed at her insanely whilst he pushed her away from him disgusted. As he'd pushed away her love.

It might have been an hour, it might have been two when Tonks finally finished the punishing bottle of Firewhiskey and held the cool glass to her forehead to ease the dull thudding beat in her temples.

Ignoring Snape, she reached into her robe pocket and pulled out some coins. As she began to count the coins with careful concentration, she suddenly lurched sideways. She blinked surprised grabbing onto the side of the bar before looking down at the coins again. Giving up, she just threw the coins on the counter, hoping there were enough and making her way up off the chair.

This time her whole body lurched sideways and her hand gripped the closest thing, which happened to be Snape's arm. Snape sighed, tossing a few coins of his own onto the pile before standing up and helping Tonks forward.

"No. I'm fine." Tonks tried to protest, but all that came out was an incoherent ramble which Snape ignored, as he moved an arm around her waist and pulled her towards the exit.

"If you say so." Snape sneered again contemptuously, obviously disgusted by his own, very out-of-character, act of altruism, "Just hurry up and stop moaning." He ordered her, pulling her forward out of the door.

As the door of the pub swung closed behind them, Tonks breathed in a deep breath of fresh air before groaning, the cold air only serving to worsen the thumping in her head.

"The Three Broomsticks?" Snape asked shortly and Tonks nodded only lightly as the act caused her stomach to turn. Snape rolled his eyes.

"This is pathetic. You're meant to be watching over the school tonight. What good are you going to do for the Order if you're too busy drowning your sorrows in a filthy pub?"

Not even bothering to ask why Snape had decided to lower himself to drinking in a 'filthy pub', Tonks just swallowed feeling her stomach churn as she stumbled over her own feet. Snape's arm thankfully kept her steady.

"You don't understand anything." Tonks spat at him, as a fleck of her dull mousy brown hair flew into her eyes and she drunkenly aimed to blow it away, only resulting in blowing a raspberry.

"For which I am very grateful." Snape sneered cruelly, sticking his nose up at her as they thankfully approached The Three Broomsticks. He manouvered them inside, giving an impatient sigh as he began to pull her useless form up the stairs and into her darkened room, where he roughly pushed her towards the bed which Tonks collapsed onto gratefully, her head hitting the blessedly cool pillows.

"Sleep it off Nymphadora." Snape said coldly, as he placed a glass of cold water onto her bedside table and lit a few candles around the room with a flick of his wand. "And maybe tomorrow you will actually do something useful for the Order and not spend every waking second feeling sorry for yourself."

Tonks looked up at him from where she lay, the spinning in her head and the overwhelming exhaustion she felt making it difficult for her to focus on him.

When she finally managed it she studied his expression. Although his words and voice were cold, his eyes held an unfamiliar warmth within them as they looked at her with a glimpse of sympathy.

"What did I do wrong?" She asked as she shook from a mixture of the cold, the alcohol, the exhaustion and the emotion, her eyes brimming with tears. "Why can't he love me?"

Snape stood unmoving as he watched her, before shaking his head.

"Go to sleep Nymphadora!" he ordered his voice cold as ice.

Tonks shook her head as the tears overwhelmed her yet again and she felt her heart break as she finally admitted it out loud.

"I love him." She choked, "I love him so much."

And as she finally said the words she felt her body give in as the tears streamed down her cheeks and the exhaustion took over, pulling her from the world of pain into a painless dreamland.

And just as she felt herself slip away from reality she heard a soft sympathetic murmur from Snape as she felt a blanket being hastily draped over her shivering form.

"I know."

۞