For You
Johnny sat on the couch and listened to the clock on the shelf tick. He heard Shilling quietly clear his throat. Yeah, I know you are waiting, he thought, keeping his head down.
Cold, unfeeling voice: "Talk to me, John."
Sigh.
"I don't know what to say."
"Describe what happened that day. How did you feel when you saw your partner was going to be injured? What made you jump into 'the line of fire' so to speak?"
Scoff. Good one, Doc.
"All I saw was smoke and fire. I didn't feel a thing."
"Go on."
I will - give me a sec.
"But suddenly I was rising…higher."
"How do you mean, John?"
The name's Johnny.
"I felt like I'd just made the biggest mistake when I thought about my unborn child…when I thought about my wife."
"Did you regret what you'd done?"
Roy's alive – no!
"No. I knew that immediately, it rang out clear. I'm not really a religious man but from somewhere up above I heard…"
"What, John?"
"Nuthin'. I just know there is no greater gift for a firefighter than to lay down his life. In that instant, time seemed to stand still. I wondered 'Would I give my life to save him? Could I make that sacrifice?'"
"You did."
"Well, no. I'm still here. But so is he. But if it came down to it, I would."
"There is a strong bond with firemen. I've seen it many times in this line of work."
You can't understand.
"Maybe you don't understand. Heck, I don't understand it all myself. But there's a brother on my left and another on my right. And in his pocket just like mine, he's got a photograph."
"His family."
"Yeah, and they're waiting for him back home. And that's weighing on my mind."
Long uncomfortable silence.
"Look, I'm not trying to be a hero; I don't wanna die."
I see you looking at me that way.
"But right now in that moment, you don't think twice."
"There is concern that you acted irrationally."
Did I? My buddy was going to die. I needed to do something!
"Well, at a time like that you don't think about right and you don't think about wrong. You just do what you gotta do to defend your own."
"Is it just Roy that you would sacrifice yourself for?"
Sigh.
"No, I'd do it for any one of my fellow firefighters. Heck, I risk my life everyday for total strangers, Doc. Of course I'd 'take a bullet' for my brothers."
"I understand that."
Do you?
"It's my job. And I'd do the same for you."
"You would?"
"Yes I would."