A/N: Exactly what it seems. Enjoy my poorly made rhymes.
A is for Amelie
who was a Zelda fan
since she was a kid
and one day discovered
(oh the angst!)
That she had been adopted.
Her real name is Princess Alara
now she wears a flowing dress and a golden tiara
with her long green hair and pointed ears
her very existence brings me to tears.
B is for Brianna
the blondest of all Hylian girls
who sings like an angel
and likes kittens and frills.
During battles she whines all the time
(she says she's letting her emotions loose)
about her actual utility
I'm mildly confused.
C is for Corella
a young Zora cutie
the whole fish tribe
think of her as a rare beauty.
She loves Mikau so much
and she's so clever and elegant
that the fact that he's dead
is totally irrelevant.
D is for Diana
a centaur ended here
(how, nobody knows)
who drinks a lot of beer
and thinks the place she owns.
She's got long white hair
that glow under the moon
let's just hope the author
will put an end to her soon.
E is for Eren
who's got a boy's name
her ability with bow and sword
gave her so much fame.
being loved by Sheik
is all that matters to her
about the fact that "he" is Zelda
the author doesn't seem to care.
F is for Fannie
Medli's long lost twin
nor a mage nor a fighter
but somewhere in between.
Her eyes are not red,
but of a beautiful sky blue:
that Ritos have ruby eyes
is apparently untrue.
G is for Geamon
a hot Gerudo guard
of trophies and prizes
she probably has a ton
she noticed Link
as he broke into their fortress:
an arrow to the knee won't be enough
to stop this man huntress.
H is for Harmonia
a rich elf maiden
from the realm of Chronia.
From what she proudly claims
her parents are not really clever:
they affianced the daughter
with Link, a goat herder.
I is for Istria
Midna's cousin and friend
weirdly enough is a fan
of a modern boy band.
She looks like her cousin
just with purple hair and a black leather attire
lucky me I have silver bullets:
now she claims to be a vampire!
J is for Joelle
who used to be a mage
with spiky red hair
and a moon tattoo on her face.
She managed to kill Ganondorf
with a snap of her fingers:
if our nerves were guns
she would've just pulled the triggers.
K is for Kelly
such a cute Kokiri kid
even though she's another Hylian
adopted by the Deku Tree.
She exited the forest
and started helping everyone
that's not really surprising
we all know she's a Link clone.
L is for Leya
so badass that it hurts
if someone calls her rude
she just rolls her eyes and huffs.
She destroyed Ganon's army
right in front of his face
from the look of it
she's ready to take Link's place.
M is for Millie
who surely is weird as fuck:
she can become a wolf, a fox,
a dragon and a cat
she flirts with Link all day
and monsters never attack
she must have a suethor
more than happy to watch her back.
N is for Nayru
but not the goddess or the oracle!
she's just a common lady so beautiful
that it looks like a miracle!
the author says that she is not a Mary Sue
and I would love to believe the girl
but meanwhile Ghirahim, out of the blue
confessed his love to our Sueish pearl.
O is for Ophelia
whose story is so depressing
that having an abusive father
would sound to her as a blessing
she tells us her story
and her sad thoughts shares
the only reply I can think of is
"girl, nobody cares".
P is for Pryssel
the terror of the seven seas
half human half selkie
with the tail of a seal
She loves Link like crazy
and called Tetra a filthy whore
after that obviously
I dislike her even more.
Q is for Qarra
a strong Sheikah fighter
who doesn't think is weird for a ninja
to get so easily all hyper
and knowing that weird technique
called kage bushin
wait, is that a Naruto quote?
Oh Sacred Realm, please no!
R is for Rhona
the only Garo with an actual face
her skimpy clothes and long hair
seem to me kinda out of place
she loves Vaati
(who she thinks she can tame)
even though he's from
a different world and a different game.
S is for Sasha
a twelve year old who loved Majora's Mask
and ended up in Termina
right before the second dusk.
Kafei is twenty-five,
or so she's been told
but, hey, it wouldn't be pedophilia:
he looks ten years old!
U is for Umbra
an evil goddess nobody knew about
she was there before Hylia herself
but she never stood out.
She has big boobs, slutty clothes
and wants Link to be her sex slave
wait, wasn't that Cia?
no, she's trapped in a dark cave
(officially she went MIA).
V is for Virginia
a 10 years old witch
who loves to pull pranks
and acts like a goddamn bitch
gee, you are cute and clever but sadly blind?
Your character is so original
it blew up my fucking mind.
W is for Wyver
the mighty monster huntress
she asked Ralph if he liked someone
and refused to hear after the "yes"
that she wasn't the One
also she treats Nayru so bad
that even if I'm not her fan
I still think the author deserves a ban.
X is for Xanthe
queen of the vampires
she came out of the blue
doesn't drink blood
as beautiful as a Greek statue
and... she doesn't die in the sunlight?
Oh no,
the author followed the flood:
she read Twilight!
Y is for Yvette
Edward Elric's long lost sister
(right when I thought this was becoming better)
fell for Dark Link at first sight
and being an incredible alchemist she might
but even claiming that she's so wise
she still hasn't realized she's in the wrong franchise.
Z is for Zena
the real heir to Hyrule's throne
when she has to speak to Ravio
she has such a sexy tone!
She's told to be braver than Link
and her wisdom
puts Zelda to shame
am I the only one
who thinks her to be really lame?
A/N: Finished! Like it? Hate it? Constructive critiques appreciated!