The song is "Woke Up This Morning" by Alabama 3, the opening for the Sopranos.
No, I have no idea why I wrote this. It just came to me while I was surfing YouTube.
7/22/09
"You're not tired?" the young woman beside me asked. I shook my head as I continued to focus my attention on the road. Sleep tends to take a back seat (no pun intended) to these kinds of things. If I wanted to be poetic, I might have said that the moon hid its eyes from us, refusing to witness the act that we were about to commit. But I wasn't in the mood for that. Not now, anyway.
Woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun
It was dark, though; the only light sources I could see were artificial. The headlights, the regularly passing streetlamps, the occasional lighted window, the odd passing vehicle – on second thought, maybe I should take back what I said about poetry. The car clock that said 1:12 AM just added to the atmosphere. Hmm. All right, let me put it this way: the poetry and atmosphere was there. I just ignored it. I had other things on my mind. I could say that zero hour was approaching for the two of us, but that seems really melodramatic. At least as much as the moment you died in my arms.
Mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One
I steered the car off the highway and into the streets below. You were shot dead by those Searrs bastards. We weren't even doing anything. We just wanted to leave that whole Carnival crap behind us. But no. They had to come and fuck everything up.
I'd apologize for my language, but I've stopped caring for a while now.
It was even worse than the first time I lost you. At least the first time was temporary, even if none of us knew that at the time. But now there's no takebacks. Our second chance was stolen. After your funeral…I…I didn't really say anything to the others, but some of them saw through my mask. They I knew I was cursing God or fate or whoever was not doing their job. They knew I was taking you being gone real hard. I still do, I guess.
I don't think they'd think I'd do something like this, though. Especially after what happened to me the first time.
She said: You're one in a million
You got to burn to shine.
"We should be close," I stated quietly, pushing away a stray hair that had fallen over my eye as my head turned back and forth checking the intersection. It's been, what, a year now since that night? I've lost track. My mind's been preoccupied with planning revenge, learning how to inflict on them what they've inflicted on us. I wasn't going to sit back and take it. I wasn't letting them get away with hurting you again.
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.
I know what you're going to say: we've been down here already, and we've already seen what happens. That doesn't make it go away. It doesn't make it any better. Revenge won't bring you back, but Mashiro's not around to do that either. The only thing I can do is send them off.
I glanced over at my…partner, I guess, who was loading up a pistol. I don't know if that would be the appropriate term, to be honest: it's gone farther than that. I can still smell that shampoo that she used from earlier. It was almost…intoxicating. Actually, that's part of the reason for tonight: I wouldn't allow things between us to go that far. I can't. Even if – no, because – my heart now beats for her more and more, and for you less and less. It's a battle I know I will lose if I tried to fight it; she's just… become that kind of person to me. So here we are, in a car we borrowed and on our way to take care of business.
I won't start anything with Nao until I've finished everything with you.
You woke up this morning,
All that love had gone.
We drove past a convenience store where two people were walking out with bags full of groceries in their hands, the first people I've seen on the street at this time of night. Nao. Yes, Nao. The redheaded honey trap who vowed to never love another. Hard to believe, I know. In a thousand years I don't think anyone would have seen this coming. Hell, if I wasn't so consumed by what the two of us were about to do, I'd probably snicker in bemusement. I think she would too. She wouldn't even have come along into my life if Searrs hadn't exercised their infinite wisdom and attacked the hospital.
But they took away her mother. And they took away you. It was a match made in heaven. And we're probably going straight to hell for what we're going to do tonight.
Mai and the others would never have approved of this. I know they'll be disappointed that we've given in. But I'm past the point of no return. Maybe I wouldn't be past it if they hadn't shot you and just walked away. Maybe I wouldn't be doing this if I hadn't witnessed them killing her mother, if she hadn't broken down in my arms.
Maybe if my heart hadn't throbbed for her as it did for you.
Your papa never told you
About right and wrong.
I have to admit, I felt guilty when I began looking at Nao as someone more than an ally against Searrs a few months ago, when we were training. Actually, guilty is probably an understatement. It felt like I was betraying you. But yet, at the same time, I needed someone closer than just a friend. I needed someone like you before they murdered you. Hmmph. I thought you were being foolish for telling me to go love someone else, but I guess you knew me better than I did. You had known what I needed, one of those things that made me love you in the first place. Her, though? Really? I still chortle sometimes about how I jumped from you to her. Imagine if Chie or Aoi knew; we'd be a gossip cash cow for the rest of our lives. I was supposed to be the good girl. She was the bad one. Come to think of it, maybe it's how opposite yet complimentary we are that made her and me compatible.
Like how you and I were before.
But you're, you're looking good, baby
I believe that you're a-feelin' fine (shame about it).
I know what you were thinking. Why do you think I visited your grave every day? But I guess…you said it was alright. That stormy day when Nao walked by the site where I threw your ashes into the water, when I was practically screaming at you, begging for you to release me from the pain. When she did away with her public face and pulled me into her arms, and that soft rumble of thunder danced with the falling rain.
God damn it, I just have this flair for melodramatic moments, don't I?
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.
What about her? You know damn well she'd rather gnaw off your ear than blurt out why she picked me (or anyone, for that matter). But I guess I can deduce it from the night her mother died. It was really striking to me how vulnerable she really was inside, her head in my chest and crying like you wouldn't believe. I mean, I think we all kind of figured that Nao was more than just a haughty antisocial even before all this shit fell upon us (except maybe Mikoto), but still, my head had trouble reconciling the public Naos and the private Nao. The public Naos – well, everyone sees layer one, and we all know about layer two. Layer three…angry, hurt, and afraid. But also empathetic, caring, and fearless.
Never in a million years would I have thought that about Nao before.
So sing it now…
It certainly started innocently enough, if one could use that term: we were just allies, united in our mutual enmity of Searrs. But then…I think I actually made the first move. Shocking, I know. It was on a night after training. At first it was just a hug when she was thinking about her dead mother again. The next time the hug was longer when I thought about how I couldn't save you that night. Then she began putting her head on my chest. It just…I began wishing that she'd stay in my arms longer.
Woke up this morning…
Got a blue moon, got a blue moon in your eyes…
Woke up this morning…
Then last week I kissed her. It wasn't a long one, but we were breathless just the same. Yesterday we did it again but stayed longer, and we even got so far as to start having wandering hands underneath clothing when I saw your picture on the table and pulled away all of a sudden. I think I started crying. I didn't know what to follow: my loyalty to you or my heart to her. She looked hurt when I did that (no, she was hurt), but then saw what I saw. It was her suggestion, actually, to take care of Searrs first. Finish our revenge. "One person can't serve two masters," she said.
Maybe it was empathy that got this started with her hand on my back after your funeral. I reciprocated when Searrs made their hospital blunder, and we struck the deal to pay them back. This other level of love…she made most of the moves, but love doesn't work one-way. I guess I just never thought I'd be willing to take that kind of chance.
Woke up this morning,
The world turned upside down,
We passed by the restaurant, obviously closed at this midnight hour. I caught a glimpse of a man standing by the front door as we drove by. Not even a look of acknowledgement of our existence. They never saw us angels of death coming.
She was right after all: revenge isn't sweet. Should have figured she would have been right, really; she had been through it already. At least it didn't taste as sweet in my mouth as Nao's lips had been. But I glanced over at Nao, preparing her half of our little armory. I didn't want sweet things right now. The amount I had before last year – I ought to be diabetic. She didn't want them either (when had she ever?); her eyes were thirsting for the chance at payback blood.
And mine were famished.
Yeah, that was a really stupid pun.
Things ain't been the same
Since the Blues walked into town.
I turned the car into the next street and pulled up to the curb, killing the engine and car lights right after. I looked over at Nao, who had my two pistols in her hands. I took them without a word, returning my gaze into the darkened dashboard. This was it. This was what all those months of training and practice were for. The next fifteen minutes. Our fifteen minutes of infamy. The fifteen minutes which will throw my long-faded sweet demeanor mask into the incinerator.
I checked the magazines in each of the pistols before holstering them. I reached into the back seat and brought forward the rifle while Nao prepared the submachine gun, "Kuga" written in white marker on the side of it.
I don't think this was what Mama had in mind when she said that anything could be done with enough willpower. I'm fairly certain she wouldn't have considered firepower a suitable substitute.
But you're, you're one in a million
You got that shotgun shine (shame about it).
"Ready?" she asked. She tapped her fingers on a Molotov in one of her hands.
I took a deep breath. Was I ready? Ready to burn away the remains of the old me in a hail of bullets and bury it with you? Ready to pull the plug on the love-struck girl on life support the past year and have this eternally-scarred woman take her place?
Nao knew me. She knew I only needed one little push. "Last chance." She placed her hand on the door handle. I knew she meant more than just a last chance to save my own ass.
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.
I grasped her free hand with my own. No more would I back away. No more would I sit on the sidelines.
No more would I be the helpless one.
"Let's go, Nao." I opened the door and began stepping out of the car.
She only made a little nod of acknowledgement. "Let's go, Akane."
Woke up this morning,
Got yourself a gun (Woke up this morning…)
I'm sorry, Kazu-kun. But you weren't the only one to die that night.
Got yourself a gun…
Whether I fall for the last time today or sixty years from now, I don't think I'll be seeing you again afterwards.
"Hey! What are you–" Bam.
Things have changed too much. I've changed too much. (I must have if I've asked Miyu for help.) Once the sun rises – if the sun rises – I will close this chapter and leave you and me behind. I don't know if this'll be my grand exit, or if I'll be with Nao in the next act. And if I do start another one with Nao, I don't know how it'll write out.
Got yourself a gun…
"What's going on out here?!" Bang.
But that question is for tomorrow. Tonight is for you, Kazu-kun. I hope revenge's enough for your soul.
Because I can't give you my heart anymore.
Yeah, kind of a random pick, Akane was. There aren't any stories listed under her name. I know there's one or two in existence, but they're buried way deep in the back of the Mai-HiME section. Of course, her identity being kept secret sort of precludes this being put under her name, which I guess defeats the purpose...yeah, that wasn't too smart.
Given the nature of this fic, I'll admit that Akane is not quite IC, but I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether the changes are at least somewhat justified.