Now You're Gone
Birthday gift for Skyelara! I know I had promised you different, but I couldn't help myself on this one!
"You'll pay for betraying my girl!" My beat-up hero snarled through pearly white teeth sharp as knives in the pale white light of the kitchen. In his eyes glowed a hatred. A hatred I had never seen aimed towards one I had grown to care about…loved, even. A white-hot hatred that boiled his innards, caising his fur to bristle and stand on end.
While I, as always, am forced to take the sidelines. Why? Why can I only watch? Why do I enjoy what I'm watching? Why…
Where do I begin?
I suppose this, this lie, this stupidity, happened two years ago. How much did it take?
We found a charred pair of gloves without an owner, yes.
How long did it take?
A golden buckle tarnished with soot that had once belonged on his shoe, yes.
How did we lose faith?
A patch of cobalt fur, misplaced and lonely. A fragment of a torn sock on a thorn bush, awaiting whatever fate the Supreme Being had waiting for it.
And that was it.
That was all it took for his best friends (together, with him, we were the "Fearsome Foursome", a little joke of his), the strongest, bravest, and closest friends he'd ever known. All those little clues and hints that might've meant he was dead…and we went with that. It was like guessing the end of a novel before reading the final page.
So…you think you know what's going to happen? You get all smart, and think: "predictable ending, yadda yadda yadda".
But, life is not a novel.
There are things that will happen to surprise you. Sorts of things that go against the odds, against what is natural…
And still feel all right.
We all made mistakes, all of us. Tails was still building countless inventions designed around him, Knuckles…oh, Supreme Being. He died inside without a sparring partner and friend. What, did he yell at the mirror for ages until his voice gave out?!
And, then, there was me. And, I made the stupidest, dumbest, and most inexcusable mistake ever.
I went out with Shadow the Hedgehog.
Now you're gone
I realize my love for you was strong
And I miss you here now you're gone
I've been waiting here by the phone with your pictures hanging on the wall
Now you're gone
I realize my love for you was strong
And i miss you here now you're gone
I've been waiting here by the phone with you're pictures hanging on the wall
Shadow wasn't at all like Sonic had been. He was saturnine and alien, forever complicated and in a universe all his own, thinking on something or someone that wasn't me, but he was rather sweet to me. We would get to talking and kissing and reading poetry out of books (Shadow knew just where to go to get the most mournful poetry and make me cry, as if it was instinct). He wouldn't cuddle much, but I could persuade him to, occasionally when I pouted and was feeling sad.
Gifts were never in short supply, either. Shadow always had some expensive dress, or diamond necklace, or golden bracelet he wanted me to try and wear.
But, I kind of always thought about Sonic, especially when I was with Shadow, and in the night my heart would moan and groan for him, aching just awful as if it was about to break.
But, of course, it never did. Shadow was a hedgehog, and a rather handsome one at that, and that was enough for my mourning heart.
And so it went on for two years.
Is this the way it's meant to be?
Only dreaming that you're missing me
I'm waiting here at home
I'll be crazy now you're gone
There's an empty place in my heart
It won't alarm me it will break apart
It won't heal, it never fades away
I'll be thinkin' 'bout you everyday…
Now you're gone
Two years went pretty fast. There were no Eggman attacks (another reason we "knew" Sonic was dead), the summer was warm and sunny, the spring brought new life in the trees and all the regular animals, the fall's red leaves were just as beautiful as they'd ever been, and the winter was as white and cold as I liked. Things were great. Shadow was great. He had learned just how and where to turn me on, and I was beginning to like it. Knuckles was coming out of his shell, Tails and Cream were inseparable, life was good.
I would say that those two years were the greatest time of my life, but that would be a bitter lie.
Especially after the incident that one winter night.
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
…
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
It was very cold that night, as it had been since the year began. Wet snow fell down from the sky in chunks, and mounds of it covered the ground beneath your feet. No one but Tails could walk without snowshoes for any length of time (and only him because he could fly), and it was too cold for anyone to go without a warm winter parka. The best I could get Shadow to dress in would be a black leather jacket, but then again he seemed impervious to exactly how cold it actually was.
I was in the kitchen. It wasn't late, but it was dark. I had chocolate chip cookies in the oven, and I was watching the snow falling on the trees in my backyard. We were all trapped home, which is why I would expect no one but Shadow. Only he was crazy or stupid enough (or oblivious enough) to actually come to see me right now. I wouldn't even go out to salt my walkway anymore! It was much too cold.
My doorbell rang. It was such a homey sound.
I wasn't dressed in anything special. I had a warm, cozy nightgown on, with pajama bottoms underneath that clashed colors (bright red with patterns and soft blue with white clouds), which I guess didn't clash all that much, but I still wouldn't be seen in public in this outfit. I promptly slipped my white parka with the faux fur hood on overtop my pajamas (you thought I was kidding about the cold? I wouldn't even open the door without proper warmth!) and pulled my fuzzy boots on over my warm socks.
"Coming!" I called sweetly as I rushed to pull open the doorknob. "Hi Shado-whoa." My mouth fell open as I looked at the somewhat pitiful (and all-around glorious) sight at my doorstep.
Sonic the Hedgehog. Fur matted, with dried blood in streaks from cuts under the fur, yes. An ear with something that looked like a bite mark on it, yes. Shivering, yes. Skeletal, yes. Barely breathing, yes. But, he was Sonic. And Sonic was Sonic. He lifted his head weakly off his shivering arms, for he had nothing but his coat, which was thin from lack of proper nutrition. His eyes opened (they looked like they were both black) and stared at me with the purest affection and light I had so longed for in my dreams.
It was his look. And, I knew then, that I loved no other. I had never truly loved Shadow. My heart belonged to Sonic. And, I realized, it had followed him to the "grave". "Sonic." I whispered, kneeling and leaning towards his form, sprawled out at my doorstep, shivering violently with cold.
He said nothing. He just looked at me. And then, in the gentlest and greatest of moments, he lifted one bare hand from the snow and rested it upon my face.
It was so cold that I had to wince, closing my eyes, but only for a second! I didn't want to miss any moment I had with him. I was frowning against the discomfort. But, I was just so glad he was with me. A tear ran down my cheek.
He studied me, and then bowed his head and began to laugh. It started out very soft, and then he threw back his head and his laughter broke the silence of the snowy night. He stopped laughing and looked at me, that beautiful half-grin capturing his blue lips in a delighted pose. His eyes were aflame with everything that made him Sonic.
"Do you want to come in?" I asked him stupidly. I felt the need to ask.
He looked at me strangely for a moment, as if he was saying: "What a stupid question."
I chuckled at myself. "Right. Sorry." Then, I raised my eyes to him once again. "Do you…" I had to pause before continuing. His gaze encouraged me to go on, but it seemed like he was in no rush to be comfortable, only to know what I had to ask of him. My Supreme Being above! Just seeing that in his eyes, always looking out for others before himself…I had forgotten and missed that heavenly gaze. I began again. "Do you…want me to help you inside?" I asked sheepishly.
In response, he threw himself into my arms. I yelped as his ice cold body hit mine (I felt as if I was getting frostbite), and cradled him in my arms, trying to hold him as close to my body as I possible could without fearing frostbite. I stood up without much difficulty and closed the door with my boot.
I took him into the warm kitchen and sat him down in the chair closest to the oven. He looked at it, and then looked up at me. He sat with his hands on his thighs, like a patient child, but he was trembling from the cold. I could hear his teeth chattering in his head.
I took off my parka and placed it around his shoulders. He quietly (and without shame) slipped his arms through the sleeves and zippered it up to his lips. I had to laugh, just seeing him in a woman's coat. "There's some mittens in the pocket." I told him once my laughter was over and I had turned to the stove to make some tea. I turned back to find him eyeing the pink mittens he was wearing with disgust. "Well?" I teased, glad to have him back even though he wasn't talking (or couldn't he talk? a part of me wondered). "It's a woman's coat, after all. I'm sorry I don't have more masculine fingerwear."
He pressed his palms to his face and giggled a bit. He looked so cute, his eyes closed in a perfect bliss…I was very tempted to kiss him, but then I remembered I was dating Shadow and held myself back.
A part of me died, because now he could not run from my lips. And, it would be so enchanting and romantic a kiss, too! I scolded myself for needing a boyfriend, and giving in so easily to the "Sonic's dead" rhetoric.
As I made his tea for him, he continued to stare around at things. I knew him well enough to see that his eyes could speak without words, and I found myself talking to him. I would think to myself (when my back was turned) that he definitely was turning me out, but that face, framed by the hood of my parka (I will NEVER forget that!), always turned towards me, his eyes alert and listening to everything I said.
I didn't bring up Shadow, because I didn't want him to know of my weakness, but I told him everything else. The cookies were done, too, and I served him some with his tea. "They're a little hot." I warned as he lifted one carefully to his open mouth. Sonic shrugged and closed his lips over it. He went for the tea, too, and I could see him warming up bit by bit. Gradually, he removed the mittens (putting them back in their pocket) and took off the hood, and unzipped the parka a bit. I imagined a little puddle of water, as if he was literally melting.
"Sonic?" I asked, sitting across from him. "How do you feel?"
Sonic stretched into life. "Hmmm. Sleepy." He admitted. His voice was so low in volume that I had to strain to catch it. He cleared his throat and continued. This time, his voice sounded much more like the way I remembered it. "Hungry. Cold. Still kinda hurtin in places, but…" he yawned cutely. "Much, much better. Thanks, Amy." He tossed me a thumbs-up and rubbed his eyes.
"You were gone for two years." I informed him. "Everyone thought you were dead."
"Did they? Hmmm." Sonic sipped at his tea. "Sorry. I got into a…bit of a bout with Egghead."
"We saw." I murmured, sorrowful as I remembered. "We found your personal items strayed across several battlefields."
"The battle went on for months and months. I was running all the time, following him from desert to mountain to grassland…" Sonic seemed far off a bit, and then he looked back at me, eyes alight with the joy of pure adventure. "It was great! He kept throwing all he had at me, and I threw it all right back in his face. We kept going at it until we both collapsed from exhaustion." He crossed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands, looking up at me, speechless across the table. "He went first, and I just kinda felt it after that. I didn't let him see me cave, but we could both tell I was worn down. We shook hands on a truce and swore to fight another day." He sat up, his eyes asking me if I wanted the rest.
"Yes." I answered, barely able to speak at all. I felt like my voice would tell me this was just a dream. No, because in dreams, Sonic didn't sound so real. I knew this was really happening. And, I daren't speak to ruin the moment.
He leaned back in the chair. "Well, after what I guessed was thirty days, we picked up right where we left off. Within the week, Eggman was done."
"Done?" I wondered, asking for clarity.
"Dead." The word fell from his lips lie a stone into a pond. Plop! His eyes seemed sinister and dark, before he turned away and looked elsewhere. It wasn't anywhere in my kitchen, I knew.
"What then?" I waited, hoping that his figure wouldn't dissolve into sand or pixie dust and disappear before my very eyes.
It didn't. He turned back to face me. "I started traveling home." He smiled that crooked little smile, and I smiled back. How could I not? Sonic was…absolutely divine. "Got lost a lot." He added.
"I can see that." I joked.
He chuckled, licking his lips, and then glanced at me seriously. "There's something you're not telling me."
I froze as easily as a popsicle in the freezer. And, he saw that freeze.
"When you came to get the door, you almost said 'Shadow'…" His eyes studied the tiles on my floor, and then met mine again. I instantly felt sick when I saw the look of utter disappointment there.
"Sonic, it isn't like…but I thought you were dead…I was stupid…didn't think you were…" I stopped. He waited. My eyes filled with tears. "Sonic!" I sobbed. "I only love you! Always and honest, I did!" I couldn't see through my tears, but I don't think I imagined the warm smile crawling across his lips. "Only I was so weak! I thought if I clung to Shadow, then my love for you would never die, but it didn't need Shadow's help." I jumped when I looked up to find him standing over me, my park still wrapped around his shoulders. "That love for you was there. Waiting. For you." I finished, feeling rather shy.
"No." He said indecisively, humorously. "Waiting for this." And he leaned down and pressed his lips over mine. "I love you, too." He added.
I jumped up and threw myself on him. "Oh Sonic!" I cried, not bothering to remember that his body was still as cold as ice. "I knew you did! I just knew it!" I pulled away from the hug and looked at my socked feet. "Oh."
"Oh what?" He echoed, nervous.
"Shadow." I told him.
"Oh." He murmured, touching his lips with his tan fingertips.
"If only this could all work out!" I stomped my feet in anguish. "Oh no! Poor Shadow! What've I done?!"
"Wait." He touched my shoulder and pulled me against him again. I was starting to like the feel of his ice cold chest against my warm body. "Maybe it's not too late."
"What are you saying?" I asked him without looking into his eyes. Mine were closed as I lay against his body, taking in his deliciously wild scent.
He began to stroke my quills. "I'm saying there's a way you and me can be together, once everyone knows they're together."
"Huh?" I was drunk on his scent, half-asleep and too unconcerned with burdens to care what he was saying.
Sonic's cold lips pressed against my cheek. "I'm afraid that Shadow's been two-timing you, my friend." He told me. "But, I don't think you'll have to worry. I'm a good enough consolation prize, right?"
"Always." I affirmed with a squeeze. He liked that.
"Easy, Ames." He giggled. "I feel as brittle as thin ice!"
"No kidding! You're cold as ice, too!" I kidded back, pushing him into the couch. "Now, let's make you a hot meal and we'll get you ready for bed."
"Hmm." Sonic reclined on my couch. I couldn't help but smile. Sonic was back. And, he was relatively okay. He needed recovery time, but he had plenty of it for once in his life. After all, the final battle was over. Eggman was dead and gone. "Can I have a steak?" He wondered humorously.
"Whatever you like." I answered him.
And if
You don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain.
Obviously, Sonic and Shadow had a big bout of their own. But, the fight wasn't the fun part for me. After a few punches were thrown, Shadow conceded that he had, in fact, cheated on me with Rouge, but decided to let me have Sonic if he could have Rouge. I said that was fair, and that was that.
The Fearsome Foursome is back together again. Tails doesn't have to stop inventing for Sonic (although they're mostly just toys now), Knuckles got his sparring partner back (but I refuse to let those two fight until Sonic become stronger), and I got my boyfriend.
Sonic still needs to recover. He's definitely a little weak, and he's twenty pounds or so underweight, but he's still Sonic.
So, two years, one wacky adventure later, Sonic and I are sitting in a tree.
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
And, I hope for all my life that we never get a chance to stop.
Happy birthday, Skyelara! I hope you have a good one!
Your friend,
~pantedgieQueen13
Lyrics Credits:
Now You're Gone-Basshunter
Things I'll Never Say-Avril Lavigne
AND…
The Chain-Fleetwood Mac