Remember that random reference I made in Chapter 21 in L.C. to a "Tomato Incident"? …no? Well, here's my spinoff short story related to it. Imagine a time between conflicts. Imagine a younger Anko and Kakashi. Imagine how they would be when not in relation to the main plot of anything. This is that story.
The Tomato Incident
Anko's morning had gone exceptionally well. She had awoken bright and early and had practically danced through her usual routine. With loud music blaring, her hips shook as she spun around her kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. She lip-synched heartfelt lyrics to her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth. She didn't get dressed so much as did her clothes appear to float and attach themselves to her lithe form.
Yes, the recently promoted eighteen year old was having a wonderful morning; not even the complaints of the sour-faced neighbors she woke with her noisiness bothered her. It was almost as if the past month of 'vacation without pay' had never occurred.
One month ago to the day, Anko had been promoted to the rank of Tokubetsu Jonin. And within twelve hours of said promotion, she had landed herself in a load of trouble; thus the probation. But that was now in the past! And boy was she ready to get back to work.
"I don't think I need to remind you how important it is that no mistakes occur during this mission." Sarutobi-sama slid the scroll across his desk to Anko.
She nodded and did her best not to show any emotion on her face. One roll of the eye and it would be back on the bench for her.
"Good." The old Hokage waved her out of his office dismissively.
Anko whistled cheerfully as she pranced out of the building. "Wonder what my first mission is going to be." She opened the scroll. Slowly her smile faded into a scowl. "Seriously! What the hell is this?" She grit her teeth crumpled the neat scroll into a wad and shoved the document into her jacket pocket. "What bullshit…"
Apparently the Hokage didn't want to overwhelm her with anything exciting, dangerous or even worthwhile. Clearly of a 'D' rank, her mission was to go grocery shopping for one of the Hyuuga families. It seemed rich people could afford to hire a ninja for a task so menial.
Though obviously dissatisfied with her assignment, Anko trudged off to the market; a sour frown on her face.
An hour or so later, she had two baskets worth of various fruits, vegetables and dried goods hanging off her arms. It would just be a quick twenty minute walk to the Hyuuga clan's estate and she would be done for the day. If only she could be so lucky…
A small scuffle broke out two shops over from where Anko was standing. "Oh? What have we here?" Her desperate wish to do something more interesting than grocery shopping led her closer and closer to the fight.
Two teenage boys were throwing punches at each other. However, just as Anko reached the inner ring of people circled around them, the fight was stopped by another interloper.
"That's enough." His calm voice ordered the two to cease as he grabbed them both by the back of the neck and held them apart. "Show's over." He informed the crowd amid sighs and groans of disappointment. The people had wanted to see someone get their ass kicked.
"You're no fun, you know." Anko approached the man as he let the two youths go with a warning. "Here I am, right place, right time… and you go and ruin my chance to break up a fight. Sometimes I wonder if you don't just do shit like that to spite me, Kakashi."
The twenty-one year old man chuckled. "Spite you? I didn't even notice you were here. Besides, aren't you still on probation? Getting involved in a street fight could get you in trouble."
"Tch, trouble my ass. For your information, I've been fully reinstated… no thanks to you." She made an about face and marched down the street away from him.
"Oh come on, Anko." Kakashi strolled behind her. "You don't seriously blame me for what happened, do you?" A fifteen pound basket, full of tomatoes swung just millimeters away from striking his head, was his answer. "…so you do think it's my fault."
"You're god-damn right it was your fault!" Anko huffed, before taking a few more breaths to calm herself. "But that is in the past. And I am now moving forward with my career." She continued toward her destination.
He continued to follow. "How mature of you."
A moment passed and Anko glanced over her shoulder to see him still walking behind her. "Why are you following me?"
"I'm not. I just happen to be headed in the same direction as you."
Anko paused mid-stride and waited a moment for him to pass her. He didn't. She turned around to face him. "Okay, so if you're not following me, why don't you just keep on going?" She threw out her left arm and pointed further down the street. The heavy grocery basket swung side to side with the sudden movement.
Kakashi's one eye glanced off to the side as he pondered the question. "Hmmm…. I guess I was following you."
Anko lowered her extended arm and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Then walk beside me, 'cause walking behind me is incredibly creepy."
"Okay." His eye curled up with his unseen smile.
The two walked silently side by side for several more blocks; Kakashi reading his book, Anko daydreaming about the more deadly missions she would receive once she completed this mundane task.
"So who's the food for?" Kakashi absently questioned without looking up from his novel.
"For me. What's it to you?" She snapped defensively. An inkling of embarrassment for having such a lame assignment floated in her stomach.
"Liar." He pointed at a small canister in the basket held by her right hand. "You hate spicy curry. Who's it for?"
Anko growled lowly and mumbled. "Stupid Hyuuga."
"Ah… I see." Kakashi drawled. "I'm not familiar with any of them being named 'Stupid' though. Is this an assignment?"
She sighed. "Yes. And don't you dare mock me about it."
"I wouldn't dream of it, let alone dare to." He continued reading his book. "But I do have one question…"
"There you go!" Anko shouted at him. "You just can't leave it alone, can you? Sarutobi-sama is just a little bit pensive about giving me a mission where there's a lot at stake, okay? Geez! You can be such an ass, Kakashi."
The man stopped walking, put away his novel and looked at Anko thoughtfully. She glared back for several seconds.
"What? Are your feelings hurt or something?" She spoke condescendingly.
He shook his head back and forth once. "My question was going to be, 'If you're supposed to deliver those to the Hyuuga household, then why did you just walk past it about five minutes ago?'" He smirked. "Who's following who now?"
Anko's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she glanced around her surroundings. She came to the conclusion that she must have accidentally walked past the estate while she was daydreaming. "Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't 'following' you. I just got distracted."
"That does seem to happen to women around me an awful lot." It was obvious Kakashi was smiling behind his mask.
She scowled disdainfully. "Why you cocky motherfu-"
"Ms. Mitarashi!" A high-pitched shout cut her off.
Anko spun around and answered the woman who had called her name. "Who are you?"
The old woman finally caught up with the two. "I'm the Hyuuga's cook! Who else would I be?" She grabbed hold of her apron and shook it. "I was told by one of the sentries that you walked right by the servant's entrance a little while ago. What? Did you forget something back at the market?"
"Uh, no… I didn't." Anko held out the baskets to the woman. "Here."
The elderly cook held up her hands refusing to grab hold of the baskets. "Oh no. I can't carry those. They're too heavy. I could break my wrists and then who would cook dinner? You're going to have to take them to my kitchen right this instant." The little old lady stamped her foot in the ground.
Anko and Kakashi stared at the cook with the same thought passing through both of their minds. Damn… even the Hyuuga's servants think they can order people around like they're better or something.
"Um, okay." Anko shoved one of the baskets into Kakashi's arms. "We're coming."
"We?" Kakashi stared down at the basket full of vegetables.
"Yeah. Hurry up." Anko was already walking briskly after the small cook, back to the Hyuuga kitchen.
Kakashi rolled his eye and slouched his shoulders in annoyance. "Could be worse…", he mumbled to himself before taking off after the two women. "At least she's not Gai."
"And keep those tomatoes out on the countertop. I'll be starting with them in a moment." The old cook directed the two ninja from her stool in the corner of the kitchen. She had them shelving and organizing the fresh groceries; along with setting out bowls, knives, pots and pans for the prep work of that evenings dinner arrangements. She looked up long enough from her recipe book to catch Anko making a mistake. "No, no. Not there, you stupid girl! Over there! Yes… ugh, my goodness. You'd think we'd hired monkeys instead of people to do this work."
Anko picked up a meat cleaver and started to make her way to the old woman. Kakashi caught her and spun her around back toward the sink. "Believe me. She's not worth it."
"Oh, but I disagree." She hissed with psychotic intent.
"She's old. Nature is bound to kill her off soon enough. Come on." He eased the knife out of her grip and set it down next to a cutting board.
"No, no, no! That goes by the ham hocks, you ignorant man!" The cook squawked and returned to her recipe book.
Kakashi's hand lingered over the knife a moment. …nope. Still not worth it. He picked it up and put it in its proper place. "There. We're done. Goodbye, ma'am." He made a dash for the exit.
But the cook was too fast for him… imagine his surprise. "What do you mean, 'done'?" She tapped her foot on the ground impatiently. "The evening has just begun."
Kakashi's gaze narrowed on the old woman who only stared back haughtily. He turned and looked back at Anko. She was messing with a piece of paper she had crammed in her pocket. It was her mission request form. "…oh…" She whispered quietly. I did not see that clause at the end there. I guess she expects us to help her cook dinner too.
"Oh?" Kakashi still heard her. He walked over to her and spoke too softly to be heard by the chef. "Just what did you get me into here?"
Anko could hear the slightest hint of anger in his voice. Not many people would notice it, but she did. "Don't be mad." He remained utterly still. "I know you're not mad." His eye was like stone. "There's no need for you to be mad. There are worse things than spending an evening cooking for other people. I mean, seriously… what were you planning on doing anyway? Reading your smutty book? Making out with Gai?"
The last bit caused him to twitch with revulsion. "What is wrong with you?"
"Well, he does seem to have a bit of a crush on you. You know what I'm talking about." She smirked and nodded at him knowingly.
"Stop it." He held up a hand to shut her up. "I'm not listed on this mission; you are. I'm leaving. Enjoy the rest of your evening." The copy-ninja got within two steps of the exit when the door to the dining room was flung open by none other than Hiashi, the head of the Hyuuga household. Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the man's voice call out to him.
"Hatake-san. I didn't realize you were accepting D-Rank missions these days. I would have assumed they were only for the most 'unskilled' of ninja." The man sneered haughtily.
Anko's eyes narrowed. She knew the Hyuuga was just trying to piss off Kakashi, but he had done so in such a way that blatantly insulted her. "Why you arrogant-"
Kakashi had briskly crossed the room and clamped his hand over the woman's mouth before it got her in trouble. "It's called being a team player. I help my friends." He leaned in close to Anko's ear and whispered, "Even when they've done nothing to deserve it."
"How kind of you." Hiashi responded in a deadpan tone. "Well… I'll leave you to your duties. Dinner starts in under an hour." He chuckled condescendingly and left the kitchen.
"You are so damn lucky-Oww!" Kakashi pulled his hand back from Anko's mouth. "You bit me!"
"Well, now you know not to touch me." She stuck out her tongue obnoxiously.
I won't be forgetting that any time soon. He stared back at her, still shocked that a grown woman would bite him… and not in the way he would have liked her too. "O.K. then."
"Would the two of you stop with the freaky flirting that you young people do? I've got a dinner to cook!" The chef bustled over to the sink and started rinsing some sprouts. "You, Hatake is it? There's a side of pork in the freezer. Get it out and start chopping it on that counter." She directed him over her shoulder as she worked.
Anko caught the handle to the freezer door before him. "Don't worry about it. You're right. This isn't your job. I'll take care of it."
He sighed and looked at her slyly. "Normally, I'd say sayonara. But I'm a bit more vengeful than people give me credit for."
Anko caught a spark of cruelty in his eye. She knew he'd always had a problem with Hiashi, but to what extent she wasn't sure. "Tell me we're going to do more than spit in his food." His cheeks rose with an unseen smile. She let go of the freezer door with a laugh. "Alright then. Chop, chop."
The next forty-two and half minutes were spent making one of the best damn meals ever eaten… at least in theory. Anko and Kakashi had done everything the old chef had asked of them. The platters, bowls, trays and plates of various soups, salads, meats and treats were immaculate. The servants came in, elegantly lifted the dishes and left to serve them to the awaiting aristocracy. The chef dried her hands and hung up her apron. She was done working for the night. The mess afterwards would be some other serf's problem. "Goodnight." She nodded to the pair of ninja sitting on a countertop idly. "I'm certain you can see yourselves out." They smiled and waved to her. "Hn… I'll never understand the young." She rolled her eyes and went home.
Anko pulled an empty jar of, what was, crushed wasabi kernels, out of her pocket and set it on the counter between herself and Kakashi.
"I see your wasabi… and I'll raise you one habanero spice." He pulled a slightly smaller, but equally empty, jar from his pocket and set it beside hers.
"Hmm…" She tapped her chin playfully. "Okay… but how about this?" She reached into her jacket and pulled out another empty jar; this time, of coconut milk. "Natural laxative." She grinned.
Kakashi shook his head back and forth. "Who needs natural?" He set an empty container of medicinal laxative on the countertop.
Anko pouted. "Yeah, well… I bet you ain't got anything to top this." She popped off the counter and turned to face him. She casually reached into her cleavage and removed a slip of folded up paper; placing it deliberately next to him.
He picked it up and unfolded it. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. At first glance he couldn't tell what it had been concealing before Anko had hidden it in the food. "What was it?"
She held her head up proudly. "Acid."
Kakashi dropped the paper. "Like Hydrochloric or Hallucinogenic?" He wiped his hands off on his vest neurotically.
"The latter." She rolled her eyes. "I'm not out to kill them. Just to make it the worst dinner ever." She strolled over to the door that lead to the dining room and opened it just enough to sneak a peek. "They won't hit it for a while though. I put it in the sweet desserts. Assuming the timing is right, they'll be ingesting it by the time the laxatives start to take effect."
"You're kinda evil, Anko." Kakashi slid off the counter and strolled over to a basket of fruit.
She chucked. "Says the guy who sent a shadow clone to the drug store." She let the door close as she turned back into the kitchen. "Heh… showoff."
He was juggling two apples and a pear to amuse himself. "Jealous?"
"Hardly." Anko grabbed four tomatoes off another counter and began to juggle them in one hand. "Top that."
"I don't know if it's worth the effort." He added an orange and a nearby paring knife. "But I guess, if you insist." He transferred the five items to his left hand while he pulled out and read his book with his right.
"Ugh! Seriously? You're gonna read that right now, in here, with me in the room?" She threw one of the tomatoes she was juggling at him. Naturally, he dodged and the fruit ended up splattered on the cabinets behind him.
"It's a habit." Kakashi let the fruits he was juggling fall to the floor as he dodged another tomato. It struck the sink and bounced back out onto the floor. "Stop. You're making a mess." Another tomato flew over his head. "Seriously. We should leave before the spices and drugs start to take effect."
Anko continued her assault. She was having too much fun. "Oh, what? Are you chicken?" She laughed mockingly and threw three more tomatoes at him.
"Ah, ow." One struck his shoulder; another, his stomach. He caught the third and pointed at her accusingly before throwing the red fruit back at her.
She ducked down quickly and stood back up after the tomato had sailed over her head. Unfortunately, directly behind her was the door to the dining room… which was open, with Hiashi standing in the doorway. He had walked in just as the tomato smacked him in the face.
Anko gasped. Kakashi inched his way toward the exit. Hiashi reached up and wiped the splattered fruit from his face. "You!" He snarled at Anko with livid intent burning in his gaze. Apparently, he hadn't seen who had thrown the projectile. So he made his best guess.
"Huh?" She looked stunned, and then glanced down at the armful of ammunition she was holding in her arms; five, large vine-ripened tomatoes. "Oh. No. But. Wait. He…" She turned to look for Kakashi. He wasn't there. "…bastard.", she hissed.
As luck would have it, most of the Hyuuga's dinner went uneaten. The disturbance in the kitchen had caused the evening to come to an abrupt end. Anko went back on probation for two weeks. From then on, she was never allowed on Hyuuga property. Not that she ever wanted to go back.
And Kakashi got away with everything scot free… something that Anko never forgot.
You've read it! Now review it! This was just something nice I wrote more for myself, that I thought I'd share with the class. :)