A/N: Short one-shot. My first Lynley/Helen fic. I combined the books and the TV series. Helen in the books is quite a lovable person, and the scenery is from the TV series. I have to say that I was inspired by a Dutch song for this, so some bits of this (mainly Helens words) are based on my own English translations from that song.
Helen comes to him in a dream.
We'll never say goodbye
Thomas Lynley was struggling. He pulled the sheets. He moaned, turned round and round. He turned on his side, eyes tight shut. His face grimaced, he clenched the edge of his bed. In his dreams, he kept reliving that day. That fatal day, the day that he wished never happened. He saw it all: Nina firing the gun, the shock of horror on Helen's face, her falling to the ground, Barbara trying to save her…
"Helen… Helen!"
He moaned in his sleep. A silvery tear fell down his cheek and left a dark spot on the pillow. Suddenly the images before him turned white. He narrowed his eyes to protect them from the sudden brightness. He felt empty. Then suddenly a wave of cold air crept over him, making him shiver. The horizon blurred. A gray stain touched the virgin white. It became larger and clearer.
"Tommy…"
"…Helen…?"
His eyes widened. There she was, as beautiful and serene as she had always been. He dropped his cheek, more tears welled up in his eyes. She simply smiled. She looked so happy…
"Is this real?" he asked.
Her answer "As real as you want it to be."
He hesitated but then he leapt forward and held her, his face buried in her neck, tears flowing freely. She let him kiss her on her cheek but she didn't kiss him back. He looked in her eyes and gently stroked her hair. He scratched his throat.
"I miss you."
"I know Tommy. That's why I'm here."
She reached out and touched his face. He closed his eyes at the touch of her fingers.
"You can't go on like this, Tommy."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He shook his head.
"I don't want it Helen. I don't want it without you." His voice broke.
She looked at him with sorrow in her eyes. He looked down. She reached out and lifted his cheek.
"Tommy, listen to me… There is no such thing as saying goodbye. I'll go away but I'll never leave you… You must believe me even though it hurts… I want you to let go of me and that when the sun rises tomorrow… Promise me you'll move on."
More tears fell down his cheeks. She kissed them away.
"Whenever you feel lonely or scared, I'll be there."
She stroked his hair.
"I'll come like the wind that you feel and the rain, I'll watch your every move in the light of the moon. Look for me in everything and you will see me. Just whisper my name and I'll be with you."
He shook his head and took both her hands. He brought them to his mouth and kissed them. He sobbed and felt as if he couldn't stand any longer. His strength left him. He knew that everything she said made perfect sense. As did it always.
"You have always known what was best," he smiled bitterly.
She wiped his tears and he pulled himself together. She smiled at him.
"Look at the sky, look at the sea, where ever you will walk I will walk with you. Every step and every moment, wherever you will be."
He sighed.
"I'm so sorry about everything Helen, if only-"
"Shush. It's not your fault."
"How, how can you even say that? I should never have gotten you involved."
"You and I, we only did our job."
He looked down.
"Tommy, it's okay. It's alright like this. Remember what I said?"
He looked up at her and noticed that she was slowly vanishing. The hand on his cheek slipped away.
"No… Helen…" he whispered.
She smiled at him for the last time.
"See what you believe… Open your eyes and I'll be with you. The only thing you have to do is to trust me."
Everything turned black. He opened his eyes. He sat up quickly, sweat pouring down. He looked around confused, and then he remembered. He smiled. She had kept her promise. He felt her presence. He knew that she would always be with him.