Disclaimer: I don't own anything which appears in this story. Most of the devices used are property of the BBC except for Charley Pollard who belongs (I assume) to Big Finish Productions, manufacturers of quality Doctor Who Audios.
Escape from….
The Doctor stepped from the TARDIS and took in a deep breath.
"Magnificent Charley, smell that wonderful country air!"
The Doctor's assistant, Miss Charlotte 'Charley' Pollard emerged from the craft behind him, covering her nose with a large scarf.
"Oh come on Doctor, its absolutely dreadful. It's like your normal country smells of the country, you know horse manure and such but with, well, what smells almost like rotting flesh…"
"Nonsense Charley" cried the Doctor "It's perfectly lovely, just the Country atmosphere. I'm sure you're imagining anything else. Although I have to admit, I've no idea where we are. I'm sure we're in England though, look, there's a Local Shop"
There was indeed. The Doctor pointed at a bleak looking building across the scrub land they were standing in. The sign on the wall did proclaim that it was the Local Shop.
"Come on," said the Doctor, "I'm sure we can ask for directions there, or buy a map, or at the very least find out where we are."
The Doctor strode out across the grass towards the shop, Charley following him. They entered the shop with a ring from the bell on the door and took in their surroundings. The shop was a cluttered mess, with shelves, tables, counters etc. piled with all manner of rubbish and bric-a-brac. A row of shelves upon the counter held a number of snow globes with different types of scenes within, including one of the shop itself.
"YEEEES?" came a loud shrill voice from behind the counter, and the Doctor and Charley jumped into the air with surprise. Behind the counter was now standing a small woman, slightly rotund and very bent over at the shoulders. The most noticeable thing about the woman however, besides the very dated clothing she wore, was her nose, turned up with large nostrils, like a pig.
"Ah, good morning, I'm the Doctor and this is my friend Charley. I was wondering if you could be of assistance." Said the Doctor, trying not to look at the woman's nose.
"HELP?" shouted the woman, obviously bewildered by the Doctor's requests.
"Yes some help" added Charley. "We were wondering if you could tell us where we are."
"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?" said the woman, "YOU DON'T KNOW?" The woman's shouting was beginning to get on The Doctor and Charley's nerves. They were just about to leave when they heard a cry from the back of the shop, behind the tape curtain…
"WHAT'S ALL THIS SHOUTING?" asked a deep resonant voice, presumably that of the shopkeeper's husband, and sure enough a man emerged through the curtains. He was wearing grey trousers, a shirt with cravat tucked inside the collar, a checked waistcoat, a blue blazer and large black rimmed spectacles.
"Good morning sir" said the Doctor "We were just asking your good lady wife for directions"
"Directions?"
"Yes" said Charley "we're lost you see"
"I see. Are you Local?" said the man. Charley noticed the inside of the man's mouth as he bellowed this question, his teeth were short, pointed and a dirty yellow colour, quite disgusting.
"No, I'm afraid we're travellers" said the Doctor.
"I see." Said the man "and his demeanour grew even worse as he began to really shout at them "WE'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE HERE! THIS IS A LOCAL SHOP, FOR LOCAL PEOPLE!"
"Yes," said the Doctor "I know that, but could you just-?"
"THERE'S NOTHING FOR YOU HERE!!!!!" bellowed the man.
"Doctor." Said Charley "I think we'd better be leaving."
"You know, I think you may be right!" With that Charley and the Doctor turned on their heels and ran out of the shop.
"Edward, they are leaving" said the woman.
"DON'T WORRY TUBBS!" said Edward triumphantly as he pulled out a crossbow from the side of the counter "THEY WON'T GET FAR!!" and with a devilish grin on his face he opened the door…