Disclaimer: characters and locations are property of Squaresoft/Square-Enix. I don't own them, just I borrow them for my own purposes.
I've wanted to write something sad, yet deep and lovely. So today something about Seifer, his everlasting dream and his bond shared with Edea. Even a sorceress' knight has to say goodbye to his dream.
"In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
Tell the truth you never wanted me
Tell me
In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
As I wake I'm going out of my mind
Going out of my mind"
Moby - Porcelain
so lovely song, that it was an inspiration for me...
He walked on a soft carpet through one of the Balamb Garden's corridors. He wasn't sure yet if it is right or wrong, what he planned to do. He hesitated. Walking slowly and quietly, unsure of every step, he looked like a cat hunting for its prey.
He felt dizzy, thoughts running through his mind, feeding on his guilt and terrible feeling of failure. Grief and sorrows dwelled within his heart. It seemed like his heart was a bleeding wound, his life oozing out slowly. Mutilated soul embedded in a grasp of darkness, pain like cold northern breeze. Every breath was so painful that he felt like dying slowly.
I should not have survived, he thought, should die there instantly, on that Lunatic Pandora, and take my dreams with me to colorless and dark eternity.
He stopped in front of a wooden door and sighed. His squeezed his left hand into a fist, his right hand lifted up, ready to knock on a door.
He stood there for a moment, just with his hand lifted. He looked at the small metal plackard hanging there, with words written on a surface:
"Headmaster of Balamb Garden
Cid Kramer"
He held his breath and knocked quietly.
He stood in silence, hearing his own slow heartbeat.
There is no turning back, the decision is made. It must be this way.
After a moment which seemed to be like an eternity for him, he heard the door being unlocked and then it opened.
A woman stood there, so stunned when she looked up at him, that she was speechless for a very long moment. No emotions seen upon her pale face. But he didn't care, he just wanted this moment never to last. Diving in her golden gaze, he just wanted to remember this. Remember this sight, from now until the end of his pitiful life.
"Seifer..." she whispered, a magic moment has ended "What are you doing here ?" she asked.
He cleared his throat
"I know it's late" he said quietly "But can I come in ?"
"Sure. Come in" she said, brushing away black hair from her face with shaky hand
Her room was cozy and warm. Darkness surrounded it, except for a single light source on a desk. The desk was covered with many sheets of papers.
"I am sorry for that mess" she said "I'll clean it up" She started to collect papers nervously. "We're in arrears with that documents, administration affair, you know. Since Norg's death we have lot of work to do. Now we, Cid and I, are only two garden's owners left. I've promised Cid I'll finish this tonight."
"Wait, I can help you cleaning this up"
"That'll be not necessary".
"Forget the mess, we need to talk" he said instantly.
"Ok, I'm almost done" she even didn't care to look at him, being turned back to him.
"Matr... Edea... Please..." he wanted to grab her by the shoulder, to touch her, but hesitated in the mid-air and withdrew his hand immediately.
She laid down documents, sighing. Then she turned around and faced Seifer.
"Ok, then..." she was silent for a second or two "How are you ?" she asked eventually.
"Good enough, thank you" he replied "You look beautiful" he said. 'as always' he added in his mind.
She didn't reply, just looked down at the floor, too embarassed to look into his eyes.
"I haven't seen you for a months !" she said "You weren't here when Squall and Rinoa announced their engagement, you weren't here when Ellone has visited us, you have never called nor written to me... You even have not visited our home. I was so worried about you. What happened ?"
What could he tell her ? The truth ? 'I'm so sorry, Matron, I didn't want... I couldn't. How could I look into your eyes after all of this, without thinking about past ? How could I tell you, that so much have changed ? How to tell, that I look at my Hyperion blade every morning and I dream to be your knight again, to be by your side and protect you ? But you don't need me anymore, that's right, isn't it ? My soul is burnt out, I'm knight-errant, with a soul embraced by a darkness and despair.'
"I was far from Centra, and Balamb, too... I went with Raijin and Fuujin to Island Closest to Hell, to kill some monsters. That was fun" - he lied to her without any hesitation.
A brief moment of dead silence.
"What brings you to Balamb Garden, then ?" she asked
"I've made my decision. I thought a lot about it, but... " he stopped, touching his scar on his forehead. It burned like a fresh wound, like his memories could cause a living fire within it. "I've met with Squall and I've asked him for a transfer"
"Oh ?" in her voice was something strange... A little surprise, and a little - well - dissapointment ?
"I'm leaving Balamb. You know, there is no possible way to become SeeD here, especially that Quistis is no longer an instructor. I will try better luck. I have asked Martine to accept me in his Garden, since I've done so much damage to it... And I want to do something better for him. He had agreed. And I am going to train his gunblade students, and maybe, on a next year, he will allow me to enter the exams."
'I am running away from you' he thought 'That's a true reason. Simply, I'm just running away...'
"Are your friends going with you ?" Edea asked
"Just Fuujin" he replied "Raijin found a good job in Deling, general Caraway had an offer for him. He works for him now and he is quite happy with that... But me, and Fuujin, we have more ambitious plans, we want that SeeD exams to pass with flying colors... "
"That's good for you" she replied "Fuujin is so nice and precious girl, take care of her !"
'Not as much as I take care of you...' he thought, but said nothing about it.
"Anyways" Seifer said "I didn't know that you and Cid were in Balamb. Squall told me this tonight..."
"That wasn't planned" Edea replied "We had to finish this paper work as soon as possible. Besides, exams are approaching, Cid is now talking to his students, preparing them for a field test."
"Anyway, Squall had told me, that you're here, and I wanted..., just, to say goodbye to you..."
"Oh... And what, if we weren't here ?" she asked "Have you wanted to leave without a farewell ?"
Seifer felt heavy-hearted and very sad for a brief moment... His soul was hurting like hell..
He never left her golden, hawk-like gaze. He just stared at her, loving her as she was. He never forgot these eyes. Eyes just so beautiful, as ever, eyes, that he have dreamt every night about. Eyes full of care and tenderness, so light, warm and full of love...
And these eyes have caused him to feel, feel him more lonely and more distant every single minute, when he glanced at her...
These eyes were so well known, but yet so different. Now, full of sorrow, full of grief, without this innocent greeting for life, without any hope for happiness...
'Yes' he wanted to reply. But he couldn't.
Ultimecia has mutilated their minds, their souls and their lives... She reaped away his most beautiful dream. She reaped away Edea's dream of being there with her beloved children.
The sorceress from the future is gone now, but she left nothing but an emptiness and pain, and sorrow, and everything bad that he, the sorceress' knight, could imagine of. Even a fear of long and painful death, something that they could experience one day. Because he knew they will meet that evil sorceress, somewhere in the future. Her future.
"I don't know" he replied at last.
She stood silent. And still.
Then she started to play nervously with her ring around her finger.
"Edea..." he said at last "I have something for you.."
She looked at him, curious.
He stepped forward, approaching to her so close, that she had to lift her head to look clear at him. He was so tall.. He was not a boy anymore.. He was a brief, strong man...
" I have asked Squall for something" he said "He respects you so much, so I had to ask him... He returned me something, that belongs to you... Please, treat it as my farewell gift..."
He went silent then...
Seifer approached her even closer. She did not backed. He was so close, that he couldn't see his own hand looking for her palm. He found hers. He touched her fingers, just overwhelmed by an expression of her soft, cold skin.. He touched her delicate fingers and closed his own eyes.
A powerful consciousness flew throughout his mind. He looked down into his soul. He found it... Deep and independent consciousness eating his own mind, his memories.
He didn't want this consciousness within his soul. He wanted to give it back as soon as possible.
He didn't want to be dragged away from his dearest memories...
She granted it with a happiness.
He looked at her. Edea was smiling back at him. She was happier, than days before.
- Alexander - she whispered - My Alexander... Thank you so much, Seif. You gave me the best gift ever !
He was glad. He was happy.
At least, he knew one more thing.
He will not leave her for death. He gave her a protector, a soulmate, a friend. One of the most reliable friends. Her Guardian Force.
Seifer just looked at her, wanting again, to remember her beautiful eyes.
Nothing more ?
Nothing more to say between them. He just simply said:
"I must go..."
She just nodded shyly.
And then a seconds of wait. She didn't reply, nor looked into his eyes anymore.
He decided to leave.
He was a half-way through her room, when he heard..:
"Seifer... " a sweetest voice in the world, like a spell, like a powerful song, desire... He looked at her, for an instant moment. Then he heard: "Will we meet again ?"
He shook his head
"I don't know. Maybe... Someday" said with a cold and sad voice.
"I am sorry" Edea replied "I'm sorry that I've asked..."
And then he felt it. A brief urge, just to come close to her, to embrace her, to hold her, never letting her go away from his grasp... He was ashamed.
He was fighting off his desire. But he wanted, so badly, to approach her... His feet heavy as iron...
But he was able to walk these few steps towards her, so close, as he had never ever been so close to her before. He looked down at her, and then... He just grabbed her face with his hands, lowered his head and kissed her gently, so gently, on her forehead.
She smelled like a spring. Like blooming meadows of Centra land. It was a scent of home. His lost, long long ago, home...
Then, slowly, so slowly, a strange feeling overwhelmed him, he wanted to be even closer to her. He just brushed her cheek with his fingers, then touched her chin, and then, he closed his eyes and leant down to meet her lips and cover them by his own.
The kiss was gentle by first. But she didn't push him away nor resisted. So he pressed harder and longer, meeting her lips so hungerly.
She was so sweet, so fragile...
Then she drove away.
"Seifer.. Please, don't" she breathed, her breath warm against his lips "This isn't right..."
He never opened his eyes again.
He was so close to her, that he couldn't imagine this before. He felt that Edea was quivering in his arms, he felt her every warm breath against his skin and he heard a rapid beat of her heart.
This was worth remembering, for an eternity.
He just pressed his lips against her ear.
"I will love you to no end" he whispered "Farewell..."
Seifer never looked at her again. He just turned away towards the exit of the room and he got out leaving her with her thoughts and feelings alone... If he would look at her for the very last time, he would have seen a single glimpse of a tear, falling down from her cheek onto the floor.
This is the end of the sorceress' knight and this is an end of his dream...
Things will never be the same again...
-The End-
Dark Sorceress Pleiades
dedicated to my own beloved Knight.
April'2008