I awoke to some one sobbing, but I couldn't locate the source of the noise. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. Two thirty am. I rolled over, trying to block out the noise, but it only made the sound more prominent. I then realized, I was the one sobbing. I couldn't remember why, but I couldn't stop either. It felt like some one had torn my heart out and thrown it against a wall. I felt so broken, but I didn't know why. I sobbed myself to sleep... And then woke up. The sobbing was gone. I was laying flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't feel broken any more. I didn't have a clock on my wall. It wasn't two thirty am. Light was shining in my window, and the whole house was quiet. I sat up, yawned, and stretched. I could hear an alarm blaring from the next room and sighed. My sister never got up to her alarm clock. I really don't know why she even bothered to set it.
"Honestly..." I stepped out of my warm bed onto the cold floor, shivering a bit at the sudden change in temperature. "Hey Sarah! Get up already! You're going to be late! Again." There was so response. I knocked a little harder and waited for a short period before walking into the darkened room. "If you don't get up soon, I'm going to get a glass of water and dump it over your head." Said victim groaned and rolled over. I rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup, filled it with water, and walked back to my sister's room. She was up by the time I got back.
"I'm up, I'm up! Don't pour water on me!" She raised her arms defensively over her head. I shrugged and set the glass down on her night stand.
"So, what time did you finally go to bed last night?" Sarah yawned and shrugged. I sighed and went back to my room.
"Sarah, Hanna! Breakfast!" I threw on a t-shirt and jeans and walked to the kitchen.
"Hey dad."
"Good morning. Is Sarah up?" I nodded. "Did she finally wake up to her alarm?" I grinned and shook my head. Dad just laughed. A half an hour later, Sarah ran to the kitchen, took a sip of orange juice, and grabbed a piece of toast as she ran out the door.
"Bye!" Dad and I laughed. This had become a normal occurrence ever since Sarah had gotten a full time job. She'd been trying to juggle that and college for a while and it never works out as she would like. I looked up at the clock as I finished my juice.
"Gotta go. Bye dad." I waved, grabbed my books and keys, and headed out the door. I drove to the designated meeting area for the project group. Ashley waved as I walked over. "So, any one got any new ideas?" My question was met with a unanimous 'no.' I sighed. "Me either..."
"Maybe we need a break."
"We just started."
"Yeah, I know. But we've been working on this all week. Our brains need a break."
"Are you sure it's not just your brain that needs a break?" Ashley stuck her tongue out at Jackson. He laughed. "Oh yeah, that's really mature Ashley." Ashley's only response was a mumbled 'shut up.' I grinned, used to their arguments, and looked over at Kai and Kaylee. They were lost in their own little world. I sighed and shook my head. Ever since those two got together, it had been impossible to get them to pay attention to any thing else.
"Hey, you two, we've got to get this done. Could you focus for five minutes?" They ignored me. This was normal though. They always ignored the outside world when they were together. I sighed once again and looked over at Ashley and Jackson. They were still fighting. I looked down at the gathered materials, still waiting to be organized into a presentation. I looked over them again, picked up a couple papers, and read over the information. I didn't get anything done. Between Kai and Kaylee's constant flirting, and Ashley and Jackson's raised voices as they fought, I couldn't concentrate. This was going no where.
"Hey, I'm gonna head out. See you guys." No eyes turned towards me, no voice said goodbye. I sighed for the millionth time that day, got in my truck, and drove home. By the time I got there, dad had gone to work, and mom was just leaving. She gave a short farewell and drove off. I set the materials down on the table, put some music on, and began working. By the end of the day, the project was half done, and there was still three more days before it was due.
"And all that without help. Or lack-there-of.." I put every thing away, got some ice cream, and sat down to read for a while. Just as I was getting to the part where the monster attacked, the door bell rang. I nearly fell off the couch, and dropped the book in the process. The impatient person standing outside the door rang the bell again. I glowered at the as I stalked toward it. Sarah ran inside as soon as I opened said barrier.
"Finally! What took you so long?" I rolled my eyes.
"It was only a long time to you. And what happened to just using a key?"
"I was too preoccupied with some thing else."
"Forgot it again, didn't you?"
"So?"
"If you'd get up when you have time to get ready, you wouldn't be forgetting stuff all the time."
"Whatever." She left the room. I rolled my eyes again, grabbed my book and what was left of my ice cream, and went to my room. I read a couple more chapters, and then went to sleep, thinking about different kinds of monsters.
The sobbing had started again. Only this time, it wasn't from me. It was some one standing beside me. And for some reason, I couldn't open my eyes to look. I couldn't move at all, and I just wanted to be able to hug the sobbing person. The voice sounded so young and so familiar, but I just couldn't place it. All I could do was lay there and feel my heart ache for the child. The voice sounded so scarred and pitiful. This seemed to go one for hours, before another voice joined the child's.
"Come on sweetie. It's time to go home." The child sniffed.
"But I wanna stay with daddy."
"You can come visit him tomorrow, okay?" The child's shaky voice responded too quietly for me to hear. The small voice gave a sad goodbye, as did the older voice, and the room was silent except the occasional beep of some machine. The silence carried on through out the night, until I drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep that I kept waking up from, only to find that I still couldn't move. After a long period of time, I finally fell into a deep sleep.
When I woke up, I was back in my own bed, and I could move. I heard the familiar blaring alarm clock from the next room, and the air smelled of freshly made pancakes. I sat up, rubbed my eyes, and yawned, trying to make sense of the strange dream, but I couldn't quiet figure it out, so I simply shrugged it off as I walked to Sarah's room. The day continued on as it normally did, with Sarah getting a late start, rushing out the door, and barely touching her food. So I can't help but wonder why the dreams...
The week had passed, the project had been turned in, and the weekend had begun. I was sitting on the couch, flipping through the pages of a book looking for where I had left off, and every one else was asleep. Well, almost every one else. Sarah had gotten up a few minutes ago, freaked when she looked at the clock, remembered it was the weekend, and went back to her room. I assumed she was still awake, judging by the noises coming the floor boards above me. I took a sip of water and almost chocked on it as the phone rang. When I answered it, there was a strange noise, and then the dial tone. Putting the phone back, I resumed searching for my place in the book when the phone rang once again. I sighed and decided to ignore it, thinking it was probably the same person, pulling some kind of prank. But the phone didn't stop ringing as it normally would. By the time Sarah came down to answer it, I was about to throw it out the window.
"Hello?"
I sighed and settled back into a comfortable position, having finally found the place I had left off at. Sarah tried again, but didn't get a response. She sighed, hung up the phone, walked over to the couch and sat down.
"So.. What's for breakfast?" I shrugged.
"Is dad up yet?" I shook my head.
"What about mom?" I shook my head again.
"Do you plan on reading all day?" I looked at her long enough to grin. She sighed.
"You are so boring. Why don't you ever go out and party like normal kids?"
"Because I find partying pointless and boring, and frankly rather annoying."
"You're so weird." She got up and walked to the kitchen, made herself some food, and sat back down. The rest of the morning was spent in relative silence as Sarah ate. My peace was interrupted however, as the phone once again rang. Sarah ran to answer it. I vacated the area and climbed the stairs to my room, giving a short morning greeting to dad as I passed. When mom got up, we went out to spend time together as a family, then we all went our separate ways. I went to the library to return some books, and also to get new ones. As I walked, I noticed a commotion across the street. Being the curious one of the family, I stopped to watch the two people standing across the street argue. I caught a couple words, but no full sentences. I shrugged and kept walking after a few minutes, losing curiosity as to what they were arguing about. It seemed pointless any way. It wasn't until I sat down at the park that the few words I did hear sunk in and I realized they were arguing about the dreams. The same dreams that woke me in the middle of the night. Those haunting dreams that still hadn't left my mind. Only there weren't just dreams. They were real. I stared at nothing in particular, just letting the new information sink into my brain. I smirked slightly when I realized I was relieved to know I wasn't going crazy. Then I realized what I was experiencing wasn't any better. Some how, their sorrow was leaking into my dreams. And I felt... exposed. If I felt their pain, could they feel mine? How was this happening? Why was this happening? I didn't know. All I knew was if I told any one about this, they'd probably never talk to me again, at best. At worst, they'd lock me up in a asylum. I didn't want either to happen. I wandered home in a daze, not really paying attention to much. When I opened the front door, I was startled to see Kai, Kaylee, Ashley, and Jackson, along with as many decorations as you could fit into one room. I blinked, looking at them in confusion. Jackson laughed.
"That's so like you Hanna. You forget your own birthday, and show up late to your on party no less." I grinned sheepishly, completely forgetting the dreams.
"You know how I get at the library. It's my sanctuary." Every one laughed. They then sang happy birthday, and watched me start a cake fight with Jackson. The night went on, and when every one went home at about two thirty, I went to my room, laid down, and fell asleep.
This time, all I could hear was running water. I vaguely wondered why, but then I realized it was from a faucet. I realized my arm was under the running water, and the water running off my arm was dyed red. I watched it wash down the drain, until it wasn't red any more. I shut off the water and wrapped my arm in a towel laying near by. I sighed and sat down, hoping no one would notice. But then some one banged on the door. I jumped, falling off the edge of the tub. I could hear indistinct yelling, some thing about the door, but I soon blacked out. The last thing I remember was one more loud bang on the door. When I woke up, all I saw was a bright white light above. I soon realized I was laying on a bed, but I wasn't sure where exactly. I tried to sit up, but some thing held me back. I then tried to reach up and noticed the bandages on my arm. I let my arm fall back to my side and stared at the ceiling as some one walked into the room.
"Oh, you're awake. How're you feeling dear?" I didn't bother answering. The person sighed and walked closer to the bed. "It might help to talk about it, you know. Suicide is never the answer." I felt like screaming. I hated it when people acted like they knew what I was going through. They didn't know. They'd never know. Finally, the person sighed, giving up and walking out of the room. I laid staring up at the ceiling for a while longer, and finally drifted back to sleep.
When I woke up this time, I was actually crying. I cried for the person in my dream, and the pain they felt. The pain I felt. It was so much for one person. I wondered how they managed to get through the day, but when the smoke alarm went off, I forgot what I was crying about. I got up and headed down to the kitchen, wondering if Dad had forgotten about the food as he did on occasion. This time Dad wasn't the one making breakfast though. Mom was attempting to cook, but really all she was doing was burning food. I coughed through the smoke and ran to open a window.
"Oh, good morning." I inhaled a deep breath of clean air before responding.
"Morning Mom. What are you doing?"
"Trying to make breakfast."
"Didn't we agree that Dad would cook, and you would do whatever else?" Mom sighed.
"Yes, I know. But your father didn't have to get up, and you girls were still asleep, so I thought I'd try cooking for once." I shook my head, remembering the last time she had tried to cook. She nearly burnt the house down.
"Want some help?" She smiled in relief and nodded. I took the spatula from her, and flipped the some what burned pancake. We managed to finish breakfast with out too much mishap, and were just setting it out when Dad walked into the kitchen, yawning. He stopped and stared in shock. Mom smiled at him and kisses his cheek.
"Good morning Dan." I smirked as Dad just stood there, apparently too shocked to respond to Mom. When he finally did snap out of it, Mom and I were both laughing so hard we could barely breath. We only laughed harder when Sarah came running down the stairs, yelling she was late. She stopped in mid sentence when she saw us.
"Woah. Mom actually cooked? No, wait, that's not what I should be asking about. Has any one seen my hair brush?" I rolled my eyes.
"Did you check in your room?"
"Why would it be in my room?"
"Because, that's where it always is?"
"Oh. Yeah. Hey, have you seen my keys?"
"Hanging up."
"Right. Thanks." Sarah ran off to finish getting ready.
"Don't you have any where to be today?" I shook my head.
"No Mom. I don't have school today, remember?"
"Oh... Right." Mom set out the food, and then sat down. Dad sat beside her. I grabbed my food and headed back to my room, planning on giving the couple a little room. What I didn't plan on was my phone ringing and Ashley ranting about how I needed to come over right that second.
"I can't right this second. I just got my food."
"Never mind! I'll get you food when you get here. Just get dressed and come over!" I sighed. There was no arguing with Ashley when her mind is made up.
"Alright. I'll be there in a couple minutes."
"Hurry up!" I hung up, threw some jeans and a decent t-shirt on, and told my parents I was going to visit Ashley. They bid me farewell, and I was off. As soon as I got to Ashley's house, I got tackled. I could barely understand what she was saying because she was talking so fast.
"Slow down Ashley! Breathe." She grinned and took a deep breath.
"So, you know that girl I was telling you about?" I nodded. "Well, I asked her to go to the dance with me this weekend, and she said yes! Can you believe it? She's going with me to the dance!"
"Congrats." She grinned once again.
"So, I just have to get Jackson to go with you, and it'll all be set!" I blushed slightly.
"Who said I wanted to go with Jackson?"
"That face."
"Well who said he wanted to go with me?" She sighed in exasperation.
"Do you not see how he acts around you? He's just too busy trying to cover it up to ask you to the dance!"
"I just can't win with you, can I?" She shook her head. I sighed. "Fine. But don't be surprised if you're wrong." She smiled.
"I'm not." I shook my head and walked over to her fridge.
"What do you have to eat?"
"Food. What else?"
"I meant specifics." She smirked.
"I know." I rolled my eyes, opened a drawer, grabbed an apple, and shut the drawer along with the door to the refrigerator.
"So, is there a reason you couldn't just tell me all this over the phone?"
"Yep."
"Such as...?"
"I needed your opinion on a dress."
"Why do you need my opinion of your dress?"
"Not my dress. Your dress."
"The dance isn't going on until Friday. It's Monday. Why do I need to pick out a dress so early?"
"You just do, okay?" I rolled my eyes, sat down next to her, and bit into the apple in my hand. She opened a book and pointed out a few dresses, then let me look through the rest, hoping I'd point out one I really liked. I pointed out a couple I wouldn't mind wearing, but none I really wanted. Ashley sighed after two hours of this.
"You are so difficult." I simply shrugged.
"I'm picky, what can I say?" Ashley rolled her eyes, grabbed another book, and handed it to me.
"Keep looking. I'm gonna go get something to drink." I nodded and flipped through the book until I spotted a simple black strapless dress with two small silver strips running along the bottom hem. Ashley leaned over my shoulder, curiously peeking at the page I had stopped at. "Nice dress. Are you gonna get it?" I nodded, and touched the 'buy now' space on the page. A small box with the words 'your order will arrive shortly' popped up. And then we waited. We talked about the upcoming dance, the dress she bought, and the girl she was going to the dance with. The conversation ended with a short squeal as Ashley ran to the door to get our dresses. The practically threw my dress at me and grabbed hers, quickly changing into it. I laughed at her anxiousness, and looked over my dress happily. It had been a while since I'd found one I really liked. Ashley squealed spun around in her dress.
"Well? What do you think? It's so pretty, don't you think? I love it!" I shook my head and smiled at her.
"Yeah, it's nice. I like the color. Blood red suits you." Ashley grinned.
"Hey, do you wanna stay the night? That way, we can plot ways to get Jackson to go with you!" I just shrugged.
"Why not? I'll call and ask." Ashley grinned and waited while I called my parents. They okayed the sleep over and bid me farewell. I thanked them and hung up.
"Try on your dress! I wanna see how you look in it!" I complied with her demand. She squealed once again when I stepped back into the living room. "Oh my gosh! You look gorgeous!" I fidgeted in the dress.
"It's a little short for my tastes... And I don't have the right figure for this dress..."
"But it looks so good on you!" I sighed.
"Alright... I still say I should just wear pants..."
"But you can't wear pants to a dance! Not one like this! It's a holiday dance, for crying out loud!" I simply shrugged and went to change back into my standard clothes. Ashley refused to let me. "You just need a second opinion.." I didn't like that tone in her voice.
"Who did you call?" She grinned.
"No one."
"Then why do you look like you just beat the highest level of world combat?" She grinned once again.
"You'll see." I wanted to run. Tried to even, but she kept blocking my path. "Might as well get used to it now." I had an overwhelming sense of dread, and once again tried to run as Ashley went to answer the door, but she had a hold of my wrist and drug me to the door with her.
"Hey Ash. What'd you- Woah..." I blushed as Jackson stopped mid-sentence.
"I know I look weird okay?" Jackson's only response was wandering eyes. I blushed a deeper red. "I'll go change..." I tried to walk away, but Ashley still had an iron grip on my wrist.
"Well now, don't you have some thing to say to Hanna?" Jackson was still staring at me, and apparently didn't hear what Ashley said. She glared and playfully smacked the back of his head. "Ahem." Jackson grinned sheepishly.
"Hi Hanna." I stared at the floor.
"Hi..."
"You look amazing." I thought my face couldn't get any redder, but it did.
"Thanks..." I kept staring at the floor as Ashley glared at Jackson and cleared her throat again.
"Ask her." I heard her hiss.
"Oh, yeah, right. Would you wanna go to the dance with me?" I nodded, still not looking up at him. He smiled. "Great. Is that the dress you're gonna wear?" I nodded.
"Well, this is awkward. I'm gonna go get some ice cream." The mood of the room lightened slightly as Ashley walked to her kitchen.
"So..." I shrugged. Awkward silence followed, until Ashley ran back into the room.
"Some one ate the last of my ice cream! I'm gonna die." Jackson and I laughed a little.
"Can't you just buy more?"
"No! It was a limited edition ice cream! I'll never get any more!" Ashley sniffed and glared at the ceiling. I shook my head.
"Lets try any way." I went to change. Ashley stopped me.
"Where are you going?"
"To change. Where else would I be going?"
"But, but, but, why?"
"Because I don't make a habit of going to the store in dresses."
"All the more reason to go in one now! You can show off your amazingly beautiful figure. Not to mention the dress." I sighed, knowing I wouldn't win the argument, even if I tried.
"Fine. Come on." Ashley smiled, triumphant.
"Coming Jackson?"
"Yeah, sure." The three of us stepped out of the house, entered Ashley's car, and started off towards said store. We didn't find Ashley's limited edition ice cream, but we did find one of her other favorite flavors, as well as my favorite flavor. Jackson didn't really have a favorite, so we didn't get any special kind for him. As Ashley drove back to her house, she chattered on and on about the dance, the girl she was going with, our dresses and what Jackson would wear. It was interesting to say the least. Jackson and I mostly just let Ashley ramble on. When we finally reached our destination, Jackson was complaining that his ears were going to bleed if she kept talking. I listened to the two argue as we carried the ice cream into Ashley's house. After a while, Jackson went homing, saying some thing about work he had to finish, or his parents would kill him. Ashley and I grinned at that as we bid him farewell. I yawned shortly after.
"Can I change out of this dress now?" Ashley nodded. I was slightly stunned she hadn't actually spoken until I noticed she was also yawning. "Tired?"
"No." I laughed. She was never one to admit she was tired until she passed out. She glared and playfully hit my arm. I grinned.
"So, what now?" I pulled on a hooded sweatshirt over my pajamas.
"Wanna watch a movie?" I shrugged and sat down on her couch.
"What movies do you have?" She listed off the different titles until I stopped her at on in particular. "That one. Absolutely."
"Didn't take you long to decide on that one, did it?" I grinned and watched her pull up the Frankenstein movie. She pressed play, sat down, and didn't say anything else. Of course, I didn't either. But that wasn't because I had fallen asleep. When I finally did fall asleep, however, the only thing I dreamed about were mad scientists.
A couple days passed before I noticed there were less students in class than the previous week. Mainly one boy. And that boy was Jackson. I didn't know where he was, but I suspected something was wrong. Every one was whispering about some horrific event that had happened Tuesday. I desperately hoped it hadn't involved Jackson, but some where in my mind, a little part thought it had involved Jackson and I'd never see him again. After school that day, I practically tackled Ashley.
"Tell me you know some thing, please." She raised a questioning eyebrow.
"About what?"
"Jackson! He's been absent for three days now! And he usually only misses one or two, no matter how sick he is!" Ashley smirked.
"So you do like him." I blushed.
"That isn't relevant! Do you know any thing or not?" Ashley shook her head.
"He's probably just got a bad cold or something." I wasn't convinced.
"Go visit him if you're so worried. But you're gonna feel really stupid if he's just sick." I stuck my tongue out at her. She shrugged.
"Will you come with me?"
"What? Why?"
"Please?"
"Why do I have to come with you? He's your boyfriend." I ignored her comment.
"Please?" She sighed.
"Fine..." I smiled.
"Let's go." I began walking towards her car.
"Let me get my stuff first, sheesh." I rolled my eyes and waited impatiently by the door. She grabbed her bag, then walked out the door. I followed her. "You're lucky I love you."
"I know." The drive to Jackson's house was pretty much silent. Neither of us had much to say, so after a few minutes, Ashley turned the radio on. I flipped through the stations, earning a small glare from her. I shrugged and kept looking for the station I wanted. By the time I found it, Ashley was just pulling into the drive way beside Jackson's house. I practically jumped out of the car the second it stopped moving. I was just about to knock when Jackson opened the door, startling me.
"Hi Hanna." I smiled shyly and waved.
"Hi..."
"What's up?" I shrugged. At that point Ashley walked up behind me.
"She was worried because you haven't been to school for a couple days." I glared at her as Jackson laughed.
"That's Hanna for you. But as you can see, I'm fine. Well, pretty much any way." It was then that I noticed the bruises on his face and the cast on his arm and started to freak out a little.
"What happened?"
"I was cleaning the gutters out and fell."
"Off the roof?!" My voice had gone so high, I was surprised either of them could understand me.
"No. Just off the ladder."
"You say that like the few inches difference in height makes it all okay!" Jackson laughed.
"Well, no, it doesn't, but it sounds a little better." I glared at him as he grinned.
"I dislike you..." I turned to walk away, but he caught my hand and stopped me.
"I'm okay Hanna, really." I turned back to look at him.
"What do you mean you're 'okay?' Your arm is broken!"
"It's not as bad as it looks." I had lost the will to argue at that point, so I let it go and sighed. Ashley grinned in triumph.
"Told you." I turned to glare at her.
"Not helpful." She just kept grinning. I sighed again.
"So, any one wanna come inside instead of standing out here in the rain?" Ashley and I complied and stepped inside. We sat down in the kitchen, taking off our now very wet coats. Jackson offered us refreshments, and we talked about what had happened between Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning. I felt a little better knowing what had happened and that Jackson wasn't dead or something. As time wore on, we kept talking, slowly loosing track of what we had started the conversation with, as well as the time. When Ashley looked at the clock, she nearly fainted.
"Holy shit! I have to go!" Jackson and I glanced at her questioningly. "Bye!" Was her only explanation as she ran out the door.
"Hey! How am I supposed to get home?!" I barely managed to get the words out before the door shut behind her, but she was in too much of a hurry to answer. I sighed. "I guess I'll just have figure something else out..."
"Joe can take you home."
"He's not here."
"No, but he will be in a little over two hours." I bite my lip and looked at the clock. It was already past six. I shrugged.
"Why not?" Jackson grinned, and the conversation continued until my stomach growled. "I just realized I haven't eaten since breakfast..." Jackson laughed.
"Want some pizza?"
"What kind?"
"Mushroom." I shrugged again.
"Sure."
"Want it warmed up?" I shook my head. He grabbed a couple plates and set a piece of said food down in front of me. I nearly swallowed it whole. Jackson laughed. "Help yourself to another slice." I thanked him and did so. After we ate, we sat down on the couch and I watched in amusement as Jackson attempted to use a game controller with one hand. It was quiet interesting. When he finally got the game pulled up, I watched for a few minutes before falling asleep.
All I heard was the soft rumble of a running engine. I sat listening to the soft noise, staring out the window at the darkened land scape, and vaguely hoping it wouldn't stop, because I knew when it stopped, I would have to face the truth. That she was gone forever. That I would never be able to see her smile again. That I would never get to hold my baby sister. That both my mother and my unborn sibling had died just the day before. And no one else cared. No one else would show up to the funeral. The ones who did show up would just be there for public appearances. That they would all be laughing inside. Because my mother was just a no good prostitute to them. But to me, she was every thing. She tried her best to support me, and when she found out she was pregnant again, she quit her job and moved as far away as possible, to keep the newest addition to our family safer. But they had found us. An unsatisfied previous customer had burst into our home one day and started yelling at mother. I tried to protect her, but the man just kicked me against the counter. I hit my head pretty hard and passed out. By the time I woke up, the man was gone. I crawled over to mother's lifeless body and tried to wake her up, but no matter how hard I tried, she just wouldn't wake up. I screamed and cried, and kept trying to shake her awake, but to no avail. I just wanted her to smile at me and tell me it would all be okay like she always did. But I'd never hear that ever again. Now, ever time I close my eyes, I see her body, eyes still wide open, frantic look on her face, as if she was still trying to fight. I squeezed my eyes shut to stem the flow of tears that threatened to spill down my face. I would never again show that kind of emotion to any one. Not the social worker, not my so called 'new parents.' No one. Never again.
I woke to Jackson softly calling my name. His voice sounded slightly concerned, and I didn't understand why at first. Then I realized, I was crying. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. His face was twisted in a look of extreme worry.
"Hey." I wiped my eyes and attempted to brush off his concern.
"Hey. What time is it?"
"A little after nine." I sat up quickly, only to fall back down.
"Shit. My parents are going to kill me."
"Nah, Joe called them when he got home. They said you could stay if you wanted to. " I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Kay..." The room was silent for a few minutes.
"So, why were you crying?" I stared at the floor.
"No reason..."
"You're a horrible liar." I let a small smile form on my lips.
"I know." Jackson refused to let the subject go.
"Are you going to tell me the real reason, or do I have to tickle you?" I scooted a little ways away from him.
"It's nothing. Just a dream." Jackson scooted closer to me and raised his hands, making tickling motions.
"Tell me." I moved farther back.
"It was nothing, really." He didn't look convinced and once again scooted closer to me. "Alright, alright! Just promise me you won't think I'm crazy..." He grinned in triumph and sat back to listen. I sighed and told him about all the dreams, and the argument I had over heard. He sat in silence and listened, his face draining of color when I told him about the suicidal one. When I finished off with my most recent dream, I stopped and looked at his face for a few seconds.
"Why are you so pale...?" He shook his head and turned away from me.
"Nothing."
"You're an even worse liar than I am." He halfheartedly glared at me. I started to grin, but then I it dawned on me.
"Oh my god. Jackson, you're not...?" He refused to answer, and still wouldn't look at me. I glared at him. "Jackson, look at me." When he didn't move, I forced him to look at me. "Why...?" He didn't answer. I sat back and glared at the floor, angry tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "Whatever." I got up from the couch, grabbed my jacket, and stormed out of the house. I hurriedly walked, wiping away the few fallen tears from my cheeks. When I finally got home, it was almost ten thirty. Every one else was asleep, so I managed to get to my room with out any concerned looks or questions. I practically threw my jacket at the wall. I was so frustrated, but I wasn't completely sure why. Part of me wanted to scream and shout at Jackson for doing some thing so stupid, but I knew that wouldn't help. Another part of me was screaming at myself for not noticing before. For not doing any thing to help. For bringing it up in the first place. I pulled my pillow up to my face and screamed into it. When I had run out air, I fell back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. It was then that I let the tears fall from my eyes. I curled up on my side and hugged my pillow. After a while I let the exhaustion take over and slept a very restless sleep.
The next day of school was boring and uninteresting. My mind kept wandering to the previous night. Of all the events of this week, I had to keep thinking about the one I wanted to forget the most. I just hoped Jackson didn't totally and completely hate me now. I hoped I could still talk to him, like I normal. That I could fix this and act like it never happened. Erase the memory from my mind, but I couldn't. I sighed for the millionth time that day. Ashley poked my side, curious as to why I seem so out of it. I just shook my head. I didn't want to tell the whole world about Jackson. I loved Ashley like a second sister, but that girl could not keep a secret. She shrugged and went back to what had previously occupied her attention, and in this case, that was writing notes to Anna, her new girlfriend. Occasionally they'd snicker at some thing the other wrote, but the teacher either didn't notice, which I find highly unlikely, or he didn't care. I rolled my eyes and scribbled on a blank piece of paper, trying to get my mind off the events of last night, but I couldn't seem to distract myself for more than two seconds. I glared at the paper, crumpled it up, and tossed it into the trash can as I walked out the door. I watched from the safety of a secluded corner as people rushed by, some walking to cars, and others just walking off campus. I waited for the hallways to clear out before walking to my locker.
"Hey." I jumped at the sudden presence of another person in the empty hall way. I looked up and saw Jackson standing beside me.
"Oh. Hi." A few minutes of awkward silence followed as I shifted the various items in my locker to make them fit properly.
"So... Are you going to the dance tonight?" I shrugged.
"Ashley wants me to go, but considering no one asked me, I'll probably just stay home and read a book or something." Jackson nodded. I closed my locker and turned to him. "Are you?"
"What?"
"Are you going to the dance tonight?" He nodded. I felt a little disappointed. "Oh..." The awkward silence returned as I stood in front of my locker, fiddling with my jacket sleeve. "Well, I have to go help Mom with stuff... " Jackson nodded and waved. I walked out the door and sighed once again. I guess Ashley was wrong after all...