A/N: What went on behind the scenes in the ICU in Wilson's Heart? Just a short one-shot.

The ICU was unusually quiet except for the monotonous beeping of the machines hooked to the few patients housed there. Cuddy pulled the curtain closed around House for privacy, moved the reclining chair next to the bed then slumped in it and cried. She was overcome with a slew of emotions. She was proud of House for caring for Wilson so much that he risked his life to save Amber but she was also sad and angry that he thought so little of his own life that he risked it, giving no thought to those who cared about him and...loved him. She wiped her eyes with her fingers and sighed. Yes, she loved that insufferable pain in the ass who tormented her every hour of every day. She'd never divulge this to anyone but she could not imagine what her life would be like without him in it.

Cuddy leaned forward resting her arms on his bed, grasping his left hand in hers. She looked at his face, so worn and tired from all the pain he'd suffered and all the emotions he held inside of him. In that face, she also saw the brilliant med student, athletic lacrosse player, musical prodigy and party animal she once knew. House was a mystery wrapped in an enigma and she gave up trying to figure him out long ago. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it gently.

"Oh House, I wish you knew how I felt about you. I do care...but you make it so damn difficult at times." She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes, never letting go of his hand.

Hours later, Foreman walked into the ICU to check up on House and noticed the Dean still holding on to his hand tightly. It was cold in the ICU and Cuddy's blanket had fallen off. He woke her gently.

"Cuddy?"

She woke with a start. "What? What is it? Is he awake?"

"No, how long have you been here?"

She looked at her watch. "About four hours."

"Why don't you take a break? I'll sit with him."

"No, I'm not leaving, I'm fine."

"Dr. Cuddy-"

"You heard me Dr. Foreman, you can leave now, I've got things under control."

Foreman shrugged his shoulders. "Good night," he said as he left the ICU.

Cuddy sat there just watching the computer monitor beeping out the rhythm of House's vitals. She thought about all the things he'd done to himself over the years which landed him in a hospital bed. She wasn't sure she could take much more of this. She worried one day he'd be in this bed again and never wake up. The thought made her cry again as she reached her hand to gently caress his stubbled cheek. Suddenly, she saw his eyelids twitch.

"Oh my God."

House opened his eyes and a feeling of relief washed over her. "Hey, I'm here. Blink if you can hear me," she said.

As he blinked she sighed deeply in relief. He tried to mumble something and she rested her hand on his, "No, shh, don't try to talk, just rest."

As he closed his eyes, she fell back into the chair. "Thank you God," she whispered softly.

Sometime later, House awoke to the feeling of something gripping his hand. He looked over and Cuddy was asleep in the chair next to him. He thought she looked beautiful when she slept. He could see the streaks on her face, obviously from tears. He always felt bad when she cried over him. As he watched her chest move slowly up and down, he heard a noise in front of him. He looked straight ahead and there stood Wilson, watching him. His eyes were red-rimmed and House knew then that Amber had died. The two men looked at each other a few moments, without saying a word. Wilson never made a move towards House, instead he turned and walked away. House leaned his head back against his pillow feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. He remembered what he'd said to Amber in his dream about how it should have been him who died, not her.

He looked over again at the beautiful brunette in the chair beside him. He cared about Cuddy a great deal and yet he lacked the courage to tell her how he felt about her. If he told her how he felt, he risked losing her. She kept him grounded and sane in his crazy, insane world. He needed her in his life let his feelings manifest in the form of torment and games and banter. If there was ever a woman who could match him point for point it was Cuddy. He had only ever been in love twice in his life, the first time was Stacy and then...Cuddy. He'd fallen for Cuddy's brains and ambition in college and he'd often thought about what might have been. Though Stacy was an amazing woman, witty, beautiful, and intelligent, the two women differed. The fact that he shared a history with Cuddy meant a great deal to him, it's what kept them gravitating towards one another over and over again no matter how many times they hurt one another. When everyone else walked away from him, she had always been there. Looking at her, he realized just how much she meant to him. If only he wasn't so broken, he could tell her and maybe they'd have a chance.

Though he didn't have much energy at the moment, he squeezed her hand tightly and immediately she responded.

"House!" She practically jumped out of her chair.

"Thirsty," he managed to gasp.

"Hold on," she said as she poured him a cup of water. She brought it to his lips and he drank greedily. "You're an idiot," she said setting the cup down.

"I know." His voice was a bit raspy.

"You scared the hell out of me, you could have died."

He nodded slowly.

"Why do you do this to yourself? To me?"

"You?"

"Dammit House, one of these days you're going to do something stupid and not wake up."

"Trying…to help…Wilson." House was still wrapping his thoughts around what Cuddy said.

"I know you were. I'm so sorry it didn't work."

"My…fault."

"No. You tried to save her."

"Shouldn't…have been on… bus."

"You didn't ask her to pick you up House, she just showed up."

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head.

"House, I'm…" She started crying again.

"Cuddy? Don't..."

"Every time you do…this…I could have lost you."

House was taken by surprise again. She could have lost him.

"You…would've found another…to replace me."

"No." She reached out and held his hand.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"Dreamed…about Amber."

"You did?"

He was exhausted already but needed to talk to her. "On a bus...was white…all around. My leg…didn't hurt. Told her…didn't want Wilson to hate me…said I deserved it."

"No. You don't deserve it," she said as she gently ran her fingers through his hair. She noticed his eyes were slightly watery.

"I told her…didn't want to get off the bus."

"Why?"

House swallowed hard. "Didn't hurt," he gasped as a lone tear rolled from the corner of his eye. "Just...want...out of pain."

"Oh, House," Cuddy's eyes filled with tears at his emotional response. She moved from her chair to sit on the bed beside him. "You've been through so much in your life and yet you're still here. I know you don't believe in God and think it's all nonsense but there's a reason for it. You're in pain, every single day and I'd do anything to take it away." She took a deep breath before she continued speaking to him. "But I don't know...that I wouldn't do it again if I had to…if it would save your life."

House hated seeing her like this. He knew she harbored guilt over his leg and while he occasionally teased her about her Jewish guilt complex, he didn't mean any of it. He never wanted her to feel guilty about what she did.

"S'okay...not your fault."

"I can't help but feel I'm responsible for your pain just like you feel responsible...for Amber." She sighed. "Guilt sucks doesn't it?"

House closed his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. We'll...have to...work on that." He opened one eye to see if she'd heard him. He saw her smile which made him relax a bit. He loved her smile and at that moment he vowed he'd do just about anything to put that smile on her face every single day for the rest of his life.

Cuddy noticed a sparkle in House's eyes and it relaxed her knowing that they were going to be okay. Perhaps they could help each other with their guilt...and...more. She squeezed his hand. "Sounds good. How about you rest for now and when you start feeling better, we can work on it. I'll be here."

House knew her words held a deeper meaning. He closed his eyes and said softly, "I know," before he drifted off to sleep.

Cuddy remained sitting on the bed with him, still holding his hand, a sense of relief washing over her. In that moment it seemed they had both found something they thought they'd lost long ago…hope.

Hope you liked it. Please leave a review! Jess