AN: Howdy, y'all! This is my first South Park story, and it's gonna end up being a big epic, I think. Yeah, it's gonna be big. Anyway, thanks for reading, comment for more!
They weren't wearing hats.
In their small mountain town, they knew to recognize each other by their hats. Otherwise the pasty skin and tiny bodies all looked the same.
That's the justification Kyle finally decided on.
Why else wouldn't they recognize their best childhood friends on national television?
Each of them dressed in a high-end suit, calling each other 'mister Cartman' and 'mister Marsh' and on, being professional... It didn't hit any of them. Of course, how could it? The fat ass grew up to be muscular, the poor boy became rich, Kyle's stupid jewfro was straightened by his people. For godsake, they all had 'people'. How were they supposed to recognize each other when they weren't the kids they once were?
"Welcome back, viewers." Kyle started the show after the commercial break, his sophisticated smile being shown throughout the country, as it was every weeknight. "We're here with some professionals currently involved with preventing childhood bullying."
The camera swung smoothly to show the tall, handsome man with dark brown hair. He smiled winningly. "Eric Cartman, a lawyer on the case of Susanne Redson, who was bullied to suicide in middle school." Kyle paused so the audience could gasp, which was perfectly planned. The camera slid to the next guest. "Stanley Marsh, a writer of the popular book 'Playground Battles'." Again, the camera moved to focus on the one closest to Kyle. "And Kenneth McCormick, the director of the movie coming out about childhood bullying." Finally, the camera panned out to show the quartet, all looking proper and smiling. "Welcome to the show."
"Thank you for having us." Stan grinned, and their eyes locked, which was kind of weird. But nothing too weird. And, as Kyle learned in this business, the show must go on.
With a quick glance at the group, he started a new subject. "Now, my directors are telling me that we all grew up in the same town." Kyle looked down at his notes.
"Really? I don't remember any of you, I must say." Kenny said thoughtfully.
Eric, before he could stop himself, laughed. "I'd remember being around losers like you."
"Shut up, you fat fuck!" Kyle said, going immediately into his childhood defensive mode.
"Dude, you can't say fuck on tv!" Stan said quickly, looking concerned. Kenny laughed at them, pulling out a camera.
Then they all silenced, staring at each other.
"You stupid bastards!" Cartman said, bursting into laughter. Stan gawked at all of them, and then kneeled down and threw up on the fancy rug.
"Um, we'll take a commercial break!" Kyle said quickly, and the cameras shut off. He then turned to his friends. "Guys. Let's talk in the green room."
Stan weakly stood up, following him. Kenny managed to drag Eric along.
As soon as they were in the green room, which was actually a pale blue, Kyle pivoted and faced them all. The ragtag group, all staring at one another in wonder. No one did anything. Kyle was the first to break the intense silence.
"You guys!" He was delighted. He wrapped his arms around Stan's neck, who was now much taller than him, and hugged tightly.
Stan hugged back and chuckled. "You've always hugged like a girl, Kyle."
"Oh shut up, you dick," he grinned lightly up at him. "I'm not gonna be pissed off by you all."
Of course, that's the moment that Eric said casually, "Is your mom still a super bitch?"
"Okay, maybe I'll have one pissed off moment." Kyle flipped around and punched Cartman in the stomach. Expecting this, Cartman flexed his stomach muscles. Kyle winced. "Jesus, how'd you get... buff?"
"Told you I would." Eric said proudly, and wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist. "Ah, I've missed my little jew," he cooed.
Kyle blushed and pushed him away. "Pervert."
Kenny, while all this was going on, grabbed his camera. "Say hi to the camera, guys!"
"It's much nicer than your first one, you know," Stan teased, referring to the Terrance and Phillip camera he toted around in middle school and high school.
He snorted. "Yeah, but this one doesn't have a fart noise button."
They continued their lighthearted conversation, until Eric paused. "You guys... why did we forget each other?"
This was met with unsure silence. Finally, Kenny said, "I think I have it on tape."