A/N: Thank you to the wonderful Jayceepat for being my beta on this. This in SLASH so if you don't like then don't read. Just so you know there is language and mild sexual references.

Now on with the story

Chapter 1: Black

The past two years of his life now sat in boxes around his new apartment. Two years and all it took was one night to end it all and reduce him to this state of psychosis. Sitting here alone in the dark staring at boxes wishing it hadn't come to this.

He had been in this new place for three nights now and he still hadn't managed to bring him self to un-pack his possessions. He knew that once everything was un-packed, the situation would become real. Right now he felt as though he was in some sort of weird dream state. That maybe if he pinched him self hard enough he would wake up and life would go back to normal. That he would no longer feel as though he was being dragged into a black hole of misery.

He had been the one to end it. To say it was over and leave. But that didn't make him any happier with the situation. He didn't want to leave him. He didn't want it to be over. But it had to be. Because 10 years ago he had promised him self he would never stay with some one that cheated on him. And Nick had cheated on him.

He had not known what to say when Nick told him. Nick had just returned home after storming out hours earlier. They had a fight and Greg had said some rather nasty words. Words that had him believing that Nick might just leave him. He had been harsh. And when Nick returned Greg had apologized endlessly for the malicious things he had said.

But then Nick dropped his bomb and told him what he'd been up to while he was gone. Greg hadn't known what to say to him. He just stood there with a blank expression on his face as his heart broke into a million pieces. Nick, the man he loved and trusted, had fucked someone else against a wall…in an alley no less.

Part of Greg wanted to say 'okay you made a mistake. Its fine we can work past this'. But he couldn't. The whole thing just hurt too much. His harsh words and Nick's infidelity was just too much. They were meant to love each other but instead they were harming each other. It just wasn't working anymore.

He knew it was a mistake. That he had been drunk and angry and wanted to get back at Greg for the painful things he had said. But that didn't make it any less wrong.

He understood why Greg had to leave. He would have done the same thing. But that didn't stop the pain from entering him like a sharp knife to the heart. He had inflicted this wound on himself.

Their fight had been bad. The worst one they had gotten into since becoming a couple two years ago. Things had been said by both of them that were almost unforgivable. The problem with loving someone. The problem with loving someone, is you know just how to hurt them. You know how to make it sting. They were both responsible for the fight, but Greg had taken it to a whole new level with his last remark. Nick in turn, had stormed out and then proceeded to try to drink every last drop of whiskey at his favorite bar.

Ron the bartender had been flirting with him for years and in his drunken state he had flirted back. And the night had ended with them fucking in the back alley behind the bar. It was the worst mistake of Nick's life.

He had told Greg about it as soon as he was sober enough to form a sentence. At the time, Greg had been apologizing for his harsh words earlier and practically begging Nick not to leave him. He hadn't wanted to say anything; he just wanted to tell Greg it was fine and all was forgiven and ask that they just go back to being them. Instead he had blurted out that he had fucked some guy against a wall in a dark and dirty alley.

Greg's face became blank when the word's left Nick's mouth. But he could see the heart break in the younger man's eyes. Greg's eyes always gave him away, like windows to his soul.

They both stood silently in what used to be their living room, just looking at each other. It seemed like hours before Greg finally said that he couldn't do this anymore. He told Nick that they needed to make a clean break. Nick wanted to scream no. Beg him to stay and forgive him. But instead he just nodded and asked about work. Greg said he could keep things professional and Nick replied that he could do the same.

And now Nick felt lost as he looked around his house. The memories of what he and Greg had were weighing down on him like a semi trailer. His chest felt tight and he found it hard to breath. Life was nothing without Greg.

"I can't believe it" Sara said with a shocked tone as she looked at Greg with sadness in her eyes.

"Well it's true" Greg said as he tried to keep his voice as natural as possible. He didn't want anyone, including his friends to see how upset he was at the moment.

"But you and Nick are so together."

"Well not anymore" Greg said and he knew the slightly bitter quality in his voice was not lost on Sara.

"What happened?" Sara asked him.

"We happened. I was an ass. He was angry. Mistakes were made" Greg told her.

"That doesn't really clear things up Greg" Sara said to him as she pushed her hair behind her ear and moved a little closer to him. "You can talk to me. I know when it comes to love I'm pessimistic. But I'm a good listener. I promise not to judge."

"I'm grateful for that. I really am. But everything is just so fresh now. I'm not ready to talk about it yet" Greg told her and he leaned back in his chair. They were sitting in the break room at the lab. And even if Greg had felt like talking this was not the place he would choose to do it.

"Well I guess this explains it" Sara said more to herself than to Greg.

"Explains what?"

"Well Warrick and I noticed that you and Nick haven't exactly been close the last few days. We figured you guys had a fight or something and didn't really want to talk about it."

"Grissom knows. I had to change my address. But other than that I haven't told anyone. Do you think everyone's noticed the weird behavior?" Greg asked her. He really didn't want him and Nick to be the big gossip going around the lab.

"We've been pretty busy lately so I wouldn't worry about it" Sara told him as she gave him her best reassuring smile. "Do you miss him?"

"Only when I breathe" Greg replied despondently.

Nick saw him sitting with Sara talking quietly and felt his heart ache. He didn't mean to spy but sometimes he just couldn't help but watch Greg. Everything about the man made Nick weak at the knees. He missed Greg more than he had ever missed any thing in his life.

"Is everything okay Nick?" Warrick asked as he walked up behind him. He looked over at where Nick was staring and saw Greg and Sara. "What's going on with you and Sanders?"

"Greg… Left me" Nick said with a sad tone. He looked around to make sure no one was within ease-dropping distance.

"What?" Warrick said with surprise evident in his voice.

"He moved out. We're over" Nick told him. He wasn't sure why it had taken him so long to tell his best friend about the demise of his relationship. He guessed that a part of him hoped that it wouldn't stick and that he and Greg would have made up by now. It was a fantasy of course but it was what he wanted.

"Are you okay?"

"No not really."

"How about we get a beer after work and talk about everything?" Warrick suggested knowing that now was not the right time or place to discuss this.

"Sounds good" Nick said. He was still looking at Greg and Warrick couldn't help but notice the lost look in Nick's eyes.

Greg walked into the locker room slowly and sat down on the bench in front of his locker. He sighed as he rubbed his temple. The headache that had appeared right after their fight had yet to go away. Greg couldn't help but think of the first time Nick had asked him out. It had happened right here.

Two years ago

Greg stood in front on his locker with his headphones in his ears blasting Veruca Salt loudly. He was so lost in his own little world that he hadn't even heard someone walk in. He gave a shocked yell when a hand tapped him on his shoulder. He turned quickly to see Nick grinning at him. He took the headphones out and smiled sheepishly at his friend.

"Sorry G I didn't mean to scare you" Nick said to him still grinning.

"You didn't scare me" Greg said defensively not wanting to lose face in front of Nick.

"Of course I didn't" Nick replied his voice laced with sarcasm.

Ignoring the mockery in Nick's tone Greg just rolled his eyes as he shut his locker. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering what your doing right now?" Nick asked. Greg noticed that Nick now seemed slightly nervous.

"I have nothing planned" Greg replied as he watched him.

"Well I though maybe we could grab some breakfast. Maybe watch a movie or something" Nick said as he shifted his feet slightly.

"Sure" Greg replied still uncertain of what was going on. They hung out all the time and Nick was never this jittery when he asked if he wanted to do something.

"I'm not sure if I'm being clear" Nick said with obvious frustration. "I just don't know how to go about this."

"Go about what?" Greg asked. Now he had an idea of where this was going but the idea of making Nick sweat was just too good to pass up. People only got this nervous for one reason.

"I was thinking maybe we could have a date. If you want" Nick said quickly.

"Sounds good" Greg answered with a smile as he tried to stay cool. On the inside he was doing a dance of joy. They had been flirting for years now and Greg had been waiting for this moment for a long time. He had known that he really liked Nick but he was never sure if Nick felt the same way. Apparently he did.

"Really" Nick said surprised. "Well. That's great."

"Yeah" Greg agreed with a smile on his face. He wasn't used to feeling shy around people but all of a sudden Nick was making him feel like a fourteen year old school girl whose crush had just asked her to the dance.

"So how about I pick you up at your place in about an hour?" Nick said happily. The smile on his face made Greg giddy with excitement.

"Great" Greg agreed.

"See you then" Nick said as he began to walk out of the locker room backwards so that he was still facing Greg.

"Hey Nick" Greg said and Nick stood still.

"Yeah Greg" Nick replied.

"I didn't even know you were gay" Greg couldn't help but say.

"Well I never said I was straight. People just assume. And for the record I'm bi" Nick told him still smiling.

"Me too" Greg smiled.

"Well I have to say I'm glad. If you were only into chicks that would make our date a little awkward" Nick said with a small laugh. "See you in an hour."

"See you soon" Greg replied. Once Nick had left the locker room Greg could feel his cheeks hurting from smiling so much. But he really didn't care.

Present Day

Greg laughed cynically at the memory of being so cheerful. If he had known then the way things were going to turn out he wouldn't have been so happy the day Nick Stokes asked him out on a date.

TBC

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