Glee fluff meme prompt: Five times Blaine sucked at romance, and one time he didn't.
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Content Advisory: Alcohol consumption, sexual references
Not Fluent in the Language of Love
1. Picnics at midnight under the stars are a fantastic way to show someone you love them. Cliched romantic food, silence, and starlight should have been a surefire hit, Blaine was sure of it. The part where it was November in Ohio, however? Perhaps not one of his better ideas.
Snuggling while waiting for his car to warm up, though? That was pretty damn nice.
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2. Wine was definitely on the list of romantic things to do on a date. He'd even liberated one of his parents' better labels from the wine cabinet. Kurt didn't even seem to care that they were drinking the stolen goods out of coffee mugs since Blaine had forgotten to also borrow wine glasses.
What Blaine hadn't known about was the nature of his boyfriend's alcohol tolerance. His extremely low tolerance.
To be fair, Kurt was a cute drunk.
Up until the puking began, at least.
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3. Downloading a special customized ringtone for Kurt's cell phone was, in Blaine's mind, an inspired idea to show how much he cared. And in tinny, musical form, no less.
The horrified expression on Kurt's face when "Endless Love" blared from his pocket was not at all the reaction that Blaine had expected.
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4. Blaine had planned everything down to the last detail.
He and Kurt would have a leisurely dinner in Dayton before seeing Wicked, a show Kurt raved about endlessly and Blaine was more than happy to accompany him to, and then make the hour and a half drive back to Lima with an encore presentation of the musical blaring from his car stereo thanks to Kurt's iPod. They would both, undoubtedly, sing along enthusiastically, no matter the lateness of the hour.
And then, two days before their date with Oz, the Death Plague hit. Blaine could barely restrain his coughing long enough to assure Kurt that he was, in fact, resting and taking his meds dutifully and drinking lots and lots of tea. He was determined to magically heal in time for their date, or at least fake it enough that Kurt would still be able to enjoy himself, even if Blaine was too busy trying not to let his head explode from the pressure building up inside it.
Then, the morning of the show, Blaine's phone lit up on his bedside table just as he was diving into a brand new box of industrial-strength tissues. Through a weird combination of coughing, scratchy-voiced explanations, and nose-blowing Morse Code, Blaine was finally able to figure out that Kurt, too, had managed to pick up the Death Plague.
So Blaine called up Rachel and offered her the tickets (his mom said that she'd opened the door to find Rachel wearing a surgical mask and clutching a giant bottle of Purell, and that she'd insisted on the tickets being dropped directly into a plastic baggie for maximum germ protection).
While Rachel and Finn enjoyed (or perhaps tolerated, in Finn's case) their tickets, Blaine and Kurt spent the evening ensconced in their respective beds with throat lozenges, cooling mugs of tea, and sarcastic commentary about the What Not To Wear marathon they were watching together, at Kurt's insistence.
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5. Blaine had thought that, being Kurt's stepbrother, Finn might have some insight into Kurt's heart and mind, so he'd gone to him for advice on his next romantic gesture. He will never make that mistake again. Kurt was finally talking to him again and Burt was communicating with him using more than just grunts and glares. Blaine would avoid candles and all sources of fire in future romance attempts. Let's just leave it at that and blacklist Finn from advice columns, shall we?
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+1. "I can't even-" Kurt cut himself off with wave of his arms, excitement thick in his voice. Blaine couldn't resist the smile on his face at Kurt's twirl of delight as they stepped into the elevator. He just watched him, admiring the flushed, smiling face of the man standing with him in the elevator, and enjoyed the spectacle that was Kurt Hummel walking on air.
"This is possibly the best night of my life. My life! It felt amazing, and everyone clapped, and you were there watching me, and I just couldn't believe-" Once again, Kurt was unable to finish his sentence as he grabbed Blaine's arms and spun them both around once before pulling Blaine into a kiss that didn't end until the elevator softly dinged their arrival on their floor.
"Come on, let's get you home. Between the show, the after party, and visiting with your adoring family of fans, you've had quite the day." Blaine offered his arm to Kurt, who smiled slyly at him and took it. "Have I mentioned that you're amazing, by the way?"
"Why yes," Kurt replied breathily, smiling openly once again and leaning in until his head rested against the side of Blaine's for a moment. "I do believe you have. Once, or twice, or, oh, a dozen times tonight alone."
"Good. Wouldn't want to be failing in my duties as adoring boyfriend."
"Definitely not."
Arriving at the door to their apartment, Blaine unlocked it but indicated for Kurt to walk in first. Kurt's soft "oh" of surprise was music to his ears, as was the look of surprise and pleasure on Kurt's face as Blaine watched him slowly turn and take in the changes to their apartment.
A large sign proclaiming its congratulations was hung mostly evenly on the wall above their couch and soft instrumental music filled the air. There were flowers on most of the available surfaces and flickering battery-powered tea light candles scattered around the room. Two champagne glasses waited on the kitchen counter next to a ribbon-wrapped bottle of sparkling water. The kitchen table was covered in photographs of Kurt with his family and friends and letters from each person pictured, from Mercedes' friendly cursive and Finn's chicken scratch to Rachel's star-dotted "i's" and Burt's steeply angled lines.
Blaine watched as Kurt walked over to the table and took the display in, his hand running across several pages as though wanting to prove that they weren't an illusion. His finger tapped against a pink sheet covered in Brittany's rounded bubble letters and paused over Carol's blunt and heartfelt note before turning around to stare at Blaine with what Blaine could only interpret as amazement.
"You-" Kurt closed his eyes and cleared his throat determinedly. "You did this? You arranged this for me?"
"It's a special night. I figured it needed to have a special finale." Blaine opened his arms and Kurt stepped into them without hesitation, pressing his face against Blaine's neck and breathing in slow, measured breaths for a full minute.
When Kurt tipped his head back to meet Blaine's eyes, he was smiling. "You're getting pretty good at this whole sweeping me off my feet thing, you know."
"Am I?" Blaine pulled Kurt a fraction closer to him.
"You are, Blaine Warbler." Kurt's grin turned mischievous. "And I have a good idea of one last thing to add to this surprise of yours that'll really make it stick in my mind for the rest of my life."
"Oh? And what would that be?"
Kurt simply pulled Blaine in by his lapels and kissed him in a manner that was far better suited to the privacy of their home and rather put the earlier one in the elevator to shame.
Blaine was sometimes not the best at picking up emotional cues, and romance was certainly not always his strongest suit, but even this message was received, loud and clear.