Beck was all too accustomed to Jade's dramatic entrances by this point, so he didn't so much as blink an eye when she kicked open his RV door and strode in, fists balled in obvious fury.

"What happened this time, baby? Did you run out of black nail polish again? Were they playing Barry Manilow at Hot Topic?"

"You think I'd bust in here at three in the morning for Barry Manilow? This is serious, dude! This is DEFCON 1 here!" She was all but shaking with anger.

Realizing he'd underestimated the importance of the situation, Beck leaped from his chair. "What is it?"

"You're not going to believe this, but as it stands right now, we're…we're only rated K!"

He blinked. This was completely unexpected. "I beg your pardon?"

"Our story rating! It's just K! Do you know what that letter stands for? Kindergartners! Some little five-year-old could just waltz right in and start reading about us whenever she wants!"

"And that's a problem why, exactly?"

"Look. You know better than anyone that I have a certain…persona I have to maintain in public. Tough. Edgy. Snarky. How am I supposed to keep that up believably when I've got the same rating as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? I'll be the laughingstock of the fictional world!"

"Well…um…I suppose we could always try to raise the rating."

Some of the old light returned to her eyes. "Yeah! That's it! How can we bump that baby up?"

"Mmm…violence usually works. Maybe if…"

Without waiting for him to finish, she swiftly kicked him in the shin. He stumbled backward and clutched his throbbing leg.

"How's that?" she asked triumphantly.

"Well, first of all, ow. Second of all, that should probably get us up to K+."

Her smile faded. "Not T?"

"For a kick in the shin? Sweetheart, you'd see worse violence in an old Three Stooges short."

"What about if I slap you?"

He took an instinctive step backward. "That would probably put you on the borderline, but I still don't think it would be enough."

She pondered for a moment. "Okay, time for drastic action." Reaching into her backpack, she drew out a hand grenade and hurled it through the RV window. "Fire in the…" BOOOM "…hole!"

"You do realize you just totaled my parents' garage, right?" said Beck once the ringing in his ears had ceased.

"Oh, they can always get another one. What matters is that we're up to T!" To his astonishment, she began to bounce up and down on the balls of her toes, clapping excitedly, almost as if she were channelling Cat. "Now, wanna throw caution to the wind and go for M?"

"That might not be such a good idea."

"Oh, you're such a stick in the mud. Maybe if we mention sex? SEX SEX SEX! HOT BUTTERY LOVIN'! COME AND GET IT!" she shrieked at the top of her voice.

He seized her shoulders, trying desperately to calm her. "Jade! Stop it! The author already settled on T! If he finds out we're trying to get the dreaded M rating, he might have to cut the story short!"

"Oh, like that'll happen," she said, rolling her eyes. "I bet he wouldn't even mind if we started using foul language! Isn't that right, you lousy no-good son of a-"

We interrupt this program to bring you footage of happy puppies frolicking in a field. Please ignore the screaming teenager, and look at the cute little puppies. Thank you.

END