Okay, I wanted to write this for some time and I finally did it but I'm disappointed with it, it didn't come out like I wanted.
It's based on a french song called "Mon ange" by Nolwenn Leroy, I put the french lyrics and the translation. It's better if you read the lyrics.
I don't own anything.
She was standing in front of the door, her hand on the knob but she couldn't bring herself to open it. With each passing day it got harder to come here because when she would have to leave she would think 'another day gone' and that meant the day when she wouldn't have to come anymore was getting closer and that's what she feared the most.
But she couldn't let herself break down, everyday when she came here she tried to pretend she was fine even though it was the opposite.
J'ai la gorge nouée ( I have the throat tied )Une porte à pousser ( A door to push )
Tu ne dois rien savoir ( You musn't know anything )
De mon émoi ( Of my emotion )
Outside the sun was shining, usually just the warmth of the sun would go through her skin and make her feel at ease, just content but she hadn't felt this way in a long time. She only felt sadness, desperation, weakness and vulnerability but even though those were her real feelings once she would have go through this door she would have to stay strong, she had to stay strong especially that the worst was to come and she couldn't let him see her this way, she had to be strong for him.
C'est un jour de soleil ( It's a sunny day )Mais tout est triste en moi ( But everything is sad in me )
Et je me suis jurée ( And I swore to myself )
D'être forte pour toi ( To be strong for you )
Though she knew that the simpliest thing could make her break down, these days almost everything could make her show her inner feelings and everytime she came here it got harder to keep a straight face. She had always been the best at pretending but her acting became poorer and poorer and she had no idea how much longer she could go before breaking down.
She raised her head, put on a fake smile and finally pushed the door open.
Et pourtant ( And however )Je crois, vraiment ( I really think )
Qu'il faudrait si peu de choses ( That just a few things would be enough )
Pour que je craque ( For me to break down )
Et que je me montre vulnérable, enfin ( And that I show myself being vulnerable, finally )There he was, her husband, the father of her child, the love of her life, in his dying bed.
Upon seeing her enter the hospital room, he smiled, his was a guenuine one because seeing her always made him smile, it always had and it would until the very end.
He was sick and was going to die but his smile was still the same, the one that made her knees weak and her heart warm in a matter of seconds and that was the only thing that made her feel better.
She made her way towards him, not saying anything, not looking in his eyes not even daring to touch him, afraid to betray her emotions.
Car, je sais que tu vas nous quitter mon ange ( Because I know that you're going to leave us my angel )La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été ( The strange brightness of your smile enlighten my summer )
Je sais que tu vas nous quitter mon ange ( I know that you're going to leave us my angel )
Mais comment oser te toucher ( But how dare to touch you )
J'ai si peur de voir mes mains trembler ( I'm so afraid to see my hands shaking )She softly sat down on his bed, the bed where he most likely will die seeing as he couldn't come back to their home, he needed to stay in the hospital to receive his treatment even though it wouldn't save him, it would prevent him from some pain. She had come to term that it would be the place where she will lose him forever and it was part of the reason why she hated this room so much.
Je m'asseois sur ton lit ( I sit down on your bed )Dans toutes ces vagues de plis ( In all those waves of creases )
Où tu pourrais te noyer ( Where you could drown yourself )
Pour une éternité ( For an eternity )She knew she was going to ramble, she had picked this trait from him and she knew she was going to say stupidities, she always did when she was nervous and that's why she was afraid to talk but even more she was afraid of not finding the words and not knowing what to say.
"Hey" She finally managed to say.
"Hey" He responded simply but after another moment of silence he talked again "Are you okay?"
"I should be the one asking you this." She answered in a whisper, finally looking up into his eyes, silence surrounding them once again.
"You don't have to always be strong, you know" He said softly after a moment "I can see right through your act, even if I don't say anything about it. I know that you only do it for me because you think you need to be strong for me, for my sanity but it isn't the case. I just want you to be yourself, to let me know what you think and what you feel, the only thing I need from you is to be by my side." By the time he had finished his speech, tears were running down her face and she let herself sob while he hugged her. She felt a little guilty that he was the one comforting her and not the other way around but after months of keeping everything inside she needed to let go and be soothed.
Je vais dire des bêtises ( I'm going to say stupid things )Te raconter mon château ( Tell you about my castle )
Parler devient ma hantise ( To talk is becoming my obsessive fear )
Et s'il me manquait des mots ? ( And what if some words were missing? )
Pourtant, je crois, vraiment ( Though, I really think )
Qu'il faudrait si peu de choses ( That just a few things would be enough )
Pour que je craque ( For me to break down )
Et que je me montre vulnérable, enfin ( And that I show myself being vulnerable, finally )
Car, je sais que tu vas nous quitter mon ange ( Because I know that you're going to leave us my angel )
La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été ( The strange brightness of your smile enlighten my summer )
Je sais que tu vas nous quitter mon ange ( I know that you're going to leave us my angel )
Mais comment oser te toucher ( But how dare to touch you )
J'ai si peur de voir mes mains trembler ( I'm so afraid to see my hands shaking )
''You can't die, please don't die" She begged, crying more than she ever had "You can't leave me, please, please. You can't, you just can't, you have to stay here with me, please, please do that for me, please." She finally released all the emotions she had felt since the day they had learned that the death was inescapable, she couldn't be strong anymore, she didn't have any strenght left.
For once, he was the strong one, he had accepted his fate for some time now as hard as it has been, he knew there was no need to deny it so he figured he would enjoy the little time left with the ones he loved the most. He wasn't afraid of the death itself because he knew that once he passed away, all of this would be over and he would be in peace, the hardest part would be for the people who stayed and would have to live without him.
"Believe me, there's nothing that I would like more than to stay with you, to just be with you" He answered, trying to keep his voice still even though it already was shacky and the tears threatened to fall down his eyes because even if he had accepted his fate, he could never stay still in front of her breaking down, it was breaking his heart and it reminded him even more of what he really feared. "But I can't, I am going to die."
"No, no" She said constantly shacking her head. "No you're not, please, you can't leave us alone, I need you, I can't do it without you, please."
"Yes you can and you're going to do it, you're going to live and you'll raise our son and you'll be happy."
She looked away, closed her eyes and shook her head, sign that she didn't agree with what he said. "This isn't fair."
"Life isn't fair.'
Et si j'étais trop lâche ( And what if I was too coward )Pour voir la vérité ( To see the truth )
Et l'accepter avec courage ( And accept it with bravery )
Comme toi tu le fais ( The way you do it )
After a few minutes and having calmed down a little, she looked up at him once again.
"Are you afraid?" She simply asked.
"I'm afraid of leaving you" He replied with a sad little smile. "I'm afraid of not being with you." She nodded slightly letting him know she understood.
"I'm afraid of letting you go." She confessed as she sobbed once again.
Car je sais que tu vas nous quitter mon ange ( Because I know that you're going to leave us my angel )La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été ( The strange brightness of your smile enlighten my summer )
Je sais que tu vas tout quitter mon ange ( I know that you're going to leave everything my angel )
Et si loin de moi t'envoler ( And fly far away from me )
"I'll be with you" He explained softly. "In every page of your imagination, you'll just have to visit me."
"How, how can I do that?"
"By believing, you just have to believe."
I'm so not happy with it but I decided to post it anyway, let me know what you think.