The Power of Yes

by yanne

My stomach has been clenching and unclenching since the time I saw her. That is so weird. Isn't that supposed to be a girl's stuff? But I guess the possibility of her turning me down–again–is just making me utterly nervous. I hope she can't hear the anxiety in my voice.

"So, I was wondering if you would, maybe, go out with me. To Hogsmeade, I mean, this weekend."

I can see her considering my invitation. My stomach scrunches even more at the suspense. I can feel my heart hammering violently inside my chest in anticipation. And I'm pretty sure my hands are getting sweaty. The silence lengthens and I'm getting more and more edgy. She keeps looking at me, studying my expression carefully.

I don't know what my face is exposing, but whatever it is, it made her smile.

"I'd love to, yes."

At her answer, so many memories flood my mind.

I remember way back in our fifth year when I asked her out for the first time. That was after we took our O.W.L.s. Now you might think that I have been in love with her ever since then but I tell you, you're wrong. When she went up to stop me from bullying her friend Snape, those words just came tumbling from my mouth.

"Leave him alone," she'd said.

"I will if you go out with me. Go on, Evans, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again" was my arrogant and haughty answer.

I admit I did–and still do–admire her brave and outspoken personality. But that was just it: admiration. That night on the same day, my friends began badgering me about it; that I was turned down for the very first time. That was when I made a bet with Sirius that one of these days, she'd eventually say yes to me.

I started bothering and annoying her with my constant invitations to go out at the start of sixth year. She was so irritated with me then that she ended up avoiding me every time she saw me. To annoy her wasn't my intention, I promise you, but in time it led me there. It was just that she was so hard to deal with. I thought that if she got tired of my persistence, she'd say yes. I wasn't going to give up and hand over my five galleons to Sirius, you know.

In the middle of sixth year, Sirius decided to finally back out of the wager.

"This is going nowhere, to tell the truth," he'd said with a look of disgust. "Just accept the fact that Lily Evans would never–let me spell that out for you; n-e-v-e-r, never–go out with you."

"I think Padfoot's right," Peter had agreed. "She called you a toerag, remember? And she said she'd rather date the Giant Squid."

However Remus, being the most understanding and gentle friend that he was, simply patted my shoulder and gave me an encouraging smile.

But even after we ended the bet, I continued to ask Lily out, I continued to open doors for her, I continued carrying her book bag for her, I continued courting her. And at that time, I did it without being too pushy and without annoying her. No one understood me at all. Not even my friends…except for Remus.

"Prongs," Sirius said one night after he saw me talking to Lily in front of the Common Room fire. "Give up. I can't even find any logical reason as to why you're still courting that woman. There are other girls out there who are more willing to go out with you."

Remus snorted rudely.

"Yeah, airhead girls," he muttered, then added in a louder voice. "Look, I'm with Prongs. Let him court Lily. If you can't think of a logical reason, I can."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine. I know Lily is pretty, smart and outgoing. But she couldn't be Prongs's type." Then as if a huge realization bounded on him, his dark eyes widened and he looked at me. "Could she?"

Remus sighed. "Seriously, Padfoot, last night God showered the world with dumbness and you were the only one having insomnia."

"Sod off, Moony. Wormtail was awake too."

The summer after sixth year, she was everything I ever thought about. I kept picturing her in my mind. From her fiery red hair, her emerald eyes, the cute freckles just on the corner of her nose, her full lips, down to her slender and petite physique. It drove me mad, I swear. Not having to see her, it was the most unbearable summer I've had in a while.

The first of September came, and I saw her again at King's Cross Station. At the sight of her, my heart jumped up and down. Literally! It took a moment for me to steady my struggling heartbeat and compose my facial expression. And that was when I finally realized that I have fallen for this beautiful redhead. I promised myself that day that I would never give up on her. For me, it was–and still is–always life with her, or life alone.

And now that I've finally heard the one word that I've been yearning to hear for two years now, there is no more clenching in my stomach, no more thudding in my chest. I've grown numb. And before I can think of an intelligent thing to say to her, I fainted.

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Hope you enjoyed. :)

lotzx,

-- y a n n e --