"C'mon Lou, you know I can handle it. I want this interview and I'm the only person in this building who actually watches the show. I've been watching it since the pilot. I've watched hundreds of hours worth of interview footage and read article after article on my own time. I know what they've already said and I know what to ask. Let's face it…I'm the only one who gives a shit in this entire department." I indicated the coworkers who were standing open-mouthed behind me, "The rest of them would only be doing it for the scandal. I love these guys, I love this show, and I would do it right. I can write this, you know as well as I do that Ryan Freakin' Murphy isn't going to let us roast them, he'll just pick it apart until there isn't a single bit of substance left…" I paused and then went on with a triumphant gleam in my eye. "unless of course, you give me the job." I put on my best "Kurt Hummel bitch face" and stared the boss down; I could practically feel his resolve weakening. He knew that every word I said was true. "Fine, but screw it up and I will bust you down so far that the kid who gets me my coffee in the mornin' will make more than you do." He smiled as he said it though, I knew that I was the best person for the job and obviously so did he. "Thanks Lou, you won't regret it…when did they schedule the interview?"
I will not be nervous. I will be just fine. I can do this; they're just people, just like me. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm going to meet Ryan Murphy and Chris Colfer and Darren Criss and that I get to tell their story! I took a deep breath and walked into the interview room that had been reserved for us. The two boys, their agents, and Ryan Murphy all stopped talking and stood as I entered the room. Ryan walked over to me and I forgot how to breathe, hopefully he still had no idea that I was his biggest fan. Don't blow it, don't be an idiot. He stuck his hand out in greeting and I smiled and reached out to clasp it firmly. "Hello, Mr. Ryan…I mean Mr. Murphy." I smiled ruefully. "Sorry, it isn't every day you get to meet someone as influential as you are." I reached out and shook hands with the two boys, "Mr. Criss…Mr. Colfer…" Their agents refused to budge and refused my hand, they sat looking grimly at me and their surroundings. "Now, now, let's be polite." Ryan pursed his lips and glanced at the men at the end of the table.
"It's okay Mr. Murphy, I am the Anti-Christ after all."
He threw back his head and laughed, "Well at least you're aware of it."
I gestured for the men to sit and then sat down opposite Ryan and to the left of the boys. "Before we start, would anyone like something to drink? I know I would love some water…confession's thirsty work…" I could see that Chris was fighting back a smile. "Robert Heinlein fan or…do you just find me amusing?" "I've read Stranger" he said with a nod and a grin. "Oh, I made you smile and your teeth are showing. I've already won." I couldn't keep my face straight. I love Chris but I hate how he hardly ever smiles big enough to show teeth and so do the rest of his fans. It was like he only broke out the big guns when something truly amused him and I had just amused him. Yay me! He looked at Ryan and nodded.
"Okay, I think this is gonna work." I directed my attention to Darren; he had been watching the entire exchange but hadn't said a word, although he was smiling as well. I caught his eye and he spoke "I think this could be alright. I've read what little you have online Kate, I have to say, I was surprised that they let someone as new as you handle the story…" he frowned then as though he were puzzled. I broke eye contact and tried not to laugh.
"I only have a few stories out as Kate Smith, the rest are under pseudonyms. Women, well they aren't always…accepted as readily as men in this field, especially if you write sports or cars or anything else typically male. So I learned to submit my stuff under more auspicious names. So…drinks?" They nodded so I hit the call button on the table between them and waited for the assistant to come in.
"So…off the record…how tall are you Darren?" I waggled my eyebrows and smiled at my own nerve. He smiled and I knew he was using that charming grin to keep me off-balance. "I'm afraid that's highly classified information, I could tell you but then my agent would have to hire someone to kill you. I'm not allowed to do my own dirty work these days." He knew how to take care of himself; this was a different Darren from the boy in those first interviews that he gave. This boy was much more wary, he was cautious and clever. How sad, he shouldn't have to change just because the world he lived in had gone so very wrong.
The assistant walked in with a small cooler filled with ice and bottles of water, "Lou said you would want water…is there anything else you need?" The men shook their heads saying, "Water is fine" "This is good, thanks". Kate opened the cooler handing out water bottles, even going so far as to offer them to the agents at the other end, but of course they shook their heads. "You know this isn't really the underworld, right? You won't be forced to stay if you eat or drink here." I was getting a little grouchy about those two, why were they even here if they couldn't behave? Ryan seemed to give them a warning look; it frightened the bejeezus out of me anyways.
"Now that we're all so comfortable, why don't you tell me the rules Mr. Murphy." Ryan scoffed quietly, "Rules, Miss Smith?" "You know, that thing where you tell me what questions you'll let me ask and then I try to ask questions I was told to avoid…you know…rules." I smiled sweetly, hoping to take the sting out of the truth of my words. "We're here to set the record straight, get it all out into the open…so we don't have to hide anymore. Why would there be rules for that?" Chris spoke brightly, as though he were trying to convince me. "Okay…no rules…I can do that." I spoke harshly to the young men. "So, how long have the two of you been lovers?"
One of the trolls at the end of the table spoke up quickly, "Don't answer that…I hardly think that is an appropriate question, Miss Smith!"
"Cool your jets, I'm just letting them know that there are rules to this game…I'm hardly a novice." I rolled my eyes at the agent and went back to trying to appear calm and collected as I looked at each of the boys in turn. I sighed heavily, "I love you guys, I have for 6 ½ seasons. This is the first time that I've watched a TV show that featured me. I know you guys have heard it all before but…you saved my life." I cleared my throat and went on. "When I first heard that Ryan Murphy was going to do a series about show choir kids…I literally lost it. I made girl noises, I…I know you don't know me but, believe me when I say…that don't happen to me too much. My very next thought was that the network would never show it or that they'd air 2 maybe 3 episodes and then cancel it." I laughed out loud, "and then I thought…if it's at all true to life they better air it late night…I told my kid young that she was never gonna ride the bus with the band geeks or the choir nerds. I'm pretty sure that's where I was when she was conceived."
I took a breath to steady my nerves. "I want this interview and I want it to go well. I will make this the most positive piece you have ever read…because I owe it to you, all of you. I owe, well, everything I have to you." I looked across the table at Ryan, "when the first episode aired; I was 35 years old, I lived with my mother, and I didn't own a damn thing of my own. I'm 41 now; I've paid off my mothers' house, bought my own, and put my kid through art school. We don't owe anybody a dime. I was working in a dead end job where no one appreciated me or even noticed anything I did for them. Now? Well…okay maybe that hasn't changed as much as I thought it had." I scratched my head and pretended to be perplexed. I could see them loosening up, maybe they might even like me before this was all over. Hopefully they could see the honesty of my words.
"Now, I work for people who see what I can do…even when it's something I've never done before." I gestured to them, letting them know that it was this interview that I was referring to. "They don't pay me unless they're happy…and as I told you…I make a rather healthy salary. This interview is the stuff of dreams, not for the money, but because I never thought that I would ever get to repay you guys. I never thought I would get the opportunity to announce to the world that CrissColfer is ON!" I couldn't resist a tiny fist pump. "I want this so bad I can taste it…not the chance to out your relationship…the chance to shout it from the rooftops…to celebrate it…to CROW!" I pulled my arms in; it wouldn't do to knock things off of the table in my excitement. I didn't want them to be scared that I might hit them, it hardly ever happened; I mostly noticed I was getting wild before any real damage could be done. "I am so excited about everything you guys and so are the rest of your fans. I fought for this story because I knew that the rest of them just wanted the scandal. I don't want gossip, I want true romance…I want the love story…I want your story and I want to use it to touch the world. You boys…sorry men…you've had to hide what you are, hide what you have…because some people wouldn't like it. Some people might get upset…its love…it should be out in the open." I sat back in my seat and waited.
The three looked at each other quickly and then Ryan nodded his head and looked me in the eye. "I feel confident that you will handle this story the way that we would like it handled. We do have a prepared statement but…we don't want this to come off too…press conference-y. We don't want it to sound like a publicity stunt or to turn their relationship into a sound bite. I think that would be the worst thing we could do at this point. We thought that we might just handle this like a regular interview and then go through it with you."
"So you want to answer all my questions honestly but then go over it and over it until there's nothing left…?"
Darren spoke up, "No, we just want your help. We need it to sound like…well, like what you said earlier…true romance, a love story, you know…the truth but not so harsh. I don't want to tell our fans that we hid because we were scared of them! The ones who weren't going to judge us are going to know that already and the ones who are going to judge…they need it sugar-coated." He stared at me, practically daring me to refute his words. The problem was, I couldn't.