If you read my other Fics thou will see I usually paste Remus as the unknowing Sexgod. Like he is. if anyone has a problem with that, I am more than ready to defend Remus Lupin with it collection of witty insults. That is all.

Flirting

One-shots

Everyone recognised Sirius Orion Black or 'Padfoot' as his friends dubbed him, as the Hogwarts Grffyndor cassonova. He dated girls. Boys. And there was that young teachers assistant at one time who I think was half Veela? But I can't be entirely sure. Lets face it, he got around. Alot. The only problem was, he couldn't seduce on command, he had to plan it out, step by step for several days before he advance or 'made his move' as he so intelligently put it. Which was the reason it took him 3 years to ask out Remus Lupin his current boyfriend of 5 months.

But, this led to problems for the marauders when they needed to charm their way out of an unexpected problem, luckily from years 1-6 old Prongsie boy could step in. Then Lily Evans swooped in and now has James's 'manly parts' in her handbag and he is completely unable to preform such tasks because he says, and I quote 'it took him so long to get her, he's not going to lose her over such a trivial fact'

So then, when worst came to worst and an unexpected hufflepuff prefect came about on one of their random trips to the kitchen (completely spur of the moment) they had to send in Peter, who somehow managed to gain them 7 weeks of detention for 'molesting a student' plus the hufflepuff had to see all sorts of counsellors.

Your probably wondering, why not send Remus in, he's smart, popular and we all know he's sexy as fuck, but Remus felt himself unqualified for the job as he refused to lead someone on without being able to date them. Plus he was dating Sirius who was way too possessive for his own good. Also ,really he didn't want to announce that he was actually quite the player himself even if he did play for his own team, and could pick up anyone with just a raise of his eyes. And he was a little rusty having been dating Sirius for little over five months.

It was one of those nights, it was dark and dreary and the boys wanted to liven up the night with some firewhiskey located in the top drawer of the right top cabinet of the kitchens. They had been sneakin-well, their teenage boys, it was more like stomping, when they somehow managed to bump into Ellen Brown, ravenclaw prefect. Sirius had frozen to the spot, his mouth mumbling incoherent pick-up lines that, lets face it, no one understood. James stood silently brooding and staring loverly at a picture of his dear Lilypads.

Pete was about to step in, straightening his tie, and puffing out his (way to big) manboobs as an trivial attempt at looking 'supermegafoxyawesomehot'.

As he put it.

Remus sighed, running a hand through his gorgeous rumpled blondish-reddish-brownish-fuck every colour was in his sexyashell hair, something he only did when he was to the full part of exasperation, unknowingly making the dog beside gasp softly and thank merlin for the log baggy robes Hogwarts inflicted on them.

"Let me handle it." He said softly, putting a hand out to stop the short fat fuck-sorry Peter from getting them anymore detentions. It wasn't that Pete couldn't do it. Well, okay. He couldn't do it and NEWTS were coming up, he didn't want anymore detention/therapy/lawsuits coming up when he should be studying for potions even though he knew Sirius would probably be over possessive when he had managed to get them off scot-free.

Prongs and Padfoot looked at him in quiet disbelief but eventually nodded silently (though Sirius looked a bit huffy). Peter pouted but instead of looking adorable like our neighbourhood werewolf and animagus's did, he just looked like he had eight double chins. Sorry. Eight MORE double chins.

"Ellen?" Remus said politely, flashing a brilliant white smile that made Sirius weak at the knees, "A word?"

Ellen nodded silently. Remus Lupin. The Remus Lupin was talking to her! She idolised him. His hair, his height, his passion for books, oh! Everything about him just screamed "I AM ADORABLE! YOU MUST LOVE ME EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LOVE MYSELF!"

He took her elbow and guided her over to an alcove under the tapestry whilst his friends (and boyfriend) looked on in secret fascination, obviously casing a seeushearus charm meaning they could see and hear everything happening.

Remus ran another hand through his hair, making sure it was just oh-so-slightly ruffled in a way that made him look just-shagged. A lesson he knew made him look shagable from many trips to clubs with his friend Lily Evans. And having shagged Sirius so many times because of it.

From the way Ellen just gulped, it seemed his plan so far had worked.

"So Ellen?" He said interestedly, leaning one hand on the wall behind her, making sure he was leaning over her, "How are you?"

Ellen gulped, her long-time crush was hovering just above her, coming closer with every passing second. A layer of sweat covered her face and she cursed her paternal genes for landing her in such a predicament. Her crush was about to kiss her. Now was not the time to start sweating.

"I-I-I'm fine!" She squeaked and Remus smiled gently, albeit a bit awkwardly. Taking one for the team. Okay. Here goes nothing.

"Ellen I like you." He lied "but we can't be together. I'm too dangerous for you. What's about to happen will never be repeated or shared with anyone and Im sorry. But this can't happen again." Remus looked genuinely sad, and the marauders had to take a minute to remember that this was all in the name of a distraction. Ellen gasped. Dangerous? How was the sweetest kindest boy in the world dangerous?

She was about to voice her thoughts, when a pair of warn soft lips came down on hers for just a minute. She squeaked before tangling her hands in his hair.

Remus felt like cringing, and knew for about an hour after this, he would be. That had to be the cheesiest line he had ever pulled and he was the king of cheesy lines. Even though it was somewhat true, he still had never actually used it until now. And kissing her? Oh that was horrible, she was way to soft and she was pulling his hair. Owwww. It hurt like a fucker. He pulled away, somehow managing to look like it was phsically hurting him. And it was.

Ellen pulled his hair to hard and took out a couple strands.

"Im sorry." He whispered, before stepping out of the alcove to where his fellow marauders stodgy staring at him. He wiped his mouth forcefully on his jumper sleeve, and said "We will never speak of this again."

Prongs was the first recover from his natural shock, "Too dangerous for her eh,moony! Didn't know you had it in you!" Remus groaned and hit him on the shoulder a bit more forceful than intended.

"Bastard." James said affectionately, rubbing shoulder like it really hurt.

Which it did, but James had his 'manly pride' to consider.

Sirius was next, he growled angrily, like Remus had expected and launched himself at the poor werewolf,snogging the living daylights out of him as he tried to pull away. They where in a corridor for Gods sake!

"Oh come on Pads! Leave the poor bloke alone!" Prongs laughed, pulling the over-affectionate dog off Remus who looked completely dazed.

"What? Fuck, Im confused!" Remus mumbled while Sirius crossed his arms smugly.

"He's mine James! Only mine! Next time. Send in Pete"

the end