Title: Loves lost
Pairing: Obi/Ani/Padme
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns everything pertaining to Star Wars
Summary: Anakin looks back at his loves lost

A long shot of my surroundings would've been synonymous to the war raging in my battered soul.

On one side there was Padme, on the other there was Obi-wan. Then surrounding me were the jeers of the company I kept waiting for me to fail.

Geonosis was the stage on which my life was being played out.

She had just admitted that she loved me, and in the darkness of the tunnel we kissed.

I had just admitted that I loved him. To myself of course, I could never tell him. Not even under the cover of a dark tunnel, where dark secrets are told in whispers for only the walls to forget.

To love her back, as my body wished me to do, was to live out the rest of my life in a shroud of lies. Snatching at passion in snippets of opportunity. Breaking my vows to the Jedi, just to make sacred vows to her. Promises built on deception and lies.

To love him, as my heart wished me to do, was to live out the rest of my life in silence. Silently adoring the way his mouth curled when he got riled up. Silently committing each stroke he wove with his lightsaber to memory. Silently soothing his hackles when we flew. Snatching at not so silent moments of relief when snippets of opportunity arose. Keeping my vows to the Jedi, breaking my vows to her. Promises built on promises broken, and a tongue held from saying that which it means.

I could live in silence or live in lies, but never truth. And I failed to choose. I tried to be honest to him and found myself lying about her. I tried to lie to her but found her my only sense of clarity.

I struck her down and then realised she had left me with nothing.

I struck him down and then realised that I was nothing.

The choice was never mine to make. My soul had already made it on Geonosis.

In life I lived in a shroud of lies and a cloak of silence.

In death I saw life. He was waiting for me, he redeemed me, and as he sews the splintered pieces of my heart back together, I realise how loud the silence was between us.

He loved me too.