This idea just came to me, and I had to write it down. I hope you guys like it!
Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this is Kaylie. All other rights belong to Crypton Future Media.
AGE RATING WARNING: I'm rating this T for mentions of self harm and abuse, suicidal thoughts and attempts, and a somewhat dark tone. May be triggering.
Vocaloids were built to live forever. Common problems that could end a human's life, such as illnesses, or injuries- these could not harm them. Hurt them, yes, mentally damage them, yes, but they could not be "Hurt". As long as Master could fix them up, they'd be just fine. The robots were meant to sing forever, and as a result were not built cheaply. They were supposedly indestructible.
Supposedly.
Sure, they couldn't catch the flu, but if a computer virus showed up in the house, they had a very large chance of getting that. If they were exposed to the cold too long, they could easily freeze and shut down. It was the same with excessive heat. If they stayed wet for too long, their joints might rust, and Master would have to fix it before it spread. Straying too far from their Hardware would cause their personal programming to go haywire, and they would lose connection and shut down. They could easily die in the real world.
Perhaps they were not as "Indestructible" as their masters boasted.
Taito thinks back on the many times he's tried to kill himself. Most of the time, somebody finds him and brings him back to Master. Other times it's his own fault for failing; he'd stand out in the rain and snow for only ten minutes, and then end up too afraid to continue. Either way, he always failed.
He knows what hurt feels like. He likes it, or at least tricked himself into thinking he does. When he was younger (or so he remembered; memories of a Vocaloid's past life are difficult to recall) he would slowly get himself used to harm. Maybe cutting his arm up high where nobody would see it. Or perhaps he would throw himself against a wall when in a fit of temper. Whispering a list of his weaknesses to himself as he fell asleep. Now, as a teen, he's triumphant against pain. It can't surprise him anymore; he worked for years to ensure that.
And yet, there are still moments where he finds himself silently cursing the existence of pain. He'd sometimes wish that whatever was hurting him would stop. There were times when he just considered throwing away his ice pick, and relieving himself of the self-made agony.
But he chooses not to dwell on those moments.
As he walks, Taito glances upwards. Dark grey storm clouds are rolling in, bringing with them wetness to the air. He knows that he should be getting home soon. And that is why he slows down.
Not much is waiting for him back home. In his head he can picture his return. Lola would come in acting all peppy, then grumpy seeing that he didn't have the right groceries for her. Kiku would ignore him until he spoke with her. Then she would make some biting, sarcastic comment about him which he was supposed to laugh at. Dell would be killing his lungs with nicotine, and probably only glance at Taito to see if he'd picked up an extra cigarette pack at the store. Nigaito would act all concerned, offering him green tea that wouldn't help. Neru would chat with him when she felt like it, but probably ignore him by texting. And Kaylie . . .
He stops walking. Kaylie would bring him a towel, asking what took him so long. She would probably try and talk to him, nose into his business, ask if he needed a painkiller, offer to make him something, and attempt to supply him with care he did not need. She would ignore his protests and push on, trying to force her compassion on him. Offering advice he had already heard a million times, she would think it was her duty to help him. Sometimes, he just hated her presence.
Resuming his walk, Taito feels a raindrop hit his head. A glance up tells him that the sky is filled with jet black clouds. He contemplates walking faster or just strolling along. He chooses the stroll.
Funnily enough, he feels weakest around Kaylie. The way she seems to pity him as she helps him out. That was what he had first noticed about her. Her sad, pitying demeanor when she looked at him. It would then change to a forced, understanding smile, like she was sharing a secret with him. He couldn't decide which of those looks was more annoying. Both said "You poor thing! Here, let me help you."
Either way, when he's weak, he's in pain. Feeling weak just opens him up to more hurt. So, being around her hurt him.
He remembered one of their first interactions. It had been a crappy day, and he'd decided to cut away some of the pain. Five slashes to each arm and he slipped into Yandere mode without even meaning to. He guessed he had probably gone around, showing off his workmanship, terrifying Nigaito, irritating Akaito, worrying Kaito and Kikaito, and basically acting his normal, Yandere self.
When in Yandere mode, he tends to forget what happens until he's back to Quiet (As some call it) mode. And when he did return that time, it was to find Kaylie applying an alcohol wipe to his arm. The stinging sensation was probably what brought him back to his senses. She said nothing, only continued with her work. When she knotted the bandage on his left arm and announced that she was done, he ignored her and went to bed. When she grumbled "You're welcome" before leaving, he merely shrugged.
Waking up 2 hours later, he felt guilty. He wondered if he should have thanked her. But then he decided against it and went back to sleep.
All around him, people are hurrying to escape the rain. A woman strides by, rummaging in her purse and asking the child beside her if he remembered to bring the umbrella. As he passes a grocery store, he sees the manager turn around the open/close sign so that it reads closed.
He closes his eyes, lost in thought. Funny, how memories he didn't want to recall couldn't seem to stay away from him.
"Are you OK?"
He looked up from the floor. One arm was stuck painfully underneath him, the other up on the next stair he was trying to climb. The frizzy red-haired girl was up on the landing, tugging a blue blanket over her shoulders to block the night's chill.
His one good eye was bruised, blood dropped from his nose, his right foot was sprained inside his boot, and his coat was torn to shreds. Yup, he was 'OK'.
Biting the side of his cheek to ignore the pain, Taito pushed his aching form up into a kneeling pose. Kaylie hurried down to offer an outstretched hand, which he ignored. Grabbing the wall, he pulled himself upwards. Looking down, Kaylie walked slowly back up the stairs, stumbling as she did so, to make room for him.
Taking a few seconds to get his bearings, Taito stood stiffly. He took a step with his left foot- so far so good- and then with his right.
The pain was instantaneous, and made him buckle and almost lose his balance. He felt Kaylie grab his arm and tug him upright.
"Look, I know you don't like help, but I think you need it right now." She said quietly.
"Fine." He said in a flat voice that made her wince slightly. "Then help me."
She nodded and helped steady him as he stood. Together they slowly ascended the stairs, Taito maintaining a stony silence, Kaylie obviously too afraid to speak. They reached the landing and headed down the hall. When they reached his room, Kaylie stood awkwardly.
"I don't need help getting into bed." He said curtly. "Goodnight."
As he started to enter his room, he heard her wander away, whispering "You're welcome" in an irritated voice. He paused, hand on the door, contemplating.
"Hey!" He called quietly down the hall.
Kaylie turned with a look like a deer caught in the headlights. She showed this look quite often, he noticed, when someone spoke to her. "Yeah?" She asked when he did not immediately speak.
Taito clenched his fists, then unclenched them nervously. "I, um- thank you."
Kaylie blinked stupidly, and suddenly her face lit up with an uncertain yet joyful smile.
"You're very welcome." She said, bending her fingers back in an absentminded way. "Anytime. Goodnight."
"Night," Taito said, and went to bed. His face was hot, which at the time he believed to have been from a budding fever, but later decided was just awkwardness. He disliked being awkward.
That memory gives him a twisted feeling in his gut. He decides to forget it.
Really, he should get home. If Master finds him shut down again, he'll hear about it for a week. But he can't force himself to move faster. He just can't think of anything waiting there for him.
It's always been like this. Taito remembers being a child, in that stupid house with his confused, uncaring father, disappeared mother, and obnoxious brothers. Most of the memories involve him sitting up on the roof, on a little spot he called his own.
Looking back, he wondered if that was all a ploy for attention. He'd wait to hear someone calling for him, and sometimes they did. Kaito would stand outside, yelling his name. His father would yell, then threaten, then plead for him to come out. Taito would usually appear then, to be sent to his room for ignoring them. Sometimes, though, his father would come up to his room and the two would temporarily make up. Then things would start all over.
As he thinks about it, Taito realizes something. It's no new thought; he's considered it before. But now he's not trying to block it from his mind.
Maybe it was your fault.
Would it have been too hard for him to suck it up and come down for dinner? Or make his own lunch for school? He could have tried to obey his father more often. Maybe it was his fault he'd have to be locked in that closet. If he had just tried to calm down, he could have avoided that. Maybe
So he slows his steps, wiping the sudden water from his good eye. Up above jolts a beam of lightning. A clap of thunder follows soon after, and the rain begins to fall. And suddenly, he's running, running far away. He darts down alleyways, swerves between people, flies by cars, until he feels his connection to the house wearing thin. It feels like a line of wire, slowly being pulled to the breaking point. When it snaps, he runs a little farther before stopping.
It is bitterly cold all around. Taito sits on the wet ground, and draws his knees up to his chest. His artificial build should react to the elements any time now.
It hits. His arms begin shaking first, and followed by his legs. He struggles to hold his position, gritting his teeth against the frigid cold slowly covering his skin. Underneath skin and muscle tissues his skeleton is rattling. If he closes his eyes, he can feel every single part of himself reacting; small gears whirring in panic somewhere near his shoulder blades, hinges in his heels freezing and becoming stuck.
His hiding place is perfect; nobody can find him here. He closes his eyes, trying to ignore the claustrophobic feeling of being unable to move. Staying still enough allows the ice to build up all around him, encasing him in a shell. If he can get past this stage, his system will eventually shut down. No more pain will enter his life, be it self-inflicted or unwanted.
His fate depends on whether or not anyone can find him. If it takes long enough, he'll probably be too far gone for them to bring back.
The thought of death both excites and terrifies him. He knows that he will not have to deal with any more problems if he can die. No more enemies to beat him up or attack. No more Master whose favor he will never win. He'll never have to be a singing slave again, singing for a public that neither knows nor cares that he exists, as there are so many other Vocaloids to take his place.
Initially, he thinks his feelings of terror are only the thoughts of his Quiet side, the supposedly 'Normal' Taito. But, as he crouches, freezing in the snow, he suddenly begins to wonder. What if 'Quiet' Taito is his true side? Could he possibly be only one person? Is his Yandere self only a small part of him?
That thought makes his pounding heart nearly stop. If he isn't two conflicting people, and only one— possibilities pour out into his mind.
He might be able to learn to control that dark side of him, and maybe-just maybe, there was no guarantee- lead a slightly saner life. Was it possible? Was there more to himself that he had been to blind to see?
These thoughts give Taito an unexpected feeling of hope. He struggles to move, to stretch, to do anything that will help him escape this icy prison, but finds his limbs have already stopped working. Panic seizes his already failing heart.
And then anger strikes. He will NOT receive this inspiration only to die moments later. Not if he can help it. Trying to calm is dying mind and heart, he tries to drift into Yandere mode, hoping that strength will help him.
Channel the anger, be angry- become anger! You can use it for something better now
He tries, desperately. But his mind will not let him enter that mode completely. This realization hits him hard, and he can only imagine himself shaking like a leaf, since he is unable to move physically.
"Taito, what's wrong with you? Why can't you just calm down?" His mother demanded.
"WHAT do you think you're doing? I thought I told you to stop cutting!" his father yelled.
"Well fine, forget it, then. Geez." Kaylie grumbled.
"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, but you need to control yourself, Taito. You can't keep acting like that." Lola advised hopelessly.
"Just tape your mouth shut and stand over there." Akaito directed.
"Do you want to have a future?" Kaito asked.
"N-NII-SAN! STOP!" Nigaito screamed.
"Just accept that you're worthless and move on. 'Shouldn't be that hard." Kiku suggested.
"I don't know what to say to you. Nothing will reach you." Kikaito said sadly.
"I don't want to talk to you right now." Neru said from time to time.
"If you don't fix that attitude, you can find someone else to teach you." Dell growled.
Taito felt hot tears pressing behind his eyeballs, but he wouldn't let them fall.
"Taito? Oh honey, come here." His mother held him close while he cried.
"Hey, son, I'm sorry I yelled at you today. That was wrong of me; I really do love you." His father apologized, squeezing his shoulder gently.
"No! You can't kill yourself! I know what you're going through is hard, and that you're tired, but you've just got to hang on! Wait and see; things will get better. They always do; they have to balance themselves with bad things!" Kaylie sobbed.
"If you don't know this, then let me say it to you. We all care about you Taito. It's as simple as that. There are plenty of people you can turn to. I'm one of them, I promise." Lola whispered, before leaving the room.
"Taito, it's ok. You know nightmares aren't real; they can't hurt you." Akaito consoled him.
"Awe, you're so innocent and Naïve Taito! But don't worry, I still like you!" Kaito ruffled his hair to irritate/amuse him.
"Taito!" Was baby Nigaito's first word.
"You're really sweet, Shion. You know that, right? Right?" Kiku asked worriedly.
"Be strong Taito, I believe in you!" Kikaito cheered him on before a school marathon.
"You know, you're really easy to talk to. It actually feels like you're listening, instead of just hearing words." Neru thoughtfully said.
"Well, I've got to say; you're not a hopeless case, kid. Actually, you're one of the smartest technologists I've seen in a while." Dell smiled through a cigar.
Had they really said those things? Honestly, how could he have forgotten that? There is no holding back, Taito feels the tears burst from his closed eyelid.
Suddenly, he's blinking. His eye is open and fixed on the ground beside him. The hot tears appear to have melted the ice covering his eyelid. He can see the white world around him, and hope sears up in him like hot fire.
OK, concentrate. You can do it, just focus. Anger, anger, anger,
He senses himself slipping, and focuses entirely on his other side. He can sense his muscles, which seem to be somewhere far off in another dimension, tensing. Allowing his mind to go blank, he hopes it will work this time.
As he enters Yandere mode, a burst of rage ignites within him. His arms, legs, and neck begin to shake. Doing so causes agonizing pain. Hot feeling jabs at his skin. The cold is still around him, threatening to freeze him again. He breaks through the cocoon of ice, and doing so sends him into spasms from the cold. And suddenly he's up and running. Running far from that place where he almost gave up. He doesn't look back.
He can feel the cold tearing at him, but fights it. He hurtles through the streets, with one destination in mind; home. Even if he still experiences misery there, he can live through it. Though his plan for surviving is still hazy, he knows that he can find the answer through the people that gave him those memories.
Another memory resurfaces; his mother's comfort.
"People are hard to understand, Taito. But if you think about it, it's also hard for them, too." She had quietly consoled a six-year old Taito as he cried in her lap. He had been teased by a group of third grade boys about having only one eye. It had been a low blow, and he had started to fight them. Then a teacher came out and Taito had gotten in trouble. The boys got off, since Taito was already known by teachers as "Violent".
Sitting with his mother, Reika, in the warm house, Taito felt safe. His brothers were still at school, since he'd been sent home early. The two were on the couch, Taito lying with his head on Reika's lap, Reika slowly smoothing his hair.
"Those boys probably thought it was OK to tease you. Nobody has taught them that it's a bad thing. Sometimes, you need to be the one to tell them it's bad. If they don't listen to you, then maybe you need to tell someone who they will listen to." She moved a strand of the deep purple, almost black hair off of his face.
"What i-if," Taito gulped and rubbed his face, trying to dry it. "What if they don't listen to them?"
"Then, I'm afraid they'll have to figure things out on their own. And that will be in a very hard way." She shifted her position to reach into her pocket. Producing a handkerchief, she used it to gently clean off his face.
"So-somebody should tell them it's m-mean." Taito chokes, producing another flow of tears. "I-I think someone should hurt them."
"Taito, it is NOT up for you to say that. Their parents decide who punishes them, understand? And if they choose not to, then that's their choice."
"But that's not fair!" Taito whined.
"I agree. But you remember what I said? I talked to Ryo's mother and she said he'll come over and apologize in person as soon as she's grounded him from all his video games. So someone will be learning a lesson."
"Not all of them?"
"I'm afraid not. Sometimes, people don't learn their lesson."
"Oh." Taito was silent for a few seconds. Then he wriggled his small body around so he was facing Reika with his good eye. He had another problem in his mind.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Do . . . do you love me?"
Reika looked surprised at that. "Why would you ask that? Of course I do."
"M-Masami says that his mom had what you have. And it made her crazy, so she said she didn't love him." A tear ran down his cheek. "I-I don't want you to go crazy."
Reika leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. "I promise you, I won't go crazy." She said, smiling sadly.
"And, if you do?" Taito's voice was less than a whisper.
Reika blinked tears from her eyes as she smiled. "Then I'll still love you. Even if I lose my mind, I'll always love you."
Two years later she would snap. Shion Reika would leave her husband and sons, taking her only daughter with her. Blaming her depression and problems with being Bipolar, she claimed she couldn't handle the house anymore. She visited once every few months for the next three years. After those three years, she died in a car wreck for reasons unknown.
Running back home, Taito feels tears stinging his good eye, and allows them to fall. He'd forgotten that memory. As horrible as it felt to remember his mother, though, sudden warmth grows in him remembering those last few words.
"Even if I lose my mind, I'll still love you."
He's messed up a lot in his life. Many of his relationships have fallen apart due to his fear of losing the person. But, even if he does lose them, that doesn't mean they're gone, does it? If he remembers them, they still exist in his mind. He isn't sure how he knows it, but cannot deny the idea.
By the time he reaches the Mansion, his joints have all but stopped. He can't make it to the door, but collapses on the walkway, onto the cold, wet ground.
He closes his eyes, thinking in the direction of whoever can hear him. If there are any spirits near, he could use their help right now.
"Mom, I'm sorry I've turned out like I have. I promise, if I get through this, I'll fix that. But please, let me get through it. I want to change now, I really do. Please, help me."
A blinding light splits through the freezing night as a door flies open. He can hear footsteps and voices, which seem to be moving further and further away. Hands pull him out of the snow, but he barely notices them as he passes out.
Sometime later, Taito opens his eyes. The room was dimly lit, and he can't make anything out.
"Shion-san, he's awake!" Both an obnoxiously and wonderfully familiar voice rings out.
"Kaylie-kun, go get Lola, and tell her to bring that stew here, okay?" Something similar to Kaito's voice says.
"Okay."
Taito hears her run out of the room and shut the door loudly. He rubs his eye to clear its vision, and looks around.
He's in the Master bedroom, where traveling song producers sometimes stay. It's the one nearest to the front door, so they probably put him in here so they could help him faster. A weight of guilt expands in his stomach. Why did he have to bring this on everyone? Is he really that selfish? Maybe it would have been better if he'd killed himself.
No, don't think that way. A voice in his head says. Remember what you just learned?
His eyes roam the room and come to rest on Kaito and Nigaito, who sit on the floor to the left of his bed. Kaito has his usual goofy smile, though it looks a little forced. Nigaito's eyes are wide, but he looks relieved.
"Welcome back, little brother." Kaito says, leaning closer in case Taito can't hear him. "I'll be honest now and tell you that you gave us quite a scare. If you get a chance, I want you to apologize to Lola and Kaylie. They nearly lost their minds with worry."
Taito glares, and then allows his features to soften. "Um-" he starts in a raspy voice. His throat hurts. "I'm, er, sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."
Kaito is surprised at that. "Well, this is new. Are you really sorry?"
Taito is exasperated. His brother will never change. "I said I'm sorry, okay? Isn't that enough?"
Nigaito looks reproachfully at Kaito. "Leave him alone, Nii-san. He's tired."
"Well, you know, he doesn't usually apologize so quickly—"
"Are you okay Taito-Nii? What happened?" Nigaito interrupts, leaning closer.
Before he can answer, the door slides open and Lola appears carrying a tray. Kaylie stands behind her, looking sheepish.
"Lola—"
"No talking. Eat." Lola demands, plopping the tray beside Taito's bed and folding her arms.
"I—"
"I just said to eat; don't make me repeat myself." snaps Lola.
"Calm down," says Kaylie in a soothing voice to Lola.
Lola turns to glare at Kaylie. "And don't you tell me what to do, missy. After all, if you hadn't kept getting in the way, we would've gotten Taito in here a lot earlier."
"I'm sorry." Kaylie says, looking down. "I was just trying to-"
"Help? Jumping in front of us like a rabbit and asking if you should call 911 isn't help." Lola is seething with anger. Worry usually does that to her. "Would you please go get some extra sheets for me? We need to get Taito's bed ready for tonight. And then can you help Miriam get the kids ready for bed?"
Looking eager to leave, Kaylie nods and runs. This makes Taito slightly irritated.
"She can stay in here," he says to Lola. "I actually have to tell her something."
"Like what?" Kaito and Lola both speak. Kaito's being nosy, and Lola has gone into overprotective mode.
"Just, um, sorry." Taito says quietly. "And, I should say it to you too. I'm really, really sorry."
Kaito looks disappointed in the lack of gossip. Lola's eyes soften.
"Don't worry about it, Taito." She says, opening the lids to the bowls on the food tray. "Everyone makes mistakes. I shouldn't have sent you out when it was so cold. Although the weather didn't say anything about rain, so . . ."
"It's okay; it's not your fault." Taito says firmly. "It was all mine. I was—" he feels a lump in his throat. "I was tried to freeze myself on purpose."
Lola looks down. Nigaito's eyes widen. Kaito is the only one who appears unperturbed, but Taito thinks the light in his face seems to leave.
"We forgive you, Taito. Don't worry." He says in an understanding voice.
Taito can feel angry tears threatening to burst from his eyes, but manages to keep them at bay. He props his head up slightly, and busies himself by eating Lola's stew. That seems to help some.
"Want me to go get Kaylie so you can talk to her?" Lola asks.
Taito hesitates, and then nods.
Lola stands and hurries out the door. Taito avoids his brother's gazes and goes back to eating. He hears Nigaito restlessly shifting his position.
"Want some tea, Nii-san?" He asks.
Taito nods and Nigaito hurries out after Lola.
Still doing his best not to look at Kaito, Taito gulps down more of the stew. It's a good, rich beef broth with soft potatoes and carrots. But his appetite is leaving rapidly.
"The others were worried about you as well." Says Kaito. "Care to apologize in person, or would you like me to do it?"
Taito doesn't look up. "Could you?"
"Only if you want me to."
"Yeah, I would." Taito feels helpless again, but decides to just go with it.
Lola and Kaylie return, the latter hesitantly. Taito tries to sit up straighter, but suddenly realizes that he's wearing nothing but a loose kimono. Feeling embarrassed, he pulls the blanket up higher. Maybe that's why Kaylie looks so uncomfortable.
Lola sits down beside his bed. Kaylie sits next to Lola, and looks down, obsessively twirling a string around her finger.
"Well?" Lola asks. "Wasn't there something you wanted to say?"
Taito nods, at first not looking at anyone. Then he looks over at Kaylie. She stares back in an unwavering way, not seeming to care that the string is cutting off her finger's blood circulation.
"Kaylie, I'm sorry I worried you. I'm also sorry that I hurt you those times you tried to help me." As he speaks, Kaylie sets her jaw, expression unreadable.
"I—" He stops himself, realizing how corny he's probably sounding. "I also don't hate you. Or even dislike you. So don't worry."
Kaylie blinks, and gives him that uncertain smile. Taito returns in slightly, wondering if maybe she has a low self esteem as well. She looks ready to cry.
"The, um, the therapy sessions are working." He says to the room at large. "At least, I believe they are. They're making me think." He looks down. "They're making me think about things I don't want to think about. But, maybe I'm supposed to, so . . ." He rubs his forehead. "So, uh . . .don't worry about me anymore. I . . . I'm trying." He leaves off there, avoiding everyone's eyes.
Then he feels Kaito's hand on his shoulder. Taito looks over to meet his cerulean eyes. Kaito's smiling.
"We worry because we care. So let us worry. If you're ever hurting, come and talk to one of us, you hear?"
Taito doesn't move, only continues to stare.
"You're strong Taito, but you can't always rely solely on your own strength. That's when we come in. I know you can get through this, but please let us help."
Taito glances quickly at the others. Lola gathers up his dishes and nods encouragingly. Nigaito smiles at him. Kaylie's eyes meet his temporarily and flicker away. Then she looks back and says "Please don't try and kill yourself again."
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
She smiles without missing a beat.
Taito wakes up the next day unsure of where he is. The bed is incredibly warm, and he nearly falls back asleep. But then he remembers the events of the night before, and sits straight up.
He's determined to live. Never before has he been that exuberant, and it's making him light headed.
He's just pulling up his kimono, when a knock sounds at the door.
"Come in," he says.
The door opens, a crack, revealing a bunch of bushy red hair. Kaylie sticks her head in. "Morning." She's carrying a tray of food, and tucked under her arm is a battered notebook.
"Morning." Taito starts to stand, but a jolt of agony shoots up his leg. He collapses.
Kaylie stumbles over, hurriedly setting the dishes on the floor. "Are you okay? I was about to tell you not to try getting up." She walks back to get the tray. Lifting it carefully, she brings it over to him. "Kiyoteru Hiyama called and said to tell us to tell you to stay in bed today, or it'll hurt like . . . well, he said stay put." She appears to be trying to sound professional, but her odd way of speaking ruins it slightly.
"Granted." Taito says, wincing as he folds his legs into a more comfortable position. "Any other instructions?"
"Yes. Eat." Kaylie smiles, plopping the tray in front of him. Taito nods, lifting the lid on the plate. Underneath he finds two rice omelets, a container of broth, and a small melon slice.
As Taito begins to dig in, Kaylie watches him with a bit of humor. "Hungry?"
"Starved." He admits.
"Is it good?"
"Yeah, why? Did you make it?"
Kaylie's deer in the headlights look returns. "No, Lola did."
"No she didn't."
"How do you know?"
"She always puts on a ton of seasoning. This is light."
"Miriam made it."
"Isn't she working today? How could she have made it?" Taito thinks she's taking things a bit far.
"Oh, yeah. Kaito made it?" Kaylie smiles hopefully.
He glances down. "Look, I'm sorry I always get mad when you try and help. You don't have to worry about it now."
"I'm not." Kaylie said. "And anyway, I should be apologizing." She sits down determinedly. "I'm too pushy; I know that. And I can be pretty selfish about helping someone in ways they don't want me to. I mean, I'm not just selfish in that way, and I'm not trying to say it like that, because it sounds prideful, and I'm not prideful, I was just trying to say that I have my flaws and I need to fix them, so I'm starting now." She's beginning to ramble, face flushing to match her hair. He must look impatient, because she trails off.
"It's fine; you don't have to change." After he says that, she goes silent. He wonders if it hurt her feelings.
Then she says, "Alright, then, let's meet halfway. I won't bother you about every little thing if you promise to accept help more. Deal?"
He smiles slightly. A weight feels lifted from his shoulders. "Deal."
Kaylie gives a resolute nod, and then goes back to flustered. "I'll leave you to eat—" She starts to run, but stops and turns her head. "-The food I did not cook!" She adds loudly, and with a smile.
"You don't have to leave." Taito says.
She raises an eyebrow curiously.
"What's in that notebook, if you don't mind my asking?"
This seems to be a keyword, for Kaylie leaps up, jumps to grab the notebook, and eagerly flies over to sit back next to him on the floor.
"Want to see? I'm writing songs in it, so that when I become a singer I don't have to have other's write songs for me. They're all unfinished, though, and the longest one is only a verse and a chorus. But I plan on finishing them by the end of the year!" A new excitement takes over her as she flips through the pages.
"You know you probably won't be that popular, though, right?" He asks. "No offense, but it's nearly impossible for newer Vocaloids to gain any audiences."
"Even so, if I don't become popular, I'll just post my songs online, and sell them to anyone who asks." This idea seems to work in Kaylie's mind.
"But you've got to think of another field of work, in case you don't reach your dream."
"I guess . . ." Kaylie blanks out for a moment, then returns. "Still, do you want to read the songs?"
"Sure."
The two new friends begin to read, Kaylie explaining the origin of each song, Taito focusing on her words. As he listens, Taito realizes that he'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't even had time to notice the pain in his joints. His heart feels just a bit lighter. His head is clearer.
Thoughts of having to live invade his mind. Visions of continual struggles to get through each day's torments flash by. There will be many other moments for him to give up.
But he's not going to.
He's still afraid of the pain. He doesn't want to get hurt. But he wants to live as well. And if he can live his life at this home, with these people around him, well- pain is a risk he's willing to take.
No matter what pain awaits us, it is nothing we aren't capable of facing.