an: this story is dedicated to ILoveFowl, who I am begging to finish what is probably my favourite fanfic of all time, Between the Lines. ILoveFowl, if you are reading this, please, please finish your story, I am begging you!
disclaimer: yeah... Eoin owns Artemis, and I don't even think I own the name of the story. When I showed my friend the story, she told me that it sounded a lot like a selena gomez (or was it taylor swift?) song, so whoops! Umm.. I think those people have better things to do than sue one poor, half blind girl. (It's true, I'm technically half blind!)
"He is on his motorcycle, Holly." Artemis told Holly, as he looked through his phone's camera's optical zoom lenses, which, at this point in time, were zoomed in on one Trouble Kelp. "Holly, he's with a girl." He told her, gently.
"Give me that!" She practically yelled in his ear. He winced and handed it to her. She looked at it, and gasped. "That's... That's Lilli Frond! That bimbo!"
"Calm down, Holly!" Artemis said, soothingly. "We need a proper course of action!" Holly fumed. She had been going out with Trouble for the past six months to distract herself from... From... Other people. She had been outraged and had promptly broken up with him when she discovered that he had been cheating on her with Lilli Frond, the LEP bimbo.
"What do you propose we do?" Holly asked Artemis through gritted teeth. She tried not to be distracted by his beautiful blue eyes, or his Irish accent...
"Holly! Holly!" Holly was brought back down to earth, or was it under earth?, by Artemis, talking into her ear. "As I was saying, before you so rudely zoned out..." He glared at her. "Lilli is driving the bike."
"What!" Holly practically screamed. "He never let me drive the bike!"
"Holly, calm down!" Artemis said, trying to soothe her for the second time in less than five minutes. "I suggest this. While he is at his shift later today, you can trash his apartment." With this he grinned evilly. Holly glared at him, but not very harshly. "What? I am a teenage criminal mastermind! Anyway, as an extra touch, we can leave a burning picture of the two of you behind!" He was quite happy to be helping Holly plan her revenge. While it didn't make him the greatest of friends, he had been quietly pleased when they had broken up. Was he, Artemis Fowl II jealous? He asked himself. Oh well.
Holly thought about his proposal. "Alright, mud boy, but it goes against my police instincts!" She said, and smirked Artemis's famous vampire smirk.
Commander Trouble Kelp of the LEP walked into his apartment after his shift, and was horrified to find his apartment completely trashed, clothes and papers strewn everywhere, food in the carpet, and what looked suspiciously like ketchup sprayed across it all, ceiling, floors, walls. In the centre of it all was a bowl, which held a picture, of him, and his previous girlfriend, Holly. Suddenly, it burst into flames, singeing his eyebrows off. He threw the bowl onto the floor, clutching his eyebrows, and trying to put them out.
Holly was just sitting down at her desk when an irate Trouble Kelp stomped in,th his eyebrows missing. She giggled, but then covered it by fake sneezing, when she saw his expression.
"Major Short! What is the meaning of this?" He yelled.
"Meaning of what, Trubs?" She asked, too innocently, looking back at him. He pulled out the bowl where the picture used to be.
"What does this look like?" He demanded, looking as angry and red as the late Beetroot.
"Ummm, a bowl of ashes?" She said, acting confused, as he got angrier and angrier. He peered into the bowl.
"Oh, errr, so it is." He mumbled, before regaining his composure. "Listen short, you broke up with me! Why... What was the point of this? You didn't even give me a good reason why you broke up with me!" Now Holly became outraged.
"I didn't give you a good enough reason! You should know why anyway! you cheated on me with Lilli Frond!" She stood up, and came around the desk. Trouble was scared now. She knew!
"Ummm... What are you talking about?" He asked nervously. She slapped him.
"Don't act dumb, Trouble! Listen closely buster. You and I are over! I realise now that you love yourself more than you could ever love Lilli, or me, or anyone else! Call me obnoxious, and the crazy girly major all you like, but be warned, I have Artemis, who can embarrass and humiliate you and your friends a hundred times over, each time more humiliating than before! I also have Butler, who will not hesitate to pull your guts out through your mouth if you ever bother me again, and I won't stop him! In fact, I will help! It's over. Your picture is just another picture to burn." She ranted, then picked him up by his collar, and literally kicked him out of her office, mockingly blowing a kiss to him, before slamming the door in his face.
Artemis dropped through a ceiling vent after Trouble had been forcibly evicted. "Are you okay?" He asked her, gently.
"I'm over it. " she said with finality. Shyly, she continued. "You know, Arty, there was another reason that I broke up with Jerk Kelp." He was mildly surprised.
"Really? Why?" He asked, curiosity in his tone.
"This." Then she leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth. Sparks flew around them. He replied eagerly.
"What about Trouble? Aren't you worried about going into another relationship so soon?" He asked, worried after they broke apart. Holly whispered back into his ear.
"I trust you not to break my heart. Trouble and I didn't have anything special, unlike us. I think we have something special." Artemis smiled.
"I wholeheartedly agree. And Trouble?" He asked.
"Just like Opal's and Turnball's and all our other adversaries images, his is just another picture to burn."