One word ringed through my head. it was poisoning my mind. The love of my life was sitting right next to me, arms around me, the grip like i was a precious artifact, one touch by another human being i will crumble and turn to ash. Oh Nate, only if you knew how difficult it was going to be to never see you again, how hard it was going to be to say goodbye. I know how you feel, you write songs about the love you have for me, then surprise me by performing them under the stars on a clear night. Its difficult for me to pull my eyes away from yours, but if i dont, ill cry. I don't want that right now. I want you to remember me smiling, happy not sad and depressed. Your eyes Nate, so gorgeous, so mesmerizing, you're the only thing that makes sense in my life right now. You are the perfect human being. I used to think to myself 'im not good enough for him' but whenever i thought about it, you seem to read my mind and tell me how perfect i was for you. Your lips gently kiss mine, and it seems like the world is ours for the taking, but i get snapped back into reality by a car blasting its horn on a nearby freeway. We both sway to the rhythm of the music playing, but i suddenly stop because my ribs ache from the movement.

"What's wrong caitlyn?" Nate finally asks.

I gulped. He knows something is wrong. I got to tell him now.

"Nate ive got something to tell you"

"Yeah shoot"

I breath in. The Australian air seems so clean, so crisp compared to the claustrophobic gunk we call air back in L.A.

"I love you more then words can describe"

"I love you more than this whole universe, is that all you wanted to say?"

"No Nate, there's more"

He squeezed my hand; his touch sent a shiver down my spine.

"I-i-i dont know how to say this. Nate, ive got cancer"

"What? How? When?" Nate's voice quivered.

"Ive got bone cancer; it explains why i haven't been able to dance"

"But you'll live through it though, right?" Nate said hopefully.

I shook my head.

"No, no, no!" he whispered, and then started to cry.

He held me closer, knowing that it might be one of the last times he could.

"No caity! No you can't leave me! You can't!"

I wipe the tears off his face and kiss his cheek.

"Cait, it's not true! Stop lying to me" he cried, tears streaking his face again.

"Its true nate, it's all true. I dont want it to happen to me, but it is. Im dying nate, im dying"