The Girl with The Scarlet Scarf

Although there was nothing where I used to lie in our cabin, you still used to talk to me. You were still praying to me every-night, and I sat beside you every night, despite the fact that you never saw me, that I couldn't really talk to you or feel you.

I could offer you help on the battle-field. I distracted those hell-bent creatures known as "Titans". I could distract them, hit branches, rustle leaves… I just couldn't touch you.

But everyday… you started to drift farther and farther away from me. Every single day… you'd curse me, you'd never pray to me…You blamed me for everything that happened… "If I hadn't died" or "If I wasn't so careless"…Is that really how you think of me, Jean? Was I really that careless and stupid to you?

And you started drifting closer and closer to her. You marveled at her marvelous, raven locks of "love" that drifted down her shoulders and elegantly, the way it would frame her face. You always would tell them how you liked the fact that she didn't have "brown eyes"… it made you happy, because you hated brown eyes. You always would tell them that you liked the fact she had unmarred skin with no freckles, because you hated people with the 'stupid, little ants on their face'.

Was I never good enough for you? Did you just tell me that you loved me…because you felt bad? Did you make love to me in the cabin with risk of getting caught because you truly felt so sorrowful for me? Did you really lie to my face like I was a worthless pig?

Over the next few years, you and her grew closer together.

Over the next few years, I nearly faded away.

But I continued to help you.

You rarely talked to me anymore. You were my best friend and you hardly recognized me anymore.

The first time that you kissed was the first time my existence in heaven nearly faded. Once someone was completely forgotten, their souls were taken and put into a new body, and were put back on that Earth, to live as something new, something different.

Though, one night, as I sat at the bathing area, watching you with whiskey-colored eyes as you and the porcelain doll splash playfully at each-other, how you'd chuckle and press peppered kisses on her nose… Was I just used as a way for you to get sympathy and finally get to her? Did you take advantage of me? Did you know I was going to die?

Though that night, I was noticed by someone.

"Hey Marco…I know that's you…I know you're there, you've always been there from the start… thank you for watching over him."

And to my surprise, it was her, the woman that you loved.

"He loved you, y'know? Armin misses you, and Jean misses you like hell. I know…he's growing distant from you… but he does miss you...I swear he does."

She was so stern, so cold, so reserved… yet she cared for him.

You loved the fact she wasn't a push-over like me. You liked the fact that she was rough. You loved her black hair that was far more elegant than mine. You liked the fact she had clear, blue eyes, unlike my brown eyes. You liked her freckle-less, perfect face. You liked her for being strong.

And I was just….me.

And that's when I realized, I would never be the girl with the scarlet scarf.