"SNAP!"
The sound of the seatbelt clicking into place echoes across the airplane cabin like a starter's pistol. This is it. A new beginning. The chance for Donna to finally move on and focus on a future with Thomas. For the first time in what has felt like forever, she's excited about what might blossom with this new man. Professionally, her role as the firm's COO is going great, but after attending Mike and Rachel's wedding she's realizes it's not enough. As much as she enjoys pulling rabbits out of hats for everyone else, she longs for a little magic in her own life. Someone to love, to wake up with and to kiss goodnight.
If she were honest about it, she'd admit that space has always been reserved for Harvey. No one has ever come close to affecting her the way he has. Yes, she's tried to make it work with other men, but when it came right down to it, she could live without them, and for some reason or another, Harvey has always managed to find his way into those relationships. Those poor guys never stood a chance. And that's been infuriating.
Over the last 13 years, Donna has tried to bury these feelings for Harvey. God knows she's tried. Her rule about not dating coworkers certainly created a line in the sand, but even the great Donna Paulsen has haver been able to talk her way out of those feelings. Butterflies whenever he gets too close. The tingling of her skin when they accidentally touch. A stirring deep within her when he whispers in a voice reserved only for her. It's always been him, despite her daytime rationalizations that he would never be ready, or that she was better off. When the day is done, and she settles into sleep, her dreams always force the truth. Every damn night.
Thomas Kessler has real potential, and she actually believes they could make a go of it. Like most other middle-aged men she's met, he has a past– divorced from his high school sweetheart after 15 years of marriage. But unlike the others, he doesn't bear the scars of a failed relationship, and it clearly hasn't prevented him from being open to love. Thomas is easy to be with.
Sure, there are no butterflies, not even when he leans in for a kiss, but she doesn't care. There is also no hurt, and Donna is tired of feeling hurt. The last round with Harvey and that horrible therapist nearly did her in.
Donna realizes that the good men have been getting harder and harder to find, and Thomas has a lot to offer a woman like her. He's completely handsome – tall and fit with dark, wavy hair, intense blue-gray eyes and a sexy smile. He's also charming, successful and, most importantly, he knows what he wants. This is what Donna finds most appealing. When she's with him, she's never had to read between the lines. That is a welcome change.
While she is "Donna" to everyone else, she's "Sunshine" to him. That, too, is a welcome change. It's nice to be with a man whose problems she doesn't need to solve, who sees her as more than being "Donna", and all the expectations that come with that.
"Why Sunshine?" she once asked.
"Because you've lit up my life, and I haven't been the same since." The words just rolled off his tongue as if admitting his feelings was the most natural thing in the world.
"Pace yourself, hotshot," she replied, feeling a little overwhelmed at his directness. "Even sunshine burns when you get too much!"
"Sign me up for a good scorching then!" he said, leaving no doubt about his intentions.
Donna giggles at the memory of this exchange. Adjusting herself in the plush, first-class seat, she wonders if she's had it wrong all these years.
Maybe it's supposed to be this easy when it's meant to work out.
Donna knows that Harvey is aware of her new relationship. Thomas has been a long-time client of the firm, and while Harvey doesn't directly represent him, she knows they've crossed paths at corporate events. But just like every other time someone special has come along, Harvey simply offers the standard, "I'm happy for you, Donna."
She wonders if these words taste like poison to him the way they do to her when she forces them out. Her most recent attempt being after learning about that horrible therapist (she'll never mentioned her name again). Donna all but choked on those words then. In the end, she just couldn't do it, and had to come clean to Harvey. It sucked. She sucked and she's tired of this, a small piece of her heart breaking every time she acts the part.
Harvey is no different when she mentions her upcoming trip and the time off she' taking. He doesn't even look up from the document he's working on.
"No problem" he mumbles. "Have fun." No questions. No emotion. All business.
But what does she really expect to get out of him after all this time? They've been doing this dance forever. They could probably do it blindfolded without missing a step.
Even if it bothers Harvey, which he's only ever admitted to once, when she was with Stephen, it's never been enough for him to act on.
Harvey's always maintained he doesn't want more with her, even after Donna put it all out there with a kiss. More was with Scottie or most recently, with that horrible woman. As close as she and Harvey have been, she needs to admit to herself that he just doesn't see more with her.
Maybe the problem isn't the truth. Maybe it's my unwillingness to accept it.
With this realization, Donna lets out a defeated sigh. It's time to stop playing the fool, she tells herself.
Talking with Louis about her personal life is a different story. He is her biggest fan and takes every opportunity to tell her how lucky Thomas is. In fact, he and Sheila were the first to invite them over for dinner, which Donna really appreciated. For all his wackiness, Louis has always had her best interest at heart.
"In order to move forward, you have to leave some things behind," he told her last week during lunch. "I wouldn't be with Sheila if it had worked out with Tara. Now I'm grateful it didn't. When Tara left, you told me that 'things turn out like they're supposed to'. You need to trust in that too."
It's true, she's been quick to hand out these sorts of platitudes to Rachel, Mike and even Louis over the years. Maybe it's high time she follows her own advice.
As the flight attendants complete their final cabin check before take-off, Donna powers down her phone and turns her thoughts to Thomas. They met at a corporate event, and by the end of the evening, he had planned their first date – a picnic and Shakespeare in the park. Since then, they've found a comfortable routine of romantic dinners, spontaneous sleepovers and, when he isn't traveling, weekends camped out at her apartment watching movies and ordering take-out.
And the sex? It's fantastic. Thomas is not only affectionate but adventurous, and as she had confided in Rachel, very generous when it comes to pleasing her. Falling asleep on his chest and waking up to a soft kiss with his muscular arms wrapped around her, is pretty much the best thing she's felt in a while.
Donna also appreciates how much Thomas respects her career and dedication to her work family. Even with their busy schedules, they text often and manage to see each other a couple of times a week. She's stayed at his new condo a few times, but he mostly comes to her as her workday ends before his.
It's been refreshing for Donna to be with someone who values her work as much as his own. So when he invites her to join him for a work event in Paris, it's an adventure she gladly welcomes.
"It will be a great networking opportunity for you, too," he encourages. "Who knows where it might lead."
It's perfect. She gets to see him in action and they will also have a few days to enjoy one of the most romantic cities in the world. It's a chance to escape New York, and get to know one another away from the prying eyes in the city.
To make the most of it, Donna decides to go a few days earlier to explore Paris on her own. She'll save seeing all the tourist attractions with Thomas, but with two full days to herself, she plans to visit the flagship Hermès store and the many high-fashion designer boutiques in the Saint-Germain-des-Pres district.
With the sun setting outside her window, and her plane taxiing down the runway, Donna closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It's time for a new mantra, she says to herself.
I need to let you go, Harvey. We both need to move on and I need to accept this.
As the plane takes flight, rumbling and rocking, Donna sighs. She wipes the tear rolling down her cheek and watches as the twinkling lights of the Manhattan skyline slowly fade from view.
Time for a new beginning. Move forward and leave some things behind.
The seven-hour flight leaves Donna plenty of time to think and to drink. Red wine is flowing in first-class, but she is determined to keep her Harvey thoughts and her alcohol consumption to a minimum, knowing nothing good will come from that mix.
She chuckles to herself, remembering how Harvey once called her a philosopher. It's funny he thinks that, since she hasn't felt too smart lately. Especially when it comes to him.
Part of her likes that he needs her. She's been his emotional compass, his problem solver and his confidante. She's also been so desperately in love with him for so long that she's never allowed herself to truly explore happiness with anyone else.
Enough is enough, she tells herself. Thirteen years is more than enough.
As for Thomas, every day she spends with him brings her heart a little closer to the possibility of a real future. And it feels good.
Moving forward with Thomas means making peace with the past. And that begins with Paris.