You don't know this, but in only a few hours, you will die.
The sunlight will be fading and you will notice that it will be dark by the time you leave. You will tighten your boots and you eyes will meet the boss's for a moment. He will watch each of you for a bit, and then you will leave.
The thrill of an oncoming battle will mix adrenaline with a tint of fear. You will not think to feel more of this slight terror, because you will get into the back of that car beside the youngest brother, and for once you will not harass him. He will leave you, too, but you will not think about this. Instead, you will listen to your mother's nervous, chest-rattling breaths, and you will decide she is nervous.
You will watch the blurring sunlight and be oblivious to the fact that only a few hours later, the darkness will be your companion and life will still be a mess. You will take a shaking breath of air, which will taste sticky with the amount of leather and air freshener inside the car. The radio will crackle to life and your other brothers' voices will fill the black vehicle.
You will wonder if your three sisters, in the airborne transporter, are still there. You will not understand the sudden burst of terror when you remember that this fight will not be like the rest. It will be more dangerous, and you know this, but you will not show it.
Instead, you will bend against your seat belt and tighten those dark brown boot laces. Your sisters will each check in, and your father will sigh. Your mother will reach across the center console and for a moment, you will be worried for her. But your father will let one hand off of the steering wheel to grip hers, and you will know she is okay. You will think of your middle brother's blue eyes and remember that he once was a faded silhouette, a memory, but he will be talking and you will know that even if something bad happens, you can come back.
Or at least you will think that you know it.
When you arrive on the battlefield, the sky will be black. For a split second you will notice all of the stars and marvel at them, but you will dart to your oldest brother's side before too long. You will wonder why the entire world seems so clear, and you will decide it is simply stress. You will want to get done with the fight, you will itch to pull out your weapon and save someone with it.
You will not realize your enemies are already there, closing in from the shadows. You will think of hiding in those same shadows until your father motions for absolute silence. And he will get what he asks for. Your youngest sister will stop in her tracks as she's walking toward the north, and she will suddenly gasp. That simple shattering of the quiet will make you cringe, and then you will see them.
You will rip the sword from it's protective casing, launching into the already moving fray. You will find a warrior and see the stars on his belt, and you will think that once, you were like them. You will remember the way your father and brothers and even your sisters saved you from that fate, and you will feel okay when he falls back, crying for mercy. You will let him go and turn around to meet his eyes.
You will want to vomit, to run, to chase your mother down and cry for her. But none of those will happen, and instead you will move forward. It will be automatic, and you will start to go numb. That will become ever-so-important in the next few moment, because you will walk up and look into the eyes of the one who is just like you. As you look into your own eyes, you will see that he is you, just you, if you had never lived with the two men fighting behind you, your oldest brother and father.
You will begin to feel more and more of less. You will feel the stab of his weapon before you will come to your senses and unleash your own. Basic instinct will guide you for a moment, giving the obviously untrained enemy a chance, but he will not need it. His blade will cut into you and you will not feel it. You will see blood and know, somehow, that it is dripping from somewhere above your eyes. You will want everything to stop.
You will want it to be a dream, a nightmare, and you will want to just wake up and cry for someone's company. You will want company in the next moment, when you will realize it is real. You will feel the pain as his blade sticks deeply into your skin, your torso, aimed at your heart. You will be sick, but your body will not let you throw up. You will scream, and swing as you are blinded by more of your own blood.
You will remember the way the scenery blurred in the car as the edges of your sight dies. It will seem like you are crying, but only for a moment, because he will hit you again. This time it will be with his fists, into both of your shoulders. You will fall backward and feel yourself crashing into someone, but with the red liquid and hazy glow in your eyes, you will not see them at first.
A pair of his allies, who will strike you back toward him, and you will scream again. This time, someone will hear you. The light will be close to midnight, and the clearness will return. You will notice the stars again, and you will wonder how close to morning it has gotten. In this darkness, she will come. Your mother. She will come running as she hears her baby screech. The third time it will be because he is falling and is making a final effort to stab into the costume you are wearing. The blade will stick this time, and it will hurt.
The light will blur again, and you will feel more fear than you have ever in your life. Your mother will grab you and it will seem like the entire world is on fire. You will blink a few times, once or twice more, and then you will realize the blade is gone. She will toss it aside, and catch your falling form. You will realize the enemy is dying at your youngest brother's hands and for once, you will love him.
You will end up on the ground somehow, and she will put her arms around your bleeding form. She will care, and you will know it by the way she is shaking and trying hard not to. You will take one shaky breath after another and wonder where your brother has gone, if he has gone to get the plane and fly you to help. You will feel the way she is evaluating your injuries, but the blurriness in your eyes will not go away enough for you to realize it at first.
What you will realize instead is that she is yelling, and you will breathe again as you hear the identities of your father and brother. The ones who made you perfect. They will not come, instead a worried looking sister. The middle one, the one you have known since you were little. She gasps at the sight of you and your mother will say something to her. She will kneel beside you and say something, but you will not catch the words.
You will taste more blood and start coughing, unaware that it is draining your strength. You will still think you are simply wounded.
Your sister will scream names, you will shiver, and then you will hear footsteps. The youngest of your brothers will appear, and he will join the young girl. You will not understand what they are saying and then you will realize your mother is gone. She will be back and that will be when you realize your middle brother has come. He pulls off that red blur you know as his helmet. He will be shaking and you will force yourself into reality again. Your sight will maintain a state of half-blur in the night as your brothers say things you now try to catch-sweet little things and motivation to stay awake.
You will think about your dog then, how he will be waiting at home, and you will stay awake thinking. Your brothers will run off after a bit, back into the battle, but your sister will stay. She will scream again, and your other sisters will come running. The older one will only be out of the fight for a minute, murmuring a sad something, and the middle one will sit down. She will remove your gloves like nothing is wrong, like she once did.
You will remember that the ritual started when your brother made you get along. She would help you after patrol, so that you could get into bed before the sun came up. She had become a sort of friend to you. You will smile slightly, still waiting, but your mother will leave again and you will feel doubtful.
Your brother and father will end up joining you and then you will feel it. The tears like a tiny rainstorm from your middle sister, kissing along your uniform into trails of sparkling clearness. You will know then that this is the end for you.
You will sigh, and then you will start to shiver. Your brother will whisper to you, telling you for the millionth time he loves you. And he will tell you it is okay to go, so you will start to release your grip on life. Your heartbeat will change, and then you will feel a lurch. The blood will stop, but the new feeling won't be very nice. You won't feel it when the numbness closes in, finally, and you will start to shut down.
You will not feel the stabbing pain of the gaping wound, where your life bled out. You will not feel the bruises and breaks in at least half of your bones, but you will still feel. You will feel the touch of your father as he takes you into his arms. You will feel your youngest sister let go and your brother take one of your hands into both of his. You will hear a slowing as the battle stops, and they will return. Your whole family.
You will not have enough energy to cry, but you will want to. You will have enough energy for the one thing you desperately want, however, and you will open your mouth. You will feel your sisters, brothers, and parents beside you, and with the mess in your eyes, you will barely see them. Instead, you will close your eyes, and say, "I love you. . . ."
They will hear, but they will not move. And you will say, "So much. . . ."
You will think of the old man back home and how he will feel when he knows you are gone. You will murmur his name, and those of the dogs you've grown so attached to. You will tell them to say goodbye for you, and then it happens. You will open your eyes again and see daylight, but it will leave fast. You will sigh and watch as the world brightens, and then the darkness will close in. You will be swallowed by it and you will die in your father's arms.
But for now you will smile. Because you will not know that death is coming, and you will enjoy the company in the car, and you will feel alive. Because you will be.