For Fine
Three weeks before Christmas
"You dumb-butt can't even throw a perfectly round snowball in a straight line!"
"Dumbass, you dumbass," a breathless James corrected his best friend, while another snowball burst on the back of his head. Sirius ignored the comment rather skilfully. This year snow had come quite early, as the Hogwarts students had discovered this morning. And because today was Sunday, they didn't head towards their classrooms after breakfast, but instead gathered for a massive snowball fight in the courtyard.
"Yeah whatever! Sorry I don't know all your fancy muggle insults." Sirius retorted while he unaffectedly gathered snow to form new ammunition. "At home, I was put under house arrest for simply using the term 'muggle', you know."
"I don't think this would cause any problems here. Our dearest Professor McGonagall is solely responsible for our penalisation."
"Exactly. That's why I enjoy using muggle insults so much!"
Both boys laughed, and then they nodded to each other with a determined expression on their faces and threw themselves back into the battle.
Professor McGonagall, who supervised the shenanigans in the courtyard, watched them and sighed. Sirius Black and James Potter seemed to be a perfect match, she had thought on several occasions since their very first day of school three months ago. They had already met in the Hogwarts Express and immediately formed a close bond. It had come as a surprise that the young Black, coming from a fundamentalist pure-blood family, was sorted into Gryffindor House, but when James Potter joined him shortly after, everything seemed to make sense. The two boys had been nearly inseparable ever since, and their pranks and practical jokes were already as infamous as those of older students.
The two boys were already aware that Professor McGonagall always kept a vigilant eye on them, but as usual, they chose to ignore that completely. They were on a mission, and the mission was to cram snow into the necks of as many Slytherin students as possible. In case of hook-nosed Severus Snape they already got lucky: they simply grabbed him and rubbed snow all over his head and in his face. Their fellow Gryffindor student Lily Evans was not amused, but the boys didn't care at all. They couldn't understand why the little ginger fury allied herself with an enemy in the first place.
"We need a distraction – then we could sneak up to Young and Trippletree," Sirius observed in a little break. "How's about…" he looked around and found small, chubby and somewhat clumsy Peter Pettigrew, who just stooped to grab his hat. One of the Slytherins had shot it off his head with a well-aimed snowball.
"Peter Pettigrew," James finished the sentence with a wide grin. He grabbed his friend's robe by the sleeve and pulled him towards the boy, who, standing near the edge of the battlefield, clumsily tried to put his hat back on while still wearing his mittens.
"Peter, my friend! We've got a really great idea, but it won't work without a brave and fearless ally. So we thought, you'd be the perfect man for the mission…" The chubby boy's eyes were wide. Nobody had ever called him brave, let alone fearless. If the boys didn't share a room, they would probably not even know his name because Peter was one of those students who were constantly overlooked. Usually, he wasn't even remarkable enough to be a target for mockery or pranks. Most times, Peter Pettigrew was simply invisible.
"You'd be absolutely essential to the plan," Sirius added to wake Peter from his stupor.
"Oh really?" he asked in a rather featherbrained way. "What would I need to do?" Sirius suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at him.
"Listen," Sirius started to explain, while James linked arms with him and pulled him a bit further away. "Do you see the two Slytherin-dumbasses over there…?"
# # #
The plan worked out remarkably well. Not only had the battle been such a success for Gryffindor that Professor McGonagall awarded her house 20 house points, but James and Sirius also found someone who was uncompromisingly loyal to them. During the snowball fight Peter remained somewhat distrustful, but as soon as he realised that his sacrifice had to be made for the greater good, he felt welcome and at home in Hogwarts for the first time. He had become visible, but in a good way. With powerful friends at his side, like James and Sirius, no Slytherin would dare to dunk his head into the boy's toilet on the fourth floor. Not that it had ever happened to him so far, but his older cousin had warned him insistently – shortly before he himself dunked Peter's head into his aunt's toilet. Peter was sure that his two classmates were respected among the other students, even the older ones, and that might rub off on him.
The next days passed quickly as they learned how to brew potions, how to cast standard spells – and how to fly on a broom. Especially James couldn't get enough of that, while Sirius was preoccupied with other things.
"Listen," he said to his friends one evening. The other Gryffindors had already gone to bed while they still sat in comfy armchairs right in front of the big fireplace. Both James and Peter were still brooding over an earwax-reducing potion, but Sirius had already given up. "In one and a half weeks, the Third to Seven Years will make another trip to Hogsmeade. And I don't know your stance, but… I think we should go, too!"
"And how are we supposed to do that?" asked Peter.
"Well, the problem is that only the older students are allowed to go, and even they need a written permission from their parents. So we have to get out of the castle unseen."
"But the people in Hogsmeade will notice that we're way too young!"
"Horseshit, Peter." Sirius, who was quite tall for his age, just brushed the objection aside. "I don't think we're going to have any problems after we've managed to get out of the castle."
"Bullshit," corrected James automatically.
The next ten minutes were spent discussing the best ways of how to sneak past Hogwarts' caretaker and the numerous safety mechanisms in place, but they didn't really get anywhere.
"Why don't you use the secret passage beneath the one-eyed witch?" a quiet voice suddenly chimed in. The three friends startled because up until this moment they had been convinced they were alone in the common room. Three heads turned around and gazed at the boy who was sitting in one of the armchairs at the back, a book in his hands. Sirius' look was provocative, James' frowning, and Peter's anxious. "That passage leads directly to Honeydukes' cellar."
Remus Lupin returned the look calmly. So far, neither Sirius nor James had actually paid attention to their quiet roommate. Usually, Remus was pale, sometimes outright sickly, and he had spent several nights in the hospital wing already. James had been joking he hoped that whatever Remus was suffering from was not contagious, but Sirius wasn't sure he found that funny. Remus seemed to be under constant pressure, and that was a feeling the young Black knew all too well. Still, he had laughed dutifully to not snub his friend, who, admittedly, could be rather cruel sometimes.
"And how do you know that?" James asked, suspiciously.
"Fluke", said Remus, shrugging. "That one time we waited ten minutes for Defence against the Dark Arts to start, you remember? I've practiced some spell next to the statue . All you need to do is tap the statue and say the password, then the tunnel opens, all the way straight to Honeydukes. I've tried it last Sunday, but I turned around immediately because there were people cleaning up."
Sirius, James and Peter stared at him.
"Still waters run deep, eh?" Sirius said after the initial shock had subsided. "And you're sure this is going to work?"
"Absolutely," Remus nodded.
# # #
Two weeks before Christmas
The snow had melted as the temperature rose again, but the spirits were still high at Hogwarts. The first term was the most beautiful, their prefect had explained: "First Hallowe'en, then Christmas season, and no important exams yet to worry about. And every student should stay over Christmas at least once in their life, because it's just magical!"
When Sirius learned that it was even possible to stay over Christmas, he was excited. James, who had a great relationship with his parents, felt almost sick because of this; for him it was very hard to imagine that someone wouldn't even want to spend the holidays with their family.
"Oh, there must be something from my parents", Sirius announced excitedly one morning at breakfast, when the owl post arrived. The four boys had just discussed their plans for their very first visit to Hogsmeade because naturally, James and Sirius wouldn't go alone now. Peter absolutely earned his spot with his noble sacrifice during the snowball fight, and it was beyond all question that they would take Remus with them. Without him, they wouldn't be able to go in the first place.
Now however, this topic was quickly forgotten for a while. One of the owls headed straight to Sirius and dropped a letter onto his empty plate. It was an elegant crimson envelope that smelled of old furniture, dust and heavy perfume. Sirius ripped open as soon as it landed, and as his eyes flew over the parchment, his expression changed from anxious to euphoric.
"Gentlemen," he proclaimed solemnly, "this is going to be the best Christmas ever. I don't have to go back home!"
James padded his friend's shoulder, while Peter shyly announced, "I will stay here over Christmas as well… my parents plan to renovate their house and I'd be in the way. Christmas is not a big thing in my family," he added before anyone could ask why you'd ever renovate your house during holiday season. "Doesn't mean much to me, either."
"Well, then I'm going to show you how much fun we're going to have!" In all his joy, Sirius didn't even notice Peter's sad face, and neither did he notice that Remus seemed to be lost in his thoughts.
# # #
Getting to Hogsmeade turned out to be a piece of cake for the four marauders. Nobody paid attention to the first and second years when they weren't supposed in their classrooms, as long as they steered clear of the Forbidden Forest. The third floor, which housed the one-eyed witch, was open to all, so they just had to wait until the coast was clear, and then they entered the old, mouldy and very secret passage, where they lit up their wands to have some light. They had practiced the Lumos charm until even Peter mastered it without incidents.
Remus hadn't lied to them. After a long march that felt like an hour, they reached Honeydukes. They could have been even quicker but, particularly to James' dismay, they had to stop for a short break about halfway through because Peter was a little out of puff.
Today, during the invasion of the student hordes, Honeydukes was filled to the brim with eager customers, so the cellar was empty and the four friends could inconspicuously sneak up the stairs. Peter was rather small for his age, so they had to be careful not to stand out and only dared to take a short look at all the delicacies. Then they quickly slipped out of the door.
"Where now?" Sirius asked. "I'd love to have some butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks, but if they find out already, all the efforts would be for the owls. Maybe we should do that at the end." It wouldn't be that bad if they got caught then.
"Yes, maybe we should get away from the village," Peter suggested, his voice sounding anxious. "Maybe we attract less attention that way."
"We should definitely stop discussing this right in front of Honeydukes," Remus interjected, grabbed James and Sirius by their robes and pulled them towards the village square, where they looked less like they'd just stolen sweets. As usual, Peter followed by himself.
"I know what we're going to do." James grinned. "There's a house nearby, and it's said to be so haunted that for a couple of weeks now nobody dares to go there anymore. We should totally check it out!"
"Do you really think this is a good idea?"
"Oh come on, Peter, don't crap your pants. We don't have to go inside, but I'd really like to see it."
Sirius, James' trusted ally, grinned.
"I think this is a most brilliant idea."
None of the three noticed that Remus stiffened as he stood next to them, and his face became pale as a sheet.
# # #
One week before Christmas
Once again, the four friends sat together in the Great Hall to have breakfast. Ever since their forbidden trip to Hogsmeade, Peter and Remus were an integral part of their alliance. They appreciated Remus for his creativity and also for his prudence, which both Sirius and James oftentimes lacked. He was able to stay calm and composed even if things started to get out of hand. This significantly reduced the times they got caught during their mischievous activities. Peter was mostly valued for his unfailing loyalty and, even though neither Sirius nor James would ever admit it, because the little, chubby boy positively worshipped them.
Suddenly James, who was spreading butter on his toast, looked up and across the table to Sirius and Peter.
"By the way. I've spoken to my parents, and I'm going to stay over Christmas, too."
"But why?" asked Peter. "I thought Christmas with your family is supposed to be great?"
"It is, but I can't let my best friends sit here alone over Christmas, can I? And also, I need to see why Christmas is supposed to be so incredibly awesome here."
"I will stay, too." Remus spoke with a quiet voice. Their heads flew around, because Remus had never mentioned any of his plans for the holidays.
"Oh, you too?" Usually, James didn't like to share the spotlight once all eyes were on him, but he was so surprised that he forgot to be sulky. "How come?"
Remus shifted uneasily on the bench. "My parents wanted to visit my aunt in Australia for ages, and now, for Christmas, would be the perfect time. They would have stayed for me, but I wouldn't want that. Also," he added with a smile, "now that James stays as well, I cannot be the only one who's going to leave. Who knows in how much trouble you'll get if I don't look out for you."
As a thank you for these outrageous words James bumped his elbow in Remus's side, causing the quiet boy to groan. With a fake expression of agony on his face he rubbed his ribs.
"I didn't deserve that…"
Sirius nodded. "Actually, he's right."
The four boys laughed.
# # #
The same evening, after classes, they gathered around the fireplace in their common room. All of them had essays to finish, but as so often during their meetings they quickly forgot about their work.
"So, about the Christmas thing" James asked abruptly. "If we're going to celebrate together, we should exchange some gifts, right?"
"Totally", Sirius agreed.
Instead of agreeing as well, Peter hesitated and glanced at Remus. It seemed the quiet boy was trying to sink into the ground, but obviously failed.
"What's up?" James nudged his friend with the elbow again, rather gently compared to that push in the morning.
"I don't really have much money." Remus was obviously ashamed. "You don't need to give me anything. I can't possibly get presents for you all. But it's okay, really."
Sirius contemplated what he just heard while he eyeballed his friend. It was normal that Remus was quiet, but now, his expression was sad.
Sirius smiled gently. "Okay, no presents. Instead, we'll share the present of sneaking into the kitchen on Christmas Eve and celebrating an ice cream party.
"Sirius, you're brilliant. That's the best idea I've heard all week," James announced. It was a big compliment indeed: usually, James thought his own ideas were absolutely unbeatable.
Peter smiled too, relieved. It seemed like he had been worried for days now, thinking about presents for his friends.
Remus nodded happily, now that this burden was taken off his shoulders. Only Sirius realised that a sad glint remained in Remus' eyes. Probably because he thought it was his fault that they were missing out on something, Sirius thought. That was nonsense, of course, because it was quite likely they all were a bit relieved that they didn't have to rack their brains about presents.
"Hey, what are you reading there?" James suddenly burst out.
Sirius, lost in his thoughts, started up. "Who, me?" he asked. "Oh, that's for my essay for Professor Bigby."
"Which essay?" Peter asked, anxious.
"Oh you bonebrain, it's for the detention James and I got. We have to choose a dark creature and look up how to deal with it. I've chosen the werewolf."
"Bonehead", James corrected. "That's pretty advanced stuff, by the way. They're not supposed to be taught before third year, I think. I thought I'd choose pixies. Haven't started yet, though. What are you working on, Remus?"
Remus was white as a sheet again, and for the first time Sirius noticed that there was a thin scar running across his face, stretching from his left eye over his nose to the right corner of his mouth.
"Hey Remus, what's up?"
"Nothing, everything's fine." It was a lie, obviously, because Remus quickly gathered his stuff and fled up the stairs towards their dormitory.
Sirius watched him speeding away. He had noticed that Remus was gloomy more often than he tried to show, but this reaction was new. It felt out of place that the calm and composed Remus would freak out like that, so something must have truly thrown him off course… his eyes fell on the book that he got from the library for his essay about werewolves.
"Hey, how many times has Remus been sick so far?" he asked quietly.
James was silent for a moment while he tried to remember. "Two times, I think…"
"Basically once per month", Sirius added, pensively.
# # #
Christmas
"Good morning, gentlemen!" On Christmas Eve, Sirius was in very high spirits. Not only was he able to escape from his gloomy parental home and the constant flow of complaints about his life choices, but he was in Hogwarts, the most beautiful place in the world and surrounded by his three best friends. The boys had fleshed out a schedule for the day: they planned to spend the morning playing their very own version of Exploding Snap, which they called "Exploding Snape". During the afternoon, they wanted to head outside to build a biggest snowman Hogwarts had ever seen, and after dinner, they wanted to sneak into the kitchen for some late-night ice cream. Then, they could sleep through the morning until it was time for the big Hogwarts Christmas feast.
"Good morning!" James' voice was just as happy as Sirius', but the smallest of the four boys stretched and yawned. "I didn't sleep very well", he explained. "I need to remember to close the curtains tonight. The moon was horrible bright and it shone right into my face."
Remus didn't say anything while he swung his legs out of bed. Then he muttered, "We slept quite long. We should hurry if we still want some breakfast."
Sirius glanced at Remus and frowned, but didn't say anything. He was determined not to allow anything to spoil this wonderful first Christmas at Hogwarts, so the happy expression quickly returned.
"You can go ahead and reserve us some spots if you're worried."
"I'm not your errand boy!" He grabbed his gown and stormed out of the dormitory. Sirius wasn't entirely sure, but he thought he had seen a tear on Remus' face. Bemusedly he stared at the door that Remus just slammed shut.
"What's wrong with him?" Peter asked because he got used to the idea that his friends simply knew the answer to everything.
James shrugged. "Don't know."
Sirius took another look at the library book for his essay on werewolves, which was lying on his bedside table, and which he should have returned by now. While he has staring at it, an outrageous thought came to his mind. The monthly sickness, the scars in Remus' face, his bad temper this morning… he jumped up and rummaged through his trunk until he found his astronomy notes.
"Tonight's moon is full…" he muttered.
"Yes," Peter agreed. "As I said, I need to remember to close the curtains tonight."
Of course, James knew that this wasn't what Sirius tried to say. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Last time Remus was sick was exactly 29 days ago, because that was the day before Perkins' birthday. In September, he was 'sick, too. And then, remember when we've seen him first, on our first day, just before we got sorted into our houses? You said he looked so nervous he's going to throw up into the Sorting Hat. Well, he wasn't nervous, he was still recovering from the night before!"
James' eyes followed Sirius' to the book that was not lying on his bed, and slowly he understood what the young Black tried to tell him. Still, he wasn't convinced.
"But what about October? He wasn't sick at all in October."
"No, but he missed two days of school because he went home for his Mum's birthday. Have you ever heard of anyone going home just for a family birthday? Even back then I thought that was somehow suspicious. Remus won't go eating ice-cream with us tonight. He'll go to the hospital wing again."
Peter was still confused, and frowned. "But how do you know that?"
"Sirius is trying to say that our friend Remus is more than just still water, Peter. Sirius thinks that Remus is a werewolf."
Now that Sirius heard it aloud, he himself wasn't so sure any more.
"Well", he shrugged. "Of course I might be mistaken. Hell, I hope I am. But if Remus is too sick to have dinner tonight, we will know, won't we?"
# # #
Once they arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast, they met Remus again, who obviously pulled himself together. The other three tried to hide their own confusion. Sirius was mainly curious, he mainly wanted to know if he was right. James on the other hand was excited; he always smelled the next adventure. And Peter was torn between anxiety and disbelief, but of course there was no way to share their thoughts with their friend.
They spent the rest of the day as they had planned. The other three had watched Remus more and more closely so that he wouldn't be able to sneak away from them. When it was time for dinner, Sirius walked with Peter towards the Great Hall, where they were supposed to meet with James and Remus again. When they arrived however, James was alone.
"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked right away.
"What do you mean, where's Remus? I thought he was with you? I said I needed to go to the loo."
"Unbelievable, we lost him…"
The three remaining boys were too preoccupied to enjoy dinner. They were constantly chatting about their suspicion, interrupted by elbow nudges whenever they started to talk too loudly. As they were fewer students in school over the holidays, all of them sat at the same table, and James was sitting right next to an older Slytherin girl.
After dinner they immediately ran towards the hospital wing. The ever watchful Madam Pomfrey though stopped them before they could even knock.
"Who of you got hurt?" she asked right away, without a greeting.
"Our friend Remus didn't show up for dinner, so we thought he could only be here", James asked. He liked to be the spokesperson of the group and had positioned himself in front of the others.
"Your friend is here indeed", she said while she pushed the three boys away from the door. "And now he mostly needs one thing: rest. You can visit him tomorrow. He's asleep now."
"What's wrong with him that he has to come here so often?" It wasn't easy to get rid of James Potter once he was determined to get answers.
"He suffers from a chronic condition that flares up every so often. This condition is very painful, so I've given him a pain-easing potion. He is asleep, and tomorrow he will feel better again."
"Oh, okay", Peter said ingenuously. "We thought that…" a sudden nudge from Sirius caused him to shut his mouth.
"We thought we somehow crossed him," James interrupted him at the same time, before Peter could do some actual damage. "But of course we don't want to disturb him. We'll come back tomorrow, so we can celebrate Christmas together."
"That is a very nice idea", Madam Pomfrey agreed in a soft voice. "He might actually enjoy some company to cheer him up."
# # #
The remaining three marauders didn't find much sleep during the night. They were sitting on their beds, racking their brains for more signs that their quiet friend was really a werewolf, and contemplating the consequences for them, the school, and especially their friendship.
The sky started to turn red when James stepped towards the window. Of course, they hadn't closed the curtains.
"I don't think Remus has been in the hospital wing at all last night" he said quietly and pointed towards two figures walking across the courtyard, one smaller than the other.
"It would probably be too dangerous", Sirius agreed. "Just imagine, a werewolf in the castle… I told you, once they turn they cannot distinguish between friend and foe. They will attack any person who will got near them."
"Are you sure it's Remus?" Peter asked, anxiously.
"Quite sure. Full moon is over, but he must get back to the castle before anyone wakes up. Madam Pomfrey must have taken him somewhere where he can't hurt anyone. If only we had a map that showed where everyone in the castle was…"
"It must be horrible," James mumbled, which was quite unusual for him. Most of the times he was not much of an empathetic person. "How lonely he must be."
"We should get some sleep now. I'll set an alarm. We'll skip breakfast and head straight to the hospital wing."
All three fell into an uneasy sleep, but when they woke up, they were too excited to notice their tiredness. Also, they completely ignored their Christmas presents, which had appeared on their trunks while they finally slept. Peter suggested to run over to the hospital wing in their dressing gowns, but Sirius interjected that they should try to make it seem they were coming from breakfast instead. James agreed.
They got dressed quickly and splashed some water into their faces as to look at least somewhat rested. Then they ran over towards the hospital wing.
Madam Pomfrey seemed to have awaited them already. "Don't overextend him", she warned them. "He is quite weak, and it would be better for him if he slept some more. Oh, and merry Christmas!"
Sirius pushed the door open, and they could see a very pale and exhausted Remus. He was wearing a big plaster on his chin, professionally applied by Madam Pomfrey.
"Merry Christmas", he greeted in a rather feeble voice. "I'm so sorry I missed the party…"
The three boys ran towards the bed. James sat down on the chair right in front of the bed, Sirius on the edge next to Remus, and Peter near Remus' feet.
"Don't worry, we've postponed it", Sirius grinned. "We'd never have gone without you."
"Postponed is not abandoned, right?" James agreed, and Peter nodded.
There was a moment of awkward silence until they heard the door shut. They knew that Madam Pomfrey was out of earshot now, as James confirmed with a quick glance towards the door and then back to Remus.
"We know that you're a werewolf", he whispered insistently because he couldn't hold back any longer. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Remus started up by the mere mention of the word, and what little colour he had on his cheeks was gone. He didn't even try to deny it, he was too shocked and surprised.
"What… why… how do you know that?!"
"We added one and one together, mate. You should have told us…"
"I… didn't know how you'd react", Remus' voice sounded feeble. "Werewolves are ostracised… and I had real friends for the first time. You… you don't know how happy I was during the past weeks. I want you to know that. I was hoping so much that this would all work out… I enjoyed school so much."
He turned his head away.
"What is that supposed to mean?" James asked, uncomprehendingly.
"Well, now that you know, everyone will find out. I won't be able to stay, you see? The other parents would freak out! They wouldn't want to let their children near a werewolf."
"Hey," Sirius said. "Are you mad? We're not going to tell anyone."
"You can trust us," James confirmed. "You belong here and you're our friend."
"We'd never betray one of us!" Peter nodded in a very matter-of-fact way.
Remus let his head sink back into his pillow, relieved. One single tear rolled down his cheek, but he didn't even seem to notice, or he just didn't care.
"You know… I only wanted to stay over Christmas because I didn't want to be a burden to my parents during Christmas, of all days." His voice sounded a little choked. "But now that you've been here as well… I didn't even need to lie when I said that I had friends here, with whom I wanted to stay."
All of them had different reasons why they wanted to stay in Hogwarts for the holidays, but Remus' reason was by far the noblest, Sirius thought.
The three marauders didn't want to bombard their friend with all their questions, but the young werewolf noticed that they were positively bursting. He rubbed the tears away with the heel of his hand and then started to explain that he got bitten when he was five years old, that Albus Dumbledore made sure he was able to come to Hogwarts, and that Madam Pomfrey took him to that lonely house near Hogsmeade which the villagers started to call the Shrieking Shack, so he wouldn't be a danger to anyone else. First, his voice was feeble, but the more he told, the more relaxed he was. It was like a huge burden was taken off his shoulders.
"Well," Sirius said when Remus ended his explanation, "I think it's incredibly unfair that you have to go through this alone once a month. You say, a werewolf attacks every person in their immediate vicinity, yes? Well… we'll find a solution. I'm sure."
The four marauders shared a conspiring smile which was worth far more to each of them than a whole bunch of Christmas presents.