Author: Earthangie

Fandom: L&O:SVU

Pairing: E/O

Disclaimer: Characters not mine!

May 15th, 2006

"Woods"

"Suspect is heading into the East Woods," Olivia panted into the handheld as she sprinted through the autumn scented woods with me beside her. This guy was fast, we weren't used to a challenge like this. We'd get our work out today.

"Shit! Where'd he go?" I manage to yell to Olivia.

"I thought he took this left but I don't see him," she answered looking around angrily. The suspect had vanished into thin air it seemed. I listened for crunching leaves but there was nothing around us, on this crisp afternoon.

We walked a few more feet and saw a small clearing. When we stepped into the tall grass, I recieved the biggest shock of my life. Olivia was walking right towards the barrel of a gun and she didn't know it. Everything went slow as the words only made it halfway out of my mouth before the crack rang through the air. The enemy lay belly down in the grass facing us. The shrill of her scream mixed with my gun spitting the entire round into his head. I could barely hear the siren's somewhere in the distance as I turned to see Olivia spralled in the grass coughing.

I dropped my gun to the side, ran to her and collapsed almost on top of her. My rough hands grazed the front of her shirt and I felt something wet. I looked down to see the vibrant red of her blood contrasting on the dull tan of my hand.

"Olivia! It's okay sweetheart, just hang in there, help is on the way," my eyes screamed for her to believe me. Her eyelids began to lazily slip closed but I wouldn't allow it. I tapped her cheeks with my bloody hand and held my coat over her wound. "No, no, no! Listen to me, you need to stay awake. Keep your eyes open," I begged her. "Liv?"

"Eh yeah?" She grumbled a sleepy answer.

"Stay with me, okay? Talk to me. Tell me how stupid I am for not being two feet ahead of you!" I needed her to answer me. I needed her to get mad at me; stay with me.

The ambulance pulled up and I heard Cregan behind me as they took in the scene. They must've realized what I had done because I was being pulled away from Olivia by two details.

"Let GO OF ME!" I roared out in anger, infuriated that they would take me away from Olivia when this could be her last breath, although I prayed that it wasn't. "She needs me! LET GO!"

Cregan, who was observing the deceased suspect, heard my cries and ran over. "Let him go boys," he ordered.

I don't know what they talked about after that. All I knew was they were fighting about whether to arrest me or not as I was on the ground watching my partner... my... my everything. I was watching her go into cardiac arrest. Everything stopped for me. The noises, the sirens, the yelling... it all seemed far away. Things got blurry as I watched them shock her body.

"Clear!" Someone yells.

Her body arched up and her hair was blowing in the wind and... she wasn't waking up.

"Higher voltage! Clear!" They yell again. I wanted it to stop. I wanted Olivia to open her eyes!

"WAKE UP OLIVIA! DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON ME! YOU'RE ALL I GOT NOW, YOU HEAR ME?" I screamed at her until my veins were popping out of my forehead. I knew she could hear me. I knew, deep down, that she could.

"I think we've lost her," the guy to my right says. I grab him by the shirt and push him towards the machine.

"ONE MORE!" I scream at him. "Do it." The man hesitates.

"Clear!" There she goes again. Her body jumping at the man-made electricity surging through her. It's silent for a minute and I drop my head into my hand.

"I got a pulse," one of the attendings says with shock. "We've got to get her out of her now, for any chance of survival!"

My head shoots up. I knew she could do it. I knew she had it in her to fight. They pack her up and I stand to face Cregan. No one knows what to do. He looks at me and knows what I'm thinking. "Get in my car, I'll take you," he says simply and I run for the passenger side.

We race through the city streets behind the ambulence. The sirens wail and my head is pounding so hard, I think my skull could shatter. We are silent in the car. Cregan doesn't even ask about the man I've killed. What would there to be asked anyhow? He could've figured out what happend and why I did what I did. I was going to loose my job for this. I was about to loose everything, or so I thought.

I jumped from the cruiser as we pulled up and the chilled air hit me in the face. Dry dead leaves rolled over my feet and scratched the pavement. It seemed that everything was dying around me. I was hoping a different fate rested inside that hospital.

Three hours, four cups of coffee and no bathroom breaks later, Olivia's doctor finally stepped into the room with eager faces awaiting his news.

"Detective Stabler?" I practically lept from the chair I was spacing out in. "We were able to stop the blood and maintain her vitals. Unfortunatly, I'm not sure if she'll make it through the night. She's in very critical condition. The bullet punctured her left lung..." I didn't hear the rest. She might not make it? Of course she would make it. This was Olivia we were talking about.

"Where is she?" I cut in.

"I.C.U. Room 201. I'm afraid I can only let you visit her one at a time," the doctor answered. I brushed passed him and ran down the halls I knew all too well. My eyes searching the numbers besides the door frames as I neared her room.

The L.C.D. beeped slowly in the silent room. The shades were drawn and the room had no door. I pulled the curtain closed and pulled a chair up beside her. Before I could sit, I kissed her cheek carefully and looked at her. There wasn't a visible scratch on her. She simply looked like she was sleeping. I touched the skin on the side of her face with the back of my fingers. I guess I was making sure she was still warm. She was. I took her hand in my own.

"Don't be stubborn Liv... not about this. Open your big brown eyes and talk to me," I half laughed. "Come on now, tell me how dumb I am. You never did get a chance to," I looked down at the floor for a minute before continuing. "What were you doing out there? Trying to take a vacation? You can't just leave us like that. Don't do that again, okay?" I tried to talk lightly to her, because they say the patients can always hear you, but my voice was shaking. She had scared me to death.

The guys had come in and out to see her while I took my much needed bathroom break and grabbed food. When I returned, John got up from the bedside chair, kissed her lightly on the head and left the room. He couldn't even look at me. I think he was afraid of what was swimming around inside of me. I knew, I was.

I sat with Olivia the whole evening and fell asleep sitting up in my chair. I woke up at 4 a.m. to some commotion down the hall. I looked at Olivia and she was still alive; still here, where I left her.

"It's four o'clock Liv. Shouldn't you be wakin' up for work right about now?" I waited for a response but there was nothing. I walked over to the shades and pulled them up to look at the view. The sun was begining to rise between cracks in the magestic chrome buildings surrounding Bellevue. When I turned around to coax Olivia to look at the sight, I saw her eyelids twitch.

"Could I have just imagined that?" I wondered to myself.

"Olivia? You in there? Come on, you're missing a beautiful day here," I told her. I waited for an answer. There it was! Her eyelids twitched again. "I know you can hear me. You're a fighter Liv, open your eyes... do it for me," by now I was getting serious. I had transformed into a coach, begging and pushing and guiding her to the finish line just a little bit stronger.

Her eyes opened.

Her eyes opened lazily and she turned her head ever so slowly to face me. I nearly jumped through the roof.

"Hey stranger..." I said lowering my voice as my tears began to flow freely down my tired face.

She said nothing at first but smiled weakly and lightly squeezed my hand. "El," was all she could get out. Her voice was raspy and her throat must've been dry.

"Shh, how about you rest and then you can talk me under the table later?" I offered but she shook her head. She was completely serious as she looked into my eyes.

"El, this... was not your fault," she said. She almost has a heart attack and dies and the first thing she says to me when she wakes up is something to comfort i me /i ? Only her.

"I know," I say smiling.

"Don't lie to me," she half smiled. "I'm serious. That's life. I... I was very lucky..." I watched as she struggled to talk to me in her groggy, seemingly inebriated state.

"Yes you were. I'm glad you came back to us," I told her.

"I don't think I can stay Elliot," she confessed. I wanted to object but somehow I knew, that if anyone knew whether she'd live or die... it'd be her.

"Don't say that Liv, you just got back," I didn't want to hear a goodbye. I really didn't think we needed one. She was here and she was breathing and i talking /i to me. She was going to be alright.

"Pay attention El," she began, staring deep into me. I suppose I was staring too. I think we were afraid that what she was saying was true and we needed to trace every line, fold and curve of skin. "I don't know why, but I really think I only have... this breif period left to say... what I gotta say," she said this and her voice cracked. She began to cry. She coughed for a minute and took a deep breath. Well as deep as her wounded lung would allow.

"What do you want to say to me then?" I asked her, lightly stroking her thin brown hair.

"You're my best friend, Elliot and... no matter what I ever needed, you were always there." This was hard for her, I don't think she ever came clean with anyone in her life, really. "I've never had family like I've found in you. I'm so sorry..." Olivia's tears turned to sobs as she choked hard, gasping for air. I paniced, pulling her forward to help her get more air.

"Calm down, you'll kill yourself... again!" I joked to calm her and it worked, kind of. She quieted and I pulled her into a gentle hug. She was so fragile. I had never seen her so vulnerable in my life.

"I love you Elliot. I always have. In every way possible," she said, closing her eyes on my shoulder.

"I love you too, Olivia. I really do..." I told her honestly. She leaned back carefully to lay on white disposable hospital pillows.

"I'm so tired El, I think I just need to sleep. You got me all worked up," she smiled and I think my heart skipped a couple beats. I was so happy to have her here but my chest ached at the thought she might not be okay. In my eyes at that moment, I trusted that she'd be fine. She was speaking and smiling and telling me she loved me. Things would be fine.

I didn't leave the hospital the entire week. Olivia didn't wake up for me again. She did smile with her eyes closed for Munch and Cregan when they came to tell her dirty jokes but other than that, she had lasped back into her coma state. She was in there. She knew when I was with her. I watched her heart monitor every time I touched her hand. It always faultered for just a second. I could've been imagining it but I was trying to keep with the positive so I reguarded it as fact.

"Detective, why don't you go get some fresh air? You've been in this drab hospital room for the past week. Have you even left the building?" The nurse eyed my dishevelled look. I even had a beard starting to grow in.

"I'm fine really," I leaned back for a stretch.

"Well I'm going to have to clean Miss Benson up, so why don't you go get some lunch?" She offered a smile but I wasn't hungry. She read my body language and wondered allowed, "Perhaps you are a religious man?"

I smiled and got to my feet. I kissed Olivia's cheek, told her I loved her and said I was going down to the chapel to talk about her. She didn't move.

The small room they have gall to call the chapel, was empty, surprisingly enough. I walked down the dark carpet in the dim area and lit a candle. I sat in the front and bowed my head. I hadn't thought to come here. I was so caught up in what I could do, I forgot about the part that was out of my hands.

"Just see her home, happy and well," I asked with all of my heart.

Venturing down the hall, I watched as two nurses fled her room. Her doctor rounded the corner and brushed past me. My heart began to thud hard inside my chest. My knees grew weak but somehow I was able to bolt down behind the doctor, into the room I had been in for over 7days.

Her airways were closing. She was sleeping. She was... suffocating. She was... dying. Right before me. I was just in time for the finale. As I entered the room, she had taken her last breath. A moment later the doctor spoke.

"Time of death," he looked at his watch. This wasn't happening. He wasn't going to say it because it wasn't true right? "3:32 p.m."

"What!" I exclaimed without thinking. I charged forward at the doctor as though he were the one that had put that whole in her chest. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Two male nurses grabbed me before I could hit the physician. "This can't be happening," I whispered to no one... because now, to me, no one was left to hear me. As my anger subsided, they released their grip.

"I'm sorry Elliot," the doctor said. What more could he say? He looked at the floor breifly before walking out of the room.

I stood there alone in her room as the nurse went to pull the I.V. from her limp hand. "Give us a minute," I said harshly. Didn't that nurse know I needed my time with the woman I loved? No one should be touching her. She should keep the I.V. She should have the heart monitor beeping. She should be resting, so she can get better.

I walked over ot the bed and sat down beside her. I looked at her still body and broke into a hard sob. I pulled her ragdoll body up close to me. She was still warm. She still felt alive to me. I could still smell her hair and feel her skin. She was so much alive... but... she wasn't. My tears streamed and I rocked back and forth with her in my arms. I cried out to her.

"You didn't have to go. You could've stayed Olivia." I told her. "Dammit Olivia, you always have to be right don't you?"

I had lost my job at the 1-6 for emptying my round into a man's head, more out of anger than defense... and now I had lost my best friend. I had no where to go from there. I would have to wait for someone to come and remove me from this room and then just go from that. I had never known an emptiness in my life like I did at that very moment. I had a feeling, nothing would ever be able to fill that void that Olivia left when she died that day, in my arms.

"Love is watching, someone die." - deathcab for cutie