I find myself in the strange position of having to convince Teresa Lisbon that I'm in love with her.
It's not that I don't love her. If I were to be in love with anyone, it would be Teresa.
But I'm not that man anymore.
I'm damaged and every moment of happiness I have feels like an insult to my family. It always will.
Ever since Charlotte showed up in my hallucinations, I've tried to talk me out of that position. Have urged myself to move forward with a woman who loves me. A woman I have the power to make happy. I've been very eloquent on my own behalf. But I would describe my heart as immovable and adamantine.
But considering the circumstances, here's where I come out. I think I will be OK if I make Lisbon happy while remaining miserable within the confines of my own head. I will feel I've done my best by all parties.
Does Lisbon get a say in this? No. Sorry, Lisbon. You don't want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
Lisbon doesn't love Pike. Will never love Pike. Will feel defeated if she doesn't get me. I can't hurt her by leaving her no choice but him.
Is she with Pike in order to force me to take action? If so, it's working.
Though I can't believe she'll want to believe she had to force me, I don't know how she's going to avoid thinking it. That's where Lisbon and I will collude madly so that her insight drops off sharply when I swoop in and sweep her off her feet.
Pike doesn't have the depth to see she's not completely there for him. He can't see the whole picture. Takes everything at face value.
He told people she might be moving to D.C. with him. He gossiped about himself. And about her.
Hard to believe that doesn't immediately cross him off her list. But she's being careful not to think too hard about what Pike says and does. That's how badly she wants…something.
He would be lucky to get her even if she came to him under false pretenses.
The question is, would she feel herself lucky to get me under false pretenses? That's her choice.
But she won't get the chance to make that choice.
She won't get to make a fully informed decision. I'll convince her that I'm head over heels.
I'm going to do what she most fears. To use my skills to control her life and make the decision for her.
I believe Lisbon will be happier with a half-assed me than a full-blown Pike.
That's why I am on my way to her house, heart in hand, hoping to catch her after her date.
If I'm any judge of Pike, his band will provide the level of entertainment in which only ex-members and their besotted girlfriends could possibly muster interest.
Lisbon is not a besotted girlfriend anymore than I am an impassioned swain.
Teresa will be bored, her ears will hurt and if he managed to worm his way onstage to serenade her, will be mortified and eager to get home to her own bed.
She will want to flee from the insipid Pike lest his behavior force her to examine her own actions too closely. Teresa is a tough-minded individual. Smart and discerning. But her continued relationship with Pike hinges on her remaining a little dim.
I think she would be the first to say that the only thing worse than a boyfriend you don't like so much crooning to you is the prospect that he'll become a groom you don't like so much reading his god-awful self-penned wedding vows aloud in front of you and your closest friends.
Note to everyone. Stick to the basic vows the judge or minister has in that handy book he's carrying. If you're not Percy Bysshe Shelley or are not marrying Percy Bysshe Shelley (in the event that you are marrying him, a tip for the hip, have Percy write your vows for you), just repeat after the officiator and say, "I do."
Pike intends to take her to D.C. Pike will give her a big church wedding. Pike will throw her a fucking shower. With the paper plate hat with the gift bows on it and the Mad Libs. The fucking Mad Libs.
I can't let that happen.
The total bullshit that is me will rescue her from the truth that is Pike.
That's as good as it gets.