They're in a large village Kanda's apparently been to in the past during a mission and it's dark when they arrive. Kanda immediately drags him to an inn and the woman there recognises Kanda and grumblingly gives them a room despite them bothering her at the late hour.
It's only one room, but there are two beds and Allen flops down on one after getting ready as quickly as he could. It's been three days since they left the Order and it's the first time since then they actually ended up staying somewhere he'd consider decent. The bed covers are soft and the pillows look like they'd be heavenly to rest his head on and he's tired from the travelling they've been doing. But he ignores his fatigue and looks at his companion instead.
Kanda hasn't looked at him any more than has been necessary since they left. Since the time he said Allen could leave with him actually. He speaks only when needed and definitely doesn't kiss him.
Allen had thought to give him time to get used to this but he's getting frustrated. Kanda's not quite ignoring his presence, but he's ignoring that there's a reason Allen's there, beside him.
Kanda kneels by the other bed, rifling through the one pack he brought with him for sleepwear before leaving for the bathroom across the hall, and Allen sighs heavily and buries his face into a pillow. He thinks back to that moment when he was kissing Kanda, and Kanda was kissing back, and all was right with the world for just a little while, and it hasn't happened even once since then. Now it feels like a dream that couldn't possibly have been real.
A few minutes later Kanda is walking in again and sitting down on his bed and Allen decides to ask a question. "Why would it hurt you?" he asks, and he doesn't raise his face because he doesn't want to see what he thinks at when he speaks.
It's takes a few seconds for the reply. "It doesn't matter," Kanda says, and it's the same as he said last time.
"Not anymore you said. But it does matter. Of course it does."
Kanda doesn't say anything and Allen assumes he'll be ignoring him until the bed dips and Kanda's sitting next to him, just far enough away that they're not touching at all.
Allen finally glances up but Kanda's still not looking at him. He's not looking at anything, and his back is stiff and his jaw is clenched. "You're really fucking stupid," Kanda says, and Allen feels like punching him for a moment, but instead he takes Kanda's hand in his good hand and waits. "You always say I'm stupider but you must have lost at least half the sludge you call a brain during the war, because you are the only one who didn't notice at all."
"My brain's perfectly intact, thank you very much," says Allen, but his voice has no bite to it because he thinks he's figuring out what Kanda's saying, but he'll wait for it to be cleared up.
"Fuck you."
"Yeah. Fuck me," and Allen can't believe he's saying that because it is very definitely a proposition.
"I can't even tell if you were being serious when you told me."
"Told you what?" Allen says and he's sitting up now because what. "Told you that I love you? Told you that I didn't want you to leave me? Or am I missing something?"
"You sure were good at hiding your feelings if you meant it is all."
"Is this you saying you actually tried to take notice of how someone else felt about you?" Allen still has Kanda's hand in his and he's holding it so tightly he's almost worried about hurting him. His heart is beating loudly and he wishes Kanda would just stop looking away because Kanda's thoughts were always written on his face for anyone to see and Allen needs to know.
"No."
"Liar," Allen says, and he uses his black hand to pull Kanda's face towards his. "I love you, you complete arse." And he presses their lips together.
Kanda sighs against his lips and Allen revels in the feeling of Kanda relaxing against him. Allen's hand moves to cup the back of Kanda's neck, sliding through long loose hair and Kanda shivers a little when he touches bare skin. His good hand is still clutching Kanda's. When Kanda moves his to intertwine their fingers, Allen smiles.
Kanda pulls away then, but not by much. "Don't do that," he murmurs, with his eyes still shut.
"Do what?"
"Smile. It feels creepy."
"You're the creep," Allen replies. He's still smiling.
"And you're a stupid beansprout." He's looking at him now. Took him long enough.
"I would've thought you'd gotten bored of calling me that. Especially now."
"You mean hoped."
"Yeah, perhaps. Now kiss me and tell me I'm beautiful."
Kanda grabs his ear and pulls. "Fuck no," he says, and his voice is a little growly and Allen can tell that he's embarrassed. He thinks the word, cute, before grinning and repeating the word aloud.
It's mostly dark in the room despite a lamp by the dresser being lit so he can't see properly but he wonders if Kanda's blushing. That kind of expression seems like it would be so out of place on Kanda but Allen thinks he'd like to see it at least once.
Kanda's reaction is an angry grumble and he pulls on Allen's ear even harder. "Say something like that again and I'll strangle you. Or cut off your tongue so you can't talk. I still have Mugen you know, and it's still very sharp."
"No, you wouldn't want to do that," Allen murmurs, watching as Kanda shivers when Allen drifts his fingers down his neck and against his throat before moving his hand to rest at a shoulder.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because tongues can be really quite useful," Allen says, and he stretches up to place his lips against his neck. He hears a small gasp and his lips curve up just slightly before he kisses and gently, very gently, bites down on the skin there. Kanda's head lolls back slightly and his free hand is suddenly tangled in his hair when Allen trails his tongue so slowly against the same stretch of skin his fingers had traced just before. He stops just below the ear, pausing briefly to nibble and scrape his teeth at the hollow just behind his jaw. Allen hears a grunt and it's not quite a moan but when he'd wondered he'd always thought Kanda wouldn't be particularly vocal, and he can't help but think of making Kanda make any sound at all as a victory.
Allen retreats, only to return to Kanda's mouth in a sloppy, open mouthed kiss, and he doesn't bother to keep as quiet. There's teeth and tongue and Kanda's responding a bit awkwardly but without hesitation. It's nice and a little hot and Kanda tastes really good, though that probably has something to do with how he'd just brushed his teeth a little while before, and Allen tries to press forward so he's as close as he can manage.
It feels like it isn't close enough though, and he finds himself tugging Kanda down so he's lying over him on the bed. It doesn't have the desired effect though, because after a while Kanda's pulling away and burying his face in Allen's shoulder. The "no" is quiet but loud enough to hear.
"No?" Allen repeats dumbly. His eyes widen when he realises what Kanda means and he nods. "All right."
"I've never done anything like this before, you idiot." He has to strain to hear Kanda's words.
"Never?"
"Are you surprised? Like there's anyone I could stand to be this close to at all."
"Other than me." A small grunt is all he gets in reply from the once more tense man he holds. "It's fine," he says, and he kisses the top of his head while stroking his hair soothingly.
They're somehow still holding hands and Kanda tightens his hold for just a second before nodding slightly.
"Do you at least not want to cut off my tongue anymore?" Allen asks jokingly.
"No," is all Kanda says.
"It's late, and you said we should go early tomorrow. We should get some sleep then." Now that they're not kissing, Allen is reminded of how tired he is.
"Hmm." Kanda's moving to get up but Allen pulls on his hand.
"Stay with me."
"Are you trying to hurt me?" he replies.
"If you think you'd be hurt because I don't care about you as much as you want me to, then you really have nothing to worry about."
Kanda shakes his head and walks to the lamp to turn it off before returning and looking down at him. "Get under the covers, beansprout."
Allen's smiling as he shuffles beneath the blanket, and he thinks Kanda might be doing the same when he joins him.
"Goodnight arsehole," he whispers when he feels Kanda's arms and warmth surround him.
"Goodnight fuckface," comes the reply.
Allen promptly falls into the best sleep he's had in years.
A/N *whispers* hi I'm going to delete this in a few days probably but I've never used this account before and I thought I ought to.
This is old and not very good probably and I badly need to reread the manga and there's quite possibly a few mistakes but right now I don't much care. Maybe I'll write some more later. Ahhh I really hope they're not out of character.