A/N: #THIS IS NOT SERIOUS It just popped into my head and I had to write it down. Just a silly bit of gobbledygoop. Please, I do not mean to offend anyone religious who might come across this, and just so everyone knows, I love Nightcrawler and am not trying to make fun of him. Also, Scheiße Shit, Aber but. Enjoy. Review but no flames please.
Kurt looked up at the stained-glass windows and pushed open the large, heavy church doors. He saw the priest in the dim light and upon entering, the priest's eyes widened and he stepped back, but regaining his composure, nodded to Kurt in greeting and continued to pack away his things.
Kurt replied with a timid smile and made his way to the front of the church. He lit a candle and knelt down, starting his prayers. About half way through, he heard the piercing sound of his mobile, playing a high-pitched tune. "Ah, Scheiße!" he murmured in frustration.
He stood up to retrieve his phone from his coat pocket and angrily flipped it open, snapping, "Ja?"
"Hellooo?" came a swooning voice. "Is this Kurt Wagner?" Kurt frowned suspiciously and repeated cautiously, "Ja."
"This is someone very special," the voice replied, "You definitely have heard of me, and from studying your religious habits, I also acknowledge you may not like me."
The voice paused for a moment and Kurt raised his eyebrow and was about to say something when the voice cut in again. "You don't seem to have discovered my identity yet, in which case, you are speaking to Satan."
Kurt gasped and almost dropped the phone. His surprise then turned to anger. How dare someone discriminate his religion! He ground his teeth together and shouted into the phone, "Vell! If you think zat your joke is funny, I AM DEFINITELY NOT LAUGHING! How dare you," he hissed between his teeth.
"Having doubts, are we?" The voice crooned mockingly, and the seats around him abruptly burst into flame. "Now, what do you say?"
"Mein gott!" Kurt said in an almost inaudible whisper.
"More to the point," Satan continued, "You must realise that I am getting on in years, and I am no longer a spring chicken. Sometime in the next few years I will be looking for an heir."
Kurt looked puzzled. "Aber, vat does zat have to do vith me? I vould be ze last person to even think about taking your place."
Satan, sitting on his throne in the depths of hell, rolled his eyes and sighed. "When was the last time you took a look in the mirror? Look, all I'm saying is you have guaranteed power in the after-life, and you can also visit earth as you please, in the form of a normal looking human. Sleep on it, okay?" And with that, the line went dead.
Kurt slipped the phone back in his pocket and silently left the church, pondering a very strange phone call.