Title: Live a True Lie

Author: Illusive

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles or 'Bad Day' from Daniel Powter.

Pairings: Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

Summary: When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

Warning: AU. Shounen-Ai.

Author Notes: Ok, first of all, this is major AU, sure I based a few things off the anime but still this has nothing to do with Coordinators and Naturals. I paired Athrun with Cagalli because it's what the normal pairing would have been but I didn't put Kira with Lacus or Flay because I wanted to have both of them replace each other with someone that reminded them of the person they really loved. Also, in this fanfiction, Cagalli and Kira aren't siblings, maybe I'll find a way to make them relatives somehow, but for now, I'm not so sure. Anyways, just enjoy the first chapter of 'Live a True Lie'. Ja, till the end of the chapter. "

Flashbacks

Normal

"Speech"

1. Singing without Tongues
A young man stepped out of the arrival doors only to find that he was extremely lost within the bustle of a busy airport. Besides the fact that he hadn't stepped on Japanese soil for the last past 4 years, he wasn't used to how crowded everything was, though he definitely should have remembered from growing up in these parts. Even with that in mind, he blended in easily, dressed very casual, as he peered through the crowd as if looking for someone he knew even though none of his friends in Japan knew that he had finally come back. Of course, there was no one there.

Lifting up the heavy duffel bag he had with him, Athrun stepped forward into the past yet here in the present; no longer the student in Canada who regretted leaving his best friend behind but now the slightly nervous fiancée of Cagalli. He was soon going to see his childhood friends again, the people he had grown up with but left to take his chances in schooling elsewhere. He looked forward to seeing Kira again, his past confusion about his feelings for the boy had gone and he was happy to say that life with Cagalli was more than just perfect. As he was jostled, literally, out of his thoughts, Athrun decided to get a move on and find his way out of the airport.

He pushed through the crowd as it was the only way to get through. A small smile played upon his lips as he thought of his long-time girl friend, Cagalli. Sure, she was brash, loud, and very headstrong but that all hid the true qualities that he had come to love, the soft nature she had whenever she saw that something was wrong and the fact that no matter what she was always able to set him straight when he was wrong. Shifting the bag onto his shoulder, he absentmindedly started to play with the ring on his finger. The automatic doors opened to a cool breeze and loud chatter from the taxi drivers and bus driver. Athrun Zala gave another smile, he was home again and soon his fiancée would be coming back to her own homeland as well.

/Appearances aren't usually reality and perfection is definitely not reality./

A brunette sighed and pushed back his hair as it got in his eyes again. He leaned back against the back of his chair. The cushion he was currently sitting on wasn't helping the fact that he had been sitting for a very long time and that time was starting to take effect. His vibrant violet eyes reflected the unnatural glow from the laptop screen. The author stretched in his chair before getting up and heading towards the kitchen. He needed a hell lot of coffee after pulling an all-nighter writing the sequel to his first book that had sold by the millions. Well, it had been a slow sale, until pop princess Lacus Clyne had read his book and started to promote it.

Kira chuckled aloud at this, he had met the girl shortly after that and was quite confused about how she could act so childish yet be so wise at times. He was eternally indebted to pink haired singer and now they had become very close friends. In fact most would think that they were actually together, as in a couple, if it weren't for the fact that Kira had been going out with another very pretty girl by the name of Ayoshi. His eyes wandered to photo of his girlfriend, which was sitting on the counter beside his phone; black hair that shone navy blue in the sun was accented by blue-green eyes and an attractive smile that was reserved for Kira, and Kira only.

In fact, they probably would've been living together but Ayoshi's parents didn't want her to leave the house until she was at least engaged. Yet both Kira and Ayoshi knew that they weren't ready for such a commitment. She had broken off a very messy relationship before she had dated Kira and Kira hadn't been so sure about his standing with Athrun at the time as well. They both found comfort with each other and a relationship had gotten off the ground from that. Kira was sure that he had let go of the weird emotions he had held for Athrun before and had become adjusted to how Ayoshi was just as reliable and independent as his best friend.

Sometimes though, even with Ayoshi, he wished that Athrun would be there to guide him through with his first girlfriend. The other had always seemed so capable among the young ladies though Kira had hung back, extremely shy. If he would say so himself though, Kira would definitely declare that he was doing exceedingly well with his first relationship. Their first date was to help each other forget about the last person in their lives but that had soon escalated to a real relationship. He was happy, and it had been a long time since he had done something drastic without someone else's opinion. Yzak had just thought that he was insane for going out with an extremely emotional girl but Kira didn't mind at all.

/Sometimes you need to experience to understand./

Athrun held the hotel phone in his hand almost hesitantly. He wasn't sure who to talk to first, they all had lost touch because of their busy schedules in schools and he understood how time could change a person. He doubted that any one of his friends forgot him, but maybe they held it against him for not keeping touch. Taking a deep breath he decided on calling Yzak and leaving Kira for later, he was scared that he might begin to cry if he heard his closest friend's voice again. He dialled the number hoping that Yzak hadn't moved throughout the years and that his memory was still fresh. The phone kept ringing with no one picking up, then a click was heard, "Joule residence." A voice that seemed chock full of charm answered and immediately Athrun knew it wasn't Yzak.

Athrun froze for almost a second before asking politely, "Hello, is Yzak there please?" He held his breath for a bit as he waited for the answer, maybe if Yzak was there then he could ask about Kira. The two had reluctantly become close because of him.

A snicker was heard before a voice answer, "He's busy at the moment." Athrun raised a brow at this, why would anyone be laughing just because someone was busy? Who was on the other end anyways? Suddenly from the background, curses were raised and Athrun caught the name 'Dearka'. The navy blue haired man's eyes widened, Dearka was the one he was talking to? He didn't even recognize the voice.

With a rushed voice he spoke quickly, "Dearka?" A puzzled noise of confirmation led the man with a newfound confidence in his voice to go on, "It's Athrun!" His voice came out almost in a gasp as he pushed down the excitement. He fumbled for the next words to say so instead he paused letting the tidbit of information actually sink in first.

/Surprises come in all sorts of packages, you either like them… or you don't…/

Dearka looked so surprised that even Yzak stopped his profanities for a minute to question his boyfriend. The sandy-haired boy mouthed the two words that Yzak had learned to accept were never coming back into their lives, 'Athrun Zala'. With those inaudible worlds, Yzak demanded without words to be untied which Dearka did the right away even though Athrun had just tried to confirm that there was someone else on the other line. Yzak grabbed the phone from Dearka's waiting hands and pressed the earpiece to his ear, "Athrun? It's Yzak."

Athrun almost seemed surprise to hear his voice, "Yzak, long time no see I suppose." Yzak heard a soft laugh come from the other line and growled.

"No shit, you bastard you could've called at least a few times throughout the years; we didn't even know how to contact you. Do you know how lost Kira was after you left?" Yzak rushed through his words and once he got to the end, he could actually feel the guilt seeping through the line. He sighed as Dearka gave him a disapproving look and then spoke again with a less harsh tone, "Where are you? And did you just call us or did you also call Kira before?"

/…But sometimes you just can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing./

"I haven't called Kira yet… I…" Athrun paused, every reason he had sounded cowardly so he decided to just skip the reason, "I'm at a hotel, I came back because… well, to put it not so lightly first, I have a fiancée now and we wanted to get married in Japan." Athrun winced at the sharp intake of breath that he heard following his statement. He shuffled around nervously hoping that his friend wouldn't be too mad at him about not telling them earlier that he was coming back or that he was planning on getting married. Now he added a meek statement just to make it seem like he hadn't totally forgotten about his friends, "We haven't actually planned anything yet, I wanted her to meet you guys first."

/It's always nice when someone lies to you just to make things seem less insulting./

"You are unbelievable you know." Yzak all but resisted to growl at his long time friend. Then he muttered mostly for his part, "You're lucky Kira has moved on." He ignored Athrun's puzzled comment and was about to launch into another rant when Dearka interrupted using another phone in the house.

"Your fiancée hot?" Dearka asked eagerly but regretted that comment when Yzak hit him over the head. The boy practically whined and then proceeded to glare at Yzak, "Anyways, you should come over some time, Yzak is impossible to deal with."

Yzak's eyes widened at this with anger, "I'm impossible! You're the one who tied me to a chair for your own sick reasons!" He pointed an accusing finger at his boyfriend not caring that Athrun was hearing all of this.

"It was not for my own sick reasons! It was because you suck at kissing! I was trying to teach you something useful. If you didn't know how to use your tongue, you shouldn't have tried." Dearka shot back even though Yzak bristled at the kissing part. He knew he was going to get it later but right now he wasn't exactly thinking. Then he spoke into the phone to Athrun while ignoring the colourful swearwords poured out at him, "Call back later, and call Kira right now."

/People do stupid things… and there's no stopping them./

Being stunned was the biggest understatement in his life, Athrun gathered from that conversation that two of his old friends had been dating, and that they were both boys nonetheless. It was true that he once held the same feelings for Kira but he had denied them, deeming them as merely feeling for the other boy as a sibling would do so. He stared at the phone shocked for a few more minutes before placing it back on the handle. He ran his fingers through his hair; that was one of the most interesting discussions he had ever had over the phone. It also didn't help that he now knew what they had been doing before he had called.

Athrun then realized that he had forgotten to ask whether or not Kira had moved. If he did, then that would be a huge problem. Sighing he decided to try first, and then ask if there was a problem. His fingers flew over the numbers mechanically, still used to the years and years of pressing that same sequence of numbers. The phone rang and suddenly the navy haired graduate's hands were shaking. He couldn't help but think that Kira would hate him now. He had made a promise and broken it, he had shaken the foundation of trust that they had built. As the tone rang over and over again, he debated on whether or not to hang up but ended up deciding against it. Athrun was going to talk to Kira now or he would end up never talking to him.

/Sometimes it takes more than just courage to see things through./

Kira heaved a sigh again as he stared with a blank look at his screen. All inspiration had fleeted leaving him with no ideas to go on. He pushed back against his desk, making his chair swivel and move away from the beautifully-made office desk. Standing up again, he accidentally made his cold coffee slosh the sides of the cup but thankfully didn't spill on the papers and notes he had around it. Without thinking much, Kira grabbed his jacket and put it on as he left his house, locking the door behind him. He didn't hear the phone ringing shrilly as he walked down the still hallway.

As he hurried down the street, avoiding crowds so he wouldn't have to worry about bumping into anyone, Kira couldn't help but wonder what Yzak and Dearka were doing. It had only took a few months for them to become close after Athrun had left, though before, the brunette had been very wary of them and only tolerated them because Athrun was there. Yet, fortunately, they were drawn closer together when Athrun had left; Dearka had been the one to take his old friend's place as a comforter. Without Athrun, Kira had no one to protect him, no one to comfort him, and no one to be always there for him. Dearka took up that job without another word after he had seen Kira break down, even at his age, crying as soon has they had heard that Athrun's plane had taken off.

Kira smiled almost bitterly at the thought of Athrun, he couldn't deny that the few years before Athrun had left that he had developed feelings that exceed those of being a friend but had been afraid of them. Back in the past, he had thought that it would just die away, because you just don't date your best friend, who was a boy as well. Now that he actually thought about it, the navy-haired boy had coddled him too much. Kira never actually grew-up until Athrun left. He didn't blame his friend though, Athrun had done what he thought was best by shielding Kira from any evil he saw in the world.

Now he was on his own two feet, not even his mother could help him now from her place in heaven. He had learned that he couldn't lean on someone forever, especially if that one person had left him and broken the one promise he needed to be fulfilled. Kira heard the sweet sound of children's laughter as he entered the park he had been going to ever since he was a small child himself. This special place helped him through rough times, writer blocks, and was a comfort whenever he needed it. Right now, he was plagued with block then seemed to stuff up his whole mind.

He sat down on the edge of a fountain that was pumping water into the air and watched on as kids laughed, played, and generally had a carefree time. Kira longed to be that free again but he knew it was impossible with all the responsibilities he had as a new adult. His eyes averted to the grove of Sakura trees. The blooms were only just about peaking but they still looked radiant. It hurt just to see the trees. He almost let out a sob as his memories had a mind of its own. He had tried and tried to forget and move on but it seemed he couldn't forget his first heartbreak even though when it had happened he didn't know it.

/Memories stay with you forever… especially the ones you don't want./

"Athrun!" The said person winced as his fiancée all but yelled his name at him. He couldn't help a grimace as her demanding tone once again started up, "Where did you put the phonebook after you used it last time! I need to find the number for the taxi company!" Athrun sighed and sat down, relaxing, knowing the phone call was going to take some time. He patiently explained where she had put it last time she had used it. He smiled when Cagalli thanked him but rolled his eyes when she went into another tirade about misplaced items.

"Did you pack everything you need?" Athrun asked, keeping the exasperation out of his tone. He had ended up spending at least an hour explaining to his fiancée where everything that she needed was. Every time he reminded her, she would mutter distractedly a 'thank you', pulling a smile from the navy haired graduate. Somehow this all reminded him of how he would remind Kira of homework or an event over the phone and have him panic over it but be genuinely thankful afterwards. He rested his head on his hand which was propped up by his elbow as he waited.

He heard Cagalli mutter unintelligible things as she packed with up making a lot of ruffling noises. A small smile flitted over his mouth, as he knew that he would soon be reunited with his fiancée even though they had seen each other around half a day ago, "What else, what else…" Cagalli's panicked mutter came to his ears. He chuckled briefly before being yelled at for laughing at her, "What are you laughing at! You should be here helping me but, no, you wanted to go back to Tokyo first because you wanted to see your friend."

Athrun couldn't help it as he choked on his laugh when his fiancée growled in growing frustration, "Did you get your plane ticket yet?" She gasped in realization; Athrun could just see the wide-eyed expression as Cagalli berated herself for being so forgetful. His eyes become half-lidded as he sat there waiting for Cagalli to find her ticket. The sun starting to set, then it hit him that Cagalli was up, bright and early to pack. He sat up now surprised, Cagalli was not known for being a morning person, so who had woken her up, "How did you wake up?" He almost dropped the phone after he had spoken up to ask her this. Cagalli had shrieked and a loud bang justified that she had just tripped over something.

"I'm OK, I just forgot you were on the other line," Her startled voice came as soon as she had picked up the phone again, "And I didn't wake up, I stayed up the whole night. I used up all your coffee though..." Athrun couldn't help but twitch slightly thinking about how his fiancée had just wasted his expensive blend. He couldn't tell her off on that though because they had promised that everything they had belonged to each other like a good couple should do, "Found it!" A triumphant voice stirred him out of mourning for his coffee, "I'll see you in 15 hours!" Athrun said his goodbye and put down the phone, forgotten was the wasted coffee. He now could finally see that semi-messy hair with determined yet innocent eyes again soon. Yet all the time used up on just packing for a few months in Japan…

/And even when your brain locks a memory away, something will always make it resurface again./

"You're what!" Kira asked incredulously even though he knew the answer already. He stepped back from Athrun with a shocked look, which was soon replaced with hurt, "You promised!" He cut his best friend off when he protested, "You promised that we would stay together!" Kira glared furiously at the teenager he had trusted his own life with as Athrun stepped forward towards him with a pleading look. He averted his eyes even though he could feel the pained emotions hanging in the air from the navy haired boy.

"Listen to yourself! You sound so childish." Kira's focus snapped back to Athrun's when the other had spat that out. The annoyance and anger in the voice chilled Kira and he didn't even care that he had really sounded very immature. Their eyes clashed for a moment before a brilliant violet looked away with sadness in his eyes. Athrun's expression softened at that and he murmured, "I'm sorry for yelling but I need to get away from Japan, my studies are bringing me somewhere else. You have to understand that Kira; we can't always be together."

"I know but…" Kira trailed off feeling very foolish for making such a fuss but thinking about not being with Athrun wrenched at his heart and worried him to no extent. Kira didn't know why he was this upset, but it was true that Athrun was his closest friend. The brunette gasped in surprise when Athrun pulled him, swiftly, into a hug. He blushed for some reason as their bodies made contact and didn't hesitate to return the embrace while burying his head in the latter's shoulder. He didn't even know that he was crying softly until Athrun started to hold him closer and he felt his hot tears soaking into Athrun's shit, "Sorry,-- I'm crying like a six year old and I'm going to be going to University in another three months.." He choked on his words as he muttered them mostly to Athrun's shoulder.

"It's OK." Athrun managed a small pained smile even though Kira couldn't see him. He couldn't stand to see someone he loved crying so desperately… Wait… love? Did he really love Kira? Well if he did then it would be just on a platonic level, they were best friends, after all, and they did care for each other a lot. Then why was he turning a red colour while thinking about tilting the brunette's head up and kissing him soundly to stop him from crying? Kira felt Athrun shake his head to clear the thoughts and looked up with crystal eyes to ask why he was tossing his head around. His questioning eyes were met with a gentle smile and they parted but their hands were still entwined.

Kira nodded with sad acceptance and felt his heart break without even knowing it, "So, you're leaving tomorrow morning?" He acknowledged the nod of Athrun's head this time without too much of a fuss. Kira turned pink once again when Athrun wiped away his tears and whispered to his long-time best friend, "So this is goodbye?" He felt his heart shatter into millions of pieces when Athrun nodded solemnly once again, "You'll call and write, right?"

"I promise." Athrun tilted his head and smiled brilliantly as they both took a step back, their hands slipped from each other, yet still yearning to hold the other. They parted from the pretty orchard of Sakura trees and their blossoms swirling in the unforgiving wind with soft smiles hiding their anguish and pain.

"Calm down, Kira!" Athrun laughed into the phone as he listened to his friend run around the house in a panic trying to find everything, "It's only a one week trip." He jumped and landed on the bed with a small bounce as he waited for Kira to get himself together. The brunette was currently getting ready for a 7-day trip to his grandparents' house for a family reunion. It would seem very much that he didn't know how to pack because Athrun was constantly reminding him of stuff he may have missed. Athrun was currently being a really good tool when it came to packing.

"Athrun!" Kira, at 13 years old, whined to his childhood friend because he couldn't locate something, "I can't find it!" Athrun rolled his eyes knowing Kira couldn't see him and then good naturally asked what it was exactly that he couldn't find. It was quite amusing to see that Athrun knew where anything in Kira's house was located. He gave the distraught boy the directions around his own house and was rewarded with a loud, "Thank you!"

Athrun smiled widely yet with a hint of sadness while staring up at his ceiling. Sure, he didn't want to lose his best friend for a week but it couldn't be helped and it was only a week. He would see him again next Tuesday and for sure the Yamato would have stories to share. Athrun rolled onto his stomach as Kira told him to wait for a few minutes while he searched through a box.

Suddenly the voice of his mom calling him down for dinner made him groan in annoyance and yell back that he was talking to Kira. All he got was a command to say goodbye and come down. He wanted to ignore his mother but that would just make her irate. He wanted to talk with his friend till the end of time and more but that wasn't possible. He didn't want Kira to leave for a week and maybe even come back with a new best friend. Athrun couldn't stand the risk at all of losing Kira.

"It just had to be at the bottom of the box." Athrun heard his friend grumble as soon as the phone was back to his ear.

Athrun sighed remorsefully, "I have to go, my mom's calling; but I'll see you in a week. You better not have too much fun without me." They laughed together before saying their final goodbyes. Athrun slouched down to dinner, somewhat glad that his friend would soon be on his long awaited trip out of the country. Yet there was a part of him that wished that he could go with Kira or maybe that Kira could stay. He hated the fact he couldn't be there in case Kira really needed him or to protect his friend like he liked to do so Kira wouldn't get hurt.

A/N: So… how did you like it? I know it's too short but that's the end of the first chapter either way as I've planned it; stretching it out isn't working… heh. Tell me your opinion by leaving a review. Flames are not wanted but constructive criticism is. If you don't have anything helpful to say, please don't say it. Well, going to go write the next chapter now!