Hey Gleeks! This is my first ever Jyder story and my first time using flashbacks so this story was a journey ;D The flashbacks are in italics and apologies for any spelling errors (or englishisms as I'm British) but I have triple checked it so hopefully there won't be any :P See you on the other side!
Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) have no control in Glee land :(
Sleeping with Bree was not the smartest move Jake had ever made. It might not be the stupidest move he's ever made (that spot will permanently belong to an assembly in the 7th grade when he did a press up on a stunt stool made for hitting people over the head; the stool collapsing; making Jake break his wrist, fall off the stage and land face down in the gayer then gay piano player's lap. Seriously, this guy was like Kenneth Williams from the Carry On films and Elton John combined... times a zillion) but Bree was definitely in the top three. If only Marley had given him something, anything, that would have made him feel like his longest ever relationship (not including his two year relationship with April Mendez from 2nd to 4th grade which involved gaming, comics and cookies) was moving forward. They're relationship was basically the High School Musical series, he was even on the basketball team for crying out loud! They might as well have changed their names to Troy and Gabriella at the speed they were going. Jake told himself over and over that that was the reason for his mistake. That things weren't moving at the speed that he wanted them to go and she'd pushed him at another girl's... you know. He could have picked a better girl than Bree but she was the first person that he could think of to solve his dilemma and he knew how easy she'd be. But Jake knew there was another reason. He knew that he went to her in the hope that his thoughts were wrong and it was just the dry spell making him think these... things. Completely inappropriate things that would not leave him alone no matter how much... effort he put in to forget. His mind has been unfairly infiltrated by thoughts of him. HIM. Stupid Ryder Lynn with his stupid Bieber haircut and his stupid toned physique and his stupid sparkling eyes and his stupid beautiful smile that really should be illegal given how much of a danger Jake becomes when he looks at that thing (poor Artie has been walked into more then once). Ryder Lynn was the only thing that the boy could think about. His laugh lit up Jake's day and if Jake made him laugh then it lit up his whole week. Jake had become some love sick puppy and it wasn't for his girlfriend or his 'bit on the side'. He couldn't even pinpoint when his feelings turned more than friendly for the boy but sometime between working out for the calendar and Valentine's day Jake began to care far more about Ryder than he had for anybody else. That was probably the reason why Jake was so eager to get that hotel room at Mr Schue's not-wedding, to prove to himself that he still wanted Marley.
"You were right." Ryder glanced around his shoulder to find Jake standing sheepishly behind him with his hands in his pockets. Suddenly Jake was holding out his hand with a questioning look on his face. "Tina do you mind if I steal him for a while?" Tina's head popped up from where it was resting on Ryder's shoulder as they slow danced to some backing track. Jake noticed that only family members and Bram remained in the hall but many were still dancing. Jake's eyes turned back to the pair in front of him, Ryder looked curious and Tina had her permanent bitter expression trained on him at Ryder.
"Oh yeah sure I mean no one cares about Tina Cohen-Chang anyway so why would I care? I'm just some hag that vapour-rapes guys that she fancies and then gets shouted at and chased by their ex-boyfriends." Tina then stormed off leaving Jake utterly confused and raising a questioning eyebrow.
"Don't ask. Are you asking to dance or…?" Ryder had an expression on his face that Jake couldn't read but he was sure that it wasn't disgust at the idea of dancing with him. Which Jake didn't care about at all since he had a girlfriend and didn't have any feelings for his best friend that were more than mutual. Acting on it's own accord, Jake's hand grabbed Ryder's and pulled him to one of the out of the way tables in the far corner of the hall. Jake definitely didn't think that their hands fit perfectly together. He didn't.
"Marley wasn't ready." Marley. Jake's girlfriend who he's been trying to seduce into bed all week, in a totally innocent way of course. Marley who got into her mother's car ten minutes ago. Marley who he'd completely forgot about as soon as he saw Ryder. Marley who was his excuse to talk to Ryder.
"I told you that she wouldn't be." Jake knew that Ryder was right as soon as he booked the hotel room but he needed this. He needed Marley to do something other then kiss him to get Ryder out of his head. He'd been attracted to guys before but normally it was an actor like Chris Hemsworth not his very real best friend who he could actually have a minute chance with.
"Yeah, yeah, you were right. I've already said it once. I knew that she wasn't ready for the whole nine yards but I thought that she'd maybe do something." He didn't think that at all but he couldn't give Ryder the real reason for wanting to move things on with Marley. He couldn't even say it to himself. Ryder's eyes widened slightly and a small smile played on his lips.
"Wait? All you've done is kiss? I admire how Marley doesn't want to give up her virginity but even I thought she would've moved slightly faster than nothing at all. I mean look at you! How does she resist you!" Jake's mind went blank for a moment as he registered Ryder's observation. Ryder, in turn, blushed when he realised what he had said and was ready to apologise when Jake smiled at him.
"Thanks dude."
He wasn't gay (he wouldn't have been able to keep Bree satisfied if he was) but Jake was almost certainly bi.
Jake confirmed his less then straight thoughts during Guilty Pleasures week (which is totally ironic) when he went to some club called Scandals with his brother's fake ID (thank god Puck had been sunning himself before he got that picture otherwise it would have never worked). Marley and him were on the rocks because of Chris Brown and he needed to get a release from somewhere. The well dressed guy who could've only been two years older than him was a far greater release then Jake had ever expected (the fact that the guy turned out to be someone from the blazer wearing Hogwarts school that Blaine enlisted to help him propose to Kurt was a whole other story). With his confirmation Jake was going to break up with Marley in the nicest way that you could break up with someone that you genuinely care about, honestly and to their face. But then Sue fired that gun and there was no way that he could break up with Marley without looking like a complete jackass and hurting her feelings, so he did his job as comforting boyfriend whilst also being the best god damn best friend a guy could ask for towards Ryder. He even comforted the guy when he was all cut up about the catfish not showing up even though it was painful for Jake that Ryder was possibly in love with someone when he didn't even know who they really were.
"Hey, you okay?" Jake asked, clapping his mate on the shoulder and giving him a comforting squeeze. The gang had just finished singing 'Say' when the bell had rung, signalling that the assembly was over and it was time to go home since the school had given the rest of the week off. Even Figgins knew that lessons wouldn't be taking place for the next couple of days. All of the other members of the Glee club couldn't wait to leave, even Marley just pressed a quick peck to his cheek before running off to find her mother. Ryder though, took his time in leaving the auditorium and before long they were the only two left.
"I really thought that she'd show up." The tone of Ryder's voice nearly broke Jake's heart. He immediately sat next to the guy and pulled him into a one armed hug which Ryder returned gratefully. "Why would somebody do this? I have been nothing but faithful to Katie whilst she continues to screw me over and it's just not fair." A small sob escaped Ryder's lips which only made Jake pull him in closer.
"I know, this whole week has just sucked." Ryder nodded and rested his head on Jake's shoulder.
"Thank you." Jake just squeezed his shoulder again in a 'you're welcome' gesture. Ryder looked up at him and smiled slightly before sighing and getting to his feet, leaving Jake feel empty and cold without him in his arms. Jake took a quick glance at his watch and grabbed his bag before getting to his feet.
"Let's go to Breadstix and get something to eat." Ryder went to reject but Jake gave him a look that screamed 'no arguments' so he nodded and walked alongside Jake to his car.
Mr Schue being a monumental dick to Marley stopped Jake from breaking up with her the next week. She needed his support and Jake couldn't find the courage to tell Ryder anyway so there was no harm in putting it off for another week.
Turns out Ryder was the one who needed support the next week and he couldn't be there for him the way that he was for Marley, which hurt. A lot. He'd never felt the urge to punch someone in the face as strongly as he did when Sam and Artie were the monumental dicks of the week (you'd swear someone wrote out our lives to make sure that there was at least one dick a week in McKinley High School). He so badly wanted to take Ryder's mind off of the whole thing by taking him to dinner or to the cinema or something but he couldn't. Kitty and Katie took up all of the time that Ryder was willing to leave the house or talk to anybody and then Jake had to learn that tap dance because Artie had asked him to in front of Marley. He would've screamed NO! at the guy for what he did earlier in the week if it weren't for Marley. Jake finally got some along time with Ryder on the Saturday night...
"Come on dude we're going out." Jake announced from Ryder's bedroom door. Ryder looked up from his English homework at the sudden appearance of his best friend with curiosity shining in his eyes.
"How did you get in here?"
"You're mom let me in. Now come on, we are going to do whatever you want to do for the night, my treat." Jake grabbed Ryder's hand and pulled him up from the bed without much resistance from the other male. Ryder smiled and closed his books before slipping on his shoes and following Jake out of the house, their hands somehow becoming joined together again as they walked down the stairs. Ryder blushed slightly when Jake opened the passenger side door for him before jogging to the driver's side and hopping in.
"So where are we going?" Ryder asked as they pulled out of his drive.
"Dude, I told you that it's up to you. Whatever you want to do I'll do it." Jake had a particular image in his head that would require them being back in Ryder's bedroom.
"Okay, I really want to see the new Tom Cruise film! It looks awesome!" Ryder turned to look at Jake with big, pleading eyes that Jake only had to see out of the corner of his eye to say yes to. Jake was unbelievably whipped but for the first time ever, he couldn't give two shits. "And before you say anything, it isn't another Mission Impossible movie. I know how much you hate those." A small smile appeared on Jake's face at the thought of Ryder paying attention to him. He glanced to his right to see his is companion looking right back at him with a look in his eyes that Jake couldn't read.
"Alright, cinema it is. I can think of things that are far worse than watching a good looking guy for a couple of hours. Especially when he isn't doing another mission that clearly isn't impossible." Jake had been slipping in these little comments about the same sex for a few weeks now. At first Ryder did a double take to make sure that he'd heard correctly but gradually he'd become used to them, even agreeing occasionally. There was even an argument about who was hottest member of the Avengers between him, Ryder, Blaine and Sam which lasted for the whole of lunch and ended with them agreeing to disagree that they were all equally hot in their own way. Ryder just shook his head with a small laugh before turning the radio on to his favourite station.
Then Stevie Wonder happened as did Mercedes, Mike and Kurt showing up. Tina was the dick of the week (can you say that about girls?) for her comment about Kurt's dad. Before Jake caught up with everything (he'd never seen so much yellow) it was Regionals week and Ryder was blaming him and Marley for being his catfish.
"How could you think that I would do something like that to you?" He was stood in Ryder's bedroom door again with his arms folded across his chest whilst he waited for Ryder to look up from his work.
"Why does my mother always let you in without telling me?" Ryder raised an eyebrow at Jake as he ventured further into the room.
"Because she likes me and you didn't answer my question." Jake sat at the foot of the bed where he knew it was dangerous territory (he'd kept away from the bed as soon as he realised his feelings for Ryder) but he needed to clear the air between them.
"I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything and you and Marley were there and it just seemed like if it would be anybody from Glee club it would be one of you. I know now that I was stupid to think that you could ever do something like that to me, especially after you've been so supportive throughout everything. I'm really sorry that I blamed you." Ryder looked at Jake with the most apologetic eyes that Jake knew he had no chance against. Actually, Jake was in so deep that any look from the other boy made Jake bow to his demands and that scared Jake more than the school shooting. As if Jake hadn't already forgiven Ryder, the brunette then grabbed Jake's hand and squeezed. "Would you please forgive me." Jake's mouth went dry for a moment at the initiation of contact so he nodded his head whilst he gained his composure.
"Did you really think that I wouldn't?" Ryder smiled and squeezed Jake's hand again before showing Jake his notepad. Every single member of the Glee Club was on the sheet of paper with the title 'Who's Katie' written on the top. Jake raised an eyebrow at his name already crossed out with a side note 'he wouldn't do that' next to his name.
"I'm sick of this. I need to find out who Katie is once and for all because she knows things that I don't want to be spread around and I'm ready to move on. Would you help me please?" Jake nodded and gave Ryder an encouraging smile.
"Sure dude."
Ryder's catfish list was narrowed down to four when Marley confessed (she was still on the list which said a lot of things about her and Jake's relationship). Marley, Tina, Unique and Lord Tubbington (because for some insane reason everybody feels the need to humour Brittany even when she's not in the vicinity) were the remainders and Jake honestly thought that Marley was the least likely of the humans to do this to Ryder. He was extremely tempted to break up with Marley right there in the choir room and sweep Ryder off into the sunset (cheesy, he knew) when he saw the look on Unique's face. Marley wasn't the catfish and he needed Ryder to see that before things got way out of hand. That's why Jake defended Marley, to get Ryder to make eye contact with him and see the truth but all it did was make Ryder even more enraged. He was unbelievably thankful that Unique confessed but Ryder's decision to leave Glee Club made Jake's heart plummet to the floor.
"You're not really leaving are you?" Ryder sighed and paused Mission Impossible before looking up, not surprised that Jake was stood in his bedroom door. What did surprise Ryder was the pained expression on Jake's face.
"I have to. I can't stand being in the same room as Unique unless it's absolutely necessary. She knows things that I can't risk getting out." Jake looked curious for a second before the hurt returned to his face.
"Even to me?" Jake voice sounded broken and desperate. Ryder had never seen him so vulnerable and he had no idea why this effected him so badly.
"Someday I'll be able to tell you but right now I can't say it out loud." Jake seemed okay with this answer as he walked into the room and sat on the very edge of Ryder's bed but Ryder could tell that there was still something wrong. "What is it Jake?" Jake released a long sigh and for a minute Ryder thought that he wasn't going to say anything.
"I'm bi." Ryder stared at Jake for a moment before a small noise escaped the back of his throat which spurred Jake to continue. "I've known since the 7th grade but it hasn't really been a big factor in my life until recently and now I can't seem to lose this thought that nobody really knows me. And before you say anything; I'm sure. I've uhmm tested the waters so to speak and I am defiantly bi-sexual." Ryder nodded but didn't say anything for a while as Jake looked at him expectantly.
"I'm totally cool with it dude." A large grin spread across Jake's face which only made Ryder smile as well.
"Okay, now that that's over with. Fancy watching something that you haven't seen a million times already whilst I convince you to come back to the Glee Club with my best puppy dog eyes?" Ryder snorted as he got up from the bed, squeezing Jake's hand along the way.
Jake had succeeded in his mission of getting Ryder to stick with Glee (Ryder couldn't resist his puppy dog eyes either) and the fact that they were doing The Beatles for the next two weeks made it all the better. All the love in the air made Jake realise that he may have had more feelings than he first thought but with performing, Prom and the chaos with Tina and Bree, Jake didn't have time to really think about it. The next thing Jake knew Puck was back and everyone one was crying because they had lost one of their own and the pain was unbearable in the choir room.
"A little bit of advice Half Bro. Make the most of the time you have in this room because things will never be as good as they are right here and if you love someone then you tell them as often as you can. You'll never forgive yourself if you continue to fuck up the good things in your life. Trust me."
Jake was terrified. His brother's words continued to run through his head for the next two weeks before Katy/Gaga happened. It hit him like a tonne of bricks as soon as his brother left him in the choir room. He loved Ryder. He's IN LOVE with Ryder! He'd thought it was just a crush that was deeper because the guy was his best friend. Being in love with Ryder hadn't registered in Jake's brain until those words left Puck's mouth. He was scared and didn't want to lose his best friend but couldn't go on with this lie with Marley either. Then Marley and him argued and the only thing he could think to do was listen to what Marley suggested and have sex with Bree. After one other make out session in the boys bathroom Jake's brain finally kicked into gear as he shoved her away and ran out as fast as he could. This was when he realised that sleeping with Bree was in the top three of the stupidest things he'd ever done and had admitted to himself the reason (the real Ryder reason) why he'd done it.
"Ryder! Jake's here!" Ryder's brow furrowed as he looked at his bedroom door which was empty. His mother hadn't announced Jake's presence in weeks so why would she suddenly start now? Ryder got his answer as soon as he reached the living room where Jake was sat sniffling with a blanket which Ryder knew his mother had wrapped around his shoulders.
"Jake? What happened? Are you okay? What's going on?" Jake felt an arm curl around his shoulders and pull him into a hug that Jake couldn't help but cling onto as he sobbed into Ryder's shoulder. By the time Jake had calmed down enough to lift his head from Ryder's shoulder he had a pair of well toned arms wrapped around him with a hand soothingly rubbing his back. There were two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table which Jake knew Ryder's mom had left at some point during his embarrassing crying fit. Jake slowly lifted his head from the comfort of Ryder's shoulder to see the other boy looking at him with nothing but a concerned look on his face.
"Promise me you'll hear the full story before you kick me out and never speak to me again." Ryder just nodded as Jake stared down at his lap for a while. "I cheated on Marley." Like ripping off a band aid it was quick but the suspense afterwards was something that Jake couldn't deal with. He was too scared to see Ryder's reaction so he continued to stare at the carpet beneath his feet. The only sound in the room was the two boys' breathing and the faint sound of the television from upstairs. Finally Jake folded under the pressure and began to talk. "I've cheated before when I tested the waters but somehow that didn't feel like I did something wrong because it was with some guy that I met at a bar and I was just trying to make myself a better person for everyone around me by figuring myself out. I wanted to break up with Marley as soon as it happened but every week something happened that put a stop to me going through with it which is cowardly I know but I really didn't want to hurt her. Then when Finn died Puck gave me some life advice and it put so many things into perspective that freaked me out so much that I ended up arguing with Marley and somehow having sex with Bree. I just can't believe that I could do something like that to Marley and I hate myself for it. I felt so unbelievably guilty that the next time Bree kissed me I didn't even register what was going on at first. I pushed her away as soon as I did and I've just been wandering around ever since. I have this crushing weight on my chest for doing this to someone who I love so much. She's like a sister to me and I can't believe that I could hurt her this badly. I can't even look at you because I know that there's just going to be hatred in your eyes which I totally deserve but I know that I'll break down again if I see it. You deserved Marley all along and you deserve a far better friend then me…" The feeling of Ryder's hand atop of his stopped Jake's rant immediately as he stared at the slightly tan hands holding onto his. Slowly, Jake looked up into Ryder's eyes to see that look that Jake had been seeing more and more of recently but still couldn't figure out. He could also see the hurt that made Jake feel just as bad as the hatred would have.
"You need to speak to Marley before Bree gets to her. You need to be the one to tell her. It has to come from you and if you love her like you say you do then you need to tell her as soon as possible. Now I can't believe I'm going to say this but don't tell her about the boy. It'll only make her feel worse and I know that you don't want that. But you have to tell her everything else that you just told me, even going into more detail might help you but this isn't going to be easy. Things aren't going to be the same after this." Jake nodded with a resigned look on his face as he took in everything Ryder said. He saw Ryder glance at the clock and sigh. "First thing tomorrow morning you have to tell her because it's too late to tell her now. You text your mom to tell her that you're sleeping here tonight whilst I get something for you to change into and clear this with my mom, alright?" Jake nodded as Ryder got up to leave the room.
"Ryder?" Jake looked up curiously as Ryder turned to face him. "Why are you being so supportive? Shouldn't you be kicking me out or beating me up or something?" Ryder shook his head with a small smile tugging at his lips.
"Tonight you need support but I promise you an ass kicking tomorrow. Deal?" Jake let out a breathy laugh as he nodded.
"Deal."
As agreed, Jake left Ryder's home to break up with Marley the following morning. In fact, he left Ryder's house early (careful not to wake the other male who had somehow become wrapped around him on the couch during the night, not that Jake minded) so that he could do it in the privacy of Marley's home instead of in the crowded halls of William McKinley.
"Hey Jake. Marley said you'd be coming by early, she's upstairs now and said to send you up when you got here." Jake nodded as he made his way up the stairs, thanking the lord that Marley got ready stupidly early for school so that he'd have enough time to do this.
"Thank's Ms. Rose." Jake felt bad that he was going to hurt the nice lady's daughter in the next couple of minutes, the crushing feeling of guilt hitting him in the gut again as he walked into Marley's room after knocking. Marley looked as beautiful and sweet as ever in her red dress as she sat at her dresser combing her hair. The smile that appeared on her face when Jake arrived soon dropped when she saw the look on his face.
"What's the matter Jake?" She asked whilst getting up to sit on the edge of her bed, tapping the space beside her but Jake didn't accept the offer.
"I slept with Bree." The pain and confusion that spread across Marley's face felt like a thousand knives being thrust into his gut as he stood waiting for a response.
"You're lying. You'd never do that to me. I thought you'd changed." Tears fell from her eyes making Jake's vision go cloudy as well but he knew that he had to get through this.
"I never, ever wanted to hurt you. Ever. I was really messed up after Puck left and then we argued and I had a lapse and I am truly sorry. I have changed. You've made me a better person but I've never been good enough for you and this has proved it. I'm really really sorry." Tears were streaming down Marley's face as she moved her gaze up to look Jake in the eye. Jake felt nothing but regret as he looked at what he had done to her.
"I… I don't… Do you love Bree or something?" Jake shook his head as he stood there in the doorway. The doorway was where he'd always stand in Ryder's bedroom, watching the other boy study; or whatever else he was doing; for a moment before announcing his presence.
"Ryder." Marley looked at Jake, confused. "I'm in love with Ryder." It was the first time Jake had said it out loud, finally admitting what he had known for weeks. Jake expected more tears or a shoe to come whizzing past his head. He didn't expect Marley to get up and hug him. Jake didn't argue though as he wrapped his arms around the girl whom he'd become so close to and yet hurt so badly. They continued to stand there in each other's arms for a few minutes as they took everything in. "I'll always love you. But you're like my little sister and nothing more. I'm so unbelievably sorry that I've done this to you." Jake whispered into Marley's hair as she pushed her head further into the crook of his neck.
"I know and I've known about Ryder for a while. I guess I was quicker to accept it than you were. It's going to take time for me to be able to trust you again but I understand." Jake broke up the hug with a disbelieving look on his face.
"Really?" Marley nodded with a small, watery smile. "And you knew about my feelings for Ryder?"
"I had a feeling at Mr Schue's wedding and by Regionals I knew that your heart didn't belong to me. I was waiting for you to figure it out." Jake looked incredulous for a moment before pulling her back into his arms.
"You are the most amazing girl on the whole planet. You know that?" Marley eased away with a small smile.
"Yeah I know. I'm going to get myself ready but I'll see you in school?" Jake nodded as he left his now ex-girlfriend's room.
Jake stood in Ryder's bedroom doorway with a bundle of nerves twisting in his stomach. He'd checked over and over again that Marley was okay with this (which she was) for the next two days before building up the courage to go to Ryder's house after school. He'd been reassured by his ex and Unique that Ryder felt the same way but Jake was still terrified of ruining the best thing that had ever come into his life.
"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all night or…?" Jake was shaken from his thoughts to see Ryder smiling at him from his place on his bed. Top Gun was playing on the TV which made Jake roll his eyes before looking back toward Ryder. "What's going on?" Jake smiled a nervously at him as he made his way over to Ryder, stopping just short of Ryder's bed.
"I'm in love with you." Jake let out a long breath as he waited for Ryder's response. Shock initially played across Ryder's face before a large grin broke out on the boy's face.
"I've been waiting for you to say that."
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :) I'm still not sure about the ending so a response from you guys would be great so I can see what you think :D
Laura xxx