So the reconstructing has finally begun! (yay~) I didn't do too much to this one but its still a good chapter to read to understand what's going to happen later. alright, carry on!
It originally began before he even knew what this feeling was called. When his brother gave him troubled looks when Sasuke would randomly dig his nails into his arm. He always asked if there was something wrong. Sasuke would just shake his head because everything was the same around him so why wouldn't he feel fine. Back then, Itachi was too busy with his high school AP classes to take a break from the piles of projects and homework to push him on the forming habit. This brushing off became a normal occurrence and soon fell into the normal routine of life. Itachi didn't worry about it though, he knew Sasuke was smart; if there was something wrong he would talk about it with someone.
Sometimes he would randomly stop smiling. His expressions would switch in an instant. His parents didn't seem to take notice of it, Itachi never smiled much when he was younger so it must be normal. They didn't ask why sometimes he would randomly space out in the middle of conversations, they thought he just had an active mind and he was thinking brilliant things of some sort, like his brother. Sasuke tried – no, strived – to be like his brother with all his pretty debate trophies centered on the curio cabinet. Everything in some way leads back to the phrase 'be more like him.' He could never live up to that image though, something always pulled him back away from that perfect image.
It seemed to get worse as the years past. Fleeting moments of numbness became hours of it, thoughts of disappearing became more and more common, the pressure to fit their expectations – to make them proud – started weighing down on him, till even waking up was an exhausting task. Sasuke started spending more time in his room to do his homework instead of the living room because he felt uncomfortable being where everyone could see him. He would find excuses to stay home instead of spending time with people he used to be inseparable from. He could still hear the arguments between his parents and his brother through the walls and the floor when Itachi decided to visit on weekends. He would pace the floor hoping his footsteps would remind him that he can still hear them talking about him. It drove him insane the sudden waves of misery that would flow over him. Late nights working on homework he would randomly plan out his end: What he would give to people? Who deserves to receive certain items? Who he should give final goodbyes to? What he would write to them? Would it hurt them even more if he did something like that? He would always try to block them out. But, all the thoughts and questions he asked himself built up in his mind over the period of time. Sasuke knew things like this weren't healthy; That thoughts like this lead to undesirable decisions but he knew if he spoke up people would overreact, make him feel worse, they would hover over him to make sure he was feeling better and that would just suffocate him. So, the feelings built up and up; getting compacted and squeeze into neat compartmentalized spots in his mind.
Until it became too much, the constant rises and falls, he just couldn't do it anymore…
He stood on the roof. There was no wind; no nervous rocking steps – Sasuke never even hesitated. His steps were driven and definite. He had made up his mind on what he was about to do. He laughed to himself thinking about how foolish it was to be up there as he stepped off the ledge. At that moment looking over at the skyline and the buildings in the distance; It was like his legs were stone not allowing him to take that last step. Sasuke closed his eyes, another wave crashed down on him, "I'm not depressed, yet, why do I feel like this?" It was a simple question, it wasn't directed towards anyone or needed an answer, just something to fill the silence. He took a step forward, his stone legs weighted him down pulling him away from the sky. Sasuke heard the wind whistle through his ears. It felt like time was slowing down and in the first time in a long time he smiled as he flew through the sky; the waves couldn't reach him from up here.
He was finally free. CRUNCH!