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Sliding Doors

'In the quantum multiverse, every choice, every decision you've ever and never made exists in an unimaginably vast ensemble of parallel universes.' Nick Payne

Your back has been killing you and you have to lean on the back of Dani's chair when you come out of interrogation as she fills you in on what she's found in the mountain of paper piled on the desk. Despite getting used to her as a colleague, and the weird pull between you which you put down to missing your wife and Olivia, you still can't bring yourself to think of it as hers just yet. Just as Dani finishes rolling off the details, you tell her about the interrogation. Your hand rests on the nape of her neck. You didn't intend to do it and you don't realise you have until you're straighten your back, muscles tightening rebelliously, and you find yourself looking into the captain's office through the blinds. You pause.

Normally your gaze wouldn't linger but the captain is talking to someone in his side doorway, his expression disheartened, sympathetic, gentle, the one he uses when he has to give bad news. Dani then starts to ramble about something and you don't pay attention.

You squint and try to see through the slanted blinds but they're on the other side of the door and the light hits the glass at the wrong angle covering them from your view. All you can make out is a flash of brown hair tied back in a ponytail. Seconds later they're retreating out of the office and keep close to side wall, blocking any way of identifying them. There's a gnawing at the pit of your stomach as your eyes follow the visitor. You know the walk; you've been seeing in your dreams for month. You don't want to believe she's been in the building without your knowledge and was going to leave without telling you that she was there.

You feel Cragen's eyes on you and drag your eyes away from the retreating figure who is no more than a shadow as they round the corner to the elevators. He looks apologetic, almost guilty. You tilt your head to the side as if you're actually asking what's going on. Before he can do anything, Dani bangs on the desk to drag your attention.

"Elliot! Did you hear anything I said?" She groans loudly as you dumbly drop your head to focus on whatever has just pissed her off. She tuts and mumbles 'fuck' under her breath as she gestures towards the edge of their desks as if something, or someone, was there. "A woman was looking for you when you were in interrogation."

You frown and glance around. "She leave a name or number?"

"No, she went to see the Cap'."

You follow the throwaway hand wave back to the captain's office and meet Cragen's gaze once again. He knows Dani's told you. You deliberately look at the corridor then back at him. One nod toward his side door is all it takes for your feet to move.

And you know.

You know it's her.

Olivia.

She's back.

You round the desks and are out of the door before anyone could try to stop you. Not that they would, you need to see her. You ignore the twinge in your back as you race down the hall, speeding up as you hear the elevator ping. You hit the corner, your shoulder brushing it as you turn skid to a stop as you see her waiting at the side of the elevator a uniform officers to get off. She smiles politely at someone who recognises but only says hello, cutting off any chance of probing questions by telling them she'll see them later.

She ducks past them, her shoulder holding open the door as she speaks and waves. She looks distracted as she waves them off. Then she steps fully across the threshold and you panic because you can't let her leave, again, without speaking to her.

"Liv, wait!" You call as you move in long strides and manage to slide through the doors as they slide shut.

Her head shoots up as she hears your voice and you find yourself staring into her eyes through her newly acquired bangs. Then you silently curse your daughters because you know the word 'bangs' and you're very aware of how they suit her. You slowly drag your gaze across her, trying to see if anything else has changed in the long month since she left. It hasn't, not physically anyway. Her deep brown eyes are still the same, if not a little wide with panic.

"Hi," she whispers breathily.

You must stare at her for a tad longer than you should because she frowns when you don't reply straight away. And the first thing comes out as an accusation rather than a greeting. "You were gonna leave without saying anything?"

She sucks in a breath as she works to find a decent excuse. "You were busy; I was going to come back later."

It's a lie. You know it and she knows you do.

But you don't know how to deal with it, more accurately you don't want to deal with it especially when you know it'll make her bolt as soon as the metal doors open behind you. You do a quick calculation in your head and you have about a minute before you hit the ground floor. You need to make the most of it.

"When did you get back?"

Olivia blinks at the question. She expected something else. Anger, without a doubt, hurt, guilt. Definitely not the soft and what he hoped was a welcoming query.

"A few days ago to testify for Casey." You nod as you realise what case she's talking about and then your eyes bore into her as you realise that was last week. She stumbles to explain, "I needed to sleep in my bed and get my life back before I…" She finishes with a slight nod in your direction and you accept it by rising your chin.

Forty-five seconds.

"So when are you coming back?" You assume that's what she discussed with Cragen because she has to. No matter how many assignments Olivia takes elsewhere, she belongs in SVU, sitting at the desk opposite yours.

Her eyes dim and you see the walls go up as she nods upwards toward the squad. "There's not enough space for me."

Thirty seconds.

You bite your tongue because you want to tell her they'll make room; hell you'll share a desk with her because you need her back. You don't because there's something in her voice which tells you it's not the time to. And because in the end, you know it's not up to you or her.

Fifteen seconds.

The ground floor is fast approaching and you don't want her to leave when she's pissed at you. "Look, I have to get back to the investigation but can we meet up? Tonight?"

Time out.

The door pings open behind you but you don't move not even to check out the bustling precinct behind you. She can't help but dart her gaze over your shoulder and you feel better when she looks back at you almost immediately. You get the message. The coast is clear. But you know it won't be long before someone casts a curious glance at the elevator. "When I finish?" You prod.

Her eyes bore into you and you expect her to come up with some excuse. It's on the tip of her tongue, you know it is. But the words don't come as she quickly nods. "Call me when you're done."