AN: This is a re-post of a story I originally wrote in 2012. I've decided to put it back up because it's adorable, so I hope y'all enjoy it!
Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever do something after thinking about it. I joined the Tea Ceremony Club just because it had smelled good; I fell in love not because I particularly wanted to, but because… I don't even know why. Do I have to have a reason? What causes someone to fall in love, anyway? What happens after that?
Why did it have to be Yuuta-kun? Couldn't I have fallen in love with some nice girl like every other guy does?
"How is your bowl?" Yuuta-kun asks, interrupting my thoughts.
I know I should stop with the questions, but I ask him, "Yuuta-kun, have you decided what university to go to, yet? I saw you and Kaname-kun looking at a college guide earlier…"
His usually hard gaze softens, and he answers, "No. And even though the exam is tomorrow, I have no clue what to write. I was just looking at what's out there," He sighs before continuing. His sigh, although usually from annoyance or exasperation, this time is different. Could it be out of hopelessness? It captures my attention. I don't know why, but even the smallest things that he does are simply mesmerizing and make me fall just that much more in love with him. Oh, I sound like a poet now. I'm not really paying much attention to what he says next, but Yuuta-kun is always patient with me; he doesn't mind that I'm quiet until our ceremony is over.
Our tea ceremony ends after a few minutes and we pack up and head outside. I almost wish that Kaname-kun and the others hadn't waited for us. It isn't often that Yuuta-kun and I get to walk home together, with just the two of us. I've always wanted to walk with someone special during a sunset. Go ahead and call me girly, but it just seems so romantic. I find myself lost in my thoughts again, and if anyone was trying to talk to me, I definitely missed it.
It's hard to imagine that we all, minus Chizuru-kun, started out as kindergarteners wondering if you could suffocate if you kissed someone for too long. How ironic that none of us ever have had even our first kiss yet. I mean, we're seventeen now, so aren't we a little late? The only person I can think of kissing is Yuuta-kun, but I know that he definitely likes girls. At this rate, I may never get to find out what it's like. But… what if I did suffocate? Ooh, that wouldn't be very good. Not at all.
It doesn't take us long to reach Kaname-kun's house. I don't even really know why we're all here, but I don't really mind. We all leave our shoes in the entryway and climb the stairs to Kaname-kun's room. I watch in silence as everyone takes out study materials and spreads them out on the floor. We were going to study for the mock exam? I don't think I could study now, even if I wanted to.
I fell like I'm suffocating under an invisible pressure, so I remove my jacket and tie to see if it helps. Yuuta-kun notices and asks, "Shun? Is something wrong?"
I assure him that, no, everything's fine, but I see his eyes soften again as he sees through my lie. He tells the others that he'll be back in a few minutes, and he grabs my hand and pulls me out the door. We stop at the top of the stairs, and he turns around to face me.
He's still holding my hand, and I can't think straight. I like the feel of his rougher palm against my own. He reaches out with his other hand to grab my shoulder. He looks into my eyes, his hazel ones gentle and concerned.
"Are you okay, Shun?" He asks again, quietly. "You've been quiet since we left school."
I close my eyes and sigh. "I don't know, Yuuta-kun. Everything feels like it's going too quickly to follow, and I don't know if…" I trail off, not knowing what to say next.
"If, what? You've been over-thinking things again, haven't you, Shun?" He squeezes my hand gently, urging me to tell him everything. When I don't answer, Yuuta-kun sighs again and says, "Do you remember when we were in kindergarten and you brought up the topic of kissing?"
My eyes widen and my face feels like it's burning. "Y-yeah, I remember that. I guess we never found out how it works for ourselves, huh?" I try to laugh off my embarrassment. Why is Yuuta-kun bringing that up, anyway? We were just little kids when that happened!
He smiles a little at my reaction. "I guess we didn't. Not yet at least," He lets go of my shoulder, grabbing my other hand. He holds both of them gently and brings them close to his chest. "Let's see. The man should hold her hands, right?" He murmurs softly. My face grows even hotter.
"A-a-are you saying that I'm like a girl?" I stutter. Yuuta-kun just chuckles quietly and he lets my hands go again.
"You know, Shun," he says quietly, almost too quietly to hear, "There's something I've wanted to tell you for a while."
I'm genuinely surprised at the change in the atmosphere. "R-really?" is all I can manage to choke out. My mind is racing at a million miles per hour, trying to think of what it could possibly be.
He stays silent for a couple of seconds before continuing. "I'm not sure when it happened, or how, but for some reason, I think I've…" He pauses and sighs. "Please don't hate me, Shun."
I'm taken aback by his request. "How could I ever hate you when I think I'm in love with you?" The words come spilling from my mouth before I can think. His eyes widen and his mouth hangs open slightly. I know my face is probably as red as a tomato, and I start back toward Kaname-kun's room. Before I can take a step, though, Yuuta-kun grasps my hand again and pulls me back. He puts his arms around my waist and my own instinctively go to rest around his shoulders and neck. The distance between us disappears and our eyes close.
I've heard descriptions of first kisses in movies, and I've read them in books. Many of them are the same: the whole world seems to fall away and become irrelevant; millions of fireworks go off at once in a perfectly clear sky; you feel a spark and finally become alive. I won't say that ours was anything like that.
I will say, though, that ours is inexperienced, on a whim, and entirely unpremeditated. Even though it is far from perfect – and somewhat sloppy – I'd still say it is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
It only lasts for a single, fleeting moment, but it feels like forever, and when Yuuta-kun and I pull apart, we are both gasping for air.
He is the first to speak, "I guess that's how it works." I smile slightly, recovering from the surprise.
"And we didn't suffocate," I reply before leaning in to kiss him again. This time, it's even better, more confident. I realize that I wouldn't be disappointed if I were to suffocate, as long as I got to do it while kissing Yuuta-kun.
We pull apart again and Yuuta-kun whispers in my ear, his breath gently caressing my cheek, "I know I'm in love with you."
I guess the best things that happen in my life happen when I don't think about them after all.