Author's Note: This story is a one shot from my universe "Of Dying Dreams and New Beginnings." In that Prim and Peeta were never Reaped and the 74th Games were won by Thresh. I would recommend you read that story first as many of the events mentioned are explained in more detail there. The title comes from Mumford and Son's Babel.
It was all a mistake. It took exactly one year to realize that marrying Leevy Brewster was all wrong. It wasn't that Leevy was a bad wife or that they disliked each other. Leevy was kind, sweet, strong and beautiful. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She took his moods without flinching, was a good cook, never complained when he was home late because he had spent time in the abandoned warehouses near the mines plotting revolution.
But he was still in love with Katniss Everdeen. And Leevy didn't seem to care either way. Sometimes he wondered why she married him. He knew she knew that he didn't love her. They got along well enough. They had no real expectations for each other. But whenever he saw Katniss, which grew rare as the years went by, he felt the pain of regret strike like a shot through him. It was harsh and bitter to remember how close he had come to marry her.
He had tried so hard to make her happy but it hadn't been enough. She had been so frightened of love, marriage and children that the harder he had tried the more she had just retreated. It got so bad that he wished for the old days when she had been a hunting partner and not a fiancé. At least she smiled once in awhile. He had had enough a week before the wedding. A person shouldn't feel like they were attending a funeral at their wedding.
He knew she didn't love him the way he loved her. Perhaps that was life. Perhaps Katniss Everdeen was doomed to have so many in love with her while remaining safely unattached and wholly focused on taking care of Prim. It made his blood run cold to feel the blatant relief at not having to marry him. It made him sick to hear her say so easily "I love you" knowing that Katniss wouldn't have said that if she really loved him the way he wanted her to love him. Sometimes he wondered if she even missed the difference. Probably not, as perceptive as she was in regard to game she was hopeless when it came to people and feelings.
Then little Rose was born. She was absolutely beautiful and he fell for her the moment he saw her. If one thing had come from his marriage it would have to be his kids. Every time he looked at his kids he knew he had to fight harder for revolution. He couldn't see his kids' names ever appear in the Reaping or die of starvation or disease like so many in District 12. He would protect them with the last ounce of blood in his veins. Nothing mattered more than seeing them safe.
Maybe that was why he spent more and more time in that coal soaked back room where the other rebels plotted and planned. Haymitch Abernathy was their unofficial leader. Gale had doubted that Haymitch was of much more use than as a potential source for alcohol. But he had to admit that the District 12 wing of the rebellion wouldn't have survived without him. He was smart in that intuitive way that Gale recognized from hunting. But more than that Haymitch knew the Capitol in and out. He knew how the Capitol would respond to every move. Haymitch was connected with rebels in high places and surprisingly well respected. Haymitch knew people inside and out and could spot a lie faster than he could shoot a rabbit. He didn't like Haymitch, even if he had been born in the Seam, but he grudgingly respected him.
The big surprise to the rebel band was Madge Undersee and Peeta Mellark. They were Merchants, with plenty of security, but willing to risk death and torture to end the Hunger Games. Neither of them was going to be Reaped or had kids. They benefited from the current system. But they wanted it to end just as much as everyone else. He resented them at first. They were stupid Merchants who didn't know what it was like to starve. They didn't know what it was like to lose a father and at the age of thirteen become the man of the family having to take care of two younger siblings and a pregnant mother. They didn't know what it was like to wake up in a cold sweat worrying that the dream was real. That Effie Trinket had pulled Rose Hawthorne or Hunter Hawthorne out of the Reaping ball.
After one particularly fierce argument in which he had accused them of just playing at rebellion he had seen a different side of them. Madge Undersee stared at him for a moment in silence. She was even more stunning than she had been as a teen. Her blonde hair was pulled back neatly in a bun that only enhanced her classical features and pale blue eyes. He might dislike Madge Undersee but he couldn't deny her beauty or smarts. It was good he disliked her. It would be all too easy to get lost in those eyes. He wondered why she had never married. Perhaps because she wanted to be independent. Unlike Katniss, he didn't think it was out of fear.
"Your right. I am privileged. I can never understand what it is like to live in the Seam or have my children Reaped or any of these things. But that is why I am part of this. We all need to work on this. Otherwise, we'll never succeed." Madge's voice was calm and quiet but she refused to back down. Her quiet strength was always a surprise.
"She's right, Hawthorne. You can't have your revolution without working with people you may dislike. Attacking other members of this group will get you nowhere. Until you learn to control your anger you won't make it five minutes." Haymitch had always defended Madge, which surprised Gale. Madge wasn't anything special. It wasn't like she would have lasted five minutes in the Hunger Games. Haymitch didn't like him very much but he accepted him because he knew Gale would be loyal to the plan.
"What's your ax to grind? What are you doing here, Baker?" Gale turned to Peeta who had been silently watching the interchange. Peeta rarely spoke but when he did what he said was insightful. Gale still couldn't understand why he was here. He could slightly understand Madge with her political family but Peeta Mellark had nothing to gain from revolution and everything to lose. He hadn't forgotten the glances Peeta used to thrown at Katniss years ago. Of course, that had probably been a childish crush and he had married Delly Cartwright but he still resented him.
"Because I lost a wife and child to a perfectly preventable disease that any modern hospital or doctor could have treated. Because everyday children starve in the streets. Because Chip Cartwright died at the bloodbath in the 78th games after being beheaded and his family had to watch. You're right I don't have to worry about a kid in the Reaping bowl. Because they are already dead." Peeta's voice was even and quiet but there was a thread of steel in it and his eyes, normally so calm and blue were dark blue with anger. Gale flinched realizing he had pushed too far. Delly Mellark's death had been particularly tragic considering that her brother had died in the Games not long afterward. Her parents had lost both of their children and a grandchild within a few years.
"Listen, if there is one thing you need to learn is to stop doubting others motives. You don't know everything. You might wonder why so many Victors are rebels when they have all the money in the world. It's because of what Snow does to Victors. It's what he did to Mason, Odair, and even Anderson. As poor as 12 is we are lucky. Being forgotten is a good thing in this country. Believe me, there are much worse things." Haymitch grunted after this long speech and took another drink out of his flask.
The few other people in the room were silent but at last Thom, one of his mining friends asked a meaningless question about coal production. The topic shifted and Gale mentally thanked Thom for preventing him from being made a fool of. His lack of education, his poverty grated on him compared with the others. He was smart but he hadn't been out of the District or had connections to the Capitol like Haymitch or Madge. And he didn't have the intuitive knowledge of people or the fine speaking skills of Peeta. In a fight, he could blow them out of the water, well at least Madge and Haymitch, but in this planning thing he felt at a disadvantage. And he hated that worse than anything.
The Revolution came suddenly. Snow died unexpectedly, internal fighting in the Capitol as to a successor weakened the foundations of government and the Rebels seized the initiative. District after District rallied around their leaders and began the process of fighting back. The plans the Rebels had been plotting for years sprang up over night. District 8 under Paylor led the charge; District 11 under the 74th Games Victor Thresh Anderson rebelled leading to widespread food shortages. District 3's Beetee Latimer jammed the Capitol's broadcasting and flooded the airwaves with propaganda. District 7's Johanna Mason and District 4's Finnick Odair were captured but the Rebels led a televised rescue mission. After they were rescued they told in graphic detail what had happened. Even in loyalist District 2, the tide was turning.
District 12 was wholly unimportant to either the Rebels or the Capitol. The Capitol dropped a few strategic bombs, at the Mayor's Mansion and Victor's Village, which were, both deserted at the time, and on a couple of houses in the town square. Other than that Cray and Darius ran District 12 as if nothing had changed. People starved without tesserae but occasional shipments of food came in from the other Districts. It was tough for those in 12. They called it the Dark Winter.
Haymitch was important to the Revolution. When District 13 miraculously emerged from the ashes of their supposed destruction they demanded him to come and help organize the newest Victor Lace Turner of District 8. Her mentor Cecelia was a very nice woman but she was hardly prepared to help the fifteen-year-old become a symbol of the Revolution. For some reason, the quiet, ornery girl and the equally ornery Haymitch had formed an unlikely alliance. The girl had won after killing the boy from District 2 when he had tried to rape her. Rape, though not common in the Games still happened. Lace had stabbed him with a poisoned thorn. She was the unexpected Victor.
"We need to be ready to leave. Now." Gale nearly yelled at the quiet figures of Leevy and the children. He was frantic with worry over this plot. He thought of the risks that this plan could bring on all of them. His children, tortured and killed, for his actions. Leevy had been increasingly concerned with his rebellious activities. She worried that the Capitol could kill him. Their already tenuous relationship was growing colder.
"Where are we going?" She asked standing up. She didn't really deserve this. She might not be the one he loved but she deserved better.
"To District 13. It'll be safer. Haymitch asked Madge, Peeta and I to go with. Apparently, the old drunk has clout there. He says Beetee is interested in my work with double exploding bombs." Gale looked down at Rose who was staring at him with wide eyes. Hunter began crying at the raised voices.
"All right." Leevy murmured wearily. She had no real family to speak of. Her father had died when she was young and her mother a few years before. She had reached that stage of existence in which she simply reacted. She was tired.
"I'm sorry I keep dragging you into this. But think of it. The kids never having to worry about a reaping, or starving. We can do this." He reached out and took her arm.
"Yes, and what if it fails? Remember the last time we had a rebellion? I'm scared. Maybe the way things were was better." Leevy's voice rose for a moment and she looked down. "I don't know why I keep listening to you. I'm not really your wife. You never consult me on anything. I know you didn't really want to marry me. But it would be nice if you at least asked me if I want to go here."
"It's not safe to stay behind. I can't just leave you behind."
"You're a good man. But you have lost yourself in this damned revolution. I don't even know who you are anymore. But then maybe I never knew. Not really." Leevy quietly began packing their few belongings. He felt guilt surge through him. He had been a terrible husband. But he would do better. If he got through this war he would make it up to her.
He hated District 13 with its gray walls and colorless atmosphere. His children were some of the few in the District and they seemed to wilt in confined spaces. He had brought them into the woods most Sundays and taught them how to hunt. Hunter was too little to do much besides gathering a few roots and berries but Rose was getting reasonably good with a bow and knew how to set a few snares.
He and Beetee worked feverishly on a double exploding bomb. Whenever a hint of guilt pushed up that maybe this bomb was immoral he pushed it aside. It was for his children. He would this war at any cost. He rarely saw Haymitch, which was fine with him. Instead, Haymitch was generally with the other Victors who were constantly being sent out for various propaganda shots. Leevy was forced, despite her status as a mother, to train and was in the squad as Johanna Mason. He was sent on a few missions but District 13 decided that his real skills lay in bombs.
Peeta Mellark was sent into a battle and nearly a week afterward had his leg blown off in the bombing of District 8. He was sent back but not before he had pleased Fluvia Cardew with a perfectly impromptu speech denouncing the Capitol and the bombing while blood gaped from the bandages. Gale had to admit that getting injured for trying to rush into a burning hospital to rescue injured children and civilians had to be the stupidest and bravest thing he had heard of. They fitted him with a new prosthetic leg and gave him a job alongside a bunch of Victors. Fluvia was in seventh heaven. Peeta was a natural on TV.
Madge Undersee was everywhere at once. She would pop into the room where he and Beetee worked hours on blueprints. Technically she was Haymitch's secretary but she also was being trained in Urban Warfare and she also had a hand in politics. She would quote from ancient writers like Locke, Lenin, and Jefferson. She was a whirlwind dressed in District 13 plain uniform and her hair chopped off in a sensible bob. Madge was infuriating and beautiful and sometimes he wanted to do anything to shut her up. Including kissing her senseless. And that was completely ridiculous because he was married with two children and even if he wasn't he hated her. She hated him too.
She was annoying with her constant refrain of human rights and conventions from the ancient past that hadn't stopped people from destroying the world. She would perch on the edge of his messy desk in a corner next to Beetee's, which by contrast was as neat as a pin.
"What good do human rights do in an arena? Would it stop the Games? Why do we have to hold back? Did they ever hold back?" He spat at her. She was just being her perfect Mayor's daughter in a pink dress routine.
"Because someone has to. Because unless we set this rebellion up on a note of standards and rules we will end up with a government built on the same principles. This is the most dangerous time. Most revolutions fail at this point. They are led by people who want power for themselves and then the whole thing repeats itself." Madge lowered her voice to a whisper. While it was unlikely that the room was bugged no one wanted to take a chance. Madge had never hidden her distrust for President Coin.
"You're naive." He replied.
"You are. You think that this whole thing will end on a utopia. Don't you see the new government won't be any better than the old if these Capitol principles are used? What about these bombs you are working so hard on? What will happen if you use them?" Madge's voice lingered in the air causing a hint of doubt to enter his mind.
"We'll only use them as a last resort. They will target Capitol soldiers and aid workers. People who choose to support the Capitol."
"People who are non-combatants."
"Yeah, and they are still working with the Capitol. Still benefiting from the system. They deserve this."
"Gale," Madge paused and her voice softened, " You are better than this. You are right. But do we need to kill people in this way? Taking advantage of their good instincts to help people. They have children and families." She leaned forward and he could smell the District 13 harsh soap on her skin. She was so close he could feel her breath on his cheek. Her hand gripped his shoulder painfully. His relationship with Madge had always been complicated. He had so many theories about her and most of them had been wrong.
"Fuck, Madge. We are fighting a war. We don't have time to worry about sentiment. We need to win." He had to keep this conversation on things they violently disagreed with. Somehow he had to keep himself from doing something stupid like kissing her. Somehow he was afraid if he kissed her once he wouldn't be able to stop. There was something about their interactions that had always crackled like tinder, which only needed a match to set ablaze.
"Someday we will care." She replied calmly. Her cool blue eyes met his for a long moment. He could see the desperation in her eyes before she stepped back.
When he got back to his compartment he played a game with Rose and Hunter before sending them to bed. Leevy came back from a long day of training. Physically she was looking better than ever. She had muscles all over and had gained a little weight from the special protein and fat tablets every soldier had to take. She smiled more now that she was noticed for the first time in her life. She was apparently excelling in her training. Unlike Gale, she obeyed orders immediately. She talked a lot about the other women in her squad. Strangely enough, she seemed to have developed a friendship with Johanna Mason. The loud mouthed Victor and his quiet wife were the most unlikely of friends.
He felt the same guilt surging through him as he looked at her. Leevy deserved so much better. He had spent half his marriage pining after Katniss, and then more years buried in war plans and now was a bitter angry man bent on destruction. And had fantasies about other women. Yes, Leevy definitely deserved better. Their physical relationship had never been much of a problem but recently they had both been so tired and District 13 wasn't known for privacy. He leaned over and kissed her thinking that they could at least pretend they weren't miserable together.
Leevy moved away. She clutched her hands together and spoke at last, "Gale, I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore. I know you don't love me. And that's ok. I knew it when we got married. I wasn't really in love with you either but I wanted a husband. There weren't any other options. But now I feel like I never see you. The kids barely see you. You are always a hundred miles away. I just can't spend the rest of my life following you where ever you drag me."
"But what about the kids." He fought back relief at the idea that he wouldn't have to keep up the pretense.
" They never see you anymore. I think they would be happier knowing that their parents are happily separated rather than fighting all the time. Besides, I know about Madge. I knew about Katniss."
He stared at her for a moment. How could she know about Madge? He never talked about her. He thought he had hidden his attraction to her well. But Leevy was smart and perhaps he hadn't been as good at hiding things as he thought.
"I swear there isn't anything there. We aren't like that. We just work together." It was true technically. He hadn't actually done anything. But he knew he had thought about it.
"I know. But I know how you look at her. When we are at dinner. Besides, I suppose I haven't been so good myself. I have started to feel for someone else. I haven't done anything either. But I think that both of us deserve a second chance." Leevy looked away as she spoke.
"But who?" he questioned trying to figure out who Leevy could be talking about.
"Johanna Mason." Her voice was so calm despite the shocking words. He started sure he had heard her wrong. Johanna Mason. A woman no less. He knew that sort of thing occurred in the Capitol from some things that a few of the Victors had mentioned but he had never really met anyone who liked people of their own gender.
"But she is a woman." He found himself replying inanely.
"Yes, she is. I always knew there was something different about me. I knew I liked women for years. Fortunately, I also liked men. I was able to pretend for years that part of my life didn't exist. Then I met Johanna. She is crazy and broken and funny. She is afraid of nothing. She has been through hell and back and still can't be stopped. She nearly got killed in front of me. I was so mad that she would be so stupid." Leevy brushed a tear away and stood looking at him defiantly.
"Ok," he replied sitting down and rubbing his temples. It was strange and incomprehensible. Part of him wanted to tell her she was behaving like a Capitolite and the other part admitted that the Capitol had always controlled their lives. The Capitol would never allow two women to marry because it would mess up their reproduction estimates they needed for the Games.
"I don't expect you to understand. But my love for Johanna is just as valid as yours for Madge or Katniss or anyone. And even if Johanna doesn't want me I am finally being true to myself."
"But what about the kids? How do we explain it all?"
"The same way we explain that you are dating someone new. I grew up in a world surrounded by shame. I hid this part of me for years. I thought of killing myself sometimes. I never want my kids ever feeling that way."
Getting a divorce in District 13 was difficult especially since they were married in 12 and the papers were stored in the Capitol. But he got a single room on the floor below. The kids were angry and confused. He didn't let himself feel. He had no time to think about his collapsed marriage or how his kids suddenly hated him.
He was sent on the last mission to the Capitol. He was put into the famed Star Squad 451 with Finnick Odair and Peeta Mellark and Madge Undersee who had spent months studying the layout of the pods that protected the city. Most despicable of all was sending Lace Turner into another arena. She wasn't cut out to be a soldier. She and Finnick were barely able to hold it together when the mutts attacked. Lace was the last causality in a long list of deaths in Squad. She was torn apart by mutts in the underground tunnels. It reminded him chillingly of an arena. The Star Squad was supposed to be a safe propaganda unit. But obviously, there were no safe zones in a war.
Madge was captured right before the bombs fell in the City Circle. He should have shot her as she had asked. But he couldn't pull the trigger. He was a coward. He had watched so many deaths and he hadn't been able to save her from torture. He saw the bombs fall and got burned in an attempt to save a few children. He remembered what Madge had said. He agreed with her now. But it was too late. The kids and Rebel aid workers were already dead.
He lay in his hospital room trying to remember how he had gotten into this mess in the first place. He was just released when Coin announced the final symbolic shots of the war in the form of a firing squad to execute the former President DeWitt. At a public speech on the same day, Coin announced a Hunger Games for Capitol children. He had cheered it on. It was payback for the Districts blood. Then he had watched as Coin was shot by a Capitolite with a tiny bejeweled pistol.
Everything came out at once. The death of Primrose Everdeen-Harkins was told much later. It stabbed him through the heart. He couldn't look at his kids without seeing her baby son and knowing she was dead. He thought of Katniss and resolved that she would never know that he had been involved in the planning of that bomb. Madge came back shaken and thin but still strong. Peeta said goodbye more cordially than their strange not friendship would warrant.
Leevy finally got her divorce but she was as friendly as ever. The kids were confused and angry and he couldn't see their faces without seeing dying children. He fought to hold himself together. Sometimes he felt as if he was bursting at the seams. Nightmares plagued him and the scars that the Capitol had managed to halfway conceal didn't even begin to describe the feeling in his heart.
"You were right." He murmured to Madge. They were in some sort of strange rock garden in the Capitol. He wore the uniform of the revolutionary army. It felt strange to wear it.
" I understand why you did it. It doesn't make it right. But I understand it. The whole 'eye for an eye' thing. And Coin dropping those bombs on kids and Rebels was never your aim." Madge's voice was calm and without judgment. She wore her uniform too but it fit her well and her hair was softly curling about her face. She looked perfect.
"How can you stand to be around me?" He asked.
"Because we have all done things we regret. Because you regret what happened. Because ultimately the decision to use those bombs in that way wasn't yours. If it had been I wouldn't be here. And if you had done it just because I wouldn't be here either. I know you were thinking about your kids and winning the war."
" You know about the divorce? I'm younger than my dad was and I'm devoiced, been through a war, killed a lot of people and I still don't know what is up." He knew his mother wasn't happy about the divorce but she had largely kept her feelings to herself. His mother and younger sister Posy were planning on moving in with him when he was finally settled in District 2. His brother Vick had joined the army and would likely wander around different districts for a while. Rory was married and still back in District 12.
"I know. But Gale, it is over. Leevy is happier now. You are happier. The war is over and somehow we have survived. We'll be ok."
" I thought somehow if we could just win the war it would all be fine. But it's not like that."
"No, life doesn't work like that. But we have our loved ones and our family. We have a shot at peace."
"Madge," He wanted to cry but he hadn't cried in years, " Have I fallen too far to love?"
"No," she replied softly. She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed him. Her mouth tasted of lipstick and coffee. He had expected that kissing her would be like a raging inferno, all hot passion, and desire, but this was a kiss of healing. He had enough of fire for a while. He wanted to hold this feeling forever. The way she sighed against his mouth, the feeling of her battle-hardened body, the sensation of relief at finally finding something real at the end after all.
For some reason, Madge stayed. She could have done so much better than a divorced, battle-scarred veteran with guilt the size of District 11. But then she would wake up with nightmares too or get that look in her eyes that reminded him that she too had been through a war. They didn't make their relationship public hoping that the children would have time to adjust to the divorce before he introduced a new girlfriend.
There were days when he woke up screaming, days when he threw objects at the wall or shot arrows at targets to stop himself from hurting him or others. There were days when he cried thinking of Prim and all the other victims. There were days when his kids refused to speak to him still trying to understand divorce. He knew someday he would have to explain it all to them. What he had done to keep them safe. Or at least what he had done to keep them safe that really weren't necessary and he would never forget. There were a lot of things to explain. But somehow he would do it.
1. The name Thresh Anderson is taken from The Katniss Chronicles audio drama.
2. I wrote this story after the events in Charlottesville. The systemic oppression and lack of rights for the District people are important to the story. And racism also plays a role as well. In all my stories the Seam people are POC.
3. I have tried to balance the story out and portray Gale fairly while at the same time not excusing what he did. In this story, he wasn't involved in the Nut situation. His reasoning in this story is significantly different than canon and I think more understanding. The bomb thing is something that is deliberately complicated and disturbing.
4. Leevy is bisexual. I hope that any homophobic references are not offensive. Panem doesn't strike me as the most accepting place. I also want to make it clear that she really isn't to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. Gale is a pretty bad husband even though he is a great father.
5. This story is a Gadge story but obviously, the focus isn't on romance. So it's fairly subtle. But I love Rebel Madge.
6. The choice of authors that Madge reads is intentionally random and somewhat problematic. I picked Locke because he is classic "Natural Rights" stuff, Jefferson because of the Consitution, and Lenin because it is strongly implied that District 13 is Communistic or at least inspired by Communism. As much as I would have loved to mention some other authors I had to keep it to the few I thought Panem might have access to.
7. Lace Turner is an original character I sacrificed instead of Finnick. I wanted to show that the Rebellion throwing a sixteen year old into a war was not really different from the Capitol throwing her into an Arena.