The door was open and she could see the toilet she needed so desperate to use. She was asking herself, if it was worth it, to ask him if he would let her use it. She heard herself moaning, also she wasn`t sure if she was ready for the consequences. He threw her onto the bed and was standig above her. He started to smile when he realized what she wanted from him. He told her that she could go, but she couldn`t get up. Her whole body was hurting, the burned skin above her breast, her head, her ribs, she was in so much pain she couldn`t stand up.
He leaned over and pulled her into his arms and then he led her to the restroom. When they were in front of the toilet he turned her around and started to smile again. He took a strand of her hair and stroke it out of her face. She was so disgusted that she almost puked. But she couldn`t let him see how exhausted and tired and hurt she was. Every mistake could be her last one. He stroke down her body until he reached her belt. She turned her head away and focussed the wall, while she felt how he opened her belt. He slowly pushed his hand into her pants and started to fondle her. She tried so hard not to cry but she felt a single tear running down her face. He wiped the tear away and started laughing: ¨Now, you start to cry?¨
He graped her neck and forced her head close to his face and started to kiss her. She could taste her own blood and tears and tried to fight against the urge to throw up. Then he stopped. He forced her onto her knees, he hold her head and made her look up to him. She never felt so humiliated and scared before. He stroke over her cheek with his right thumb and then suddenly he pressed his thumb into her mouth and said: ¨If you bite me, you are dead.¨
She had heard the exact same words before and something inside her just broke. He grasped her hair with his left hand and was holding her in an iron grip so that she couldn`t move. He made her watch while he opened his pants with his right hand. Then he pressed his dick into her face and said open your mouth.
She did it. She opened her mouth to let him in. She couldn`t fight against the tears anymore, so she didn`t. He started to push into her and she got trouble breathing. He never loosened the grip holding her hair and when he was done he pulled her onto her feet again. He pushed down her pants and then he told her to sit down. He knelt in front of her and was stroking her legs. She closed her eyes and imagined being somewhere else.
Olivia woke up crying. It was a while ago when she had her las nightmare about William Lewis and since he was dead and she had Noah, the nightmares came a lot less. But this particular one, she did have during the last week almost every night. And she knew exactly why, cause she never told anyone, not even her therapist. They all know what happened and they all saw her as the victim and they got over it. But she had told everyone that he never raped her. To calm herself down, she told herself that being forced to give someone a blow job wasn`t rape, but that didn`t work anymore. Last week she was interviewing a 14year old girl and she insisted that she wasn`t raped, cause he had just forced her to give her a blow job. Amanda had to jump in to go on with the interview cause her mouth was all of the sudden so dry that she couldn`t go on talking. Afterwards Amanda gave her this understanding look but before Amanda could start a conversation about it, she switched to another topic. She could not talk with her about it. But since then she feels broken again but she does not have time for that. She has Noah now and if she will ever get approval to adopt him, she needs to be stable.
So first thing next morning she calls her therapist to make an appointment. And now she is sitting in the waiting room and she is scared. What will he say? What if he doubts her whole therapy? And what if he doubts that she is healed? And is she healed? Why didn`t she tell him? She told him everything else.